Furious with dd for lying to me.

[PavlovtheCat]

Just sounding off really.

Dd and ds woke up early (7.5 and 4 yrs) at about 6:15. Ds asked for TV on, I said no, play with toys in their bedroom and I will be up in one hour. It was far too early. They did this quietly until 7am. Dd came up and told me the time, I said to give me 15 mins, and I would be up and we would have boiled eggs for breakfast. Yey, they said. I reminded them, no tv, and don't touch the iPad or laptop. 5 mins later. I heard them talking about wreck it Ralph. Which is an iPad app.

I got up, to find them playing with a toy, iPad next to them, looking shifty. 'We you on the iPad?' No. Said dd. I asked again. 'No!' 'Yes' said ds. 'Ds was on it' said dd. 'no I wasn't!' Said ds 'we both were!' I looked dd right in the eyes. Have you been on the iPad? 'Yes' said d sheepishly, 'I'm sorreeeee!'

I have banned her from the iPad indefinitely. Both of them. And the computer. None for at least the weekend, and probably for much longer. I reminded them it is not theirs so I won't give a time as right now I don't want them to ever go on it, as they seem to think its theirs. They have no respect for what is ours.

Anyway. I am more furious with the lying. Dd lied, when given the opportunity to stop that lie she lied again, then she tried to blame her brother. I know that is pretty normal for children to blame each other but to don't like this lying. I have told dd that it is much better to admit doing something wrong and get told off for that and it be done with than lie as that makes it so much worse.

I threatened to not let her go to a party, or do an activity she has planned on Monday. But, that seemed really mean, In the end it I said that I would not be making boiled eggs for breakfast as her punishment (which they were very upset about) and that she was not allowed to do anything at all in relationship to the computer. Which means she can't use it for her homework. That is punishment enough I think. We can go to the library for her homework and look at real books to find the answers !

I know it's our fault. We have given them both too much freedom to use the computers. We have always instilled that they must always ask for permission, they do not get free reign, and we take access away when they don't ask, for a day or two. but they seem to think they are theirs to play on, they get upset when we don't let them go on, like we are depriving them from something and they always want to go on it. It's all got too much and I want it to stop so I think we are going to just have no computers for a while.

I was so so furious!!! I feel better for writing it all down and having a good moan.

Is this the start of regular lying?! She has lied from time to time, not about huge things, but enough to try and avoid getting into trouble. And she is terrible at it!

She probably lied because she was afraid of your excessively OTT reaction and punitive attitude.

We, too, are strict about screen time. Our reaction in this case would have been a talking-to about lying, dishonest behaviour and trust, and a 24h screen ban. But it would not have happened in the first place, because our iPad is password-protected.

If you choose to restrict access (which is fair enough) do it in such a way that it is made easier for everyone and reduces the likelihood of lies or punishments. Set up automatic locking and PIN unlocking on your iPad.

Is there a specific reason why you have a big issue with lying? I also think you have overreacted, sorry. But I'm thinking there's a reason why you've reacted like this. I don't think you're dd has lied outwith 'normal' limits of childhood lying. Your punishment is disproportionate.

What's wrong with TV until you get up? I never understand people's aversion to this amazing invention. It's perfect childcare.

Way OTT.

You should have got up with them or not left the ipad where they could get to it.

She lied to avoid a telling off but did end up admitting it and apologising.

A tad harsh....probably why she lied....knew what was coming.
Can they not watch tv for whilst you are getting up.
Did they get their Eggs in the end?

Wow.
Are you in a bad mood for another reason op?
Also, kids get up early.
Deal with it.
Leaving your 4 year old under the care of his sister whist you sleep is poor parenting.

Sorry OP I also think you seem OTT.

I also find it a bit strange the way you keep going on about the ipad being YOURS, you almost sound like a jealous child yourself "I hate the way they think it's theirs" kind of thing.
If you know they will be around without you put all things like that out of reach so they can't be tempted.
I'm a teacher and lots and lots of children quickly lie and blame somebody else to get out of trouble! They usually always own up soon after.

Boiled eggs sounds like a good breakfast so I don't think standard food should be taken away as punishment....

Keep away all things you don't want them touching or make sure they are always supervised

she is 7 and you have overreacted. If ds comes through early at the weekend (normally 7ish though) we tell him to go find something to do whether that is toys, xbox, nintendo, etc as it means we can have a bit of extra time in bed. I think you are being a bit mean especially not letting her use the computer for her homework. Pick your battles as this is not really that big a deal.

Ridiculous over-reaction. Furious? Really?

By being so strict you risk making your children fear you. I can't help but wonder if your DD only lied because she knew how excessive your reaction to the I-Pad use would be.

Maybe you should leave the rules about no technology for when you are actually there to supervise, rather than expecting a 7 year old to enforce them whilst supervising her younger sibling so you can lie in bed.

