Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

Just got a letter home from the school nurse re: dd's weight

251 replies

fireflyfairy2 · 20/06/2007 14:38

She is 115cm & weighs 28kgs.

It says "XXXX weight has gone from 91st centile to above 98th centile. Please contact me to discuss referral to peadatric dietitian"

I know she is a big girl, but she is also tall for her age. She's well built but I didn't think she was overweight.

I am such a failure.

I am about 20lb overweight myself & dh had weight to lose.... I know dd eats very very healthily as I have already lost over 2 stone & she has been having what I have ben eating.

The sensible option is to change the whole families lifestyle to be more active & eat more healthily.. I know we can do that, but I just feel like such a failure at the minute.

Dh thinks it's ok as he had to attend a dietitian when he was young.. but I don't think it's ok. Dh was an obese child & I always blamed his parents when I saw photos of him from childhood... now look what I have done to my beautiful dd I've made her fat, just as I have always accused my MIL of doing to dh

OP posts:
moopymoo · 20/06/2007 14:44

oh firefly. you are not a failure. i think that this is an insensitive way for the school to address this. i think i would be inclined to reply with a 'yes we are aware that there is an issue and are addressing it as a family' and look at increasing activity as a family. we do a lot of walking, this helps us , we are all not particulalry sporty but love nature etc. ds1 can walk 10 miles or so without too much trouble - hes nine.

WigWamBam · 20/06/2007 14:45

How old is she?

These centile charts are crap. They either make people feel bad because their child isn't putting on weight fast enough, or because they're putting on weight too fast.

Dd is well over the 98th centile for weight, but she's also well over the 98th centile for height too - and so is in proportion. It sounds as if that's the case for your daughter too - if she's tall then it's no surprise that she's above the 98th centile.

Don't feel bad about it. In your shoes, I would refuse to discuss the matter any further, let alone have her referred to a dietician. There's nothing more likely to cause future eating disorders than having a disproportionate fuss made about her weight now.

If you really think she's overweight then making subtle changes to the way she eats (without her realising, and without mentioning it to her) would be a far better way to deal with it than seeing a dietician.

titchy · 20/06/2007 14:45

How old is she? What centile is her height? if it's around the same (or within a band I think) then tell the nurse where to stuff her letter! OTOH is her weight is 98th and her height 2nd then maybe there is something to be concerned about? Seeing a dietician doesn't have to be a stigma, but maybe just try to get her doing excercise (in a fun way that is - swimming club, football club, running around the local playground a few times each week) and see how that goes.

nailpolish · 20/06/2007 14:47

you could look at it another way - take advantage of the dietician and use her advice to benefit the entire family.

i feel the school was insensitive in their approach, you should say something to stop them being so blunt in future

you are not a failure! youd be a failure i fyou didnt care

hth

Mumpbump · 20/06/2007 14:47

Don't know if this applies to children, but found a body mass index calculator and plugged in your dd's stats. This is what it said...

BMI

margoandjerry · 20/06/2007 14:48

I don't get this. What's the point of evaluating the weight centile without evaluating the height centile?

I had this argument with my hv last week. My 8mo is above the 95th centile for everything - weight, height, head size. So I think that's fine - all in proportion. But she says they don't look at height any more and only look at weight and she is, in absolute terms, big. Seems barmy to me.

If she doesn't look overweight to you, she prob isn't. And if she eats healthily, what's a dietician going to do for you? There's always scope for more exercise I guess but don't be freaked into feeling like a failure. These people don't always have a sensible approach.

throckenholt · 20/06/2007 14:48

stand back and really look at her next she has a bath (or gets dressed) - is she really fat ? Can you see obvious wobbly bits ? If yes - then just cut her portions a bit, and all of you go for a walk every evening - make it fun, don't make it obvious or an issue.

And cut back on any of the obvious rubbish - sweets, crisps, fizzy drinks etc.

nailpolish · 20/06/2007 14:48

IME dietcians are fabulous. maybe you could go to the first appt without dd to see whats shes like?

nailpolish · 20/06/2007 14:49

margo that IS barmy, i agree

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 20/06/2007 14:50

Oh fff2 don't feel a failure. I agree with nailpolish, look on it as an opportunity to get professional input which would cost you an absolute fortune if you had to pay for it!

You so obviously care about your DD and her health and welfare, of course you're not a failure.

