Smacking! At what age do people thinking it's appropriate

[AlanasMum]

I was at coffee morning the other day and my 15m dd was playing up a little. Another mum commented and said wow I bet she gets a lot of smacks. I must have looked a bit shocked as it hadn't occured to me to smack dd before.

I've always been on the fence on this subject and figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Which appears to be coming quicker than I anticipated.

lol dooodledootoo

When you believe something is inherently wrong you wont be swayed by others telling you differently. I will never agree that smacking is okay so you post till the cows come home and not change my mind

sorry meant you could post until etc

Neither do I.
Anyway the law for now will do and if any of you break it you commit a criminal offence but let's hope we can get it changed so it's more consistent with other countries which did it better than the typical British fudge.

Absolutely nothing. What I am saying is that Xenia can sometimes be a little hard on other parents for not being 100% perfect. I'm sure my kids wouldn't wind me up so much if someone else was looking after them. I am not having ago at people who have nannies etc I was just trying to show we all do things differently.

matildax, perhaps you would be kind enough to point out where you have accepted arguments that are not your own?

Hercules I assume the Xenia nanny point is a rather tiresome dig at Xenia's children being harmed by being looked after by a nanny.

Perhaps those of us you use nannies should all stay at home and hit the children instead

The question of objective rights and wrongs is even more important though surely? There are things that are just objective right. It's wrong to cut off a little girls' clitoris even if 80% of Somalia girls still have FMG to this day. It's not acceptable as a cultural norm nor is beating children etc etc. I have no problems saying certain things are right and some are wrong. Obviously loads of other things like should children learn the piano or speak French are more a matter of personal taste.

It's only by parents standing up and making their views known that we got corporal punishments with implements banned in schools etc. It's important parents do have views on these kinds of issues.

Aboslutely nothing wrong, Hercules1. I think hwat Matildax was getting at was that some people might think that handing over the children to the nanny to raise (I'm not saying that is what Xenia did) might be more damaging than the odd smack.

But I would also acknowledge that two wrongs don't make a right!

Oh I see. THat must include me then as I work...

But I have considered and included others' opinions in my posts matildax. I've said that a parent who loses his/her temper and smacks in anger, then feels mortified isn't "an abuser" IMO although the smack itself is still an assault. It's wrong but understandable, just like screaming and shouting in anger(which I have done, and hated myself for it). I've also empathised with that anger and described how my own children make me angry, and how I have myself experienced the impulse to smack because of my own upbringing. I resisted that impulse because I had decided that it was wrong to smack.

It's a bit unreasonable to say that I am inflexible and intolerant of others' opinions just because I haven't changed my fundamental position, which is that hitting children is always wrong, and that hitting children to administer pain in a calm, planned manner is abusive IMO. You haven't changed your basic stance during the course of this thread either, have you?

It seems to me that you (not only you, of course) are having more difficulty coping with being disagreed with and remaining civil than I am.

What a strange post if that's what she meant. DOnt most women work? I know I cant afford not to.

oh ffs don't you see I am not having ago at people who work? I am just saying live your live how you want and try not to judge so much.

soapbox i have no idea what you mean by that.... if you look back over my posts you will see that i am aware that smacking is wrong, but have suggested that individuals take a look at the bigger picture before judging and condemning anothers actions.

Unlike you of course

unlike me what?????????

That was to Wildwoman - xposts

Ok I have re read my post re nannies. Hands up it came out harsher than I meant. Sorry Xenia I honestly wasn't having a go at parents who work.

Matildax - the point I was making is that you ahve not changed your position either - so to berate Greensleeves for not doing so is rather disingeneous of you!

oh how wrong you are soapbox i have said with hindsight it was not the best approach, perhaps a quick re read would be in order.... just a thought.

Greenshoots - 'I don't acccept the word "tap" as a description of a smack administered to a child in the circumstances. If it was a painless tap it would be utterly pointless and would not yield the disciplinary success parents like clumsymum and kittywits rave aboutes. Smacking hurts. And hurting children on purpose is wrong.'

But a 'tap' doesn't hurt - it humiliates... and that's what I felt was wrong about smacking my children and why I stopped doing it.

I'm still waiting for a 'smacker' to explain how they deal with extreme behaviour from a visiting child without resorting to hitting them. Because whatever it is... that's how you should discipline your own children, too.

Sit them down, talk to them, put them on the 'naughty step' or send them to their bedroom if you have to, but your life and theirs will be far less confrontational if you don't smack. Trust me... you're learning from my mistakes

be back later have children to care for....

The choice is not between time out and smacking. Yes I agree all forms of punishments are experienced as humiliating. Some of us try not to use punishments as our routine method of discipline. Your accepted norms are not the same for every parent.

Fio - mystery solved

I was trying to work out who it was!

I'm off to make the trek home now but will be on later once the children are in bed, so will catch up with you then