Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DD has come home from nursery for the second time soaking wet.

31 replies

longwaytogo · 21/09/2006 15:42

DD is very shy and won't speak unless spoken to and even then it is one word answers with people she doesn't know or in a group situation.

Yesterday she came out of nursery head down, not saying a word and quite subdued, when I lifted her to put her in the car she was wet, said she did it whils watching telly. So I think ok one accident fine.

Today she was there all day and have just picked her up again to put in car and she is soaking, skirt, socks, polo shirt, cardigan. She said she had two wees, one whilst washing her spoon and one while playing fishing game. I've not a clue whether that would have been this morning or afternoon but whichever way she has been like it since at least lunch time if she was washing her spoon. Poor little thing.

How can I encourage her to ask even if they are supposed to be sitting listening etc.

Really concerned about her shyness, think its going to hold her back sooo much.

She is happy, lively, talkative at home but the minute she is in group situation she clams up and just looks at you as if you don't exist.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mammyjo · 21/09/2006 15:55

I would definitely have a chat with the people who care for her in nursery. Perhaps they need to ask her regularly if she needs the loo rather than the onus being on her if she feels she cant approach them due to her shyness. Any nursery worth its salt would surely be mortified if they thought she was wet since lunchtime. Dont quite understand how they think she can go all day without visiting the toilet either. My ds was very quiet when he first went to nursery but he soon came out of his shell, you never know she may just start to feel more comfortable in group situations. I was always horribly quiet in school but it didnt hold me back and it is certainly not a problem nowadays!! Hope you can sort something out xx

lunavix · 21/09/2006 15:55

they didn't notice???

Elibean · 21/09/2006 16:01

Ah...poor love. Has she just started nursery? My dd started last week, and apart from one memorable morning (when she thought the play washing up bowl was a potty and weed in it) has steadfastly tried to hold on and not wee at nursery. Thing is, in her case, its just three hours - so she's managing, though not ideal. I asked one of the group leaders about it, and she said it was very normal behaviour until kids feel comfortable and safe in their new environment - some comfort, I suppose.

I don't know how old your dd is, but I would have a word with the nicest member of staff, one you think might be able to connect with dd...hopefully they will have some ideas as to how to help (eg take her to the loo before/after lunch and in breaks, or if she feels too self-conscious being singled out ask children generally who would like to go now, etc).

Finally, my dd is also not at her best in groups - she's not shy with children or adults in one-to-one settings at all, but tends to get very 'independent' (as her nursery teacher says!) and do her own thing in group situations. Again, they say it'll get better in time...[hmmm]

Original poster

longwaytogo · 21/09/2006 16:01

well i imagine they didn't notice seems they not said anything to me when I picked her up. Thing is she stunk of urine too so obviously been like it a while

OP posts:

Elibean · 21/09/2006 16:02

that nursery haven't noticed or done anything, btw

1Baby1Bump · 21/09/2006 16:07

if it was me, i would be going in there asking why they didnt even notice she was wet.
that is awful. i would have thought she would have begun to smell not that long after she weed the first time.

CountessDracula · 21/09/2006 16:07

err, they watch telly at nursery?

Poor thing, she just needs to gain some confidence I think, have you spoken to nursery about trying to bring her out of herself? Dd was the same when she first started at nursery at 2.5, gobby and mad at home but v quiet at nursery. She is fine now btw

Pinotmum · 21/09/2006 16:08

If this is a Daycare nursery your dd should have a keyworker. I would speak to them immediately. It is unacceptable that no-one seems to have noticed.

Original poster

longwaytogo · 21/09/2006 16:12

no its pre school nursery that is all day twice a week as they do afternoon playgroup so stay for dinner then playgroup.

OP posts:

CS1753 · 21/09/2006 16:19

Poor lamb, I would find that unacceptable if it happened at the nursery my ds is going to. He is at full time creche and has been since he was 4 months old. Never once has he been sent home in dirty clothes and the staff always ensure the children are asked if the need a wee. They also have set times of the day where the children are taken to the toilet in groups of three to eleveate and shyness issues. I would have a word with the staff and if it your dd isn't happy after a month move her. My ds loves going to nursery, he actually gets upset at bank holidays!

anniediv · 21/09/2006 16:21

I thought most nurseries/pre school etc would have regular 'going to the toilet' times? What a shame for your dd.

