Furious with dd for lying to me.

[PavlovtheCat]

Just sounding off really.

Dd and ds woke up early (7.5 and 4 yrs) at about 6:15. Ds asked for TV on, I said no, play with toys in their bedroom and I will be up in one hour. It was far too early. They did this quietly until 7am. Dd came up and told me the time, I said to give me 15 mins, and I would be up and we would have boiled eggs for breakfast. Yey, they said. I reminded them, no tv, and don't touch the iPad or laptop. 5 mins later. I heard them talking about wreck it Ralph. Which is an iPad app.

I got up, to find them playing with a toy, iPad next to them, looking shifty. 'We you on the iPad?' No. Said dd. I asked again. 'No!' 'Yes' said ds. 'Ds was on it' said dd. 'no I wasn't!' Said ds 'we both were!' I looked dd right in the eyes. Have you been on the iPad? 'Yes' said d sheepishly, 'I'm sorreeeee!'

I have banned her from the iPad indefinitely. Both of them. And the computer. None for at least the weekend, and probably for much longer. I reminded them it is not theirs so I won't give a time as right now I don't want them to ever go on it, as they seem to think its theirs. They have no respect for what is ours.

Anyway. I am more furious with the lying. Dd lied, when given the opportunity to stop that lie she lied again, then she tried to blame her brother. I know that is pretty normal for children to blame each other but to don't like this lying. I have told dd that it is much better to admit doing something wrong and get told off for that and it be done with than lie as that makes it so much worse.

I threatened to not let her go to a party, or do an activity she has planned on Monday. But, that seemed really mean, In the end it I said that I would not be making boiled eggs for breakfast as her punishment (which they were very upset about) and that she was not allowed to do anything at all in relationship to the computer. Which means she can't use it for her homework. That is punishment enough I think. We can go to the library for her homework and look at real books to find the answers !

I know it's our fault. We have given them both too much freedom to use the computers. We have always instilled that they must always ask for permission, they do not get free reign, and we take access away when they don't ask, for a day or two. but they seem to think they are theirs to play on, they get upset when we don't let them go on, like we are depriving them from something and they always want to go on it. It's all got too much and I want it to stop so I think we are going to just have no computers for a while.

I was so so furious!!! I feel better for writing it all down and having a good moan.

Is this the start of regular lying?! She has lied from time to time, not about huge things, but enough to try and avoid getting into trouble. And she is terrible at it!

Just saw your update, glad all is sorted!! :)

And I did let them have breakfast! I didn't starve them, just not eggs. So, the punishments were 1. No iPad for either of them, for going on to it without sake king.

1. No eggs for breakfast, for lying.

That's not lots of punishments. It's two. I was clear what they were for.

There's a book called Nurture Shock which talks about the research on all sorts of contentious issues in parenting, without relying on "common sense" - just the actual peer reviewed data. There's a chapter on kids and lying, and it's fascinating. The parents all say either that their kids don't lie, or that they can tell when they lie to them. But those statements are proven to be completely wrong in every single case, and what's more, lying is actually found to be developmentally essential and to follow a set path and pattern in neuro-typical, reasonably well-adjusted kids in the way all necessary developmental stages do. Kids have to learn how to negotiate the world, about social lying, and about calibrating shades of grey, and while you do need to discipline them when caught red-handed it says the best strategy of all is to avoid a scenario where lying to you is likely and in their interests. She's going to grow out of it - and better and better at the lies she doesn't grow out of, too!

The parent with cause to worry is the parent whose young child never lies at all, it seems.

Glad you sorted
An oeuf is an oeuf
Have a good weekend

dame they are allowed on the iPad sometimes, often. And sometimes we let them in the morning downstairs. They have specific things they can do, some apps for them and we will say the night before if they can't go on it, and sometimes in the morning they ask we say yes. Sometimes, they come into bed with us and watch tv, sometimes they come into bed and we let them on the iPad. But, I would like that, the times we say no, they listen, and they don't lie.

Oh, and if we let DS he'd be on the tablet all bloody day. We restrict it heavily. He's 5 and right now our authority is enough - by the time he's 7 I'm sure he'll do as yours has, and my reaction will be similar. Not looking forward to that point at all!

