Smacking! At what age do people thinking it's appropriate

[AlanasMum]

I was at coffee morning the other day and my 15m dd was playing up a little. Another mum commented and said wow I bet she gets a lot of smacks. I must have looked a bit shocked as it hadn't occured to me to smack dd before.

I've always been on the fence on this subject and figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Which appears to be coming quicker than I anticipated.

yes i think its wrong to smack your child, however i have sat and read through this thread, and think that singingmum has been given a hard time for basically nothing. imo she was not saying it is right to smack, yet a few of you are condemning her actions,in trying to prevent more serious harm coming to her children,by proving a point that things are dangerous and can hurt.I think in all honesty i would do exactly the same, that is NOT abuse it is teaching the child.

matildax, what is wrong with moving your child or telling them rather than hitting?

Hello matildax, I think that's me you're referring to

My disgust with singingmum was a reaction to

a)her being basically quite happy about having smacked her children and her conviction that it was the right thing to do, rather than being something that happened in anger and was regretted later

b)her having smacked her child with the intention of causing pain - the point she was making to her child wouldn't have been made unless the smack had actually hurt him - and then asked the child whether or not it had hurt him, which IMO is cruel, humiliating and weird

Do you have an intelligent, reasoned response you'd like to make?

Yes, well that's my point. Loads of people say smacking is fine if it stops the child running out on to the road or touching an iron. Surely it's safer just to pull the child off.

I certainly wouldn't want people not to touch their children and I'm sure I've pull them up or pulled on their socks more roughly that is desirable from time to time,. In fact my second one says I have a reputation of hurting whilst dressing children. Child abuse by sock pulling according to her... I think she was joking. She's 20 now.

never

im busy playing with my dc at the moment i will post again in due course...........

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The only real reason is that you have lost it yourself and are lashing out in frustration at someone who can't really retaliate.Harsh but true any other reason is not a reason it is an excuse

ok, in all fairness to singingmum i really dont think she was happy to smack her kids,she imo was just teaching by example.In a unflustered calm state i would hope that i would explain the dangers of their actions or like you said move them out the way, but we are not all perfect and every parent will make mistakes. Hitting in anger and then regretting it is hitting all the same, and worse than trying to get a child to understand that their actions would have caused them much greater harm. It is easier to explain to an older child and to reason with them than it is to a small toddler who is exploring his world and has no concept of rational thought.

I don't like smacking and very much agree with motherinferior.

I know I have a bit of a temper and dd (3) sometimes absolutely infuriates me, I always hate myself if I snap and shout at her. If I smacked her too I think I'd want to cry.

I have a temper too and my children can make me homicidal with rage. Especially ds1, poor little thing. I feel horrible when I snap at them and I always feel the need to apologise for being grumpy. Violence was very normal in our family when I was a child, so I DO get that awful impulse to smack, and I repress it because it horrifies me. Which is why I think less of people who smack their children because they can't control themselves when they are angry. That sort of smacking is no different from a child lashing out and hitting a sibling or a man slapping his wife - it's unforgiveable IMO. You can't just hit people because they make you angry. Especially people who are smaller than you, and whose welfare is your responsibility. If you hit a dog in anger you'd be reported for cruelty FGS.

When it comes to parents who smack calmly and in a controlled, calculated way, don't regret it, don't see why it's wrong - well, frankly it makes me feel ill. And asking the child "Did that hurt?" - words fail me. Disgusting.

greenshoots, i could be wrong here but i really believe that singingmummy wasnt being sadistic or not in control of her actions when she asked if her "smack" hurt her dc, she was merely stating that if they had carried on with what they were going to do that they would have hurt themselves alot more.Ok it is not ideal,by any stretch of the word, but her intentions were good, she wasnt being abusive,she wasnt smacking cos her kids were annoying her she was trying to get a point across.I am not saying that i agree with her methods however to condemn her for them seems ridiculous, ..... just a thought.

I understood singingmum's posts, thanks matildax. I don't however accept that her actions are acceptable because she used a smack to teach her child what pain felt like, for his own good . It's twisted IMO to hit a child and then say "Did that hurt?", whatever you think you're achieving by doing it. And obviously the rest of us manage to keep our children out of harm's way without deliberately hurting them to make a point.

Agree with Greeny - cannot understand smacking children as a calculated event. As for "Did that hurt?" [vomit]

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Motherinferior's post is still my favourite:
'God my kids drive me up the wall sometimes. I cannot allow myself to add smacking to shouting'. Says it all for me.

shouting can be just as upsetting to a child. mental torture can be as damaging as physical abuse. i am not condoning smacking as a rule but in this instance i fail to see the need to criticize.

I don't know why people feel the need to deflect away from smacking to say "well, mental abuse is bad"..of course it is, but it's not what we're talking about! And the fact that it is bad does not take away one tiny bit from the fact that hitting is wrong as a policy of 'discipline'.

I know mental torture can be as bad as physical abuse. I hate the fact I shout, and I do try (usually) not to. But if I smacked as well they'd get both. Which would be doubly unfair.

IMO it is physical abuse; not appropriate at any age

imo to hit in anger and then regret it, is neither here nor there to the child who you have lashed out at, and i personally think that it is far more damaging than an occasional tap to prevent greater harm from occurring. I am also well aware that the topic was about smacking and not the damage that can be done by shouting at your children i was merely making a comparison.

have not read any of the thread yet but in answer to op...

no age is EVER apprpriate imo.

God it irritates me when parents use these euphemisms to make hitting a child sound more acceptable "a tap" "a light smack" "the odd smack" etc. It's a blow. An act of violence. You're hitting a little child, because they're not submitting to your will. It's bullying, it's pathetic, and it's virtually illegal now, thank God.

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