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Furious with dd for lying to me.

128 replies

PavlovtheCat · 18/01/2014 08:02

Just sounding off really.

Dd and ds woke up early (7.5 and 4 yrs) at about 6:15. Ds asked for TV on, I said no, play with toys in their bedroom and I will be up in one hour. It was far too early. They did this quietly until 7am. Dd came up and told me the time, I said to give me 15 mins, and I would be up and we would have boiled eggs for breakfast. Yey, they said. I reminded them, no tv, and don't touch the iPad or laptop. 5 mins later. I heard them talking about wreck it Ralph. Which is an iPad app.

I got up, to find them playing with a toy, iPad next to them, looking shifty. 'We you on the iPad?' No. Said dd. I asked again. 'No!' 'Yes' said ds. 'Ds was on it' said dd. 'no I wasn't!' Said ds 'we both were!' I looked dd right in the eyes. Have you been on the iPad? 'Yes' said d sheepishly, 'I'm sorreeeee!'

I have banned her from the iPad indefinitely. Both of them. And the computer. None for at least the weekend, and probably for much longer. I reminded them it is not theirs so I won't give a time as right now I don't want them to ever go on it, as they seem to think its theirs. They have no respect for what is ours.

Anyway. I am more furious with the lying. Dd lied, when given the opportunity to stop that lie she lied again, then she tried to blame her brother. I know that is pretty normal for children to blame each other but to don't like this lying. I have told dd that it is much better to admit doing something wrong and get told off for that and it be done with than lie as that makes it so much worse.

I threatened to not let her go to a party, or do an activity she has planned on Monday. But, that seemed really mean, In the end it I said that I would not be making boiled eggs for breakfast as her punishment (which they were very upset about) and that she was not allowed to do anything at all in relationship to the computer. Which means she can't use it for her homework. That is punishment enough I think. We can go to the library for her homework and look at real books to find the answers !

I know it's our fault. We have given them both too much freedom to use the computers. We have always instilled that they must always ask for permission, they do not get free reign, and we take access away when they don't ask, for a day or two. but they seem to think they are theirs to play on, they get upset when we don't let them go on, like we are depriving them from something and they always want to go on it. It's all got too much and I want it to stop so I think we are going to just have no computers for a while.

I was so so furious!!! I feel better for writing it all down and having a good moan.

Is this the start of regular lying?! She has lied from time to time, not about huge things, but enough to try and avoid getting into trouble. And she is terrible at it!

OP posts:
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SanityClause · 18/01/2014 17:12

FFS, westl! Your feelings are your feelings. You can't help them.

You can help how you act.

Pavlov was furious, so she ranted on her. She was calm with her DD, and didn't take her anger out on her.

SanityClause · 18/01/2014 17:13

Ranted on here.

starlight1234 · 18/01/2014 17:16

I posted about lying yesterday someone posted this link...I found it really useful

www.themotherco.com/2012/06/our-little-liars/

westl · 18/01/2014 17:17

You can help your feelings. If you have feelings of fury and anger towards your 7 year old, you examine why, to help prevent feeling that way again.

You aren't always in control of your actions, that's why it's good, if possible, to prevent the anger in the first place.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/01/2014 17:21

I don't necessarily think it's wrong to discipline a child for lying. Even lying to get out of trouble. After all, as adults we are expected to own up to our errors. My sons knew that if got caught doing something wrong and then lied about it, the punishment would be worse. But we always made a point of separating the two. Such as, "Because you played with the iPad when you were told not to, you may not play with it for the rest of the day. Because you lied about it, you will not be having boiled eggs. You may have cereal".

I think you went a bit OTT in the punishment, but I agree with the fact that you punished for lying

PavlovtheCat · 18/01/2014 18:44

acrossthepond that'd exactly what I did. I made it clear that no iPad was due to her using it when I asked her not to. No boiled eggs, but porridge/cereal/toast because she lied. I also told her that had she be honest when I have her the opportunity to tell me the truth, I would not have given her two punishments and I have on more than one occasion told her that lying would have a more serious consequence than if she accepted she had done something wrong. I would not have been particularly annoyed at her using the iPad, I would simply have removed it and banned her for a day or two.

I then made them cereal, made me a coffee, then came on here for rant.

