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Original poster

What age would you allow your dcs to play outside the house unsupervised?

116 replies

LizaRose · 17/05/2007 08:06

We live in a quiet estate with many children. My DS1 is 5, in reception, and 2 of his classmates regularly play outside on the street, on bikes, footballing etc. DS1 is upset because they knock for him and I won't let him out unless I am free to go with him (not often, I have 2 smaller dcs). I don't think he is mature enough to be responsible for his own safety in terms of avoiding cars, staying where he is told and not going onto the main road, talking to strangers etc. The other mums seem to think I am over-protective. I have tried to compromise by inviting the others to play in our garden, but now I have a house full of other people's kids making a mess and raiding our fruit bowl, and no reciprocal invitiations because they just let theirs roam the streets! What do you think?

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CODalmighty · 19/05/2007 19:22

lol
i say to mien" goand play on the road" lol
its a culd e sac of 12 houses

PeachyChocolateEClair · 19/05/2007 19:29

see if you said that to mine they'd mowed down by a yummy mummy in a land rover before you could close the door and put the kettle on!

And they'd probably send you the bill for getting the coffee splashes off their Armani jacket when they had to break fast as well.

mummy2aaron · 19/05/2007 20:02

A boy of 11 was mown down last night and killed in a hit and run accident near his house. It's not a busy road. It's was the son of a friend of dh. Anything could happen at anytime, you just can't judge it. We just have to do the best we can and weigh up the situation. Ds1 is 8 and plays out on our cul de sac, ds2 never will as he is autistic and has no sense of danger. DD is only 2 so we shall have to see how she turns out as to what age will be appropriate. Ds2 started playing out at 3 but my neighbour has simialr age children and one of us was always out there with them. Her youngest is 5 and she is still out there watching.

PeachyChocolateEClair · 19/05/2007 20:11

(Hello muumy2! Havent seen youn in ages- you OK?)

Its hard to know when to make the jump, here at 11 they allow kids out at lunchtime so thats a cut off for us, if ds1 not ready by then we'll have to pull him home or home ed or something

mummy2aaron · 19/05/2007 21:55

Hiya Peachy doing well- apart from todays sad news. Things not looking good for dd but we will get through it. Ds2 has been great for ages now the behaviour is back with a vengence. Ds1 is a dream as ever. Dh is trying his best so thats a result for now - day to day though. Having probs with replies on ttr so have been a little quiet. You all ok?

mummy2aaron · 19/05/2007 21:55

oops sorry for the hijack btw LizaRose.

mylittleimps · 19/05/2007 22:21

would not let my ds's play in the street and can't envisage an age that i will. (but then we were never allowed to as children , our garden was always full of children though) my SIL lives on an estate and has let them play out in the street and has done since she moved there her ds being about 4. he's not come to any harm but that's more luck i think (now age 10). she has issues with her DD and DS - disappearing, going into town (quite a distance and across busy roads) going to friends houses without permission, not coming home on time, drinking smoking the list goes on. she just wants them out from under her feet and IMO hasn't made sure she's in control of the rules but then they're her DC and her life. everyone has to be comfortable with their own choices and try and do their best. if anything ever happens to them/how they turn out is down to you and no-one else.so whereas i wouldn't and wouldn't ever feel pressured into it (just because others might do) it doesn't mean it's right for everyone. but then no-one said parenting was easy lol.

mylittleimps · 19/05/2007 22:56

been reading a few other threads so i'm going to go out on a limb here -i'm adding - i think 5 is just far too young, because of their desire to explore, strangers, inability to judge traffic speeds, older children (who can be v cruel just to get a laugh, don't have the responsibility/maturity to deal with younger children, could lead them into danger). ( i think the road safety partnership say children can not judge traffic speeds until age 12 - might be wrong)

unknownrebelbang · 19/05/2007 23:51

Really does depend on the child.

luciemule · 19/05/2007 23:54

The thing is, your DCs can be as switched on anything but it would only take a few seconds for someone to grab them and shove them into a car and that's them gone! Sorry to be blunt but I wouldn't let mine out without me until probably 9/10. I guess it depends where you live too. And even then, they wouldn't be allowed to go out of view of the house. I agree in having friends over to the house and even if that means that the other parents don't invite yours back, well at least they're safe (even if your house looks like a bomb's hit it!)

unknownrebelbang · 19/05/2007 23:55

They're far far far more likely to get run over, than abducted.

luciemule · 19/05/2007 23:59

Very true - my 5 year old has absolutely no road sense other than knowing not to go near the edge of the road and to hold my hand and my 9 year old cousin was hit and killed by a car when crossing over the road from behind a bus - proves that even a 9 year old is still too young to know about the road safety thing completely.

unknownrebelbang · 20/05/2007 00:23

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin.

