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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What age would you allow your dcs to play outside the house unsupervised?

116 replies

LizaRose · 17/05/2007 08:06

We live in a quiet estate with many children. My DS1 is 5, in reception, and 2 of his classmates regularly play outside on the street, on bikes, footballing etc. DS1 is upset because they knock for him and I won't let him out unless I am free to go with him (not often, I have 2 smaller dcs). I don't think he is mature enough to be responsible for his own safety in terms of avoiding cars, staying where he is told and not going onto the main road, talking to strangers etc. The other mums seem to think I am over-protective. I have tried to compromise by inviting the others to play in our garden, but now I have a house full of other people's kids making a mess and raiding our fruit bowl, and no reciprocal invitiations because they just let theirs roam the streets! What do you think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

unknownrebelbang · 19/05/2007 00:14

We moved when my eldest was 5 to an estate with a play area literally opposite the house. He was allowed to play unsupervised for short bursts virtually from the start, but he was a very mature, sensible little boy. (He's now 12).

DS2 and DS3, now 10 and 8 have been more supervised and given less freedom because they are less mature, particularly DS2.

Wotzsaname · 19/05/2007 00:20

How do you decide if you can safely leave a child alone?
There are many important things to consider before you decide to leave a child alone. These include:

. the age of the child
. the child's level of maturity and understanding
. the place where child will be left
. how long the child will be left alone, and how often
. whether or not there are any other children alone with the child.

For example, most parents would think it's OK to leave a 16-year-old alone for the evening, but to leave them for a week would be unacceptable.

Many young children play outdoors with other children without suppervision but most people would agree that this is an important part of growing up.

You are the best judge of your child's level of maturity and responsibility.

[source; www.nspcc.org.uk]

nally · 19/05/2007 00:24

nice one Wotzsaname

PeppermintStick · 19/05/2007 08:15

DS is 3 and he's now allowed to play in the back garden by himself. We live in a quiet cul-de-sac :D and the families have moved away but they let their 3 year olds play out front unsupervised with siblings a couple of years older. I just don't believe if I let DS play there on the road then he would understand how this road was different than another road and possibly think he could play on them all.

But he is PFB so I don't expect to allow him to play anywhere other than the back garden till about 14, maybe 18!

taragon · 19/05/2007 08:46

i live in a country village with a central road through the middle....my ds(5) and dd (2.5) play out the back by themselves all the time (with the door open so i can see) but i would not let ds out the front by himself yet and not for a few more years....we do have one child who rides around on his bike in the village and is only 5 and sometimes been out as late as 9pm...i find this very scary and wonder if the parents actually know where he is.

nappyaddict · 19/05/2007 13:40

why would you have an age limit to where they can play in the back garden? i have left ds in the garden on his own since birth ..

3andnomore · 19/05/2007 13:53

To the OP, I really think you can't make a blanket statement at what age it is o.k., etc...as there are so many factors coming into this.
MY eldest son started playing out wiht his mates when he was almost 4, but at the time we lived in teh kind of estate that allowed that feedom (Army estate), my ms is now 4 1/2 and I would not consider letting him play out wiht children of his age...because where we live now and also wiht his personality, it would be plain daft to give him that freedom (saying that, on his really lucky days his older Brother (almost 11 now) and some of his friends sometimes allow him to play out wiht them, which I then allow...but it would either be on the little green infront of our House or the little field/Playground just on the side of this estate...
And the same will go for my youngest , who is almost 3....

Pink Tulips...oh that poor lil boy...that is awful
Nappyaddict...I suppose some gardens aren't entirely enclosed or maybe there is a pond or whatever else that might mean Kids need supervision in the Garden, too!
We have got a treehouse in the back and until recently I always had to be out there with my lil ones...not so bad now...although my youngest can climb up there now, he can't come down, but he will just stand at the top and make himself heard, he just wouldn't try to do somehting like climbing down himself (my ms would have been a different story at that age, he knows no fear...)

What does PFBstand for, Peppermint? Sorry if it is really obvious, but can't work it out? I asume it is some kind of special needs maybe? Sorry to be such an Ignorant.

nappyaddict · 19/05/2007 14:27

but if you had a pond and kids surely you would fence it off/put a cover over it anyway? that's what we've done.

nappyaddict · 19/05/2007 14:31

it means precious first born

magnolia1 · 19/05/2007 14:38

My twins are 7.5 and have been allowed to play out since they turned 7. We have a fairly quiet road and they are very road safety concious. Plus they have each other too
I have just started lettig them cross over in front of our house to knock for their friend who lives a few houses down.
I don't let them play out unless they are with each other or another friend.

