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my partner smacked my dd

456 replies

majormug · 07/09/2006 23:03

help.... the other night my partner smacked my daugter because she licked her hands after she had eaten a doughnut..... he had told her not to and told her to go wash her hands.... temptation got the better of her and she licked them. i giggled because its the sort of thing i would do. it was a smack not a tap. he isnt in my good books anyway.... long story but we havent been together long and even her daddy wouldnt smack for something so trivial. he is always getting at her.... on a recent holiday she went through a 'dribbly' phase (how else do i put it.... little accidents' he went mad... took away privaledges and i had to turn my head whilst i cried. i know that this is def NOT the way to treat her or deal with her but our relationship is very fragile...

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makemineadouble · 17/09/2006 11:29

mhamai dont worry we have all thought that at some point

cass!! you speak more sense when your pissed and i envy your ability to type in that state! You have no need to appolagise, your opinions are your own not offensive at all. I think we would prob get on well over glass or two as long as we did'ny kill eachother ha ha. MM knows that we all would deal with this differently and I hope she knows that we have her best interest at heart and will always be here with advice even if its maybe not what she wants to hear right now, is'nt that what friends do?

runkid · 17/09/2006 13:06

Does this mean that mm is not with him right now or he wont let her use pc!!

majormug · 19/09/2006 01:01

i am still here..... am no better. had a few good days but thats it. i am not a bad mum.... i love my daughter. i just dont love my friend. mmf and fmmf... i know who you are and that youre there for me no matter what. god i really hate myself.

OP posts:
majormug · 19/09/2006 01:03

tht should have read i just dont love myself.... i adore my friends.... surprised they are still there with how badly i treat them. xx

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Earlybird · 19/09/2006 06:54

mm - has something else happened?

friendofmajormugsfriend · 19/09/2006 12:50

MM what's up? I have texted you but no reply, and I know MMF has aswell.

We want to help you help yourself. If you are feeling so low and sad then something is not right.

friendofmajormugsfriend · 19/09/2006 12:52

Just noticed the time of your posts. Blimey you were up early. Also realised you should be at work now so won't expect a reply to last post.

majormug · 19/09/2006 16:06

have just nipped her..... my number has changed...mmf has my new one i am sure. i am just very unhappy..... i dont feel like talking really.

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TambaTheDragonSlayer · 19/09/2006 16:18

Im sorry MM, I wasnt going to post this but am getting more and more pissed off with you.

You need to pull yourself together and do something to help yourself. Nothing will change unless you want it to and work at it. Poeple who care are around to help but they cant do it for you. You have a child to think of. What you want and need doesnt matter - what she wants and needs does. Children are a gift and a privilidge, not a right. And if you dont nurture and protect that gift you will lose it - even in an emotional sense, you will lose her because she will never forgive you or understand why you let her down so badly.

I know its not easy. It will be one of the hardest things you have ever done. 4 months ago I left my husband because of how he treated me, at the time I didnt think I was worth any better but one thing I was damm sure of is that my children are worth better. Lifes never been better for me now, I am confident and happy and secure. I have no money and my house is in a state - but I am safe and have the freedom to be me.

(FWIW my H never touched me or the kids, never hit us, never threw stuff around, yet being in an environment where there was tension and stress and underlying threat was bad for them.)

runkid · 21/09/2006 20:56

How are things mm

runkid · 24/09/2006 21:01

is there any news on majormug

runkid · 25/09/2006 21:00

How is MM does anyone know

Cassoulet · 25/09/2006 22:32

majormug, I've been ill this last week so haven't been up much (thank g for dh). What's going on now? your last post hasn't filled me with hope that you are on your way to a new and better life! Anyone know how mm is?

makemineadouble: yes my typing is the one thing I'm quite proud of and (whisper) I used to have the odd fantasy of winning the World Typing Championship (is there such a thing?) and being presented with some fab prize at Ronnie Scott's by George Melly! (sad person!!!!!) Anyway, I'll have a few with you any time!

cowmad · 29/09/2006 01:30

bump

majormug · 01/10/2006 00:46

still here.... still bad.... has been good but now bad because i saton his knee and tied to cuddle him. slag me off everyone if you want.... he has been lovely to dd but now it is my turn. if you havent been in this situation you cant understand how difficult it is.

OP posts:
tiptoes · 01/10/2006 01:02

Hi majormug,how are you?

