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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

highly sensitive children

85 replies

neasels · 26/06/2006 14:08

I was hoping that there are parents out there of highly sensitive children as described by Elaine Aron. My DS aged nearly 2 has always been sensitive to things that other children take no notice of and it can be pretty lonely parenting a HSC. It used to be fairly straight forward as I was always there to support him but I had a dd 9 weeks ago and things are really tough at times. Going to new houses can be a nightmare and sometimes it seems easier to just stay by ourselves, however I am not prepared to do this as it is not the best thing for my ds. My DS is also a late talker and doesn't have much to say yet, although he is very perceptive and observant, which is half his trouble!
Any other parents aout there with advice from thier experience??

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kayzed · 26/06/2006 20:50

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Katsh · 26/06/2006 21:38

Hi, I have an HSC aged 6 ( a girl) - it was only when she was three that I found Elaine Aron's book, and was amazed when it described my daughter exactly. I sympathise utterly. My HSC is my oldest, and the toughest period was definitely the 18 months following her younger sisters birth ( 2 yr gap). All I can say is just hang in there and do what you think is working for your ds. They are different to their peers, and a lot of other parents will not understand at all, but you have to do what you know is best for him. Don't feel you need to make excuses for his behaviour if difficult in public. He's not doing anything "wrong", even if others will see it that way. On the positive side - it has got much easier as my dd has got older. It's something I have to be aware of, but she has found her own ways of coping with things. I was incredibly fortunate at the toughest point to meet someone at a toddler group who picked up on a few comments I made, and made a few of her own, and after a few weeks we mutually confessed to having children who were behaving very differently from all others around them. It was fantastic to know I wasn't alone. You never know - there may be someone else in a toddler group near you who will empathise. With a 9 week old however, you just need to do whatever you can to get through the next few months in one piece! Don't worry about other people's expectations.

Jazzi · 26/06/2006 21:56

Have not read Elaine Arons book or even heard of HSC, but think my ds falls into this category. Could you explain a bit more about it?

kayzed · 26/06/2006 22:16

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Jazzi · 26/06/2006 22:21

Thanks kayzed, ds seems to fit very much this description, does she provide any useful tips in how to deal with HSC?

kayzed · 26/06/2006 22:30

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Mandymoo · 27/06/2006 09:47

Thanks so much for this thread - i've been going mad trying to deal with dd (3.6) who is super sensitive and was worried that she was in some way "abnormal" but after reading these posts and the link, i know that its fairly common. I'm buying the book today!!!!

Jazzi · 27/06/2006 10:00

Thanks also, I think I will too. Ds scored a 16 so seems quite likely he is HSC!!

Mandymoo · 27/06/2006 10:56

dd scored 17 on the test - i can't wait to read the book and to be able to start understanding properly what HSC need from us as parents. Feel a tad relieved actually - so good to know you're not alone.

Jazzi · 27/06/2006 11:02

I know what you mean Mandymoo, I also feel a little guilty as he is obviously very sensitive to things and I just tried to ignore it!!

Jasnem · 27/06/2006 11:21

Both my dds have scored high on that questionnaire. I think I need to buy the book!
WRT late talking - dd2 was very late, but when she started she spoke in complete sentences, so don't worry yet.

I guess some things have got easier as they get older (they are 5&7) but a ctructured day and consistenc are the things that have worked the best.

Original poster

neasels · 27/06/2006 19:12

Hi all

I am soooo pleased that I asked this question as I had no idea there were so many of us!
I also was very relieved to find Elaine Arons book as I no longer felt all alone!
It reallt helped Katsh, your comments, as I do find myself justifying my ds behaviour but I am not sure whether it is to myself or other people. I agree, I love and think his qualities are beautiful, he is so gentle and caring and I find it really destructive when I compare him to others. He does appear slower at some things, mainly due to lack of confidence, but is far more advanced when it comes to being empathetic with others and animals. He loves the natural world and these are all qualities I admire in people, yet sometimes struggle that he isn't like other children. No sense in that is there!!!
In terms of going to other people's houses Kayzed, the problem is the unpredictability as to how he will react. Will he be confident, crying, clinging or just himself. There is never anyway of knowing. It was ok when it was just us as I could be there 100% of the time, but with DD2 this isn't possible and this is when the problem starts. We muddle through though with a few tears from both us us at some point during the day!! Mine when he is napping. I guess it is a lesson to respect and nurture indiviuality and be proud that our children aren't sheep!
Really pleased to have heard from you all, THANKS!!

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kayzed · 27/06/2006 19:37

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rabbitrabbit · 27/06/2006 19:56

I am so glad I found this thread and that book. I scored highly as did my DS and it seems to make so much sense now.
Thanks for posting this-I am going out tomorrow to buy and read this book!

sparklemagic · 27/06/2006 20:09

kayzed, I was spooked by your description of your DS - that's MY DS!!!!!!