Nowt wrong with letting the kids get up themselves, perfectly reasonable.

Personally I would let them have the tv on in the morning but each to their own.

I would have said that it had upset me that dd had lied and then maybe no more ipad for the day, but that would have been it. It would have made sense too, she didn't follow your ipad rules so she lost the use of the ipad.

I would't have banned the eggs as it just doesn't make sense.

Glad it's all sorted though; hope you all enjoy the rest off the weekend.

Brain development means that your ds is yet to understand that his knowledge is not common knowledge. He didn't't lie because he doesn't' identify it as an option. Your dd knows you don't know and has the social understanding to realise it will be best for everyone if you lived in blissful ignorance. The lie was a savvy and well intentioned one to keep family harmony.... It is a shame that the little one snitched imho . Right now you'd all be snuggled up in bed having breakfast and laughing and reading books rather that you being in an over the top fury.

perfect oh I will go and read that later.

MrsD - I can literally adjust the duvet. Right now. (I'm 8 months pregnant and DH is with DS... but he only got up at 8 to give him breakfast, too. DS, who is 5, played with toys and then watched CBeebies till then. I think SS should be informed.)

All kids lie, yes. Except mine of course. I'd be able to tell.

Sorry for calling you mental. I too have now had my coffee.

mrsdevere I know dd lies from time to time! she is not very good at it! Yet!

I am really not an ogre you know ladies. Nt even when they are naughty. Just when they lie.

I gave said before to her and repeated today I would prefer she fesses up and accepts that she will be banned for a day, and not have a cross mummy or daddy, rather than lie to me. And not blame her brother, as he can't lie at all yet so will always say it how it is for now

Sorry - Took me so long to type out on my phone that I missed your update - yay! And that my point has been made already he he he!!! Have a nice weekend, op

I read OP and update and whole thread. I too think this is an over reaction. I hate lying, but this isn't the way to deal with it. I want my kids to be able to tell be big things if they need to and by reacting massively to the smaller non issues you are not going to be opening the door to them being able to approach you.

That's really intersting pyjamasatlunch. I am trying to explain to dd at the mo that she doesn't have to 'fess up every minor indiscretion, she will literally tell me every minor misdemeanor. I now let her tell me, but don't react too it as it's all stuff I wouldn't know if she didn't feel compelled to tell me. I keep telling her she is entitled to a private life.

Examples of yesterdays confessions were a) I cleaned my top row of teeth more than my bottom row and b) I played dinosaurs with my friend yesterday when she really wanted to play fairies.

Password protect iPad or turn router off overnight. Sorted.
Give your children a break.

Blimey. She's 7. 7 year olds often lie, ESP when aught doing something they shouldn't, but even sometimes when they don't need to. If you handle it gently they tend to stop. If you overreact they tend to do it more ime.

Interesting, pyjamas!

How many times, as adults, do we lie because we know it will smooth things over? The "what they don't know, won't hurt them" attitude.

snice she knows the password???need to change it but then I will forget it...

pyjamas interesting. I do sometimes ignore little white lies that she knows, I know she fibbing. I say oookaaaay or something. And I do that because it means not making a huge deal,and keeping the peace, so interestingly we both work that to keep things happy. But, I was so clear with her about not going on it this time I felt I could not ignore it as it was such an obvious ignoring, and then lying, it was so obvious she lied, it would have been hard to pretend I didn't know.

If she knows the password then it sounds like she's used it before with your blessing. You need to make your min d up whether it s for her to use it or not. Personally I'd have them wired up to computers for as long as it takes rather than get up at 6.15!

I think if you're having a nice little lie in, which is fine, I do it every single weekend and are therefore not directly supervising them, then you don't get to call the shots over a bit of TV or other relatively harmless passing the time in the mornings. As for the IPad, obviously it's up to you but I have never understood this only for adults thing, seems a sure fire path to resentment to me. Put it away if you don't want them using it.

Your reaction to the "lie" reminds me of my own Mum and to be honest I never told her anything, even stuff that was going on at school because I was so scared of how she would react.

I can't believe you refused to make them eggs for breakfast over it.