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Furious with dd for lying to me.

128 replies

PavlovtheCat · 18/01/2014 08:02

Just sounding off really.

Dd and ds woke up early (7.5 and 4 yrs) at about 6:15. Ds asked for TV on, I said no, play with toys in their bedroom and I will be up in one hour. It was far too early. They did this quietly until 7am. Dd came up and told me the time, I said to give me 15 mins, and I would be up and we would have boiled eggs for breakfast. Yey, they said. I reminded them, no tv, and don't touch the iPad or laptop. 5 mins later. I heard them talking about wreck it Ralph. Which is an iPad app.

I got up, to find them playing with a toy, iPad next to them, looking shifty. 'We you on the iPad?' No. Said dd. I asked again. 'No!' 'Yes' said ds. 'Ds was on it' said dd. 'no I wasn't!' Said ds 'we both were!' I looked dd right in the eyes. Have you been on the iPad? 'Yes' said d sheepishly, 'I'm sorreeeee!'

I have banned her from the iPad indefinitely. Both of them. And the computer. None for at least the weekend, and probably for much longer. I reminded them it is not theirs so I won't give a time as right now I don't want them to ever go on it, as they seem to think its theirs. They have no respect for what is ours.

Anyway. I am more furious with the lying. Dd lied, when given the opportunity to stop that lie she lied again, then she tried to blame her brother. I know that is pretty normal for children to blame each other but to don't like this lying. I have told dd that it is much better to admit doing something wrong and get told off for that and it be done with than lie as that makes it so much worse.

I threatened to not let her go to a party, or do an activity she has planned on Monday. But, that seemed really mean, In the end it I said that I would not be making boiled eggs for breakfast as her punishment (which they were very upset about) and that she was not allowed to do anything at all in relationship to the computer. Which means she can't use it for her homework. That is punishment enough I think. We can go to the library for her homework and look at real books to find the answers !

I know it's our fault. We have given them both too much freedom to use the computers. We have always instilled that they must always ask for permission, they do not get free reign, and we take access away when they don't ask, for a day or two. but they seem to think they are theirs to play on, they get upset when we don't let them go on, like we are depriving them from something and they always want to go on it. It's all got too much and I want it to stop so I think we are going to just have no computers for a while.

I was so so furious!!! I feel better for writing it all down and having a good moan.

Is this the start of regular lying?! She has lied from time to time, not about huge things, but enough to try and avoid getting into trouble. And she is terrible at it!

OP posts:
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Jemma1111 · 18/01/2014 08:19

To be honest I think you've gone completely over the top about this .

Your dd shouldn't have gone against you but she is only 7 and I imagine she lied because she knows how strict you are .

To want to ban them indefinitely , refuse to make eggs , etc etc as punishment seems way too harsh .

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 18/01/2014 08:20

Oh. I think you're making a big deal of it. They entertained themselves for 45 minutes. I think they did quite well!

Aren't you shooting yourself in the foot by banning things for the weekend? I need mine to have computer and tv sometimes to survive the weekend!

rubyslippers · 18/01/2014 08:22

I also think the punishment and reaction is very OTT

Kids fib and tell half truths especially if they know the have done something wrong and will get a punishment

If my 7.5 year old did this I would ban iPad. For the day and he would have to earn it back through chores and good behaviour for the next day

My DS is going through a similar phase of fibbing so I know it's frustrating

SavoyCabbage · 18/01/2014 08:23

So do I. And I am strict and I limit screen time.

She lied because she panicked. It was a defence mechanism.

I would just talk to her and explain why she shouldn't lie and tell her that she can always tell you the truth about anything and you will still love her.

And thank her for looking after her brother.

TallGiraffe · 18/01/2014 08:23

I think this is a massive overreaction. When I saw the title I assumed your DD was 16ish and was drinking / drug taking etc.

A one day ban would be enough punishment, with nothing else. If you react this strongly to small things then I think she will hide/lie more I'm afraid.

Leedscatgirl · 18/01/2014 08:24

Way ott

Bumpsadaisie · 18/01/2014 08:25

Sounds totally OTT to me, sorry OP. She did tell the truth in the end and apologise. She is 7 not 17.

99redbafoons · 18/01/2014 08:26

Completely OTT and completely ridiculous.

