I am happy to apologise to you if I have offended you. Your opinion is as valid as my own despite differences; this is what mn is for, after all. Very pissed, have just been down pub listening to dh's band and chatting up barmen & local winos. Much fun. Don't get to do it often.
Didn't mean to suggest that you perxonaly are berating mm and certainly no argument with your concern for her dd. Clearly some people are very frustrated with her lack of action, I know I am but I have also had friends who will do what they do, because of huge blocks in their psyche (I am not worthy, I am lucky iwth what I've got, I do not deserve better, I will not get/find better, at elast we don't have to worry about roof over head etc etc). I've been there. I've had friends talk to me, get frustrated with me. It didn't make any difference until I was ready to change things myself. Most of them don't talk to me any more and i am really sorry about that and too embarrassed to contacct htem. How do I know for sure that things will be different in 2 yrs, 5yrs etc. I don't want to waste their time as I clearly had, and I don't want to contact them to say things are fine in case they aren't really. I cannot confidently predict the future, nor what decisions I may make. There is so much uncertainty in what you do, adn the future can be so dark; what you need are people who will say no this is not acceptable, but still be there for you until you can find something inside yourself which gives you the strength and resolution and confidence to change it. It is so hard. My heart goes out to mm, but that doesn't help her I know. I could get really frustrated about her and her attitude, but it's not going to change anything that she does. She is surviving in the only way she can right now and she needs people who will say to her, no you are worth more than this, you deserve better. Her dd will recover, she is still v young and if they can get themselves independent of this guy and any others like him, she can come to understand what it was in her mother which brought her to this and avoid it in her own life. Especciallly if she sees her mum being on her own and managing, and if, as we all hope, she sees her mum eventually make a good relationship which lasts. To see your parents/parent overcome adversity is an extraordinary lesson. Not necessarily one which any of us would wish on our kids, but which can teach them so much if it is unavoidable.