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Original poster

Can anyone stop Katierocket from being driven insane by very difficult newborn......please!

188 replies

katierocket · 23/03/2007 07:44

OK so DS1 was a really unsettled baby, had horrendous colic, terrible sleeper blah blah. We tried everything to help but it only really improved as he got older (he's 5 now). Anyway, DS2 (9 weeks) is just as bad (if not worse) and it really is driving me to utter despair (and I don't say that lightly).
He's very unsettled, and is really susceptible to being really easily over stimulated and having screaming fits. I could cope with that but the worse thing is his sleep - he is an absolute nightmare to get to sleep, you have to rock him and rock him, or walk round him in in a sling for ages or put him in the pram and walk for ages (although lately even this isn't working). But the worse thing is that once you've got him asleep he will wake up after a really short time (anywhere between 10 and 30 mins) and so then it all starts again.

Currently he is getting up at 5am in the morning (we're used to this - DS1 did it for 4 and half years) so by 6am he is knackered and screaming house down. I just can't figure out what to do to improve the situation. THings are getting worse not better.

He was diagnosed as having mild reflux and is on medicine for that, he's also been to a cranial osteopath.

if anyone has any suggestions I'd really really appreciate it.

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Traycee · 23/03/2007 09:06

\link{ttp://www.amby.co.uk/try again!}

Traycee · 23/03/2007 09:07

oh FGS

Original poster
katierocket · 23/03/2007 09:07

I just didn't believe it would blueshoes and you rarely meet mums who have had two diificult babies.
"Do you think it is reflux/colic or just their sensitive temperament? Out of curiosity, do you see aspects of ds1's character now that he is older which could have contributed to his demanding babyhood?"

I kind of hoped and still do hope, that it's something that can be 'fixed' but honestly I thinkk it's his temperament. DS1 is delightful, bright, loving, sociable but he will still fight sleep to the bitter end, still gets up early and he is fairly sensitive.

OP posts:
Traycee · 23/03/2007 09:08

ds3 had reflux by the way - so wouldn;t go down flat, hence the difficulty in settling him. The amby props them up a bit so they will go on their backs.

Original poster
katierocket · 23/03/2007 09:08

looks interesting Traycee

OP posts:
Traycee · 23/03/2007 09:09

it's bloody marvellous- if you lived near me you could borrow mine to try.....

blueshoes · 23/03/2007 09:15

"He just doesn't seem to have an 'off' switch and finds it incredibly difficult to let go." - omg, that sounds just like both of mine!

Katie, you seem to have tried all the methods: sling, nursing lying down, buggy ... you just have to go with what works for now. And don't be afraid to go back to the old methods that used to work but no more, because I find that things change when they get older. This unpredictability is a double-edged sword - you cannot rely on the same thing working all the time, but then new options open up as they develop.

For my ds (6 months), the buggy still works, but only if there is also white noise, and not in a noisy environment like Bluewater mall. And once he is asleep, will be awake in minutes unless I keep moving (not just rocking). My feet are in bits, hold together only with shoes. The sling used to work to get ds to sleep but not anymore. Now that he is 6 months, the sling is good when he is awake because he likes to look around - keeps him calm.

Nighttime, it means co-sleeping. Dd (3.5) still co-sleeps but sleeps like a dream now.

Have you read Mary Sheedy Kurcinka - the Spirited Child? She has good insight into the sensitive child.

Kif · 23/03/2007 09:15

{hugs}

I bet he'll grow up into a lovely, kind, thoughtful man who'll always send you a big bunch of flowers on Mothers day, and will treat you to fancy lunches in town.

[apparently my dh was like this - literally didn't sleep. The hoover was the only thing that helped. It is in family folklore that his dad narrowly stopped his mum chucking him out the window cos he wouldn't stop screaming .

He is indeed very sensitive - but in a grown man it's made him into a lovely dh/daddy and super close and thoughtful to his family.

He also turned out to be the family brainbox. They went to a paed when he was speech delayed - and the paed predicted that his pattern of 'problems' might actually indicate that he'd be very bright. ]

As to the here and now - try to take care of yourself, and try to communicate with your dh. Try keeping radio on all day to 'dilute' the noise, and make you feel less isolated. I also love my swing. I feel much less guilty with the swing vs. putting him down when he's upset - because it does substatially the samed job as I do (i.e. rock). The upright position will akso help the reflux.

