Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2 ··· 12 13 14 ··· 31 32

Original poster

Good old fashioned smacking

780 replies

heepie · 02/07/2007 13:20

I don't believe it did me any harm and I do wonder why the previous generation, ie mine, was so much better behavied than the current, ie my kids. I find the softly softly, ignore bad reward good behaviour does not work with a strong willed child and find myself more and more thinking what was wrong with a good old smack? Peeing on the floor right in front of you with a big smile on the face surely warrants more than the removal of a star on the reward chart? And whacking little brother over the head with a heavy object? Not eating something very nice and edible that I have slaved over in the kitchen? Why must we never tell our children to eat what is in front of them when I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I was finished? I don't have an eating disorder. I think it's time I through all the modern how to bring up children books out of the window and remember how it was done when I was a child? Anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrsScavo · 02/07/2007 22:55

It's the least educated parents who smack?

You mean the least accademically educated?

I'm really not sure about that one. My father was very well educated.

snowleopard · 02/07/2007 22:55

I agree, it's abuse. If you hit a defenceless old person in a nursing home it would be abuse. Or if the staff in a mental hospital hit a mentally ill patient. So would it be if a man hit is wife, or if a woman hit her husband. And hitting a child is abuse. It's not about how much it hurts, or if it leaves a mark, it's the act of hitting. it's frightening, it's bullying, it's demeaning and it says "I will use violence against you, so I have the upper hand".

The only differece it that hitting children has been sanctioned by tradition and history. And guess what, once upon a time it was fine for a man to hit his wife. But we moved on and became more civilised and realised that that was a load of tosh and it was actually abuse. And the same will happen with hitting children.

If that's not the case, I'm still waiting for someone to come on and explain why, exactly why, hitting children is OK when hitting your partner, a stranger, your work colleagues, the tesco chckout girl, even a dog, is not OK but hitting a child is. Come on, explain. Not in terms of "it's just a tap" - it's not done to "tap" the tesco checkout girl on the hand and no one does it. Not in terms of "oh but you can't make it illegal because that would be criminalising decent parents" I mean in proper terms that tell me why a child is less deserving of respect and dignity.

kittywits · 02/07/2007 22:57

Oh God, not this again

Greensleeves · 02/07/2007 22:58

Hello Kitty

kittywits · 02/07/2007 23:00

Hello, Greeny I'm not joining in on this one(sigh)

Greensleeves · 02/07/2007 23:01

I promised myself I wouldn't too

kittywits · 02/07/2007 23:02

Actually, having been part of threads like this before they have made me consider my reaction to my kids and I must say that I smack less, not that I smacked much anyway. But I do think about my reactions more.

GodzillasBumcheek · 02/07/2007 23:02

So i'm a thick child abuser? You know what? I can't be bothered to argue any more (bedtime......yawn....ugg). I probably am what you call uneducated. I agree that smacking should be avoided - i've hugged dd and apologised when we have both calmed down. I have never broken the law and am not suggesting anyone should (why would i want to harm my child like that?). As i said, i use other ideas WHEN THEY ARE VIABLE. If i can't stop my child from hurting herself or her sister by any other means she gets a slap on the bum, or the leg - absolutely never, ever in the face, gut, etc.
As for hitting adults - are you the type of adult that would need some form of discipline? Why? Do you go around putting your fingers on the stove/ fire, or winding people up until they cry? If so then i don't want to know you anyway, you sound like a right cow. And on that note i am off to bed.

Greensleeves · 02/07/2007 23:04

Bedtime for me too I think

kittywits · 02/07/2007 23:04

night x

jandeb · 02/07/2007 23:04

as a child I was never smacked but one time my father hit me in the face, age 13 are you saying I was abused

snowleopard · 02/07/2007 23:07

Yes, technically yes. It's still abuse even if it doesn't fall into the category of long-term serious violence or other types of attack.

If someone working in a mental hospital or special school hit a difficult patient or pupil in the face it would be abuse and they'd be sacked - it wouldn't have to go on for years or even leave a mark to count as abuse. I don't see why the same standards shouldn't apply to protect children.

snowleopard · 02/07/2007 23:08

Yes, technically yes. It's still abuse even if it doesn't fall into the category of long-term serious violence or other types of attack.

Judy1234 · 02/07/2007 23:09

No one stops a child from hurting themselves by hitting them. YOu stop them by grabbing them before they run into the road or removing the hot iron etc.

There is just no argument for the pro smackers. I suppose those who say it's laid down in the bible (you can buy biblically correctly size paddles from US Christian web sites) try to make a case God requires it but the UK Christian school which tried that argument in court lost.

