highly sensitive children

[neasels]

Hi

I was hoping that there are parents out there of highly sensitive children as described by Elaine Aron. My DS aged nearly 2 has always been sensitive to things that other children take no notice of and it can be pretty lonely parenting a HSC. It used to be fairly straight forward as I was always there to support him but I had a dd 9 weeks ago and things are really tough at times. Going to new houses can be a nightmare and sometimes it seems easier to just stay by ourselves, however I am not prepared to do this as it is not the best thing for my ds. My DS is also a late talker and doesn't have much to say yet, although he is very perceptive and observant, which is half his trouble!
Any other parents aout there with advice from thier experience??

[Mog]

My dd has recently been descibed by her reception teacher as extremely quiet. She plays with other children very easily and could be left on her own at a party, but in a classroom situation she won't put her hand up and won't speak to the teachers. She does her reading in a very quiet voice. She is happy at school but has several time descibed it as too noisy.
Does this sound like a sensitive child?

[Mog]

The other thing they said is that she sucks her thumb and seems to switch off. That's what made me think of the sensitive 'label'.

[eggybreadandbeans]

Hi. Just a note of solidarity really. I'm an HSC - have got the "grown-up" book - and I'm watching out for ds (just turned two), who is currently borderline according to the questionnaire (scoring about 12, I think).

I was labelled "too sensitive" as a child and it has stuck ever since, as though it were a negative way to be. It's only been through discovering Aron's work that I've been able to see there are lots of pluses to being highly sensitive.

Ds has had ears and eyes like a hawk since he was tiny. He was colicky for a couple of weeks, got easily overstimulated, and was hard work! Now, he's a robust and sporty toddler, talks amazingly, and is very tuned into his own and other people's feelings. One of dp's best friends died when ds was 21 months, and he was soon saying, "Daddy feels sad about Uncle James. Daddy misses him. Dad's crying about Uncle James." Sob.

He's also very attached to me at the moment, and - like me - life and soul of a small group of people, and like a rabbit in headlights in a bigger group. So him being an HSC (or at least a moderately SC) is looking fairly likely.

Before I knew about the idea of being HSC/HSP, I became really interested in home-schooling. Now I can see how, if ds is an HSC and doesn't get on well with school, it could be the set-up that could make him flourish. Not having to think about that too much yet - and at the moment, ds says he'd like to go to school ...

Anyway, I'm knackered and therefore rambling - sorry! Just so pleased, like other posters, to learn that there are other highly sensitive kids and parents out there. Their empathy can be breath-taking, can't it?

EBAB

[eggybreadandbeans]

Got to go to bed, but just read more posts!

Noticed the party theme. Ds was two three weeks ago, and we had one party for family (about 15 people), and a joint one with a little friend (six kids plus mums and dads). At the first, full of family who he knows and loves, he took me in the garden and said, "I'm not sure about a happy birthday." And then at his party with his friends, the others all dived about in the paddling pool while ds pottered about in the garden doing his own thing and looking sullen.

Loud and busy parties really don't seem to be HSCs' cup of tea - nor sensitive adults' thing, either. Next year I think we'll go much lower key for ds's birthday - it's just how do you navigate the inevitable other kids' parties? It's assumed and expected that all kids will love a noisy, chaotic party - but they won't.

Hmm ...

One other thing: Anyone else have an HSC whose brow is furrowed much of the time? Since ds was tiny, people have commented on his "frown". But we know that he frowns so much because he is concentrating; taking in the world around him - it's his focused face. He really is a happy little soul who laughs a lot. It's just others don't see his characteristic frown as we do, and think he's cross/grumpy. Ring any bells?

Thanks all.

MUST go to bed! Night night. EBAB

[Papillon]

That rings bells with me eggybreadandbeans - the frown. With my dd and myself AND a HSFriend. We all love to "frown" People often used to ask me whats wrong? Nothing I would reply! I have tried to keep my face more relaxed as a result!

