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How on earth do you get lo's to go to bed awake?! I need help!

64 replies

cruisemum1 · 22/12/2006 20:59

My 15 week old ds is now crying in his cot for the umpteenth time this evening (it it now nearly 9pm) because he cannot fall asleep by himself. He uses me as a dummy but will not take a real dummy. He nods off, I put him down and then he wakes again and we go through the whole thing again. I am so tired of being stuck upstairs soothing him to sleep but nothing seems to work. Tried baby whisperer but it cranked him up so much he was beside himself and then so was I. I am desperate to get this sorted but I don't know how. Anyone been through this/going through this? Your help please.

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mrssnoah · 22/12/2006 21:06

Aahh cruisemum,sympathies.

If you are fed up being stuck upstairs have you tried getting him down in the pram, near washing machine/dishwasher? Worked a treat for my nightmare babies! And I used to push them back and forth in the dark while lipreading Eastenders on silent tv!

mumfor1standfinaltime · 22/12/2006 21:11

I left my ds to cry.
Some people do not like this idea, I know.

I started this at 6 weeks old with assistance from my Mum who has a good 'mother's ear'. After the second night I was able to put him down awake each night without a fuss.

He did have a playskool night light with music which also seemed to help.
Ds is now almost 2 and has always gone to bed awake since and is a very good sleeper.

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 22/12/2006 21:35

mrsnoah - ta for that, however, I don't want to go down that route as I think I would really be making a rod for my own back then. I do that during the day for his naps but don't wanna get into that at night too. He has never been downstairs during his nighttime'sleep time' so I don't wanna start that now iyswim. Actually, last time he cried (about 15 mins ago) I was just about to go to him and he nodded off! Does this mean that he CAN do it? Please tell me it does!
Mumfor1 - I did try the babywhisperer method which involved a lot of crying. I am not strong enough for all that and ended up caving in after 2 fraught hours which, I know, put all my efforts to waste! Love the little sod so much plus my dd of nearly 9 was about to call social services! Thanks tho. I appreciate your help

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DecktheWallacewithBoughsofHoll · 22/12/2006 21:52

Sorry can't help because I'm in an identical situation with ds2 (almost 5 months) He used to be a really good sleeper now he's awful...

On the bright side, your an my boys can get to sleep by themselves (even if it is rare!) and it will get better

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cruisemum1 · 22/12/2006 22:02

decktheWallace - ta for that! Hope your lo gets back on track soon. At least there is hope.. Maybe my lo is bored with teh upstairs downstairs routine and has given up looking for comfort! Merry Christmas

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mrssnoah · 22/12/2006 22:46

aah ok, I did it as he was no3 and I felt that I was forever putting children to bed.

I also figured he was too little to recognise where he was particularly in the dark and that I would correct his bad habits later.
It did work for me, and when he had a more definite pattern and I knew him better I managed a stricter bedtime probably about 5 months on. He is brilliant now and tea bath bed by 6.45pm.

Good luck, you will succeed with it whichever way you choose.

mrssnoah · 22/12/2006 22:48

One last suggestion, give him something of yours to hold that smells of you while he goes to sleep, like your t shirt, or a muslin stuffed your front that has picked up your scent!
Sounds odd but they find it really comforting.

BuffysMum · 22/12/2006 22:53

Would just add to try and make cues for daytime and nighttime naps the same? I always tried to do the feed, awake, down in the cot before tired thing though. I also started at 3 days old which made it much easier!

I have trained my youngest to have day naps in travel cot & night naps in her cot which gives me some long term flexibility that she will sleep elsewhere in a travel cot. I also use a gro bag and she has a comfort soft toy which she needed at 4 months as I realised she relied on her cot bumper as a comforter to get to sleep!

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, half a glass of wine is making me ramble.

Just give ds constant cues that it is sleep time and try to get out of the using booby as a dummy thing.

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 23/12/2006 07:53

thank you all. Amazing isn't it.... after i set up this thread lo fell asleep on his own after a grizzle and woke at 7:30am! I heard him stirring about 3am but he cooed and gurgled a bit then went back to sleep! I of course didn't get back to slee;p till around 5:30am but - hey ho
buffy - i put him down awake for daytime naps but in his pram which i have to jiggle around a bit. I guess this is ok?... He does yell a bit but it seems to work!
mrsnoah - i have heard about the musslin/teeshirt thing before so i'll do that tonight - fingers crossed
thanks all

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cruisemum1 · 23/12/2006 20:51

What on earth is going on?! . My ds went down at 7:15pm this evening and I haven't heard a peep since! Must be that Santa knows I have been a good girl and given me the present I asked for.... some time in the evenings to spend with dd and dh! Of course I don't know what the rest of the night holds in store but fingers crossed.
Merry Christmas all - feeling quite festive this evening!

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BuffysMum · 23/12/2006 21:05

That is good news!!! I would try to get out of the jiggle thing as they are creatures of habit and you can't jiggle his cot! However if him having a day time nap in the pushchair at the same time every day is going to fit in with your schedule ie preschool pick-up or something then it could be a good thing to do. Perhaps he had a growth spurt (lots of wanting to feed in evenings) and he's now over it.

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas time!

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 23/12/2006 21:44

buffy - ta for advice. I was considering stopping jiggling once he has the hang of napping there iyswim. At the moment I am so elated to have had the first evening downstairs in 15 weeks that I have had a glass of wine and am going to bed! Merry Christmas to you, love Cruise

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DecktheWallacewithBoughsofHoll · 23/12/2006 21:52

Yay well done

kbaby · 23/12/2006 21:59

cruisemum - I seem to be stalking you as we are appearing on the same sleep threads.