If I was a child, I'd be a put out that my parent had her choice of activity - staying in bed - yet I couldn't chill out with the tv or a game for an hour.

And I'd be impressed they were talking to each other not fighting!

You do know when they're older, they'll be the ones wanting to lie in & you'll be dragging them out of bed

I think you overreacted too.
Also, I agree the tv is perfect for an hour for two small children to keep quiet and not wake mum and dad at six on a Saturday!
DD is five and is never up before me, but if she was an early riser, well, the tv would keep her out of trouble!

Way ott reaction.

And 6 am is a perfectly normal time for young children to wake up. If you can't be bothered to get up with them don't expect them not to make mischief in order to amuse themselves. They were playing nicely with the ipad... and you got your hours peace. Seems ok to me!

I think if you are so harsh in your reactions, then your children are going to be less likely to tell you the truth, not more likely. And one day it might be about something important, and they'll be too scared to tell you, and you won't be able to help them when they need it.

Ffs. Next time get out of bed and look after your children!!!
She's apparently old enough to look after her sibling but not to make a decision to play a game with him?
That whole situation arose due to your own lazy parenting.

Hide the iPad and supervise your children instead of lolling about it bed?

Sorted.

And she lied for about five seconds, probably because she was terrified you would overreact. Which you did.

I'd lie too in the face of such a massive over reaction.

Why not just say 'You know I said no iPad. I'm putting it away now until tomorrow. Say sorry please. Now, who wants breakfast?'

Instead you act as though your poor children have out the cat in the microwave.

Seriously??? Is this for real???

If it is then your daughter may have lied because she was scared or your completely disproportionate reaction.

wow, that's after first that I have been called mental. You are all absolutely right. I am not a morning person.

And, to be clear, although I was absolutely furious, I s more letting off steam here than with the children. I was relatively calm with them.

Had dd not lied, I would not have been cross at all, it would simply have been not allowed on the iPad for the weekend, or maybe even only the day. It was the lying that tipped it for me.

I guess it's a good sign, that I have not acted so well, as it means I am not use to lying from dd, so good that she is not generally a liar

A couple of points: re the iPad being ours, and being very possessive about it. Yes, absolutely.. It is not theirs, it is hundreds of pounds so it is not for them to have free reign over. We let them play on it a lot, and we generally hav a relaxed family about all our things, but, we are absolutely allowed to have some things that are not freely accessible by the children. But, we shoul have therefore kept it away from them, out of the way of temptation. I have not shot myself in the foot re taking this away, as I don't like using the iPad as a babysitter. I have not banned the tv...

Re: letting them get up on their own. There is no way I am getting up at 6:15am if they can play nicely, one day of the week, and not always one day a week. I get up every day of the week, sometimes in the night time. To deal with ds who doesn't always sleep through, and so, it is not unreasonable IMO to let them play in their room for a while with their many toys, especially after Christmas. They share a room so it's not a huge issue. We live in a small place so they are not far from us.

Re: no tv. They watchi tv too much, they ask for it to be on all the time. It's becomes a routine, get up,d put tell on, turn into zombie. I get fed up with it's always on when they have lots of lovely toys to play with, they agave music in their room which they put on quietly, they have so much else they can do. I am happy to use it as an electronic babysitter from time to time, but it want to encourage other ways to occupy themselves too.

Re: bad mood. I have had my coffee

Once this kids started to play Lego, I got downto help them. Dd said she was sorry for lying to me. I explained that mummy gets very sad when she feels she has to lie and I would not have been very cross if she had told the truth, but would have bannd her from the iPad for a day. She was calm, so was I, and we had a hug and kiss. Ds said sorry for going on the iPad without asking.

So all is calmer in the Pavlov house.

Goodness

that sounds very controlling, it reminds me of people that put a biscuit in front of a dog, tell it to not eat it and then scream at it when it snaffles it up after 1/2hr of sitting looking at it!

If you cant be arsed getting up at silly 6am is quite reasonable really o'clock with your children at least let them entertain themselves.

like someone said upthread, are you in a bad mood over something else?

They did really well to play by themselves for nearly an hour till 7. And she did well to know to apologise straight away. She shouldn't have disobeyed you or lied, and taking the iPad away for the weekend or something would be appropriate, but it would be so hard to have self control in that situation when you're only 7. I also think you need to be careful not to make her feel like you're only blaming her and not her little brother - she might be older than him but she's still very little. Sorry, I also think you were a bit harsh.

I am so glad this is not in aibu

You've gone way OTT, my 7,6& 3 yo DS are quite often up for an hour or so before I get up at weekends but I let them play on the iPad or their DS as long as they do it quietly & without fighting.
Like others have said, if your iPad is so bloody precious to you, don't leave it with kids apps on & within their reach while you snooze. Simple.

Poor kids.