Smacking! At what age do people thinking it's appropriate

[AlanasMum]

I was at coffee morning the other day and my 15m dd was playing up a little. Another mum commented and said wow I bet she gets a lot of smacks. I must have looked a bit shocked as it hadn't occured to me to smack dd before.

I've always been on the fence on this subject and figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Which appears to be coming quicker than I anticipated.

Yes, that's another one. A "rap on the hand". PMSL.

Obviously you don't like being told that hitting children is wrong. But that's just tough, I'm afraid. If you want a break - switch your PC off.

Interesting first post, Doodledootoo

Greenshoots when is a tap a blow ffs
you are just being over dramatic.

Clipped my 20 year old DD round the ear at Xmas for popping out the F word in conversation.

A tap is a blow when its purpose is to cause pain to a child. It's not difficult, this. And "you're overdramatising" is a pretty standard accusation from someone who hits people smaller than themselves and uses words like "tap" to make it seem acceptable.

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I don't think it is your place to tell others how many times they can post, is it?

It certainly is an interesting debut for a new member though.

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why do you make assumptions that i smack

I didn't say that you smacked

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Yes, you've told me what you think of me. Do you feel better now?

I don't think I referred to any law or rule governing debut posts. I observed that yours was interesting. Which it was, briefly.

I disagree with your first point though - as a member of MN it is my place to post at will, and to express my opinion as freely and as frequently as I choose. If you've detected a breach of any rule or etiquette, there's a little red exclamation mark to the right of each post which allows you to register a complaint. Failing that, I'm afraid you'll just have to put up with me.

and everyone else has there own right to freely exercise there opinions.
a tap is not a blow oh and btw a tap on the hand would not give a child pain.

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Yes j3, I think I said something similar earlier. A tap wouldn't cause pain. Which is why the word "tap" doesn't adequately describe the blow singingmum described giving her son before asking him to confirm that she had succeeded in hurting him.

J3 you say "a tap is not a blow oh and btw a tap on the hand would not give a child pain." and I imagine a sort of 'tap' - like tapping my keyboard. (And think, 'so the point is?')

But earlier, SinginMum, talking about smacking her children (smacking being the word she first used) then says
"I used a tap on the hand to make the point that certain things cause pain ". So this 'tap' is painful, then? And if it's painful, it isn't really like me tapping my keyboard, is it? And if the popint is to make your child wish they hadn't done it, wouldn't it need to hurt or at least be uncomfirtable?

This is why words like 'tap' seem euphemistic, at best.

X-posted with Greenshoots after slow typing and looking for the qouote.

Not read the whole thread.
IMO smacking demonstrates that the 'smacker' has lost control of their own behaviour, and the 'smackee' learns little - except to be scared of repeating whatever they did in case they get smacked again.
Children need to be free to make choices about their behaviour. They need to learn to behave appropriately because then they will receive positive responses from those around them.
It is no help to refrain from doing something just because you are scared that you might get smacked for doing it.
What then happens when the person who smacks you isn't there?

This is normally a "parp" subject for me - as it probably is for many mums (and I know I am nor alone) - as I will get lynched for what I relate of my own experince and beliefs, but I am going to do so in support of Matildax, Singingmum and Margo1974.

I have smacked ds, not in anger - and feel no guilt in having done so.

Now to clarify: by "smack", I define that as a tap, yes, a tap on the hand. it didn't leave a mark (I've tested just now on myself) and its purpose was not to hurt (which it didn't) but to shock - which it did - and so stopped the behaviour that occasioned it. I did it fewer than 5 times in total - and I can't even remember waht they were for as they were so rare and it was so long ago, as ds is now 6. I was also always very consciouos of not even thinking of doing it if I were angry. These events happened when he was around 2 and wasn't amenable to being reasoned with and on occasion, a short sharp shock was the most appropriate course of action - the quickest way to move beyond some impasse and get on with doing something else more enjoyable. I didn't have to "up the ante" as I didn't use it in those sorts of circumstances.

by the same token, in situations of danger, I also beleive it can be the approproaite course of action. yes, I agree with Xenia that lifting a child out of the danger would be the best course of action - but yuo may not have a free hand to do so and if speed is required, the smack and resultant shock might be the quickest.

At the same age (it all fades in the memory! ;)) we did also use "time outs" (and still do) - sending him out to the hallway. I can assure you that those occasions were far more distressing at the time to ds that the few smacks he was given.

Ds is now 6 and for a number of years this has not been - and will not be - a course of action that I would use, as I can now reason with him and have other forms of sanction available to me (althuogh I have to admit, when I was shouting at him this morning when he was refusing to get dressed at the swiming pool, my patience was being tired...... ) (he's normally soooooo well behaved! )

If I had been able to have another child, I would probably still use the same strategies.

have not read all of greens posts but thats uncalled for

I'v just logged back on to MN to find this.

ReluctantPubCleaner you have personnaly attacked Greeny and its not called for you are all entitled to your views.

I have reported your response to MN.

That was discusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.

what she said, what i said.
we are grown women ffs.

ReluctantPubCleaner just needs a short sharp slap

...or a tap?