Just got a letter home from the school nurse re: dd's weight

[fireflyfairy2]

She is 115cm & weighs 28kgs.

It says "XXXX weight has gone from 91st centile to above 98th centile. Please contact me to discuss referral to peadatric dietitian"

I know she is a big girl, but she is also tall for her age. She's well built but I didn't think she was overweight.

I am such a failure.

I am about 20lb overweight myself & dh had weight to lose.... I know dd eats very very healthily as I have already lost over 2 stone & she has been having what I have ben eating.

The sensible option is to change the whole families lifestyle to be more active & eat more healthily.. I know we can do that, but I just feel like such a failure at the minute.

Dh thinks it's ok as he had to attend a dietitian when he was young.. but I don't think it's ok. Dh was an obese child & I always blamed his parents when I saw photos of him from childhood... now look what I have done to my beautiful dd I've made her fat, just as I have always accused my MIL of doing to dh

FF2 she's taller than ds1, weighs the same (he's a year older but thats irrelevant I think) and ds1 is NOT fat- indeed he sees a dietician, becuase he wasn't gaining!

Doing these things independently of height is meaningless, it really is. my ssiter was 5' 8" at 11 (she didnt grow after) was she really supposed to be the same weight? think not!

So that's lots of extra curricular larking about your dd is doing then. Hmmmm....

I've had bad experiences with a dietician. She told me not to eat prawns or avocados if trying to lose weight. Fgs, it's hardly 8 bars of Green & Blacks is it? AND that was my main meal.

I hope you get some good advice. How healthy, out of 10, would you say dd's diet is now?

age is relevant Peachy. If you read the info about childrens BMI it is not only hegiht but age related as children are expected to have an incresing (I think) BMI as they get older so its much more complicated than the adult BMI and even that isn;t very accurate.

"not to eat prawns or avocados" - ?

are you sure she was a dietitian not a traffic warden who'd wandered into the room by accident?

Perhaps you could regard the meeting with the dietician as a useful resource. That way, it could seem a positive thing. After all, everyone could do with a bit of sound food advice from time to time. Good luck.

Something similar. The reason why your post struck a cord is because I know of a little adorable girl, who was just below the 99.6th percentile weight wise. She's on the 91st percentile height wise though. Her mother received a similar "warning" and for all intense and purposes starved this child. The nurse was estatic when the child went from the 99.6th percentile back in November to the 75th percentile by May. The mother ranted on to other people how she did it - through healthy eating and the rest. But privately to me, the mother confided that her daughter is living off just skimmed milk and vitamins, with one proper "food" day every 3 days. In my humble opinion, this is not acceptable and potentially dangerous but I appear to be alone in this opinion. It seems that the only thing that matters are the figures. So long as the little girl reaches and maintains the correct weight, no one cares how it's achieved or the method by which it's done. It's all about figures and these damn governmental targets to reduce childhood obesity. The change in the little girl's personality has been heart-breaking to watch . I know many people here will place the blame on the mother, but I'm placing the blame on the health care staff who place so much pressures on the mother. If I'm suspicious at the drastic weight loss in such a short period, surely the nurse should be too? But seemingly not.

FFF2 - my DS1 will be 4 in August and he is about 21 kilos and 110 cm (I think) He is a big boy for his age but certainly not fat (IMO). The HV weighed him last year and although he was much heavier than average she very sensibly said that he was tall and broad and therefore being heavier than average was not a problem as he was also tall and muscular. I get very paranoid about this as DH and I are both overweight and have been since childhood so we eat healthy meals and get out lots. DH and I just eat crap when they are in bed In my experience my son seems to gain a bit of weight right before a growth spurt upwards so maybe your DD weight has increased but her height hasn't and she is due a wee sprout? Sounds like you are doing everything right and have nothing to feel like failure about. x DD is a cutie BTW!

mumofhelen

We all know obesity is a problem, but becoming obsessional about it is not sensible (anyone read Liz Jones in Observer Woman last week btw? Had her very small boobs cut off because they were too big or something and then surprise surprise this did not resolve her body issues - the woman is a lunatic and should not be allowed in print...)