Are you o.k.?

tiptoes · 01/10/2006 01:40

Hi majormug,off to bed soon,are you ok?

shaz1505 · 01/10/2006 02:11

have just read all of this post hope everything works out well for u mm

josephjaidensmum · 01/10/2006 03:05

mm

it seems to me like u have very low self esteem, u said lots of times that u was going to leave but u havent,
why are u caraving love from this sort of person
i no how it feel when u are in a relationship like this is it a vicious circle,

BUT YOUR DAUGHTER but be your priorty
Dont u think she might be so scared.
a man hitting ur daughter is very seroius

my parents were in a very violent relationship
and wen i was younger i was too
and it has effected me my whole life
do u want her to grow up and think it is ok for a man to hit a women,

please please just think about you daughter as whatever you are feeling for this man ur daughters life and her having a normal upbringing is the most important thing

And to everyone who said contact social services
do u know what it is like growing up in care, i doubt it, i did and its no bunch of roses.
that poor littlegirl could end up even worse
doggy fosterhome, childrens homes, living alone at 15

No this is not the answer all that little girl needs is her mum
You have to be strong and leave not fall back into this patern

I am being so serious you can not allow this to continue.
And if he is saying thing like u have stated he is a nasty man and it seem by his behaviou that he is angry and resentful and is taking this out on your daughter

are u not worried about wat happens wen they are alone, even for 5 mins, if he hits her, says nasty thing

this is all going to affect her later in her life,
you are her mum and its your job to protect her,
sacarife for your daughter
maybe u dont understand what this can really do to children
i think she weill remember
as i do remember so much for my childhood
maybe this isnt at this stage yet but it could be

you have already allowed to to get away with it for all of this time so he will think it ok
Which is not no child should have to worry
is that man that mummys with goin to hit me again

this read has touched me and i feel i reaaly do need to tell u,
dont wait for it to be too late

it seem like u realie on this man and you have argument and u are the one that uns bk to him -even if his is the wrong

u may be low and feeling like this because u do need to be on ur own and discover who u are not let any man treat u this way
and no way to ur daughter, if u stay he will hit u both i no.
what so wrong with just u and ur daughter for a while
i feel for some reason that she would love it and shes scared
talk to your daughter(gently tho)
maybe that will give u strengh to no that ur lil one is unhappy

u dont need anything to leave just strengh courage and love for your daughter

i hope u find strengh 4 ur daughters sake
and i hope i wasnt too harsh as i no some threads to u have been
but this is because other mums no the conciquences of thing like thing
and we all want to protect our children

your lil daughter should not be scared in her own home on punished for doing them silly thing kids do
which is y i warn you this man seems like he is a violent for minial things and this will just get worse and worse pls pls i hope u listened

emma

runkid · 01/10/2006 09:45

MM i have been in your situation and i no hard it is.
I suffered from low self asteem and needed to be wanted and loved.
I was invilved with a man who was a bully and made my life a misery until i realised he was never going to change and that i actually didnt need him and i deserved better and much more importantly so did my daughter.
The bloke i was with was always putting me down he treated me like shit and frightened me to death at times i was beaten and threatened with a saw,carving knife need i go on.
I was not strong at this time but i new i needed to leave i sought help and the strength to move on with my life. It is not easy but it is possible and you and your dd deserve better he will not change. Get the support you need and move on with life and be happy both of you xx

fattiemumma · 01/10/2006 09:54

MM - this is a devestatingly destructive relationship for both you and your DD.

you really do need to summon the courage to end the relationship.
PLease, if you would like to discuss your optins then email me and i will give you my number if you want

Fattiemumma @ msn . com

i have been there and i do know what your going through. I also had times where i felt soo low that to get a cuddle from even your abuser felt good. to be loved by someone, anyone, was the most important thing....Honestly i do know.

But after 6 years i left with a 10 week old baby.
It now transpires that what my DS witnessed during those first 5 years of his life have casued him to have severe behavioural difficulties and he is frequently excluded from school.

My son has ASD but these problems are compounded by the fact that what he see's as normal behaviour is completly wrong.

PLease, get in touch with me. i know its not going to be easy and i know it won't happen just becasue people tell you to..you need to find the motivation that is right for you.
but i am happy to discuss what happens if and when you decide the time is right.

divastrop · 01/10/2006 16:59

mm,i hope you and ur dd are ok.i have often checked this thread to see if u have posted again.i hope you find the strength you need soon x

KellyKrueger1978 · 01/10/2006 17:03

sorry to hear that you are still with him, mm I hope you find the strength to leave soon. It is hard, I've been there too, with my exh, but in the end I left for the sake of my children. However I ahve also jsut been through three weeks of hell because my dp has been hitting my children, and it didn't come to light until social services became involved and I really hope you find the strength to leave before it comes to that.

ANAconda · 01/10/2006 21:18

MM, this man knows exactly what he is doing - just the right amount of threat and the right amount of affection at the right time to keep you where he wants you. you know what you need to do, you must find the strength to do it. Good luck, keep us posted and please choose a more positive nickname! :0

Judy1234 · 01/10/2006 22:23

There are a lot of good men out there. I might be divorced but I do know that's so and one of the most important things we can do is choose a man who is emotionally intelligent and won't harm our children. That doesn't mean he has to have identical views on child rearing, although some similarities help.

I don't believe in hitting children. I know some people do and I'm sure many children grow up fine being smacked but what you describe sounds abusive. Mothers know what feels acceptable and what doesn't, what is one partner just being a bit strict and different (which does children no harm to see such differences) and what is going too far and you describe what you clearly think is unacceptable treatment of your daughter so you need to get it stopped.