Oh boy, this has really kicked off since I last looked at it. I wonder if majormug will ever post on this thread again - I'd be far too scared if I were her.
Why does anyone think that a woman with low/no self-esteem being bullied by a man is going to feel better for being bullied by a women? I know, I've done it too, so I apologise to you majormug.
Majormug, you can see that you have touched a nerve with many people. YOu can also see that there are many women who have been in a similar situation to you. You can also see that there are many women who have, in the end, got out. There is not one person on this thread who has said they were in an abusive/unhappy/unequal relationship and got out who says she wishes she hadn't. Every single person who has been through anything like what you are going through, and has got out, is happier for it. You can know from this that it is possible to do and that you will ultimately be happier. I hope this gives you a little more strength, confidence and belief in yourself. If there is one thing you can take from this thread is that you, too, can do it, and you will not be alone.
We have most of us on this thread given advice to majormug, and it has generally been good advice. One of the most difficult things to do is to give advice and stand by watching it not being taken. However, that is one of things about advice; my gran always said you can give advice freely, but having done so you must step back as it is none of your business whether it is taken. How many of us have been given advice which we have not followed? My point is, it is pointless ranting at majormug for asking for advice and then not taking it. She never said she would, and we have no right to expect her too.
For what it's worth, majormug, I have a friend whose p was an alcoholic bully, but father to her child. It took her nearly 3 years before she got out of the relationship while nearly going round the twist herself (ended up being arrested for threatening him with a kitchen knife). You don't want that to happen to you. A year after she left him she met a great guy and a year after that they were married and are living in bliss. She told me she sees him as her reward for all she went through before. He treats her with respect, care, consideration. He loves her dd and discipline has been discussed and is administered in a way which is acceptable to both of them. This could be you in a couple of years' time. Hold on to that.
Majormug, do you see a way in which you can take some control of the situation you are in? Can you see a time when you and he are equal within the relationship? Can you see a time when you can tell him he is being too harsh and he will listen and change his behaviour? Can you tell him he is being unreasonable?
someone (can't remember who, sorry) said they got the strength to leave their relationship after counselling. I too got the strength to take greater control over my relationship after about a year of counselling. I cannot recommend it strongly enough. Majormug, something needs to change - you know that.
We are all worried about you and the strength and depth of our worry is reflected in these posts.
Even I'm scared of pressing the post button now!