Laura032004 · 23/03/2007 09:17

"Also, ranitidine dosage needs to be changed every time baby gains around 1lb in weight so keep an eye on it and it takes a good week to work"

If you know your DS's weight, just ask the pharmacist the appropriate dose. We got prescribed the minimum dose for DS's weight, with the option to give up to double that dose as required.

zippitippitoes · 23/03/2007 09:18

yes I think it can be part of someone's make up

blueshoes · 23/03/2007 09:21

Katie, your dd1's personality sounds just like my dd! She is a real delight now, if a bit whiny. We will get through this!

Do try the amby baby. I did with dd and she thought it was a great toy for 5 mins, before screaming her head off to get out. But you never know with ds2 ...

Have you tried a mechanical swing? Worked with dd (for a bit) but not ds. I am happy to let you have mine. I am in SE London.

blueshoes · 23/03/2007 09:25

Kif, your dh sounds just like mine, and he is the original high needs baby in the family (as my MIL won't let him forget), from whom my ds and dd's nature flowed. My dh is sweet and kind, and also the brains in the family. Still a light sleeper though

hippmummy · 23/03/2007 09:25

Hi katie - we had same with our DS1 - much sympathy to you.
I don't know if anyone can help with this but I saw a man on Richard and Judy once, who did this amazing thing with small babies like yours which involved swaddling them and shushing into their ear (apparantly it sounds like the sound of blood rushing in the womb) and soothes them instantly. Problem is, I've no further details, and not even sure if it made them sleep longer when you put them down.

Sorry for the vagueness - hope someone can fill in some more details x

Tamum · 23/03/2007 09:35

katierocket, I have no practical advice (though the Amby and Nintendo combination sounds like a good one, as does the sling/white noise), but just wanted to send my sympathies. It sounds so, so tough- I went through similar with ds so I know how hard it is. We got one of those bedside cots in the end and that helped, but ds was about 9 months by then. I really hope you find something that helps.
xxxx

Original poster
katierocket · 23/03/2007 09:41

yes the pram used to work but you iterally had to work for 2 hours with him in it, then he woke up if you even stopped for a minute and now he wakes up even when you're still moving.

All your stories of similar children are reassuring and it helps to know that I'm not alone, I so rarely meet people in RL that have had children like this. Thankfully my oldest brother was so my mum understands perfectly. Without her help I think I would have gone under by now.

DS1 was an absolute nightmare and is now a delight but I'm also worried about the strain another baby like this will put on my relationship with DP.

OP posts:
Original poster
katierocket · 23/03/2007 09:44

I do like the look of the Amby but it is so expensive and if it doesn't work...
DS1 hated hated his mechnical swing, he just thrashed about in it.

I agree that you just have to keep trying things and that what works one day might not work the next. I am so so tired though.

I think we may have to get nintendo for DS1, he's been such a star, especially considering this screaming ball of fury and arrived in his house and taken away all of mummy's attention.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 23/03/2007 09:44

I think you need to build into your life as much as slack as you can so that stress is reduced

you have a time consuming and mentally draining parenting job for the next few months so what you can rejig about your life to make things easier is the priority

and if you feel you need it get help

Original poster
katierocket · 23/03/2007 09:45

that should be "...screaming ball of fury has arrived..."

thanks for your thoughts tamum

OP posts:
Original poster
katierocket · 23/03/2007 09:46

yes I guess you're right zippi - i have days when I think I'm Ok and accepting of it all and just need to get on with it but still those black days when I just wish he was easier and more like other settled babies.

OP posts:
Original poster
katierocket · 23/03/2007 09:55

and you know it doesnt' help when some stupid idiot of a mother at DS1's school says maybe the reason he doesn't like pram is because he's been "spoiled" by the sling - FFS.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 23/03/2007 09:56

take no notice

LunarSea · 23/03/2007 10:01

Katie - have you got/could you borrow an electric baby swing? It was the only thing, short of lots of rocking or a drive in the car which ever worked with ds. He'd happily sleep in it too - not ideal in a perfect world, but better than not sleeping at all.

GreenandBlackOtter · 23/03/2007 10:03

yeah those swings!! Saved my sanity!

Original poster
katierocket · 23/03/2007 10:05

I might try and borrow one but DS1 hated hated his mechnical swing, he just thrashed about in it. I know DS2 is different baby and you have to try everything but he seems to be want to be held rather than need the motion per se IFYKWIM, it's like he needs your help to help him switch off. Actually with DS1 the mechanical swing made him more frantic.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 23/03/2007 10:05

don't expect mothers of easy babies to understand. I never ask for advice in RL because the answer is laughable, like put them down to sleep awake with noise, so that they don't get used to being rocked/quiet

I'm fed up of being a slave to ds' needs as well, but just keep telling myself that for us, things get better as toddlers ... one foot in front of the other for now ...