3andnomore · 19/05/2007 14:40

duh, I actually knew that....god my brain is really not what it used to be...and I ahven't even drunk any alcohol at all in like 5 weeks (I think...)...so can't blame it on that!

And yes, personally I would also cover a pond if I had one...but some people might not want to do that and rather supervise their Kids...

MY cousin lives in an estate where they don't have seperate gardens...all teh gardens are open, so, the Kids can all run into eachother gardens etc...it was purpusely build that way....must admit, as much as I like the Kids playing in my garden (and we always have hordes of them in our garden) the idea of an open garden would freak me out, as my Kids would jsut run off...the younger ones anyway, lol...

noddyholder · 19/05/2007 14:42

My ds has been allowed to play at the local park skateboarding since he was 11 and he is 13 now.Before 11 he had friends over and vice versa or we took them somewhere.

3andnomore · 19/05/2007 14:45

It's quite weird really....the tother day I remembered that my eldest son was only almost 4 when he slept over at a mates house and when I started having mates of his over for sleepovers...weirdly I could not imagine that with my ms, who is 4 1/2....

Judy1234 · 19/05/2007 14:53

SOmeone on another thread was talking about the law on child neglect drafted in the 1930s which makes it an offence to neglect a child (they were writing about leaving children asleep) and this is the same issue. Basically the law doesn't say which is perfectly right. Parents have to decide what that child is sensible enough to do and in fact we don't want outsiders infering in those decisions as long as they are reasonable.

When my brother was 2 my mother let my sister and I (about 5 and 7) push him in in push chair down to the end of the street and back. She was very very cross when a neighbour down the end telephoned her to "tell her" we were down there. She had told us exactly where we could go and we did it. She trusted us.

We have had a kind of transitional phase here where the twins have a friend across the road who is often here or they'll go in our garden and he'll come over and then they'll go back to his house but I like to know otherwise all 3 children might instead have been packed off in a car by a stranger and his parents and I would each assume the children were at the other house. The twins are 8. They play on bikes or scooters down the road which is a quiet road and I can't always see them and if it's been quite a while I got out to check.

ElenyaTuesday · 19/05/2007 15:56

Wow, where do you all live? Here, no children play outside unsupervised so I've never allowed mine to do it either (they are 10 and nearly 8)! I do allow ds1 to walk to school alone though.

unknownrebelbang · 19/05/2007 16:01

Where do you live??

My 10 and 8 year old would be rather shocked if I was out supervising them tbh, although we live too far from the school for them to walk to school.

The eldest wants to walk home, and it's something I will be considering soon. (His eldest brother did it in year 6).

ElenyaTuesday · 19/05/2007 16:32

I'm in the London suburbs - on a fairly quiet road but it just isn't the "done thing" for children to play outside here. Like I said, absolutely nobody does it on our road (now I feel like this area must be a bit weird!!!).

Judy1234 · 19/05/2007 16:36

Same but may be further out than you. It's a private road. Horses go by and there's a wood opposite. The child opposite comes over here a lot but it is a few yards. I think most children I see around do tend to be with an adult.

unknownrebelbang · 19/05/2007 18:41

I'm oop north (well Midlands) and tbh there's a bit of a mix here. There are some children out alone from a younger age than I would do, other children out with parents supervising.

I also know of one set of parents who rarely allow their almost 10 year old on to the playarea, even supervised.

hercules1 · 19/05/2007 18:52

Never. Fed up of having to deal with people letting their kids out unsupervised and then them ringing door bells, nicking plants etc.

PeachyChocolateEClair · 19/05/2007 19:05

It varies a lot.

In one house we had a communal area where all the kids played, it was a tiny hamlet and everyone knew everyone so they palyed there at about 4 but there was always an adult around, and always someone we knew (actually we all stopped this when a person on the sex offenders register bought a house close by)

However he's now 7 and doesn't go out alone. partly because he is emotionally immature (AS) but alsomaprtly because the raods are busy and we have some tourists here so dont know who is about at any time.

DS2 is NT so more of a comparison, I think probably 9 or 10 to go to the shop (one road, 5 minutes)

PeachyChocolateEClair · 19/05/2007 19:05

hercules you might find that a pita when they go to Uni

Judy1234 · 19/05/2007 19:21

Just read an article about children on the streets and in particular that 40 years ago the streets were full of adults walking to places and loads of home delivery men walking around. These days adults drive and aren't the volume of adults around to keep an eye out.

CODalmighty · 19/05/2007 19:22

depends on kids
depends on house

Twiglett · 19/05/2007 19:22

I would never let a child of mine play on the streets .. it looks untidy

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