Can anyone stop Katierocket from being driven insane by very difficult newborn......please!

[katierocket]

OK so DS1 was a really unsettled baby, had horrendous colic, terrible sleeper blah blah. We tried everything to help but it only really improved as he got older (he's 5 now). Anyway, DS2 (9 weeks) is just as bad (if not worse) and it really is driving me to utter despair (and I don't say that lightly).
He's very unsettled, and is really susceptible to being really easily over stimulated and having screaming fits. I could cope with that but the worse thing is his sleep - he is an absolute nightmare to get to sleep, you have to rock him and rock him, or walk round him in in a sling for ages or put him in the pram and walk for ages (although lately even this isn't working). But the worse thing is that once you've got him asleep he will wake up after a really short time (anywhere between 10 and 30 mins) and so then it all starts again.

Currently he is getting up at 5am in the morning (we're used to this - DS1 did it for 4 and half years) so by 6am he is knackered and screaming house down. I just can't figure out what to do to improve the situation. THings are getting worse not better.

He was diagnosed as having mild reflux and is on medicine for that, he's also been to a cranial osteopath.

if anyone has any suggestions I'd really really appreciate it.

you may hate this idea but have you tried sleeping with him? Like you, I was shocked, depressed and knackered at how much my son cried. The only things that helped were carrying him in the sling (which I did pretty much all the time) and lying down to sleep with him - we got much more rest at night and longer naps during the day - and we could both relax, it was lovely. (Ignore health visitors and well meaning relatives who advise against it - they don't have to live with your baby - and yes it is safe - in Japan, where co-sleeping is the norm, they have never heard of SIDS). Oh and for those crying fits where my son just wouldn't stop balling we played the Gorrilaz latest album really loud and jigged around a lot and it always got him to sleep in the end. In fact I was going to write a letter to Damian Albern to thank him for his baby-soothing beats - I must still do that (we tried classical but it didn't work).
Mostly though you should remember that there are no magic answers and that what you are doing already is probably the best thing for him - you know him and his needs better than any of us - so trust your instincts and don't let other people tell you anything. The hardest thing is that you are getting nothing back and having all your energy drained - but it will only be a matter of weeks before there will be smiles and you'll realise how much he loves you.

katierocket, many sympathies.

Just a few thoughts sparked by the thread. Like yogimum I remember the Baby Whisperer programme where she used the special tilting mattress. I've been dipping into the BW book for my own DS who's had his moments - she also recommends the shushing into the ear which works reasonably with DS so long as he isn't manic.

Re rocking, the BW says you should avoid rocking side to side as it aggravates sensitive babies, she only recommends rocking when you're walking around and to do it by moving from front foot to back and back again which apparently mimics the baby's movement in the womb.

My cranial osteopath recommended laying DS down on his side to start him towards sleep, so that I could rub his back as he dropped off. Again, this seems to work if I catch him before he's manic. He cd be propped in this position with towels but I find he gradually moves back to his back so I don't bother.

Hope you find something that works. You are doing a fantastic job, loving your baby enough to find a way through a tough time.

Hi sorry to hear you are having an awful time with the baby. You seem to be doing everything right. At the moment I am supporting a mum with twins who sounded just like your son. I found thta they needed a lot of sleep they could only stay away maxi an hour from when they last woke up, at first I took them for long walks but now they sleep happily in their pram in the garden. They were over tired so putting them back to bed before that stage worked for them and the previous set of twins I also helped with. Failing that phone a nanny agency and get a maternity nurse/nanny for a month to give you a rest its well worth it.

update for all those of you good enough to lend support/kind thoughts etc

DS2 is 11 weeks tomorrow. He is getting a bit easier I think. He still won't stay asleep in the day unless I hold him (won't stay asleep in pram and hates car seat) and this is tricky as obviously I have DS1 to look after too.
THe amby has been OK but possibly we got it too late, we are going to perservere with it but putting him to sleep on his side in moses basket also seems to help.

dummy driving me mad (as I knew it would) - he's desperate to suck and seems to want to suck his hands but it doesn't satisfy him so he cries for dummy and of course when it falls out he cries for it.

so long and short of it - very tired, still relentless and draining but hoping that in another month or two we'll be over the worse.

thinkin of you mate. x x x hang in there.

hi katierocket,

I posted before on your thread - things are either getting easier, or you're getting used to them! My dd2 (18 weeks) still hates the car seat - but a little better. Will go in the puschair all the way to the park (15 mins) and even slept for 20 mins in it, which gave me a chance to push dd1 on the swings.

It won't be forever. Once they are sitting and moving they get less clingy. Seems hard on dd1, but she honestly does not semm to mind too much.

You'll get there hun

thanks urban

fondant - it's amazing the small things you are very grateful for isn't it.

Listened to 'On the Ropes' on Radio 4 last night - it was Henrietta Spink, the lady that campaigns for the rights of parents caring for disabled children. SHe has two severly disabled children and I felt very humbled and vowed to stop moaning.

You are allowed to moan katierocket - otherwise only 1 person in the whole world would be allowed to (and how we'd work out who was in the worst position of all people I don't know! ).