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LingDiLong · 18/01/2014 19:15

Would it help to have some kind of routine for when they're allowed the Ipad/PC or whatever? It might stop the feeling of constant nagging and battling over the bloody things. It sounds like you sometimes let them on it, sometimes don't - that makes my kids really naggy. Personally I'd be letting them on the Ipad on the weekend mornings so you can maximise the lie in!!! Maybe have a rule that they're only allowed on it until you come down to make breakfast and then it goes off. Or whatever but set times can help.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 18/01/2014 19:41

Responding direct; you enabled the situation. Your iPad was out. Dd has used in past. She knew password. She knows it's fun as sees you both regularly use around her. Probably often playing games or buying stuff. It's a fun object. It's an object that takes your attention from them from her. It's absorbing. You left her playing from 6 or just after looking after sibling. She knew it would make you upset when she realised you knew.

Look, I'm not perfect. Christ I'm seeing our house in your post just on a bloody phone not our iPad even. Do you use your phone a lot too? Everything though in that situation was allowed or set up by you. As an observer I see that. To what you write anyway.

I dislike dh using phone at table, I think it's rude, doesn't include us, what does she think? She has less words to express herself. I notice our dd 3 plays up if she sees my phone and me tapping away unless I include her (it's dad etc). Everything there though stemmed from you and she is wrong/punished. It's uncomfortable. I'm seeing ghost of Christmas techy future I suppose. It makes you think.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 18/01/2014 19:44

Also she's 7. Why do you think she remembers an instruction when you aren't there? Even with ours I've learnt to remove paint/ pens if I leave the room. Cream walls are inticing! The dog/biscuit analogy by a previous poster is excellent.

MrsDeVere · 18/01/2014 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LingDiLong · 18/01/2014 20:48

Yikes, I was just trying to help!

MrsDeVere · 18/01/2014 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 18/01/2014 20:57

I love 'no eggs for breakfast' as a punishment! Mine would be naughty all the time :)

LingDiLong · 18/01/2014 20:57

I wasn't being dramatic, yikes is a bit of a shit word to use if you're feeling dramatic!! I thought you were referring to mine and Minnie's post that's all. Reread mine and thought 'oops, maybe I came across as a bit judgy'.

MrsDeVere · 18/01/2014 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PavlovtheCat · 19/01/2014 07:19

ling you have read the thread right? Yours was not judgey let, me assure you Grin I agree actually, set times will mean they know where they are at with it, and we have more Sienese of control over their use.

They got upset 5:30 today. The lazy mother in me let them babysit each other again. They didn't ask for the tv. Even they knew that we would not be impressed at 5:30am. I got up when they came up at 6:20, they had made breakfast for us and could bring it upstairs. I know, I know, should have locked the kitchen door Wink I made a strong coffee! some warm milk for them, and we they are now watching my little pony, having had breakfast of cream cheese and rivita, pistachio nuts, bananas, and left over popadum from yesterday...

mrsdevere I am flogged?it has been done. My lesson is learnt.

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PavlovtheCat · 19/01/2014 07:19

What shocking typos. Can you guess I am on the iPad Grin

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PavlovtheCat · 19/01/2014 07:20

They did get upset at 5:30 either. They got up at 5:30am.

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roundtable · 19/01/2014 07:51

I think op has got it now those trying to land a final kick.

You've taken what people have said rather admirably too op. Well done.

perfectstorm · 19/01/2014 10:15

we have more Sienese of control over their use.

I love autocorrect so much.

For what it's worth, I'm always hugely entertained when people post in a frothing rage about how appalling they find an OP's self-reported loss of temper. Especially when the target is as gracious in the teeth of that as you've been.

Irony's as funny as autocorrect.

PavlovtheCat · 19/01/2014 10:21

I didn't even see that error, I am going to google it. It doesn't even sound like a real word!

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PavlovtheCat · 19/01/2014 10:24

Ok, we will adopt the Italian use of self control. As Sienese refers to 'someone from Siena' in Italy Grin so, this thread has even taught me a
Little bit of culture...

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HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato · 19/01/2014 14:35

Shocked and appalled at what a bad mother you are, Pavlov! The evidence: your 7yo and 4yo made breakfast for you and brought it to you. Can you not see that your wilful neglect of these poor, dear LOs is leading to dreadful consequences?

Will no-one think of the children?

PavlovtheCat · 19/01/2014 19:13

I expect that the children made me breakfast out of guilt over lying to me yesterday, you know to get back in my good books. My strict regime obviously doesn't put the fear into them enough for them to not climb on chairs to get the rivitas. I am obviously not quite strict enough, often enough, yet.

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OutragedFromLeeds · 19/01/2014 21:27

Did they let you have eggs?