OP - your daughter looks like a normal little girl to me....I'm sure Camogie is good for her but what the hell is it????

Nailpolish, my sis has had all the tests done. She gave up on her dietician and went to see Ian Marber who is quite a famous one. He said her diet was pretty much as good as it could be but gave her some pills to try to regulate her adrenal system. Not helping. I'm just wary of dieticians who tell you blindingly obvious stuff and when you say you are already doing that, assume you are lying or a fool who is eating half a hundredweight of bananas every day in the name of healthy eating and then being surprised at the lack of weight loss.

If the mother is now feeding her child inadequately, I'd say she's is at fault. I don't believe that was the advice given her by her dietician.

can't tell for sure from those photos - but she certainly doesn't look greatly overweight. she looks like she might have a bit round the middle more than needed - but she has skinny arms and legs.

I would go with cutting down the portion sizes a bit.

No NKF, what probably happened was the criticism was made and the advice failed to follow.

Yes but it's not a criticism. If a child is overweight then it's not unreasonable for a doctor/nurse involved with paediatric health to point that out to the child's parent. It's very unreasonable - wrong even - for that parent to starve the child.

firefly, my ds is tall and broad (plays rugby and it suits him ) I have worried about his weight at times although he eats healthily, doenst eat crisps, sweets, macdonald/burger king, fizzy pop. He does lots of excercise. He was on 91st centile-98th when born and for most of his life has hovered around them at the momet he is 88/89. I have to put him in older age clothes as the waists are often too small in his size - esp marks and spencers. I wonder too if I see him through rose coloured specs but have been reassured that I do not. I have observed lots of kiddies who are incredibley thin and ds has been called fat by one of these children, make me wonder what these children are being taught about body image tbh. I have also noticed that he will go a little out and then shoots upwards.

I think your daughter looks lovely in your photos and also very happy.

FFF2, my DD is roughly the same build as your DD, she's 8 and gets called fat at school.

DH and I know she eats healthily, no fried food, sweets, fizzy drinks etc (in fact she doesn't like them anyway) and she's very active, just big for some reason. Her brother is very tall and skinny for his age and they both eat the same

We're assuming it's 'puppy fat' as she's very fit and healthy and happy, and to us, that's what's important . We never make an issue of it with her, just keep on ensuring she has a healthy lifestyle. We've never considered a dietician and would only seek medical help if we thought there was an underlying reason for it or if we thought it was causing her ill health.

She's at the age, though, where body image is becoming an issue, and I certainly discuss this with her if the topic comes up, but only to make her aware that models, actresses etc are not the same as teh rest of us!

HTH x

A couple of examples. Before November 2006, this little girl and my dd were at each other's house all the time. Then the visits and invitations stopped. I thought the mother had simply gone off me for one reason or another, as I could not get reasons from my dd. More recently, I invited a group of dd's friends and the parents came along. I was in awe at just how much weight the girl had lost - she was even looking a little gaunt and very pale. Anyway, as the afternoon ran on, the biscuit plate was empty so I went into the pantry to fetch more, only to find the little girl stuffing herself full. She went bright red - I stood there stunned - she burst into tears and ran off. I didn't say anything. On another occasion, dd and I were invited to the girl's house. The girl's mother exclaimed, "Helen has eaten 8 Bourbons. You should stop her or she'll get fat." What the mother had not appreciated was that Helen had eaten 2, and it was her dd who had eaten the other 6. I looked at the little girl and she looked at me, with that pleading look to keep my mouth shut. She's only young and already has a love/hate relationship with food. And the deception and sneaking. I don't believe it's doing the little girl any good. Healthy eating? I don't think so.

I would agree with throckenh; just cut out sweet, biscuits and stuff like that which children don't really need and give her lots of veg, fruit, good meats, fish and she'll be fine. As we all know larger parents often eat a lot and their children do too - you can go down most streets and you see mostly larger families and that's usually because the whole family have difficulty losing weight or they all tend to go out and eat large portions etc.

But if you did a list of the things we can do badly for our children I'd put weight as nothing like as important as love (as long as love doesn't equal a sugar treat of course), kind parents, and all those other things. Better a parent that over feeds their children than one who swears and beats them.

