Highly Able Children

[saisanne1]

Would like to hear from parents of highly children

A educational psychologist, I have also spoken to 2 doctors, he has all the characteristics above, he only has a few of ADHD, very active and excitable

A educational psychologist, I have also spoken to 2 doctors, he has all the characteristics above, he only has a few of ADHD, very active and excitable

A educational psychologist, I have also spoken to 2 doctors, he has all the characteristics above, he only has a few of ADHD, very active and excitable

Yes ASD and most other things have been ruled out, he's gifted and that has been proven. I know my own son and having been looking up this stuff since he was a baby

Children do experience emotions more intensely and anything can set them off... You just need to teach him how to behave and reinforce good behaviour. As he gets older, he'll be able to self-regulate better but your parenting skills and style have a lot to do with it. Being highly intelligent is lovely but he needs to behave nonetheless. Don't use his ability level as an excuse for poor behaviour.

My nephew (13) is highly able and has just moved to a special school to put him with peers and challenge him appropriately. The school also looks out for their emotional well-being as highly able kids are often more sensitive or lack good social skills. The school is not in UK so not helpful to you but my point is that their emotional needs can be very different and these need to be addressed along with the academic side of things.
My nephew had very few friends at his previous school and has done all his life but he seems to be coming out of his shell now.

All of my children have tested very high on IQ tests. Four is about as young as you can test but now that you have an idea about why one part of his make up is different to his peers then you can help him work with it. The most important thing I would say is to work on his social skills and talk with him lots about what interests him. Get out to science fairs, music clubs, history in action or anything that is new and where there are experts who will engage with a lively mind. He needs to learn to fit in but that doesn't mean that he can't explore what interests him out of school.

You beloved child is special but so is every child and amongst his friends there will be talented musicians and sportspeople and people people. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that high IQ means better person. It just means high IQ. If you can move to an area with a super selective grammar then do it. A school that takes the top 5% of ability is amazing for those who can work at this speed.

If the gifted child association is still around they might be able to help.

Yes I've done a parenting class and I'm on another one ATM, both have really helped in controlling his emotions and setting boundaries. He's also enrolled in 3 classes after nursery to help with social skills etc

OP, I only asked because in my area the EP doesn't diagnose neurodevelopmental disorders - that's done by the paediatric doctors at the hospital. You say you've "spoken to two doctors" but do you mean they've carried a paediatric assessment?

The only reason I'm asking is that I work in a school with a special needs unit and it's the children who have an accurate and early diagnosis by the right professionals who make the most progress at school.

Teachers that make clinical diagnoses make me sick. They can give the parent a steer to the health service if there is a suspicion, but to even suggest ADHD etc is clearly outside of their professional remit.

I would take this up with the school, teachers have boundaries too and these need to be reinforced at times.

I spoke to a normal doctor and a child health doctor, neither thought he was autistic, the educational psychologist said although some traits, he isnt autistic

I'm really upset about them saying it aswell, but they didn't actually say it to me, the head teacher slipped up, this upset me, as they have been focusing on the bad behaviour and pretty much morphing him into a child with ADHD, as soon as the bad behaviour was ignored and he wasn't provoked into unnessesary meldowns, and they concentrated on the good behaviour, surprise surprise, he's been excellent

I have a highly able child and I have to say it's not easy! He does have a lot of ASD traits although not enough to warrant a formal diagnosis (this was the consultants opinion last year after him being under her care for several years) although she thinks we will hit a blip with him when it's time to move to secondary school next year.

We have had other problems with DS1 such as hyper mobility, poor muscle tone in his core, very late mastering his bladder (due to poor muscle tone), poor fine motor skills as well as very poor social skills so we have made that a priority rather than his cleverness.
DS1 was assessed in reception as having a reading age of 14+ as well as spelling ability off the charts (thier test only went up to age 8). Do bear in mind that there are 2 segments to reading - pure ability i.e. Being able to read the words but also comprehension - understanding what they are reading and the nuances in the writing.

