Highly Able Children

[saisanne1]

Would like to hear from parents of highly children

No reason at all bright children shouldn't behave themselves. In fact, bright children should find it easier to follow rules in different settings. To be honest labels like 'gifted' are just a way of making excuses as with many other labels. Maybe stop thinking he is more special than any other child and treat him like a naughty four year old. My children were all 'exceptionally' bright at nursery/primary but as got older and friendship polarised with increased setting etc they became less exceptional. Hardest thing for my 'brilliant' eldest daughter was hearing " 6As at A level? "Do you play an instrument?" " Yes Grade 8 Distinction on both Violin and Flute". "Sport?" "I sail in national youth team" "So what makes you special then?" Said in first week of medical school.
It's a huge mistake to dump your expectations and pride on ones so young.

You seem to pin a lot on the words of one educational psychologist. Just to balance things out, ours said my son wasn't autistic when he was 4/5 and we had to fight for a diagnosis which we never got until he was 9. So I for one don't value their opinion much.

i know my own son and having been looking up this stuff since he was a baby

Why? Why on earth did you start looking into 'highly able' criteria when your son was a baby?

I looked up spirited child etc as he was very active, always on the go, he crossed milestones way before his peers and knew his alphabet at 1 and a half, most 4 year olds still don't know their alphabet. I knew my son was different from a very young baby as he was saying words before he could crawl. Many professionals have said he isn't autistic, teachers doctors etc

It's a known fact that gifted children challange authority and generally do find nursery difficult. I have him in 3 classes per week and play dates to deal with emotional and social issues

Oh I'm not suggesting that he is autistic, although I do agree with a PP who mentioned the method of diagnosis. Teachers comments about autism are irrelevant, they are teachers not mental health experts. Equally it's not a GP who makes that call.

Yeah but my doctor referred me to a child health doctor who puts you in touch with the relevant professionals, which after a consultation she didn't need to in this case

Your posts echo that this is a 'diagnosis' and it isn't. He is four years old. You will do him no favours treating him like he is gifted in all aspects of life. I speak from experience by the way. You are defensive of any opinion that's not yours and it won't help you.

I'm not treated him as gifted, I'm only asking if other people have experienced this kind of thing and by some people posts they have

"It's a known fact" - not in my household it isn't! My eldest, third and last are about as conformist as they come and so wanting to please teachers they did A levels at 15 years. Bright children are far more likely to get rewards for achievements and thrive on positive feedback (well all children do really). Bright children need to learn the world doesn't always revolve around them and to conform to social norms exactly the same as other children. You're doing them no favours if you let them rule the roost at four because they seem quite bright.

Anecdotal it mine all loved their nursery because they could become engrossed in self directed learning. The nursery tended towards Emilio Reggiano curriculum which encouraged exploring and experimenting- something bright children tend to do well. In fairness they also taught them French and classical ballet alongside painting the fence with buckets of water, so it was a mix.

Same as mine crumbs. Some people just look for excuses though to enable....

Yes and that's why things had to change at nursery as the teacher was concentrating on the negative and not the positive which she should have been, so now that's changed, he has

Well it sounds like it could be a lot of fun really. You learn an instrument and then he can control the pace of learning as it's not a group lesson. It can also be very sociable as you can join orchestras and bands.

"It's a known fact" is very very generalistic. I've taught infants for 38 years and have met many gifted little ones who didn't struggle with social skills, communication etc.
There are many assumptions in your posts. Many children can read fluently at 4 years. Many can not. Most even themselves out over the school years.
My middle son taught himself to read aged 3 by listening in to his older brother learning.
My youngest son was particularly numerate and really understood maths at preschool level. By age 8 his peers were more or less level with him.
It is far more important to concentrate on emotional intelligence at his age.
In my opinion that is, as I don't agree with hot housing

Yeah I'm hoping to get him into music soon, he loves singing and any types of music. He's also at mini French which he loves, as it's arts and crafts as well as language

Ah, painting the fence, my boys loved that activity.

It's a known fact that gifted children challenge (sic) authority and generally do find nursery difficult

No it isn't. Most highly able children I know of are very keen to please and want to do well.

Reading/knowing alphabet early just really shows what interests them. My oldest won a story competition when she wasn't quite 3yo. Still amuses me that one! Yes, she wrote it all herself, I had no input at all other than posting it.
She was interested in letters (and then numbers) and words, so she played using them. She didn't know her colours, which didn't interest her, until way past the age most children knew them.

Reading age of 5-7 aged 4yo is good, but not amazing, both my dc's forms had 3-4 children at that standard or beyond. Some of those dc have stayed at the top end, some now are fairly average.

Don't label him at this point, it really won't help him.
The best thing you can do to help him is back up his teachers-if he's naughty, he's naughty, not showing how bright he is, and help him with the things he finds difficult-the socialising and that sort of thing. You won't do him any favours if you just put everything down to him being bright.

Yeah I agree his social skills are what I'm concentrating on

Witch end, I totally agree.

My son is now 5. Could read at 3. Now he reads at the level of a 10 year old and his mathematical abilities are similar. He has also just cleared his violin Grade 1 exam. HOWEVER, he is quiet and conformist. Loved nursery and has loved school. Has never been disruptive. I am pretty sure he's more able than his classmates but they are much better than him at loads of things. If he is academically able then challenge him in other ways- encourage him to find out about the world, to read widely, nurture his curiosity, take him to plays and museums. Go well beyond the curriculum. But most importantly, do teach him that being clever doesn't mean that he can get away with bad behaviour. I am a fairly strict parent and I say to my son often that being a nice person and good behaviour are far more important than being able academically.

Yeah I do back up the teachers, if he's naughty he gets things he loves taken away, I'm working on his behaviour and hoping to get him on track with everything by the time he starts school

Many professionals have said he isn't autistic, teachers doctors etc

Unless the doctor is a paediatrician specialising in neurodevelopmental disorders they will not be qualified to conduct the extensive assessment required to diagnose ASD or ADHD.

Teachers are not qualified to diagnose those conditions at all.

Yes I take him to museums etc and he's very well travelled, so we talk about all the differences of living in different country's etc

Yeah I'm sure I've got a long way to go, but if anything else comes up, I'm sure the teachers will point me in the right direction

Well I have a gifted ds and dd and a ds and dd with autism so similarities all 4 knew their alphabet by 18 months and all could read by four. Gifted ds could manipulate 3 figure numbers by five and ds with ASD could read the newspaper by three. Differences gifted ds and dd were very able communicators speaking in sentences by fifteen months and used complex language and sentence structures really early too. Ds and dd were later talking ds was very late dd was about average and spoke like a bbc newsreader using very precise vocabulary. Gifted ds and both dd's were incredibly well behaved from the off, they all had interests that they spent time exploring and they were self motivated to learn and expand their knowledge and interests they all had good memories. Ds with autism was challenging from day one and acquired knowledge effortlessly and had a brilliant memory. Gifted ds and dd loved their peers and had strong friendships, dd with autism had selected friendships with more able children and ds with autism liked children much older than him and his peers held no interest.
Not for one minute suggesting your ds has ASD just telling you my experiences.