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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

my partner smacked my dd

456 replies

majormug · 07/09/2006 23:03

help.... the other night my partner smacked my daugter because she licked her hands after she had eaten a doughnut..... he had told her not to and told her to go wash her hands.... temptation got the better of her and she licked them. i giggled because its the sort of thing i would do. it was a smack not a tap. he isnt in my good books anyway.... long story but we havent been together long and even her daddy wouldnt smack for something so trivial. he is always getting at her.... on a recent holiday she went through a 'dribbly' phase (how else do i put it.... little accidents' he went mad... took away privaledges and i had to turn my head whilst i cried. i know that this is def NOT the way to treat her or deal with her but our relationship is very fragile...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Cassoulet · 08/09/2006 00:06

Stay strong. Even if things look different in the morning, they aren't.

hunkermunker · 08/09/2006 08:48

How are things this morning, MM? Glad you've made a decision - the right one.

batters · 08/09/2006 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

biglips · 08/09/2006 08:54

i would leave this man immediately!!!

ive got a SD who is 7 and ive known her since she was 2...ive always discplined her if she was naughty by verbal but ive never ever smacked her as she is not my "daughter" as i try and be her friend so her dad is the one who smack her if needed (which is very rare)

BudaBabe · 08/09/2006 08:56

Hope you find the strength to leave - he sounds vile.

Just thought I'd point out one thing. You are not on your own. You have your DD. She is YOUR responsibility. OK so you may not have a boyfriend for a while but who cares? You can stand on your own two feet. It may seem scary but you CAN do it.

liquidclocks · 08/09/2006 08:57

Hi MM, read you're thread last night but didn't feel I had anything to add (except 'cahnge your name'!) but just wanted to say this morning that I hope today goes well for you and stay strong! No-one deserves a man like that in their lives, it took me too long to realise that as well (thnakfully no kids at the time) but it sounds like you've woken up to the fact that you and DD deserve so much better - well done!

hulababy · 08/09/2006 08:58

Hope you manage to get you and your daughter somewhere safe today. Do you have a plan? Do you have somewhere to go?

ohana · 08/09/2006 09:03

leave leave leave
normally i am in favour of trying to keep relationships going. but this bloke is a bully. and he is not the father of this little girl.
would you let some random stranger on the road do this to your baby?
leave.

Greensleeves · 08/09/2006 09:11

There's some very good supportive advice on this thread - MN at its best, IMO. I do so hope you are taking it majormug (sophable's right, dreadful name, depressive thinking name).

There are things I want to say but they wouldn't help you - I will say, though, that a little courage and positivity NOW will save you and your dd a huge amount of pain. Just picture him dealing with a rude cheeky 8yo, or a sullen 11yo, or a 13yo who comes home an hour late - you don't want him there when you bring that precious child up, believe me. Your feelings and instincts, your relationship with her - he'll obliterate it. You won't get a look-in.

My very best wishes to you, it's so very hard to leave someone who bullies you. xx

munz · 08/09/2006 09:13

no deffo leave, keepin it bumped up - my DH raised a hand top my son and i'd knock his block off.

you can and will do better for yourself and DD - u may not want to be alone, but sometimes we need to be alone for a spell to gather our strenght etc.

next time u meet a nice man and he tries to barge in tell him where to get off.

expatinscotland · 08/09/2006 09:15

GET OUT NOW!

If you need courage, imagine how YOU would feel if your mother allowed her boyfriend to smack you around and you had NO choice in where you went or lived. Imagine who scared, trapped and angry you'd feel, and how much you would grow to hate your own mother for chosing an abusive man over you and your own health and safety when you were unable to do so for yourself.

