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Original poster

Can anyone stop Katierocket from being driven insane by very difficult newborn......please!

188 replies

katierocket · 23/03/2007 07:44

OK so DS1 was a really unsettled baby, had horrendous colic, terrible sleeper blah blah. We tried everything to help but it only really improved as he got older (he's 5 now). Anyway, DS2 (9 weeks) is just as bad (if not worse) and it really is driving me to utter despair (and I don't say that lightly).
He's very unsettled, and is really susceptible to being really easily over stimulated and having screaming fits. I could cope with that but the worse thing is his sleep - he is an absolute nightmare to get to sleep, you have to rock him and rock him, or walk round him in in a sling for ages or put him in the pram and walk for ages (although lately even this isn't working). But the worse thing is that once you've got him asleep he will wake up after a really short time (anywhere between 10 and 30 mins) and so then it all starts again.

Currently he is getting up at 5am in the morning (we're used to this - DS1 did it for 4 and half years) so by 6am he is knackered and screaming house down. I just can't figure out what to do to improve the situation. THings are getting worse not better.

He was diagnosed as having mild reflux and is on medicine for that, he's also been to a cranial osteopath.

if anyone has any suggestions I'd really really appreciate it.

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Original poster
katierocket · 26/03/2007 16:16

and mears - not tried the tummy sleeping yet as he hasn't really been in a deep enough sleep today or yesterday to put him down at all

OP posts:
blueshoes · 26/03/2007 17:28

katie, do you have a rocking chair or one you can borrow? I was thinking that since ds2 likes to be held, you could see if he will breastfeed to sleep with you rocking in the chair. At least it saves you endless walking with the sling. Then try to put him down on tummy ... Needless to say, rocking chair must be next to cot for smoothest/shortest transfer. Apparently, rocking chair was a lifesaver for MIL - dh being nightmare baby.

Sorry to throw out these random suggestions. I know trying different solutions is also stressful in itself

Original poster
katierocket · 26/03/2007 17:30

we do have a rocking chair but it's an IKEA one and a bit rubbish, is a good idea though. Sometimes trying new things actually keeps me sane because at least you think you might find the answer.

I can't believe I've shelled out £150 for one of those amby hammock things - lots of good recommendations on MN and I guess I can always ebay it if it doesn't work. We're going to end up so in debt because of this monster!

OP posts:
katwith3kittens · 26/03/2007 17:39

just hugs from the January girls

mears · 26/03/2007 17:56

He doesn't need to be asleep to put him on his tummy. Once you have fed him put him down on his tummy in the parm (mind you, do you have a pram with a flat mattress?)

Rock the pram back and forward. He may be able to find his thumb better in that position.

mears · 26/03/2007 17:58

scroll down the page on this link to see videos of latching on properly

yogimum · 26/03/2007 18:01

i saw an old episode of The baby whisperer some time ago so sorry this sounds vague. The baby had reflux and she had the baby sleep on a special mattress which was on an incline, came with a seatbelt as it was quite some incline. My ds had terrible colic and we found cranial oestopathy helped and we were advised to have a good bedtime routine starting with a bath with lavender, candles, I even got in the bath with him. We still do it 7 months later (I don't get in the bath anymore.

yogimum · 26/03/2007 18:02

forgot to add that we went to baby massage classes which I also did at bedtime.

Original poster
katierocket · 26/03/2007 20:48

the only thing about the latch on is that is top lip is never pursed out IFYKWIM, the bottom one is but the top one is more 'tight'. Not sure that would be a huge difference to his lack of sleeping though/?!

OP posts:
KickingEasterAngel · 26/03/2007 21:14

katierocket, one of my friends found her ds only slept if lying on his front on top of her, so she spent lots of time reading/watching tv on the sofa, with her ds on top. once he was asleep she could kind of limbo dance from under him & put him in his basket. not sure if that will help but worth a try? at least you'll get to put your feet up for 5 mins!
good luck.

Elasticwoman · 26/03/2007 22:24

I enjoyed baby massage too - but if you go, remember that it may be very hot as the room will be full of naked babies. Yes, that's right, nappies off. There's always one baby or other in the room shrieking so you may not find it v restful at the time, but it does give you strategies for later.