They're children, they find it hard to exert self control. If you didn't want them up at that time you should have sent them back to bed, I agree with pp that said they did well to entertain themselves while you were having a lie in.

YokoUhOh · 18/01/2014 08:27

Lying is an important social function, believe it or not. If we didn't have white lies, nobody would have any friends and we'd fight like cats and dogs all the time. Kids learn in time when lying is appropriate ('I love your new hair!') or inappropriate ('I didn't set fire to the cat!') :)

MirandaWest · 18/01/2014 08:27

I think you've gone over the top as well. Maybe no ipad or computer for today and no eggs but that should be the end of it. She shouldn't have done it, or lied, but she panicked.

Pagwatch · 18/01/2014 08:28

You are massively over reacting.

Children lie. They know you will be angry so they lie. They developmentally do not have the capacity to chose honesty over their fear of your anger.

You need to drop all these ridiculous punishments and, tbh, get up.
6.15 isn't the end of the world.

PrinceRogersNelson · 18/01/2014 08:28

Wow. They entertained themselves for an hour and then did what all kids do and pushed their luck.

You have gone completely over the top and they will probably lie in future to try and not get in this much trouble again.

Jemma1111 · 18/01/2014 08:29

Incidentally , if you're refusing to make boiled eggs for breakfast , please tell me that you are actually going to be giving your dcs something else instead , and that you are not going to make them have nothing .

galletti · 18/01/2014 08:30

Yep another one that thinks far too OTT, OP. Far too many punishments there for this I think, especially not letting them have boiled eggs for breakfast!

Bumpsadaisie · 18/01/2014 08:30

My reading is that you're worried about the amount of screen time they're having and how to limit it. So this is an area you're really sensitive about at the mo (we all have problem areas - mine is my DS and his complete lack of table manners - makes me stressed!) and you've got more furious than perhaps is reasonable. You are feeling out of control in this area of your parenting and it's stressing you because you feel you ought to be in control.

Try to work out with the kids and DH some mutually agreed plan for screen time that you're all happy with then you'll feel a bit more relaxed with it.

Pagwatch · 18/01/2014 08:31

I think we have a sort of fear reaction to our chikdren lying.
We think it reflects on how we have brought them up. But it's what children do until they can apply adult morals against the 'oh shit, I'm in trouble. How to get out of it?' instinct.

In a way they are very like politicians Grin

Mumof3xx · 18/01/2014 08:31

Pick your battles op

If you don't want them on the iPad don't leave it lying around

MissBeehiving · 18/01/2014 08:31

Way OTT.

Frusso · 18/01/2014 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BloominNora · 18/01/2014 08:32

Do you often leave your 7 year old to care for your 4 year old for an hour and 15 minutes while you stay in bed? We get our 6 year old to play with the 2 year old but only for about 20 mins tops. It seems a long time for them to have to completely entertain themselves.

Your punishment is way ott - yes, kids of that age fib, but only because they know they are going to get told off. If you don't want them playing with your things then put them away out of reach.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 18/01/2014 08:32

Blimey. Tbh you sound addicted. It's mine. Mine I tell you do not touch my iPad!!! How dare you touch it?!?!

I'm guessing the truth is they see you both go on it whenever you wish. That you both look like you have fun on it and you don't restrict or are unaware of how much you use it.

Sounds to me she's copying her parents and is confused as to why it's ok for you but not her, hence the lie.

Time to insert family rules you all stick to.

Coconutty · 18/01/2014 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JanetAndRoy · 18/01/2014 08:33

OTT.
She lied. Kids do. They knew they did something wrong and that you'd be angry, but that thought never entered their heads when the chance to use the iPad was there - children are all about instant gratification!

Why was the iPad in reach if they are not allowed to use it? Also, asking very young children to entertain themselves for an hour was pushing it IMHO.

Hassled · 18/01/2014 08:34

There is something just heart-breaking about your own child looking at you in the eyes and lying through their teeth - it's soul-destroying. Hard not to over-react - but I think you have, sorry.

Auntierosemary · 18/01/2014 08:34

Wow. What are you going to do when she does something properly bad, as all kids will at some stage?

I have a general rule about not being rude on chat forums so I'm sorry for this, but you sound absolutely mental.