Good old fashioned smacking

[heepie]

I don't believe it did me any harm and I do wonder why the previous generation, ie mine, was so much better behavied than the current, ie my kids. I find the softly softly, ignore bad reward good behaviour does not work with a strong willed child and find myself more and more thinking what was wrong with a good old smack? Peeing on the floor right in front of you with a big smile on the face surely warrants more than the removal of a star on the reward chart? And whacking little brother over the head with a heavy object? Not eating something very nice and edible that I have slaved over in the kitchen? Why must we never tell our children to eat what is in front of them when I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I was finished? I don't have an eating disorder. I think it's time I through all the modern how to bring up children books out of the window and remember how it was done when I was a child? Anyone else feel this way?

Well smacking is a new thing in my house. I never smacked until about April this year. DS is 3. I used stickers, removing toys, bribery, naughty steps a la supernanny etc. I've probably dished out about 4 in total. One for running away from me out of the park gates into the road in front of an oncoming car. Followed by a reminder that I love him so much I wouldn't want him to get hurt by the car because if would hurt a lot more than a smack for not listening. Am I making sense?

pmsl at "boo"

All the usual bullshit excuses being dragged out as usual then, "it's to shock, not to hurt", "it's just a light tap", "it's done with love"

However you dress it up, what you're doing is asserting your superiority over someone smaller than you through the medium of physical violence. The message is "I'm bigger than you are, so I don't need to use reason or earn your trust, I can just thump you". Nice.

I have smacked my child twice - both times when her actions were putting her in danger and I needed to stop them and make an immediate impression that she was to never repeat the action.

It is terrible to see a child getting thrashed in a shopping centre by their parent for example, but this doesn't correlate with smacking in the circumstances such as above. You can physically discipline your child with a quick light smack without meaning you are trying to hurt them or dont love them. It is the way the animal kingdom including us works.

Yes, of course, animals do it so it must be OK.

haven't read the whole thread cos i find this topic really upsetting but just wanted to pop in and say keep the f*ckwittage down some of us are trying to lead normal lives.

take it to extremes why dont you greeny, that always enhances the discussion

But to many reasonable civilised people binkle, hitting a small child is an extreme. As such it is animal behaviour which is not excusable in a human relationship. Hence my extension of your analogy.

I don't smack either but sometimes I find the way people to their children just as upsetting.
Swearing, screaming and generally putting down

Speccy - very funny!

My reasons are not excuses i have tried many forms of discipline with my DS and at the moment this is what works. Each child is different and responds differently to different situations. You are entitled to your opinion and i to mine.

I do not hit my daughter for not eating but do wonder if I should as a smack has been so effective in other ways and I do not want my child to get to an age and think that it is perfectly acceptable not to eat what has been put in front of her, either at home or in someone else's home. At some point it becomes very bad manners. I haven't hit my child for peeing but wonder also if I should when there is a clear difference between a deliberate one and an accident.

I do think there's a lot of over reacting and self righteousness going on here but good on all of you who know you are the perfect mothers. That's got to be fabulous. And loving your children more than others do. That's great too!

I take your point Greeny.

Was trying to make the point that occasionally protective instinct takes over and the need to absolutely enforce immediately superiority (gained by having more knowledge of danger) over a child in the face of danger.

Not to hurt, but to punctuate the occasion so it is not forgotten that the behaviour is absolutely unacceptable (because its dangerous).

Hope that made sense, not sure but hopefully you get my drift.

Have to agree with Greensleeves.

If any of you "smackers" want to stop using fear and humiliation to discipline your children, read Steve Biddulph (More Secrets of Happy Children) for an alternative, loving and very effective method. He also gives several well-thought out and convincing arguments against smacking.

I do think heepie is being excessive though, contemplating more reasons to hit her children

Like Lazyline, I hate the phrases
'didn't do me any harm' and
'PC gone mad' with a vengeance
I was smacked when I was a child - not excessively probably - by parents whom I know did love me. The result was that I was absolutely terrified of them, especially my father.
Heepie, is that really the kind of relationship you want with you kids?
Personally, I think if you have to smack your children (and sadly I have done, out of anger, and I very much regret it) then imo you're already failed as a parent.
Oh and by the way, I think the 'naughty' step' is a crap and over-used way of disciplining children too. Too, too twee.

Good post bogwobbit.

sorry to descend to a level nearer yours heepie (but you have rather rudely ignored all my ?'s to you.......)

no one who disagrees with you on this thread has said that they are a perfect mother

no one who disagrees with you on this thread has said that they love their children more than you

are you thick or just deliberately provoking?

This odd hypothetical scenario of a parent hitting a child for running out into traffic comes up over and over again on these threads. I don't buy it I'm afraid, it doesn't make logistical sense, let alone logical or ethical sense. When my children have run out into danger my instinct is to move them out of the danger area, not hit them. I can't see what purpose the blow serves, other than to release the parent's feelings of anger and shock.

And of course no-one here believes they are perfect parents. I don't think I am a perfect driver either, but it doesn't alter the validity of my belief that driving on the pavement is dangerous and wrong. What passive-aggressive nonsense.

Children are the only people in our society now who can legally be hit for punitive or corrective reasons. Lovely.

i used to be smacked on a measured basis (from 6 to 12 inches, depending on how naughty i'd been), with or without wedding ring on...BUT my little sister was never smacked at all because you only had to look at her crossly and she crumpled. i and my brother were made of stubborn stuff. clearly my parents not indiscriminate smackers. i can clearly remember understanding this at the time.
haven't really succeeded in beating ds1 with big sticks as yet. currently we threaten and frequently do take his current toy of choice away briefly (such as for time of meal/nappy change/bath). usually works OK and doesn't cause too much distress.
any other good ideas out there? as lots of people have said, he likes to test us out...

I think the fact that you are even contemplating hitting your child for not clearing her plate shows that you do, indeed, have some sort of eating disorder/control issue.

I have seen many people punish their children using fear and humiliation without laying a finger on them.

I don't know why I get sucked into playing Devil's Advocate re smacking. I'm not pro. It just seems that there is a fury directed against it that isn't directed against other, equally abusive IMO, behaviours.

Why do some people have to personally attack others when the disagree..... thays another form of violence just not physical!!!!!!!! but thats ok is it?

Micromummy...thats really awful