Tinker · 26/03/2007 22:26

katie - I've looked on the NCT website and can't find a link. I'll keep looking, suspect I need to be a memeber. I'll email you asap - still have your address I think.

soph28 · 26/03/2007 22:31

sorry have skim read the thread.

have you tried reading The baby whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Lots of good ideas and advice. I found it great.

Tatat · 27/03/2007 14:17

Someone has mentioned massage, I found that if I timed it right this was like an "off" switch for ds. (Normally between 3 and 4 in the afternoon)

And as for going to sleep in your MIL's arms, a v experienced mum friend told me that you could guarantee a sleeping baby if you got a stranger to hold it and then ignore it. Have passed this nugget on to loads of others because its sooo works! If someone the baby doesn't know brilliantly gives it a nice cuddle but doesn't talk to it, carries on talking to someone else/watching tv etc for some reason calms them all a treat. V Odd.
Good luck, hang in there.

BarbadosMama · 29/03/2007 14:26

I'm with the tummy sleepers. Both my sons (one now aged 4 and the other 3 weeks) have had trouble sleeping (though a bit early to tell with the second one). When I moved to the Caribbean I left the first one in the care of a babysitter one afternoon and came back to find him fast asleep in his cot on his tummy. I was about to protest to her about the dangers etc when I looked more closely and realised this was the first time I had ever seen him so deeply and happily asleep. Same is now happening with his little brother. For both, I bought one of those breath monitoring devices which set off an alarm if they stop breathing to give me a bit of peace of mind (and to be honest to fend off all the people who I thought were going to criticise me for my irresponsibility etc etc). The one I bought this time round cost about 70 quid. I did ask their doctors for advice (one in the UK and one in the Caribbean) and they said some children can breath easier and sleep more easily on their tummies.

cashmeresox · 29/03/2007 15:33

Katierocket, I really feel for you - both my dd and ds had severe reflux, highly sensitive, easily over-stimulated and couldn't find it at all easy to settle. Dd was 16mths when ds arrived - nightmare. Our box of tricks included Ambynest and a fairly structured feeding and sleeping routine (we really liked the 'Secrets of the baby whisperer' book) - fantastic for dd and certainly helped ds, dummies for both until they were a few months old - worked like magic for dd, not at all for ds, co-sleeping, rocking, buggy etc, etc, etc. I think overall the thing that helped both of them was my wilkinet sling which was cheap and could be used anytime and anywhere and meant at least I could try to get on with other things. Usually, very quickly both of them would calm down once in the sling and often sleep. I worried about giving them negative sleep associations but actually in hindsight both of them learnt to sleep in their own bed, for the whole night at 6 months and 9 months respectively - not bad I reckon. I think the wilkinet sling probably helped because it is soft and wrapped around you so is really like being cuddled. I felt a prat wearing it but can't deny it's effectiveness and I never got a bad back and could do housework, walking etc, etc. Apparantly you can breastfeed while wearing it but I never tried, though I bf both my babies till 9months! I don't think I'll ever forget how utterly draining, infuriating, upsetting and miserable it was for me to have such unsettled babies but it does get better. I really relate to that feeling of wishing their babyhood away slightly but I had some really good advice from a retired midwife - that sometimes even little babies don't enjoy this period in their lives and there isn't much you can do to help - certainly I think my ds didn't enjoy his situation as a baby and is the loveliest, jolliest chap now he is a year old. I have now accepted that this was just a difficult time and there are many many good things to come!! I really hope things get a little easier for you - get whatever help you can and try to remember that you are doing your very very best, even if you don't feel like you are!!! There are some brilliant times just around the corner with your little one.

theprecious · 29/03/2007 17:03

Katierocket - if the Amby doesn't work out then you can sell it to me.

Original poster
katierocket · 29/03/2007 17:08

thanks cashmeresox, a lovely post. I always used to say that DS1 didn't like being a baby, I think some people though I was nuts saying that but it definitely seemed true to me. I think DS2 is probably the same.

Carrying DS2 in cradle position in sling has been a godsend to getting some peace during the day - and to him getting some sleep and therefore not getting overtired but not sure what I will do once he's too big to be carried cradle position as he doesn't seem to like the upright position as much.

Amby has arrived today so here's hoping....