I don't have the statistics, but I think that teenagers are more at risk of being killed/injured in a road accident as a pedestrian, than younger children.

nappyaddict · 20/05/2007 03:13

but i don't think because a 9 yo was hit means they didnt have road sense. adults get knocked down too!

and whoever said oop north cos they live in the midlands - please don't!!! no wonder i spend half my life telling southerners i don't live up north. i'm from the midlands ITS IN THE MIDDLE!!

luciemule · 20/05/2007 09:30

i didn't eman he didn't have any road sense - just that whatever the age of the child, it doesn't mean they're safe playing out on their own for lots of reasons.

ElenyaTuesday · 20/05/2007 09:48

As a result of all these posts by people whose children play outside I had a walk around my area yesterday just to check it wasn't my road in particular that was odd. It was a lovely sunny day and I didn't see a single child outside - I could hear lots of children in their gardens but no children outside the front of their houses - supervised or not! There are lots of children around here as the primary school is very popular but I suppose that is just the way things are here.

MrsSchadenfreude · 20/05/2007 10:42

Mine (6 & 8) are allowed to walk down to the fields to pick blackberries/buttercups. No roads involved. They are also allowed to walk round our cul-de-sac, but not to go to the park as it involves crossing two fairly busy roads.

unknownrebelbang · 20/05/2007 15:06

Nappyaddict, apologies, it was me (although I do live in the north-western region of the Midlands, lol).

Troutpout · 20/05/2007 15:15

Depends where you live
Quiet cul-de-sac...errrm about 7 perhaps
We live on a busy main road...ds (10) doesn't go out to play on street...only goes to other peoples houses for a play.

DevilsAdvocado · 20/05/2007 15:36

I live in the rural countryside on a farm.

You can see the whole yard from the kitchen window and my 2 children play outside all day without me. I can see them from the window, and I can hear them, as I always have the windows and the patio doors open.

Ds is 2.6 and dd is 5.6.

We live about a mile off the road, up a long lane that I can see cars driving on.

It is just recently that I have dared go inside though, when dd was young I would sit outside with her, but they don't want me watching them now, ds tootles about on his little tractor and dd bounces on the trampoline or goes on the swings.

Troutpout · 20/05/2007 16:23

Sounds wonderful Devil ...i would love to be able to do that

lilmamma · 20/05/2007 16:48

I think it depends on the child and how safe your area is.My 2nd son wasnt sensible enough at 4 he would just run into the road.son no4 has been playing out since he was 3.They know to stay in view,they mainly play with friends who live a few doors up.My neighbour never let hers out at all and now she even has to walk the 13 year old to the bus stop the child is a bag of nerves.

PeachyChocolateEClair · 20/05/2007 17:27

Yes it does depend where you live

Our park has some houses that overlook it, with balcomies- if I lived there I'd pop a panel off the fence (disguised gate !) and let ds1 and ds2 over- but only if I were on the balcony at all times.

Exceopt I couldn't really because ds3 would get upset,a s always happens when I allow them a tiny buit more freedom then he can possibly have, its not fair on anyone (he is asd and doesn't understand )

micra · 20/05/2007 22:55

Woudln't let my nearly 5 yo play outside by herself - we're on a cul de sac but some cars do come racing along, always teenagers cutting through a footpath to the shops, etc.

Am alarmed by those of you who allow children on "cycle tracks away from the road" or "fields at the back of the house" or "along a quiet country lane to the park and some playing fields" - surely these are exactly the sort of lonely unseen routes where anyone who wanted to harm a child would easily choose to get away with it? Has it ever crossed your mind you might be a tad naive there - familiarity breeds contempt? Madeleine's parents in hindsight realise this .....

unknownrebelbang · 20/05/2007 23:36

Where do you draw the line though?

If I thought like that I would never let my children out of my sight, and that is unhealthy (imho).

Stranger abduction statistics have remained fairly static for a long time, and the number is incredibly low.

I don't consider myself to be particularly naive, both DH and myself work within the CJS, my work, although admin, is with very high-risk offenders, so I am aware of the dangers.