I feel totally defeated by a five year old!

[Flip]

I feel so crap right now and I can't even pick myself up to go to a meeting this evening that I've been looking forward to for weeks. So I've just sent an E-mail of apology for missing it and now I feel worse.

Ds1 has finally ground me down and I've got nothing left. I walked away from him at school this afternoon and would have left him there had he not noticed me leaving and followed me to the car hitting me and screaming at me for walking off.

All the reserves of energy I had and the will to suceed with ds1 have gone. His appointment with CAMHS is in two weeks and it feels like a life time away. I want to leave now and never come back.

I tried to call the GP's but the only doc I could see is one I can't stand and I know I'd probably have done something stupid if I'd seen her so I didn't bother. Instead I phoned my HV and begged and cried for help. She suggested social services and I said yes. I said they could take ds1 away if they wanted I was past the point of caring.

The HV asked if I had any family support. Dh hates coming home from work at nights and dreads weekends because it means spending time in hell. My parents are just piling on the grief and it was my mother who tipped me over the edge today. So no, I have no support.

I just feel so crap and bits kept creeping out on other threads so I thought I'd better start my own.

Sorry for the out pouring and it hasn't made me feel any better, just more tired.

Hope it went well today, flip.

Hi all, thanks for the support.

The meeting started at 3.00pm and ended at 4.30pm so we covered quite a bit. The head, deputy head, SEN quordinator, class teacher, new phycologist (who he's seeing on Monday), HV and me and dh. So it was also pretty crouded.

At first I felt intimidated and made dh start off talking about ds1's behaviour. But as he started to miss bits out, I just took over. I covered pretty much everything despite not liking my HV and wanting to snarl at her every time she interupted me.

In school they are going to have a circle of friends for ds1 who he will learn how to be a child with. Ds1 think's he's an adult and as such says very inappropriate things for the age he is. Also it means he doesn't respect adults and looks down on kids because they're "stupid" . School are making this circle of friends from the kids of the parents that I'm friendly with so we can carry it on during the seven week holidays. Also they're going to look into getting some help for a couple of hours a week in the summer holidays where he can perhaps go to a care club. I said that one of my worst fears was not seeing light at the end of the tunnel for seven weeks. Not being able to see a second in a day where I wasn't a mum.

So it all went really well and I also got good vibes from the phycologist. I really warmed to her which didn't happen the last time with his other one. I feel quite positive and to celebrate this I grabbed an opportunity with both hands and I'm going watching the new Harry Potter film tonight with another mum.

Thanks again for all your support. I'm sure it's not over by any means and getting help is just the tip of the iceberg.

That all sounds positive stuff flip.

Great news Flip: Sounds like a really positive meeting. I'm delighted it's given you a boost. Hope the proposals deliver some improvements for ds soon too.

Glad to hear there is such a positive outcome - you sound so much more like you feel you have some control back. Really pleased for you.

Glad all went well flip. larsxx