OP posts:
Original poster
katierocket · 29/03/2007 17:10

and BarbadosMama - still not tried the tummy sleeping (only because he's just been asleep in sling all the time and I haven't tried for a while to get him out once asleep, since everytime I did he would just wake up immediately) but think I will give it a go.

OP posts:
boysontoast · 29/03/2007 19:36

hiya.
read your op and wanted to share the secret of my sanity in the first 5 months of ds3's life (and i dont say that lightly either

afraid i dont have time/energy to read the thread as im not getting much sleep myself! (my dc are 1, 2 and 3 now) so aplogies if repeating or unhelpful but...

this was an absolute miracle in our house i used it in the day; fed him and put him down in here and switched it on... didnt hear from him for another 4 hours. was BLISS. didnt use it at night, but at least i was less knackered from the day so could cope with nightime better.

btw, this could be a good substitute, but beware, i used other kinds of swing seat and none were anywhere near as effective

and ive heard that these are really good for getting restless babies to sleep

tho mine all slept in the bed with me for the first bunch of months at least as was feeding all night (tis a good point - can you bf laying down? is a wonderful skill!)

tartanchatterbox · 29/03/2007 23:50

hi there - my first was a nightmare - I had too much milk and the baby couldn't get satisfied even though she fell off the breast with milk falling out of her mouth. Problem was that I had tooo much foremilk and not enough fattty milk (hindmilk) that kept her going. So she'd feed every 2 hours until she was 6 months
It caused her to be sick alot but not diagnosed as reflux. She had a dummy after imy midwife suggested it!
I had to cut back on fluids and eat foods that boosted my milk supply (the quality of it). I also had 4 ounces of milk leak off one side while I fed the other!
I also used to warm the bed with a microwave beany bag so when I put her down, she didn't lose body heat or my warmth (DON'T leave it there!)
And with my other three, I gave in completely they slept in a baby chair in the cot until they were 3 months swaddled in a sleeping bag and knit jumper (scottish winters!).
I put them flat during the day and tried to keep them awake for a few hours at a time during the day with am and pm naps.
If they were crying and I was stressed I left the room and let them cry until I calmed down enough to deal with it.
Hubby also took over if I'd been up more than an hour and slept awy from the baby to get a good sleep.

Spaghetti · 30/03/2007 10:20

I haven't had a chance ot read all threads, so apologies if this has already been suggested.

"The Happiest Baby" book by Harvey Karp (I think that's his name) was invaluable for us. Even basic swaddling really helped our DS settle faster, but when we combined it with some brisk rocking, white noise and the rest of his technique, it was like magic.

When putting DS to sleep we used to swaddle him quite snugly, turn the radio onto static and quite loud at first (though we would gradually reduce the volume over the next few hours so that by the time we went to bed it was quiet enough to turn off) and give him a dummy and he went off like a dream. I didn't discover this book until DS was 5 or 6 weeks but will be using the same technique with my next baby (due June) from birth.

stars2love · 30/03/2007 11:33

Hi Katie

I nkow this is a week later after you posted the thread and I haven't had a chance to read through everything so apologies if the following has been suggested already

Reflux results in acid also coming up which burns the throat. SO lying down is not nice. I prop my little one's cot up on the head end with thick books (like yellow pages) making sure it is safe and secure.

If he was very unsettled, sitting on a gym ball (can get one cheaply from Argos for under a tenner) and swaying on it or very gentle bouncing helped to settle him. Too much rocking can be overstimulating for little ones resulting in them ending up crying even more (maybe there is always the exception to this...)

if the gym ball doesn't work, then you can use it for som exercises ...

But back to baby:

swaddling may help some and frustrate others. But the idea of having that deep sensation of warmth and pressure is important. SO you could try gently using your palms of your hands to apply some pressure to his arms and legs whilst he was lying down (head end propped up). Just keep it slow and gently firm and use a soothing voice.

ANd if it gets too much, get out the room for 5 minutes break!

ALl the best

Enid · 30/03/2007 11:35

how is the Amby?

put him on his tummy (not in amby though)

cashmeresox · 30/03/2007 13:32

Hi Katierocket,

Hope you may be having a better day today - isn't the Amby a lovely looking thing? I really hope it helps. Will be thinking of you and remembering my own struggle to maintain some sanity!!!