Axolotl · 27/06/2006 20:12

Neasals
Haven't read the book but came across this in a parenting mag - describes my DS, now 7. He is super sensitive to smells and noise and can be vyer high maintenance emotionally and complicated. The other side of that is that he is extraordinarily empathetic and emotionally intelligent for his age, which is lovely. As they get bigger and can articulate things, there are lots of positives, so take heart.

Jazzi · 27/06/2006 21:12

It is really great to find other people who understand an HSC. I was very worried before I had my 2nd ds as I thought I wouldn't be able cope with 2. But 2nd ds is not a HSC, and just gets on with things which allows me to spend more time with 1st!!

Original poster

neasels · 28/06/2006 12:31

Kayzed

My son loves a particular playgroup and is the life and soul. This play group is so noisey and big and so I surprised he likes this one. Maybe he can get lost in it?? I do hope things get easier. I don't think it helps approaching 2 and having not developed much speech. He is doubly frustrated. He does like places he know ie grandparents etc, but sometimes he throws a spoof to keep me on my toes. Mt dd2 is so relaxed and not a HSC as very socialble and smiley already!!! I think she will do my ds the world of good.
Don't worry about baby no.2 as things will surely drop into place. My ds was okay for the first 6 weeks, which is when I needed him to be and it is only at times it all becomes too much, and you get by. I am hanging onto the words 'it gets easier as they get older'. Once he can tell me whats happening for him I am sure we can work things out?!?

Really enjoying and finding comfort in all your words guys!!

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kayzed · 28/06/2006 23:19

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emmawill · 28/06/2006 23:45

My dd has got such a wonderful personality and most wicked sense of humour but only in our house. She hates men even my dh her father took awhile for her to be totaly at ease with. MY parents we see every day especially as I worked for my father in his office since she was a baby and now she is 18 months its only been the last month she has accepted her grandfather. I wished people could see the real wonderfully funny chatty guil she is at home but she is so painfully shy when any she doesn't know or hasn't seen for ages is around. The complete opposite to how she is at home. Its awful but we're always making excuses for her and that really upsets me, beacuse she is fab and I never want to have to make any excuses for her.

cataloguequeen · 29/06/2006 02:37

My dd1 (4yrs)has scored highly on the questionaire...(16)

I always wondered why she complained about labels in clothing and the itchiness of socks and why she covered her ears sometimes just presumed she was sensitive but didn't realise HSC existed!!

She like your dd emma has a wicked sense of humour and great personality...but she's like that all the time in and out of the house I think shes the extrovert kind.

shes very sensitive to my or anyones feelings and from a very young age would try to comfort me/them or ask me/them if everythings alright.

But what gets me is the constant questions (does anyone else have this problem?)...she doesn't stop from the moment she wakes till she closes her eyes!! never ending questions about everything & everyone...it drives me abso. nuts sometimes!!

Mandymoo · 29/06/2006 10:49

Emmawill - my dd (3.6) is exactly the same - has a brilliant, funny and outgoing sense of humour when at home but as soon as someone different is there or we're outside of the home, her thumb goes into her mouth and she just goes inside herself. Its frustrating and, as someone as already said, i find myself making excuses for her when she wont talk or join in - but i hate myself for feeling like i should make an excuse when in actual fact other people should just accept her for what she is- ime, however, being quiet and thoughtful is not accepted as normal behaviour for a toddler whereas if she was a boisterous, loud and outgoing girl i'm sure she would be classed as normal.

I cannot tell you guys what a relief it is to have this thread! I was tearing my hair out at the start of the week and now i have other people i can talk to about it as well as a book to refer to - i'm now feeling extremely positive.

DD is a beautiful girl who just needs to be handled a bit differently sometimes and other people will just have to accept that - it also doesnt help that dd has a cousin the same age who is the polar opposite - outgoing, confident, loud and puts on a show at the drop of a hat!!

oliveoil · 29/06/2006 11:46

I have one of these too! Yes to nearly all those on the questionaire.

dd1 will notice things like granny moving an ornament when she hasn't been for a week, little things like that. Always complaining about itchy labels and questions questions questions EVERYTHING.

Very sensitive and quiet. BUT she has come on leaps and bounds at playgroup but has taken a looooong time to settle there. Still won't join in some things and prefers to watch.#

May have to get this book.

kayzed · 29/06/2006 15:20

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Mandymoo · 29/06/2006 18:30

I've really thought about this subject over the last few days. DD hates it when i praise her and gets angry when i tell her she's been good or has done well. How do i tackle that?!

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