"The word critic comes from the Greek κριτικ ός, kritikós - one who discerns, which itself arises from the Ancient Greek word κριτής , krités, meaning a person who offers reasoned judgement or analysis, value judgement, interpretation, or observation."

So it is a criticism.

margoandjerry, camogie is a sport for girls where they have wooden sticks & hit a ball, a bit like hockey. A male equivalent is hurling.

Newlifenewname, on a scale of one to ten I would honestly say my dd's diet is about an 8. Maybe 6 on the weekend when we have a take away, but she has 3 healthy meals a day at home. I have to admit to letting her have an ice lolly or custard after her dinner as a treat some days.

Today she had:

1 bowl of cornflakes with semi skimmed milk [actually I usually buy full fat for her & ds... should I cut them both to semi skimmed? ds will be 3 in December.]

She then hd 2 slices of wholemeal bread with flora & ham, an apple, an orange & a cereal bar for her lunch. [school provides them with a digestive biscuit, a glass of milk & some fruit at 10am.

When she came home from school she had a square of a caramel bar that her dad was eating & a bunch of grapes.

Her dinner was 3 scoops of potatoes, mince,gravy carrots & onions. She had water to drink.

That's it. I know the square of caramel wasn't healthy, but that was before we opened the letter from the nurse

If there are any other questions I shall answer them, I will read through this again incase I missed any.

Thankyou all for the advice & not making me feel bad.

mumofhelen How awful, the poor wee thing.

But the mother probably thinks she is doing what is right, she has been made to feel like a failure.

That sounds very well balanced to me.

Protein, Carbs, Fruit and Veg plus some treat stuff too. All good I'd say.

If her weight really is an issue and she absolutely must lose some then I suppose a dietician would say lose the red meat, the sweet stuff and cut back on non complex carbs perhaps replacing potatoes with wholegrain rice.

Is your bread low sugar?

What about metabolism issues - do kids suffer in this way? Low metabolism I mean.

I don't know if our bread is low sugar Never really thought about it tbh.

If we have pasta or rice they are both wholemeal, as I have said, I have already lost over 2stone & know what I'm doing, but I just find it hard to know what to do for dd.

When we have a take away at the weekend she will have chips & sausages.

They stayed at their grannys on Sunday & she told me in bed that she had eaten all day, she was up sick with a tummy ache that night. But I know if I ask my MIL not to overfeed her, she might listen to me. She usually is ok like that.. it's FIL who would get all arsey about it.

She looks fine to me. She does sport already and sounds active. I don't think she needs to see a dietician TBH. Up to you though, whether you want to go down that route. I'd be wary of getting her worried about weight at the age of 6 though

hey I posted that dd1 (4) was 3 ft, well she is actually 113cm which is 44.5 inches so 3ft 9 inches

is that correct?

3 stone, got that right

so she is normal, whatever that is , I take these charts with a HUGE pinch of salt

(dd2 is 2 stone 4, 98 cms, so 3ft 3 I think)

fff her diet seems fine, please don't overanalyse just because of this letter, children come in all shapes and sizes and she is NOT EVEN 6, surely we can't label children this young?

I bet you any money she has had a growth spurt and her height will catch up

phone this diet woman and allay your fears

xx

My DD has chicken Korma - will post a pic on profile in abit so you can see what I mean when I say she is thin.

I don't reckon it's the food or exercise - either it is metabolic, bad interpretation of the info from centile chart or just her build.

But not an expert of course, just think it is a shame that it had to upset you.

That's part of the problem sandy, I want her to have the knowledge of healthy eating, as she already does, but don't want her to become obsessed.

I feel the school nurse might have me down as neglectful if I don't call her, even just for a chat.

Dh says not to bother, but he will be at work tomorrow so he won't know if I call.

She doesn't have a complex about food at all, she does know that we all eat healthily as mammy wants to be healthy, but I've never said I want to lose weight, just be healthy.

It's difficult but I will be able to help her, there is no excuse for her to be overweight as you can see by what she eats, but it must be the extras that she has without me really noticing. A biscuit here, a lolly there, they all add up.