LilRedWG · 20/06/2007 14:50

How old is your DD?

Mumpbump · 20/06/2007 14:51

BTW, her BMI is mid-range so fine, ie. she is not overweight...

goingfor3 · 20/06/2007 14:52

I would go and see the dietician without your dd, don't let anybody make her weight an issue for her. You are not a faliure these things happen.

bozza · 20/06/2007 14:54

Good idea re going without DD.

I am torn between saying that if you think she is not overweight, then she is not, and wondering about whether you are objective. Do you think you can be objective?

I looked at mumpbump's link but I think that was for adults and I don't think the same BMIs apply to children. Let's face it a lot of 9mo's would class as obese by adult standards whereas a lot of 6yos would class as underweight.

Gobbledigook · 20/06/2007 14:54

Oh those charts are rubbish. My friend's ds is on 99th and there's not an ounce of fat on him (see him at swimming). He's just tall and has a 'solid' build but he's actually pretty skinny at the same time.

LIZS · 20/06/2007 14:54

can you apply the adult bmi calculation to a child though ? I agree with the others use it as an incentive to get the whole family fitter , and be positive otherwise she may feel self conscious.

LilRedWG · 20/06/2007 14:54

Here's a BMI calculator for children!

goingfor3 · 20/06/2007 14:54

Mumpbump - you can't use the general BMI scale for children, it's not accurate. DD's bmi on that chart is 14.88 which would make her seriously under weight but she is average.

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 20/06/2007 14:56

btw unless the nutritionist is a mentalist, s/he is likely to reassure you and your dd, that she is eating properly and they are trained to be aware of body issues and to present info in a form which won't cause your dd to be self-conscious.

But agree with others, it's a good idea to see the nutritionist first to vet him/ her.

LilRedWG · 20/06/2007 14:58

And another .

bozza · 20/06/2007 14:59

I think that is always the problem with BMI calculators though gdg - they don't take into account build. DS is not tall but he has a big frame (he was 9lb 10 at birth) but he is also skinny - it is just that the bones that are sticking out are bigger ones.

SofiaAmes · 20/06/2007 14:59

Don't feel like a failure. It's really hard to get it right if you don't have the background and training. Take advantage of the paediatric dietitian and use the help for the whole family. In my experience, if you are fairly sure that you are feeding her a healthy diet, then the problem is about portion size. Try feeding her just a little less of everything. Also, I know a lot of people who feed healthy food to their kids, but let them have juice as a drink regularly. I would recommend that juice is something that happens on special occasions (birthday parties, dinners out) and that the rest of the time you only give 1% milk for the first beverage at a meal and then water after that. And if your child is thirsty in between meals, only give water. There are a lot of empty calories in fruit juice.....much better to give fruit which has the fibre in addition to the sugar.

margoandjerry · 20/06/2007 14:59

Interested re dieticians. I have a long family history of weight problems and a long family history of exemplary eating...

My sister is having a particular problem at the moment - putting on weight relentlessly despite a faultless diet (literally, fruit or muesli for breakfast, salad or soup for lunch, fish and veg for dinner, no alcohol, no snacks, no fizzy drinks, nothing). Plenty of exercise too - ran a 10k and two 5ks last year and normal runs 2/week.

She went to see a dietician who told her to try skimmed milk . My sister's response was "I bloody well INVENTED skimmed milk"

I'd just be interested to know if you can see a dietician who doesn't state the bleedin' obvious. It's just depressing to be treated like an idiot who would benefit from being told not to eat cream cakes three times a day iykwim

LIZS · 20/06/2007 15:00

hmm funny how all those kids ones are US based - ds came out seriously underweight !

Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 20/06/2007 15:01

She will be 6 in December.

Her height is 115cm but I don't know what centile that is.

The way I feel about a dietician, is that I already know what she is going to say.

And chances are, I already do it anyway.. dd only eats wholemeal bread, tuna, ham, fresh grown potatoes, meat , veg, she has fruit & yoghurt in her lunch every day, she has fruit as snacks, I don't buy crisps anymore as I have been slimming. She never ever gets fizzy mineral, only juice or water.

I set a good example for dd & I think that perhaps exercise is the first thing that I can change.

I have looked at her this afternoon, yes she has a belly, but she also has really brpad shoulder, long arms, she is well built.

I will try & link a recent photo later when I am on my own pc.

OP posts: