I threw one of DS(2.10) toys away today, in fact, I made him put it in the bin. I have told him time and time again about drawing on things, today he went into my bedroom, into my drawers, found a pen and went downstairs and scribbled on my sofa. Both DP and I were fuming, DP said I'd better deal with it cos he wasn't sure what to do and didnt want to just shout at him, I had warned him that next time he was naughty , really naughty something would be going in the bin.
So we went into his bedroom, I chose a toy he ahsnt played with in about a year, and made him brng it downstairs to put in the big green bin. If any of the neighbours heard they mustve thoguht he was being killed. He has been an angel the rest of the day, because he knows mummy will follow through.
Just the last week or two he has stopped listening to me, he used to always do as he was told, I rarely had to tell him off, and DD(6.10) just seems to have fallen asleep, permanently, like a zombie, she always "forgot", no matter what I said to her.
I try not to get too angry with DD, luckily DP is like it too, so I am used to it, it takes 20 times of asking him something before it happens, which he knows, so he doesnt moan that I'm nagging. But I have learnt to just think of them as airy fairy and laugh at the way they seem to float along oblivious to everything.
Sometimes it is less what they are doing and more why it is making you angry, like DD for example, it's just the way she is, she's head in the clouds, nothing is going to change that, so we work around it, a list of things she ahs to do, constant reminders of what she hazs to do an just try not to get frustrated with it. I think if she was an adult how would I deal with these issues?? I'd ignore it.
As for answering bck, are they just questioning you??? I know you're the boss, but a quick exlanation and they might do as asked. My parents always said 'because I said so' which used to leave me frustrated, so I try to think about how the kids are feeling and why they are questioning me.
If it's arguing and saying they wont do something, they get the look and told, "do you think the best thing for you to do right now is to be arguing with me?", that gives them an opportunity to revise their behaviour, if it carries on, I warn them they will be punished, if they were to continue punsih them I would.
I know a lot of people on MN don't agree with Time Out, but with my DC's it works, they aren't sent to a 'naughty step' but to somewhere to think about their actions, how it made me/them feel and how they could ahve done it better.
They then have to come and tell me how they should have acted, and apologise, cuddles all round, and forgotten.
I don't time it either, they come to me when they are ready to answer my questions and apologise, sometimes it takes seconds, sometimes minutes.