Feeling low.. regretting having a baby. :(

[two46oh1]

My 4 month old has screamed hysterically since the day he was born. Call me naieve but I honestly never thought having a baby could be so hard. I was prepared for the first few weeks being incredibly difficult with the frequent feeds and lack of sleep but from day one I knew something wasn't right as he just screamed and screamed. HV told me he was just colicky and that he'll grow out of it by 3 months, Paediatrician told me he has reflux and put him on ranitidine and aptamil pepti.
4 months later and he still screams hysterically - before bottle when he's hungry and after bottle for hours and hours until he falls asleep out of exhaustion. Some days he's a little better and can lie on his play mat for a few minutes but inevitably it always ends up in screaming. I have tried all the reflux tips, tried feeding him more, less, closer together, further apart, all forms of distraction/ entertainment to no avail!
I've ended up using a dummy pretty much all day and all night long just to keep my sanity but my mum keeps coming round and telling me how I shouldn't be getting him to rely on it and now I just feel like I'm failing at being a mum. No matter what I try I can't seem to make him happy. He still hasn't started sleeping longer than 2 hours at night so I'm seriously sleep deprived. I have anxiety attacks almost every day where I feel like I can't breathe, my nerves feel constantly on edge especially when I hear him crying. I end up crying myself most days.
Apart from my mum who comes round for a couple of hours a week I dont have any other friends or family who can help me.
My partner doesn't have the patience to cope with the screaming and works so won't do night feeds.
I feel so jealous of other mums who have peaceful and content babies and can enjoy their time with them and enjoy being a mum. I wanted so badly to enjoy this and get a sense of satisfaction out of being a mum but I am hating it so far and am so miserable. Some days I even find myself regretting having him and then I feel so guilty and ashamed for feeling this way.
I just want things to get a little bit easier.
Does anyone have any experience or stories of things improving or getting easier with their babies and at what age?
Im currently hiding in my bathroom with the fan on just to get 5 minutes silence. I'm really at the end of my tether and just don't know what to do.

The important part for reflux is to keep them as upright as possible. The fisher price thing saved me. I lots of walks were good with them in a parent facing stroller, not lying flat.

When you are outside and they scream, the sound keeps travelling so it isn't as bad for you to listen to.

Please go and see the GP asap though. This isn't normal and your DS needs to be looked at for allergies and further issues.

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. I think I will go back to the doctor and push for the Neocate milk as this has been suggested by doctors in A&E but my own GP and HV are reluctant to prescribe it due to cost. I also think I do have PND so will go about that too as I've been feeling so awful pretty much since day one and think I'm really going to have to get some help with it. But hearing these replies has reminded me that it's not going to be forever so that's given me some hope at least.

I don't know if it will be any good if nothing else has worked but have you tried Carobel for reflux?

My daughter had reflex, I took her to a&e when she was about one month old & I was prescribed infant gaviscon. Worked perfectly,aswell as keeping her upright. Give him the dummy if it works. I agree with going back to GP. Sending hugs, I know how hard it can be.

Definitely push for neocate if it's been suggested. It took my LG neocate and omeprazole to help with her severe silent reflux. Push as much as you need to until someone listens to you, this is what we had to do. My saviour before we got her sorted was a battery operated swing chair, she used to settle in it long enough for me to have a wee or some lunch!

You are doing fantastically well OP! Give yourself a big pat on the back! Definitely use the dummy - ignore your mum. It's whatever works at this age... You need to find what works for you and your baby. My friend's baby screamed a lot but it stopped when her baby started sitting up. Have you tried tipping up the end of the Moses basket? Thinking of you. Hugs xx

Oh and I second the battery operated swing chair! My boy used to sleep for up to 3 hours in there and it can be very soothing to them. They cost about £250 new but we got ours on eBay for about £40 x

Omeprazole was much more effective than ranitidine for my DS2 so you could ask about that if ranitidine doesn't seem to be helping. You have ALL my sympathy though. I almost lost my mind totally dealing with a refluxer and we had a toddler with autism at the time too. But it did pass eventually. Hang in there :)

Hope you get on ok at the GP.

My son has nasty reflux (he's 6 months now). Things that really help us- as much upright time as possible: having him in the carrier instead of the pram, having the pram on an incline so he doesn't lay flat, wedging one end of his cot up (you can also buy wedges). Dummies also help relieve reflux, so ignore your mum.

I hope things improve for you soon.

We had a baby like that

I had PND and two 2 combined were a living hell. And I didn't have a useless partner and an unsupportive mum. You must be on yr knees you poor thing.

Definitely see the doctor again. Fight for help for the both of you. Take a print out of your OP if you are struggling. I ended up on setraline. It changed my life. Baby was omprazole. That helped too.

It is so,so hard but as pp have said. It doesn't last. Mine is now 7. And I'm very open with people that the baby stage is fucking awful for some of us. This happy mummy bullshit can be quite damaging.

You've had some great advice here, as well as the doctor, your partner needs to step up. My DH worked, we still did shifts so we both got sleep. The only thing I think hasn't been suggested that worked well for the reflux was propping the head of the cot/ basket up on a couple of books. Never lie them flat.

Oh and your mum is wrong about dummies. Our baby was in special care for a few weeks ( prem) and the staff there were very pro dummy. We did try to get her to take one but she hated it.

Sounds like a milk allergy. I would push for neocate and use the dummies as much as you can. I did! Fab things! Saved my sanity on lots of occasions!
Remember that milk protein takes 2 weeks to leave their system so don't worry if it doesn't produce instant results but still persevere

Oh god - I had one of those. It's awful isn't it... Keep using whatever works, and you're lucky the dummy does (didn't for us). Keep your expectations low. Mine didn't stop screaming for 14 months. Doctors, cranial osteopath, coiled etc etc didn't work. Time will sort it. BUT sort your husband out. Hang on in there.

Hugs, OP. I am glad to hear you are going back to the GP and I second the suggestion of sticking them in a sling/pram (preferably wirh a raised head) and going for a walk with headphones on. I am lucky to have "normal" babies and even then, there were evenings when I handed them over to DH when he got home, so I could have 10 damn minutes to myself.

It will get better. And you are doing a brilliant job. Just wait until he is eating solids and covered head to neck in bolognaise sauce...!

@two46oh1 when did it get better OP? I have a 6 week old DS with reflux. He is my second baby and my first also had reflux. I am feeling so very low as all he cries so much and is clearly in a lot of pain. He’s been prescribed gaviscon but it actually just seems to worsen it. Got a 6 week check phone call from GP this week so going to beg for stronger meds. In hindsight I think I got lucky with DS1 as his eased st 3/4 months. I don’t see that happening this time. Just want this period to be over. Wish I could fast forward 18months. I had PND as a result of all this last time (plus a traumatic birth) and was so hoping things would be different this time.