my partner smacked my dd

[majormug]

help.... the other night my partner smacked my daugter because she licked her hands after she had eaten a doughnut..... he had told her not to and told her to go wash her hands.... temptation got the better of her and she licked them. i giggled because its the sort of thing i would do. it was a smack not a tap. he isnt in my good books anyway.... long story but we havent been together long and even her daddy wouldnt smack for something so trivial. he is always getting at her.... on a recent holiday she went through a 'dribbly' phase (how else do i put it.... little accidents' he went mad... took away privaledges and i had to turn my head whilst i cried. i know that this is def NOT the way to treat her or deal with her but our relationship is very fragile...

Honestly if you haven't been in an abusive relationship yourself, from which you've escaped successfully, you should not give advice on this issue!

An abusive relationship is not straightforward to the person involved. It is not clearcut as to what to do, it is not always possible to just do things whithout careful planning and consideration.

If the man is volatile he can easily turn on her and the daughter without her being able to counteract. She should ideally strengthen herself emotionally and have a plan first with alot of backups and support from other people (that truly understand the circumstances) before she makes a break for it.

(I'm speaking from experience)

Good Luck Majormug, you've made the first very important step, you've written it down and you've give yourself perspective on the issue. I'm sure you will now continue to make the right decisions. Believe that you can.

agree totally with mum2funky.

and working with women who are/have been in abusive relationships is not the same as experiencing it yourself.

My god, this is exactly why we need a LAW against smacking.

Majormug, if you are genuine you need to get out now and put your daughers needs before your own. You are her mother.

If you do not do this you curse yourself and probably her to a life of misery and you will never stop paying for the consequenses of your cowardice.

MT your last sentance was a bit harsh.
So because i didn't stop my now xp im cursed and my son's life too?

I suggest MT reads the entire thread!

Cant update coz pc at fellas house??? Thought you said she's still there?

Well he's your ex so you did.

I'm just echoing Colditz's post earlier on. And talking from experience, as the daughter of a mother who cared more about not being alone than for the safety of her children.

MT Not sure what you mean by 'Well he's your ex so you did'.

I mean you did stop him because he's now your ex.

Yes but not until ss had taken 2 of my kids to there dads and i got a court order.I was lucky the house tenency is in my sole name!
Anyway this threads not about me.

Hope you and your dd are ok mm.Please look for help in your friend.

I`back
what should we do ?

Monkeytrousers - I remember having a real dingdong with you and Fairymum about the potential ban on smacking - I think it was my first major thread on MN. I was then of the opinion that although I loathe smacking and won't do it, the law shuoldn't be changed until a majority of the population had been convinced that it was a good idea.

Since then I have seen so many threads like this one that I have gradually changed my mind. I do want to see a total ban, as soon as possible, and anyone who feels aggreived at losing their "right" to hit people who are smaller than they are can bloody lump it.

majormug, I don't think you're necessarily a coward, and my heart goes out to you - but I really, really hope you can find a way OUT of this situation for yourself and your little girl. If he reacts like this over a toddler licking her fingers, how will he respond to a cheeky eight year old, or a moody sullen pre-teen? What about those moments of pure fury that we all experience with our children? Will he be able to control himself? It's not a great prospect for any of you. .

Sorry, I ramble.

oohhh pleessee
dont make me comprimise all of us!!!
what shall we do??

It was Greeny. And good on you for being open enough to other opinions and change your mind. You are right, the only civil liberties that matter in the issue are those of the people who can't physically defend themselves against idiots who are old enough to know better.

Maybe cowardice was a bit too strong. I don't mean to berate anyone, but I shouldn't have puit it so negitavley. We all bring our own demons to threads sometimes.

Maybe what I should have asked was for you, Majormug, to rally your moral courage; you have a lot of it - it's what made you start this thread. You told your DD that life would be good, all you have to do to make it even slightly better is to escape this relationship, look after your DD and begin to address your low self esteem with counselling maybe.

You'll find a lot of support on Mumsnet.

is that a clue??mt?
really sitting here in a dilema?
should i do this? come on
old birds vvv.hm mb
advice
pleeessseee

What is your dilemma Cowmad?

should i report this?
the police will intercept mmug an boyfriend an child an investigate i dont think mnet will/can collude..
they will be made to provide email address/identity
they will certainly ask questions???

mt honestly feel strongly about this

It won't happen Cowmad. Majormug has to do this herself.

There is no proof cowmad, just words on a messageboard

This is for the OP to sort out, please dont let it eat you up

I'm really worried about majormug, I hope she's out safely with her dd, I'm hoping no news is good news!

sleeepysoz...hope??
walsh boris?what op?
have you read thread? gerrr

op = opening post

is that bump whlst on fence???

how does a smack equate with voctoria climbie?

stop being a freak