Smacking! At what age do people thinking it's appropriate

[AlanasMum]

I was at coffee morning the other day and my 15m dd was playing up a little. Another mum commented and said wow I bet she gets a lot of smacks. I must have looked a bit shocked as it hadn't occured to me to smack dd before.

I've always been on the fence on this subject and figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Which appears to be coming quicker than I anticipated.

so greenshoots to hit out in anger and then to regret it is excusable..... i think not. personally, how can anyone justify that. the child has still been hit in an angry fashion.Would a toddler understand it was not meant????? I have been extremely civil throughout my posts to you and others but find your attitude, originally to singingmummy rather hard to deal with.

right i must go, i will be back later, so feel free to have a go if the need takes you!! i will reply in due course.

FrannyandZooey - I put 'talk to them' first on the list. Isn't that how we end up resolving disputes as adults? That's what most disciplinary problems boil down to - the children behaving in a way that is unacceptable, so reason needs to prevail. They need to understand why their behaviour is unacceptable, which is best acheived by asking them why they acted that way and how they could have done things differently. A swift smack resolves the issue more quickly but does nothing to make the child understand their own behaviour.

lol matildax, what I have actually said - repeatedly - is that to hit a child is always wrong and always abusive. However I find it easier to understand a parent having seen red, smacked, and then felt terrible and apologised and resolved not to do it again. To my mind a parent who decides quite calmly that the right thing to do in a given situation is to raise a hand and hit the child, quite calmly and with the intention of causing pain/humiliation in order to punish or modify behaviour - that's worse, yes.

Would you kick the dog?

(to all of you pro smackers)

Would you hit a dog?

...and someone please tell me - why don't you hit other people's children?

Ok - I know the answer - it's because you're scared of the consequences

Yes bullies only pick on people who cant fight back.

Cowards come and smack me see if I take it!

There are only two scenarios in our society in which it's legally acceptable to strike another human being.

1. in a boxing ring

2. when a parent decides to hit a child

Shameful, IMO.

Someone will be on in a minute to say what I used to tell myself...'It's ok to smack your own children because it's delivered in a loving context...'

I was wrong to think that and so are you

For those that think that it is very straightforward to put things out of reach of all children, or that simple restraint works. May I introduce you to my DS, Houdini.

Please can I send him to one of you for a few weeks so you can discuss with him why he shouldnt climb up or in every single thing in sight, and want to touch everything - again and again - even if it hurt the first time. Should you require verification, please feel free to speak to Hunker or LGJ.

Thank you very much.

P.S. he is 23 months. Oh, and he doesnt sleep much. Maybe you can fix that too?

VeniVidiVickiQV - do you hit him when he won't go to sleep, then?

No, I place a pillow over his face. Is that wrong too then? Its not hitting him, is it...?

Just give him a good stinging slap on his hand VVV. It's the answer to everything, apparently.

But, I figure, if someone is going to take him from me for a few weeks, then, they ought to have a rough idea of what they were letting themselves in for.

Seriously, any takers?

Seriously Greeny, please, take him.

I've got one of those, thanks. I caught him transferring the contents of the vegetable rack into the washing machine earlier And no, I didn't clout him and lock him in his room .

Obviously he'll be in prison before he reaches 18.

All children are born innocent a blank canvas its us parents who make them act and behave in the manner they do, its not the childs fault.

Veni you have just described a normal toddler.

On reflection Vicki, we've got room for a little one Can you deliver or shall I send a cab?

VVV...2 year olds are frustrating - you have my sympathy. I hit mine when they were 2 - it didn't do me or them any good - quite the reverse.

Presumably he is still climbing up everything, so smacking hasn't worked for you either, has it?

When he is 15 and stays out too long with his mates you can smack him and he'll hit you back. You need to find a better way, and the sooner you do it , the sooner you will reduce the confrontational situations.

Parenting guru that I am... just take him down, say 'NO - hurt' or whatever he will understand.

You will be instilling discipline in a way that doesn't lead to further upset any more than necessary.

If Greeny opts out I have a spare room too

And I agree with Hillary - your son sounds perfectly normal to me

fortyplus FWIW you sound like a lovely mum. Although we don't agree on everything.

OH he understands full well that something will hurt.

Clearly he has a sick sense of fun because he laughs and continues to do it.

I dont smack him very often at all. I have had a toddler before - I have DD who is 4. So I am aware of how they can be. DS is at the extreme end. He doesnt have tantrums - everything he does is cool, calm and calculated. I kid you not.

Who lives furthest from London?