Journey2 · 08/09/2006 09:20

I was curious when I read the title of the post.. because the first time my son was smacked it was by his Dad.
However, reading your post wasn't what I expected (thought it might be a divided idea over smacking) instead I read about someone who isn't the father getting petty/bullyish over something that kids do!
I stopped reading all of the posts but you definitely do not need this person in your or your daughter's life.. you know this if you listen to yourself properly.
Your self esteem is low, that you realise, so go make a better reality for yourself.. you know what you need to do and there are people who can/will help, if they don't NEVER stop asking them/finding people who WILL help.
I had a friend who was in a similar but different postition.. it took her awhile to do what she knew she had to do and leave her guy. 9 years on she has another child, is doing some voluntary work which she loves and LOVES the life she has with her friends and new boyfriend.
You deserve better than this, so move on.

WeaselMum · 08/09/2006 09:31

Hi MM. Hope you are feeling more positive. Taking some action, any action can really help.

This is not about my issues but I have to say that my father was emotionally and physically abusive to me when I was young. It took me much longer to forgive my mother for not doing something about it, than it did to forgive him. I accepted he didn't know any better, due to the way he had been brought up, whereas I thought my mum should have "saved" me rather than turn a blind eye. Doesn't sound fair but there it is. I know now that she was bullied too.

But if you get out now, you will have a little girl that knows what it is to be a strong woman. And you will open yourself up to the chance of meeting someone who will treat you both with the respect and love you deserve.

Good luck and keep posting

BonyM · 08/09/2006 09:54

Have only read original post, but I would definitely NOT continue with this relationship. Your daughter is the most important person to consider here. How can you even contemplate being with someone who would hurt your child?

Tyedye · 08/09/2006 11:32

Message withdrawn

Jackstini · 08/09/2006 11:43

MM - where are you? - hope you managed to get you and dd safely to your parents. let us know whereabouts in the country you are and if you need any local help

runkid · 08/09/2006 12:05

MM,have just read this thread i hope you managed to leave if you have never look back. Get some help for yourself you deserve much better and your DD does to you. Never think this all you can get because it isnt true. Dont let this bloke back in your life he doesnt deserve you

tortoisesdonotwearshoes · 08/09/2006 12:08

Sounds a bit like my xp.He was emotionally and phisically abusive to my DS1.
Get out before you lose your DD.
I was the same as you(but have 2 dd's with him)i didnt stop it enough and ss took both my DS's to live with their dad.Im going through court now trying to get them home.I get contact.
I don't know which way it will go yet but I hate myself everyday for not stopping the arse hole.

How i wish i had MN then.
God i HATE myself.

runkid · 08/09/2006 12:19

Its a hard thing to go through tortoise its not easy to get out of sometimes. I hope you get your kids back its been a hard lesson for you but it wasnt your fault. Keep your chin up i can tell your a fighter. Good luck

gothicmama · 08/09/2006 12:31

MM hope you are ok -

Tortoise love yourself you are doing the best you can now keep FLYing

Bibliophile · 08/09/2006 12:42

Leave him. I don't know how you can stand it. Actually, I suspect from your posts that you can't stand it. Listen to your intuition.

Bibliophile · 08/09/2006 12:48

Do do you have a tenancy of your own atm then? Keep it! Tell him it's over. He can stay in his house, you in yours. Could you tell your family you have broken up with him and tell them it is because he hit your daughter, and then you won't be able to be talked round by him ever again because everyone will know what he is like.

fistfullofnappies · 08/09/2006 13:00

majormug, hope you can get courage from the posts on this thread.

Your daughter depends on you to look after her, and your first duty is to her. Your partner has to earn any rights that he has over her, and it doesnt sound as though he has earned any.
It does take courage to look after your children, sometimes. Only you really know the right thing to do - I wish you all the strength you need to do it. xx

izzybiz · 08/09/2006 14:06

Does her father know?

Maybe you should ask him for help, you say you are on good terms with him and his new girlfriend, im sure he would help you as it in turn helps his child.

Hope everything works out for you.x

AngelaChill · 08/09/2006 18:08

This will only get worse, my partner and i have been married 5 years and he wouldn't hit any of our children, his or ours.

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