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 16:25

Not impressed at all at them not noticing she was wet. Poor baby. I think you definitely need to have a word with the staff.

Original poster

longwaytogo · 21/09/2006 16:47

agghhhhhhhhh now she's just stood next to the toilet and weed. what on earth is this all about.

I now have 2.6 yr old who never has accidents and is dry at night and a 3.6 yr old who is wettin in the day and is not dry at night (hasn't been for about 6 months now after previously being dry for 6 months.

OP posts:

Spirited · 21/09/2006 19:57

You need to speak to the nursery now.

It is completely unacceptable for them to send your daughter home wet - and worse if they didn't even pay enough attention to notice.

I would seriously consider arranging alternative childcare. It is not working for your daughter if they are neglecting her, I would also be concerned about abuse.

You entrust your baby to these people and they sit her in front of a TV (I'm not saying it has no place, but it is not a good sign - you are paying them to take care of your child, not a screen), allow her to remain completely withdrawn without any apparent attempts to gain her trust, have no toilet routine, are so unapproachable that she wets herself and then to add insult to injury do not even notice that she is wet for a whole afternoon.

You need to get these things sorted out, or choose somewhere else to look after your child. If she is spending a lot of time with people who neglect her, it's no wonder that her toilet training is going backwards.

Elibean · 21/09/2006 20:00

It really does sound like she's lost confidence, or is feeling overwhelmed by the newness in her life and has taken a step back to something old and familiar - IYSWIM.
Definitely speak to the nursery, dd's pre-school hsa set times for asking them if they need a wee and at your dd's age they should too.
Meantime, I'd react as little as possible to the wee accidents, and give lots of cuddles and reassurance.

kittywits · 21/09/2006 20:10

I agree with spirited, it sounds very neglectful of them . Do you trust them to look after your daughter?

Surfermum · 21/09/2006 20:23

DD was like this when she started pre-school. She told me that she didn't like to ask to go to the toilet, so I got them to make a point of asking her and taking her to "try" even if she said she didn't need to. Once she settled in and became more confident things improved and she's fine now.

divastrop · 21/09/2006 20:44

i would be very concerned about the nursery she is going to.my ds2 refused to pee anywhere but at home on his own potty when i first potty trained him,but the nursery staff would ask him regularly if he need ed the loo,and get the potty for him.most days he would come home with a bag of wet clothes,but they would always change him!
now hes been there for ages he just goes to the toilet,but they have set times(eg before snack time/playing out time etc)when they tell all the children to use the loo.
oh,and they sometimes put a dvd on for them if its been raining all day and they cant play outside but not every day.
if i were u i would have serious words with ur dd's nursery!

Original poster

longwaytogo · 21/09/2006 21:04

This isn't day care its pre school. So two hours a morning and two days where she stays for afternoon playgroup.

I have no problem with them watching DVD as part of their learning.

OP posts:

littleducks · 21/09/2006 21:44

Have you checked she doesn't have a urine infection?(as its day and night) A friends little girl who had accidents for a couple weeks or so then one day mentioned it hurt and it turned out she had cystitus(sp), aside from that i would be a bit upset nobody noticed as this will do nothing to boost her confidence.

ledodgyrobespierre · 21/09/2006 21:48

I can't believe nobody noticed! I would definately be having words with the pre school.

Lizzylou · 21/09/2006 21:49

Another one for speaking with the preschool staff here...she wet twice and they didn't notice? Thats is truly terrible, poor little girl.

ledodgyrobespierre · 21/09/2006 21:51

Also if it's not bad enough they didn't notice she wet herself twice , how did they not notice puddles on the floor this in itself is a safety hazard (i'm assuming the floor isn't carpeted).

carol3 · 21/09/2006 22:01

haven't read the whole thread but if it was my dd, I would not be taking her back. how could they not notice !

Elibean · 21/09/2006 22:11

longwaytogo, what do you think?

Flip

1 2