You certainly sound more positive, even if things haven't improved very much. Are you still dairy free? Did it seem to make any difference? (I replied to say it was ok to CAT me, but then you seemed to go offline for a few days I think, so not sure if you saw).

good point can'tsleep! Yes we've been away to lake district so didn't see your message, I will CAT you.

well have had a bad couple of days, it's so difficult to get him to go to sleep but then the real problem is that I cna't put him down because the minute I do he wakes up. Putting him on his side does seem to help but he still sleeps for less than 30 mins, won't go tback to sleep then is tired 30 mins after that - a never ending cycle! Will probably be easier once DS1 is back at school enxt week.

KR - you are much missed on the Jan ante-natal thread, please pop in every now and again to let us know you are still coping! Thinking about you and hope it gets easier over the next few weeks. Big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thanks wilkie - I do lurk sometimes but to be honest it's too depressing to see people saying that their LOs are sleeping through the night and settled - we are so far from that.

If anyone has suggestions for how I can get him to sleep in teh day please share - everytime you put him down he wakes up (have tried tummy sleeping and amby but no joy). Yesterday I tried all morning and eventually he was so overtired he screamed his head off for an hour. Clearly I can't sleep with him in my arms so what the hell can I do

dd was like that. I could rarely get her to sleep during the day. Dh was more successful....he would rub or pat her back for 20 or 30 minutes until she fell asleep. I just didn't have the patience. She gave up regular daytime naps before she was three. One nursery managed to get her to do them a few time a week by one of the staff following dh's method of patting and rubbing. I told them I wasn't bothered if she didn't sleep, but they insisted on putting the time into it. She makes up for the lack of nap at night, but in general sleeps an hour or two a day less than ds who is two years older.

Hi Katierocket. My DS2 about the same age I think (nearly 12 weeks) and not a great daytime sleeper either - v hard to get him to settle unless feeding/in buggy/in car and still wakes 4 times a night. I don't think it's as bad for us as you've had it , and don't have much to offer in the way of advice, but have you tried putting him in front of washing machine/tumble dryer? This often works for us - I think they find the sound a bit womb-like. Only other thing I can say is that it'll pass. I know that isn't what you want to hear at the moment, probably, but in a few more months it'll all be in the past.

its just so relentless. The minute you put him down he wakes up - DS1 was the same but at least he would sleep in pram/car seat, this one won't even do that.

Katie, the only way we managed to get dd to sleep during the day, other than attached to my breast on my lap (which obv isn't feasible for you with another dc) was to go for walks with the pushchair. Thankfully we hadn't wasted any money on a lie flat pram, so we would raise the back just enough to put her at an uprightish angle, and walk down the road (we're very much in the country, so it is peaceful and slightly bumpy for walking) and back 3 times a day until she slept. Would generally take 10-15 mins of hysterical screaming before she stopped and nodded off, and sometimes she would wake as soon as we got back home, but other times she would sleep for half an hour or so, which was a blissful break from the constant wailing.

Sometimes just walking around the garden would do the trick, so I didn't even have to be dressed. We put the sunshade over the pushchair with the blackout strip down, do I don't think dd could really tell where we were anyway!

can't sleep - he will sleep in pram but only occasionally and only for 10-30 mins. At first he would wake up if you stopped pushing but now he wakes up while you're still pushing. He also doesn't seem to like the lie flat option so we have raised the back of it. I just want it to get a bit easier.

BTW, only reason I haven't CAt you is because I forgot what it was I wanted to ask you! (sleep deprivation affecting brain)

Hi, I haven't read the whole thread, but a friend had a similar problem and went to a craneal osteopath, had huge success. It really really helped. I know this sort of thing is not for everyone, but just thought I'd mention it in case you are interested.

Think you have said that your DS falls asleep in his sling ? Does he sleep for a while in the sling ? Or will he not sleep for long even then ?

Every sympathy, Katierocket; have nothing new to suggest, I'm afraid, since you've already done cranial osteopathy. Baby massage? Or does that sound academic in your current circumstances? The only other thing I'd say is that with hindsight I wish we'd paid someone to come in and help, like a doula, or a part-time nanny - just to offer a bit of respite. No idea if that's an option for you, but may be worth considering.

katie, are you bouncing the amby or swinging it? i found that even if dd went into it screaming her head off, if i bounced it quite vigorously up and down she calmed down and would drop off. sometimes after a longish time (ten-fifteen mins) sometimes less.

i haven't read the whole thread but i take it that you've tried some cranio-sacral by now? i hope things calm down over the next couple of weeks, it's time now...

ah, you have already tried it. oh well, head down, you'll get through it.

Yes he's been to cranial osteopath about 5 times now, think it helped but certainly hasn't been a 'cure'.

TheodoresMummy - he wakes up in the sling too but I can get him to go back to sleep (which I can't in pram/arms etc).

Aitch - I think we're going to give the amby another go this weekend, he does seem to like it but not to go to sleep in, he seems to think it's a toy!

I bounced the amby absolutely wildly up and down- really vigourously- and he would drop off- as he got bigger he learend to bounce himself (did a funny flip). I don't think he was that keen on sleeping during the day though (hard to remember). DS2 was the same- think they both had reflux and they would both sleep for about 10 to 20 mins in the day then wake. With ds3 I ended up using slings and back carriers so he would sleep on me during the day.

katie, what type of dummies are you using??

Someone in my post nantl group said that the cherry shaped ones often work better because they are so big in their mouth they don't fal out as easily.

Worth a go, maybe??

actually...it might have been here that I read that.

Anyway, the flat ones do fall out all the time so it kind of m,akes ssense