All parents lose their temper with their chidlren. We all say and probably do things we shouldn't but it's best to stop short of smacking them. Better to leave the room until you've calmed down. Better not to swear and shout at them too but there is a material difference - if you swear at the Tesco checkout girl and say she's a fat idiot you don't break the law. If you slap her face for serving you slowly you do and thus it is with our children. Shout at your husband as much as you like but as soon as you turn to hitting him you break the law. May not seem fair that verbal abuse is usually lawful and physical isn't but so Government decide and rightly so.

fransmom · 02/07/2007 23:13

oh good grief.

how can it be right to teach a child that it is wrong to hit other children and then smack them for it??????? violence by any other name would smell just as bad.
fwiw i was smacked as a child and i bloody well remember it, and threatened witht the cane and belt and soap (if i swore). i was so bloody frightened that i still haven't recovered from it. but i tell you something now, it felt so good for me to be able to say to my dad that he couldn't scare me anymore because now i could defend myself.

is that really how you want your chidlren to grow up, thinking they are scared of you in case they say something they will get smacked? i still flinch now when someone raises their hand angrily, how can people seriously think it is ok to smack a child? and then tell them not to hit/bully people younger/smaller than themselves. i have one word for you, hypocritical.

fransmom · 02/07/2007 23:15

i don't count myself as christian but
"do unto others as you would have done to yourself" (that includes children)

i believe in god as being a loving god, not one who thiks it's ok to hit children, because that's what smacking is.

Judy1234 · 02/07/2007 23:19

Most people today agree and I think it would be good if they did amend the law to ensure you cannot hit your children in any fashion even if you're clever enough to do it without leaving a mark so that children are protected as well as your spouse and people on the street are protected.

Anyway all anti smaclers can do is keep explaining English law as it now stands (plenty of parents don't understand they can't leave marks etc) and ensure all chidlren know how to call childline if they are hit in a manner which is against the law.

controlfreaky2 · 02/07/2007 23:21

shazza osborne is on tv now, talking about her violent upbringing.... the physical violence that her parents inflicted on her as "discipline" and the violence she went on to inflict on others as an adult..... salutary listening for all you keen smackers imo.

onehackedoffmuma · 02/07/2007 23:23

Probably shouldn't post as I know how these things turn out however....
I was smacked as a child, right up until I was 18 when my mum punched me in the face in front of my friend, for crying out loud I was just off to university and she still had the audacity to think she could do that.
The reality is, I wasn't even really a bad child. Yes I had the odd tantrum, terrible teens, was a bit strong willed but I never did anything that I felt warranted the actions of my mum. So I bloody well made it my job never to turn out like her and use smacking/hitting/ physicality when discplining my child.
He certainly tests me at times, he too can be very strong willed and I often feel my patience tested but nothing will ever provoke me to act like my mother.

onehackedoffmuma · 02/07/2007 23:25

Sorry that read a bit like because I was going to uni she shouldn't be smacking me but had I not gone it her actions would have been sanctioned. What I mean is I was 18 and she still thought she had that kind of control over me. Hope that's slighlty clearer. xxx

HonoriaGlossop · 02/07/2007 23:25

Again, I want people to stop fooling themselves. there is ALWAYS a viable alternative to smacking. And you are kidding yourself if you are making artificial distinctions between hitting your child on the leg, bottom, face, etc; a smack is a smack and it's really, really bizarre that you might consider that the location of it somehow makes it not so bad.

I do understand that people get to the end of their tether sometimes and I respect the people who have said, 'done it, hated myself, hope it never happens again' because they are recognising that it was a problem. Those who are happy with their choice to hit are not the same. There is ALWAYS an alternative strategy.

goodasgold · 02/07/2007 23:43

Everybody that has posted, you have held your new born baby in your arms, and just for a minute thought, I want to protect you from this world, I don't ever want to see you get hurt.

How could you be the one that hurts them.

If you cannot see a way of rearing your children without violence PLEASE read Dr Spock, written in the 1950s, for brilliant ways to make your home happier, your children happier and you happier. It can be done.

I don't think there is a need for violence in the home.

Self respect is a better thing to teach.

bloss · 02/07/2007 23:43

Message withdrawn

controlfreaky2 · 02/07/2007 23:47

darling i'm going to smack you, but i want you to understand i will be hitting in a controlled, INTELLIGENT way.........

wtf?

Greensleeves · 02/07/2007 23:48

LOL at 'intelligent' violence. Total oxymoron. Hence the fact that there is no actual reasoning in your post, just very assertive strongly worded dogma.

Flip

1 2 ··· 12 13 14 ··· 31 32