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Original poster

my partner smacked my dd

456 replies

majormug · 07/09/2006 23:03

help.... the other night my partner smacked my daugter because she licked her hands after she had eaten a doughnut..... he had told her not to and told her to go wash her hands.... temptation got the better of her and she licked them. i giggled because its the sort of thing i would do. it was a smack not a tap. he isnt in my good books anyway.... long story but we havent been together long and even her daddy wouldnt smack for something so trivial. he is always getting at her.... on a recent holiday she went through a 'dribbly' phase (how else do i put it.... little accidents' he went mad... took away privaledges and i had to turn my head whilst i cried. i know that this is def NOT the way to treat her or deal with her but our relationship is very fragile...

OP posts:
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Saturn74 · 07/09/2006 23:14

How can you be with someone who 'disciplines' your child using violence, humiliation and aggression, and who is incapable of behaving appropriately himself? There is no option here IMO. You are a mother and it is your responsibility to protect your child. Either throw him out, or leave.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 07/09/2006 23:15

is it your house or his
stop the bullshit

hunkermunker · 07/09/2006 23:15

MM, you're losing friends and family over him? Because he's vile and they can see it and you won't?

I think EIS says it so beautifully...DTMFA...

colditz · 07/09/2006 23:15

If you let this man hit her, she will never forgive you. This is from someone who knows. She will never forget that you didn't raise your hand to stop him raising his.

iamapieceofcheesecake · 07/09/2006 23:16

Ok, maybe not so strong then 'losing family and friends over him'!! They can obviously see what a total wanker he is, even if you can't, get rid while you still have the power to do so, chances are this will only get worse and then harder to get out of.

marthamoo · 07/09/2006 23:17

You need to get rid of him - now. Staying with him is not going to improve your confidence and self esteem, it's going to make it nose dive. If you can't do it for you then please do it for your poor daughter - she needs you to protect her, you are her Mum.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 07/09/2006 23:17

Anyone that raised a hand to my children would be out of my life so quick!

Why are you still there???

You ar damaging your child in so many ways for allowing this to happen.

By staying you are condoning his actions.

Gillian76 · 07/09/2006 23:17

Lose him.

You are all she's got.

Heathcliffscathy · 07/09/2006 23:17

it's just occurred to me (sorry to be psychobabble) that this thread is being just as intimidating and bullying as he is (my included in that btw).

this is a v v common phenomenon with abuse cycles.

majormug (get yourself a new posting name, a more positive one, but tell us first!).

you asked for help by posting this thread. you've had some very frank advice.

you can do this. do it.

then please make some small commitment to starting to rebuild your self esteem and then keep going on that track...

iamapieceofcheesecake · 07/09/2006 23:18

Could I just ask, how old is your dd?

Blu · 07/09/2006 23:18

MajorMug, no, you aren't being unreasonable. you have had the reason knocked out of you ny your job loss, and this man who has spotted your lack of self-esteem and confidence and is taking advantage of you.

No, you are not unreasonable - you are right.

Is it your house? Your tennancy?

desperateSCOUSEwife · 07/09/2006 23:19

if his house
walk get out now, sleep on the streets rather than with shit tbh

your house
get police and get rid
get an injunction from solicitor in morning

not that you will bother as tbh you dont really seem that concerned
only more interested in your own feelings

fattiemumma · 07/09/2006 23:19

there is a post on here by Kelly1978.

i suggest you read it very carefully.
then i suggest you go to your local store and get yourself a backbone! how can you sit there and watch someone new to your dd's life treat her so appaulingly?
YOU should be the only person to discipline your child if your in the room.

how dare he! i am sorry but you are clearly unhappy about the way he behaves aroubd your child....act like her mother not his girlfreind and tell him its not on....beter still dump the peice of pondlife and get someone better than a neanderthal.

Original poster
majormug · 07/09/2006 23:19

i agree with you all.... yes colditz you are right and i am in total agrreance with you. my baby is my life.... thats why i am here talking.... if i thought it was ok i wouldnt be here. i am in his house at mo. we are supposed to be moving in together.... i have handed my notice in on my house..... so my decision is no to move away on my own.... our 2 houses are very close.

OP posts:
Blu · 07/09/2006 23:20

And you NEED your freinds and family - get rid of him before he drives them out of your reach. please do - you deserve to be supported after your loss of job etc - not obliterated by this man.

Do you think you can leave him?

colditz · 07/09/2006 23:20

No, the differance between the way we are treating Majormug and the way her partner treats her daughter is that Majormug has a choice. She could switch the computer off. Her daughter might be slapped by an unrelated man at any time, she doesn't have a choice.

if he is hitting her now, what do you think he will be like in a few years, when he is confidant he has destroyed you both utterly?

colditz · 07/09/2006 23:22

get out, please get out. Pick up your child and leave.

Heathcliffscathy · 07/09/2006 23:22

i obviously just posted into the ether here....

she doesn't need us behaving in the same way he does (however tempting our righteous anger at what is happening makes that).

iamapieceofcheesecake · 07/09/2006 23:23

Just for the record, I wouldn't even let my dp hit my ds and he is his father. We have been togther nearly 6 years and if he so much as raised his hand to my son I would leave. My baby isn't big enough or strong enough to defend himself, thats why they have parents. What would your dds father have to say about this?

badkarma · 07/09/2006 23:23

All I can say is I wish I knew were he lived...no bastard of a man would ever lay a hand on my goddamned child as long as I still had breath in my body. You are making me very very angry.

Original poster
majormug · 07/09/2006 23:23

i am here to listen and get some backup. i am going while he is at work.

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 07/09/2006 23:23

colditz, i get where you are coming from completely!!! it is v raw and v real and you are RIGHT.

but is hammering her (not saying you or you exclusively are doing this btw) the best way to get her to? or is supporting her?

sorry to talk about you in third person majormug (horrible name, low self-esteem name).

Blu · 07/09/2006 23:24

How long ago did you hand your notice in, majorMug? Can you rescind it tomorrow morning - or would it be better to move further away from this man?
Have you got your own computer?
You will get lots of help advice and support in leaving him - people care, that's why they are telling you the truth.

WideWebWitch · 07/09/2006 23:24

fgs don't move in with him, he sounds horrible. agree with everyone, you cannot let this go on and you cannot 'turn your head' while he is being violent and/or abusive to your child. Abuse includes verbal abuse btw, it's all damaging.

fattiemumma · 07/09/2006 23:25

then tell the landlord you have changed your mind and save him the bother of finding a new tennant.

then tell him to stay out of your lives...i dont care if he lives next door. this man (huh!) is violant, agressive, controling and absolutly the very sort of man that will sooner or later have either you or your dd in hospital.

leave now while you have enough family and freinds still.....its rule 1 of the abusers handbook to isolate their victims, don't allow him to suceed