Just wanted to say I hope tonight goes well for you and you must tell me your secret. DS wants to be held to sleep all the time and its taking 1 hr and numerous attemps at getting him asleep in his cot after every feed.

DecktheWallacewithBoughsofHoll · 23/12/2006 22:15

kbaby - shall we go and weep somewhere together? I am kicking myself for not making more of an effort to put him down awake from the beginning

kbaby · 23/12/2006 22:59

wallace- You think we would both be in bed by now.

At least I know ive always got you to wallow in my own knackeredness with. Your lo had better not start sleeping better before ds, they have to agree a night together

LizaLu · 23/12/2006 23:11

My dd fell asleep at 4 weeks old after only 1 night being left on her own with her lullaby dreamshow thingy. ds much more of a problem. I developed quite a complex night time routine to let him know it was bedtime. Bath, then onto the changing mat with a song playing on the mobile that I only ever played at that time, then onto the bed for a leg massage and pajamas on and then into bed with the dreamshow (which I only ever put on at bedtime aswell). If he cried I would leave him for 5 mins, while I stayed in the bathroom reading a magazibe, and would then go in and massage his back but no lights and no talking. If he still wouldn't settle I would slowly pace the bedroom with him on my shoulder and counting my breathing 'in 1 2 3 out 1 2 3'. It really helped keep me calm. And then I would repeat - him back in cot and me back in bathroom! This was when he was 4 months old and it took a week. He is now 3 and a great sleeper except for 1 blip when he was 2 and realised he could get out of his cot.
By the way you haven't left it too late. I couldn't even tackle the falling asleep on his own thing before 3 months because of terrible colic.

DecktheWallacewithBoughsofHoll · 23/12/2006 23:23

Thanks for that advice - I think trying to get a strict routine is the way to go, but I find it hard with 2 older ones to sort out too.

kbaby - get to bed! Mine is still awake. Shall we try to beat these babies into shape (not literally obv!) in the new year?
Leo is starting to look sleepy so may have a nother try.

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 24/12/2006 21:37

God! How sad am I to be posting in Christmas eve! . It just makes me feel good to know we are all going through the same thing . Well last night was a one off because he has only just given in tonight and it is 9:20pm!
kbaby - think of me and I will think of you when we are both pacing the bedroom floors with lo's resting on our shoulders.... an hour seems like an awfully long time sometimes doesn't it? Dunno what to do but I guess we are gonna have to be cruel to be kind eventually . Maybe after the new year???????
DecktheWallace - re: starting as we mean to go on - me too - you would think I should have known better having already been there with dd1!
Lizalu - your sleep training method sounds similar to what I would like to do. I guess I should set a week aside and be devoted to getting it fixed. Pretty hard on my dd who will be 9 in two weeks as she will have to spend time alone while I am doing this which is not fair on her. Maybe I should get dh or my wonderous mother to help out?
So, we should defo tackle this in the new year, yes?

We will set up a new thread for that express purpose or just stay on this one and stay in touch.
Well, SAnta is coming soon so I ahd better sign off,
Have a fantastic Christmas with your precious lo's
Much love
Cruise

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Original poster
cruisemum1 · 27/12/2006 08:36

hi

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MumToAPiglet · 27/12/2006 21:26

Hello

I have a 18 week DD with the same problem. About 2 weeks ago I got deperate to have my evenings and my breasts back so I started a mixture of Baby Whisperer shush/pat and pick-up/put down except I never let her cry properly. I also introduced a toy that smelt like me and I finally got her to take a dummy. Some nights it works a treat and we can put her down awake, hand her the toy and off she goes. Other nights, like tonight, she wakes again and again and gets very worked up and needs the breast or hours of DH walking up and down the stairs. My daughter is nothing if not entirely inconsistent.

During the day she has a very strucured nap routine but will only nap in the pushchair and outside...

If you are all takling this in the new year I would like to join you if that is OK.

DecktheWallacewithBoughsofHoll · 27/12/2006 21:32

Ah found this thread again!

Ds2 is in bed so I am going to get an early night. I have started doing similar to mumtoapiglit and it is working - ish.

Good luck for the night

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 27/12/2006 21:57

mumtoapiglet - we have surely got identical lo's. My ds only naps in his buggy/car seat etc. Never in the cot. How on earth did you persuade her to take a dummy at this age? my ds hasn't a clue whta to do with it! I think this is as he is bf and isn't used to the texture/sucking technique required. It is certainly not through lack of effort on my part!Xmas SadI will think of you when I am going upstairs to my lo in one minute (he is awake again!)
nite nite

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Original poster
cruisemum1 · 27/12/2006 22:40

mumtopiglet - yes! join us - the more the merrier.

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MumToAPiglet · 27/12/2006 23:02

Cruisemum, thanks for the welcome.

DD would not take a dummy until 2 weeks ago either. Someone on here recommended NUK dummies as they are not silicone and bf babies like them better. It took a few nights of me holding it in her mouth but she does now suck it. I find it most useful if I put in her mouth just as I lie her in the cot - if I wait for her to get worked up then she is too upset to suck. I do sit next to her and gently hold it in place and 50% of the time she will fall asleep sucking it.

I just don't understand it. Last night we put her down awake and she hugged her soft yellow duck and fell asleep, waking once for a feed and then going back down awake with the duck. Tonight she has needed feeding, rocking, stair walking and the dummy (and it is only 11pm).