We were lucky that we chose and got into a local school that has been brilliant with him. His year 1 teacher divided a spelling game to keep him interested and engaged when others were doing thier spellings. He was put in read write inc groups several years ahead of him (they wouldn't put him in a year 6 group because although he could have done the work there was also the social aspect to think of too)
He goes to special social skills club with others that struggle.

I would say infants was hard. He was miles above everyone intellectually and didn't want to talk about paw patrol (or whatever the equivalent was back the ) nor run around the playground being superheroes, so although got invited to class parties, never really got invited on play dates or to smaller parties etc. gradually though as the other boys have become more interested in science and history and geography etc he has developed some good friends and this is the first year (year 5) that I feel he has become 'normal' in his social life.
My biggest advice is to say go with thier interests, we have tried every clubgoing for DS1 and he hated all of them. We finally found a coding club at the local library (for 11-16 year olds, he started when he was 8!) which he has been going to for 18 months and loves.
I don't think you need to 'challenge' him at this age. Just let him learn and develop. DS1 devours Wikipedia and reads books so much that they fall apart. He's loved maps and goes on geography quiz websites etc. Just provide the tools - books and websites and leave him to do it at his own pace. If you choose the right school he should be challenged in the right way whilst still getting the full all round experience that he needs (school plays and sports etc)

My son also has a photographic memory, he remembers every street sign in our city, you just have to show him how to do something once and he's got it. He is also a daydreamer and zones out, but he knows exactly what you've said after. The behaviour is good if you use a different stategy i.e. It took you 5 seconds to put than in the bin last time, let's see if you can do it in less. That's how I think he's struggled in nursery, as they just seen him as a disobedient child, when all he needed was a different stategy, which is now in place. He's very confident and has 4 close friends, he gets upset if they can't understand his questions, but now he's learning to fit in. A lot of his conversations are one sided about a topic of his interest, so I'm trying to teach him to listen to other people too!

You need to remember he is four though. You cannot be blinkered about what you think this means for him.

He started off memorising books after me reading them to him, then I started the biff and child books, now he's started reading them easily at level 6 and understands the story, if he doesn't understand abit, he asks. He's constantly reading signs, car signs, road signs, anything he can find he will read. If he isn't challenged he starts getting over active and the naughty behaviour starts.

I was a highly able child. I was put up a school year on primary school (and then had to repeat year 6 as the secondary school wouldn't take you until you were the right age) I joined Mensa when I was 12, went to boarding school age 15 on a scholarship and bursary, went to uni etc. Yet I have just spent 7 years as a waitress until my youngest went to school.
It's quite common for highly able children to be put under so much pressure to be 'brilliant' and told so much as a child that they are highly intelligent that they crash and burn once they become an adult in the real world.
A good work ethic, good social skill, being a likeable person, empathy, being able to read a persons body language, being able to do the 'boring' stuff as well as the stuff that interests you are all skills that are MORE important to overall success than just being intelligent.

Yeah that's defiantly more important, I'm just glad he's not getting wrongly labelled now and we can now get on with things and get him ready for school

OP - there is a 'gifted and talented' section under Education where you may find more posters who can help you. Maybe worth also posting there.

Great thanks :)

I spoke to a normal doctor and a child health doctor, neither thought he was autistic

Autism isn't diagnosed by speaking to the parent

Melting down when spoken to abruptly is absolutely not a feature of "gifted" children, op.
I'm amazed that two doctors have pronounced him to be not on the spectrum, apparently without any assessments taking place...

That's great they are starting to fully understand him.

I would say your job as a parent is not to challenge him intelligently but work on challenging him so his social and emotional side can fit in and keep up with his intelligentual age. His life will be very lonely and difficult if he can't relate to other children or play well. Did the physchologusts suggest how to try and integrate him more with other children? Finding clubs like chess or scrabble (or coding) would seem like a good idea. Also try getting him to practise conversations and empathy (how do you think x felt). He is very young and may well be diagnosed with Autism yet.
M

I know as his parent you are keen just to see the good side (he is very bright) but you owe it to him to see that his emotional and social side need some work - many gifted children out there do not have such problems too.