I want to get that book for my whole family of sensitive souls. Thanks so much for this thread

[Papillon]

I have started doing a little bit of Yoga with dd (almost 3) and we do breathing to help her relax in stressful times or at bedtime. Have this book which is not written well but nice for relaxing.

boy and a bear

[neasels]

eggybreadandbeans

My ds has a very serious face and people think he is a grump. They haven't been priviledged to see his wicked sense of humour and happy little soul due to over powering and constantly commenting how serious he is, as if children don't have ears and understand!!
Enjoyed reading your messages...

[Flowertop]

I believe I have two HSC's but in two very diffent ways 1 being quite miserable and really high maintenance, the other being really lively with a lovely smile at the ready. I used to wish DS1 was different but I now realise he has such a personality and reading all these threads it makes me realise how much I love them to bits HSC's or not. It is great to know there are so many kids out there who are HS.

[rabbitrabbit]

Hello everyone, this thread has been fascinating reading and my ds scored 20 on the online test (I also had a high score). I have also, for some time, had a feeling that he is somehow "different" to many of the children we meet and I am so incredibly proud of him as he is such a kind, sensitive and gentle little boy (whilst still being a monstrous toddler ).

My biggest concern is that now he is 3-and due to start nursery school next year-we decided he should perhaps go to a nursery for a few days a week to acclimatise himself before school.
He is very clingy to me-in so far that he likes to know I'm close by and as long as I am then he's happy to wander off and explore and get involved. He is very good at mixing with other children, though he does tend to favour older-than him-children.
How did you deal with your hsc and sending them off to nursery/school?
I'd really appreciate any feedback on this.

TIA

[foxinsocks]

rabbit, hope you don't think I'm stalking you

I haven't got much time before I have to go but I've been meaning to post on this thread. My ds is so sensitive that for many years, I was convinced he had something wrong with him - some sort of almost 'special need' because he found 'life' so difficult to deal with. Even now at age 4, if a toddling baby tries to grab something off him, he will burst into tears and if he ever, by accident, hurts another child, he is totally inconsolable.

I was terrified at him starting nursery - but the women who run the nursery (at school) are absolutely fabulous - they are old hands who have seen it all before. I spent ages telling them about ds's crying and sensitive nature (as we had major problems at his pre-school) but at our first parent's evening, they told me that although it was clear that he was a gentle and sensitive child (allbeit one who loved football ), they were having no problems with him dealing with school. They are very experienced teachers and helpers there and they really do understand children like this.

[rabbitrabbit]

Stalk away Fox, it just makes me feel wanted
Thanks for the feed back though. I think I will have to have to have that discussion before anything else because I know people who don't know my ds will think he's being insolent when he's just withdrawing because he's having trouble dealing with that situation (which is what happens bless him).

[sparklemagic]

Rabbit, I agree with fox, it very much depends on the teachers - I had a bad experience with my DS in a little private nursery (which I actually chose specifically due to his snesitive nature, which I thought would be best suited to a small environment). It became obvious that the teacher was the worst sort of personality to deal with him; he is highly senstive but at the same time is very confident and 'outward' in that he will make a fuss if he does not like things, he will speak up. She just 'squashed' him and I could see his confidence going, whipped him out and into a local pre-school. The ladies there are simply more accepting of individual children's personalities and most are motherly, nurturing types. So I'd look at this as much as you can when looking at provision for sensitive children.

In general DS has thrived wonderfully at pre-school and it's lovely to see him haring around the playground etc. However he also was a clingy baby and child, and still finds it difficult to seperate from me in the mornings - he had a couple of months when he seemed to have 'got' it, waved me off no probs, but now we are back to tears again. But it doesn't stop him loving it in the main. I just have to be decisive when I go.

good luck!

[bound4oz]

THANKYOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH

My ds is 3 and a half and has always been "sensitive" he has always cried easily at others childrens distress, he scored 19 on the test, we have always been gentle and persuading with him but recently the stress of my 13 month old has made lean towards shouting a little and more towards the naughty corner etc (super nanny stuff)his behaviour has spiralled out of control, we have just moved house and his sister has learnt to turn the wiggles off the telly!!!!
I will buy this book tomorrow!
Does anybody elses hsc tell people that "I dont like you" its very upsetting to all concerned and like someone else has said i seem to spend my time making excuses for him and wishing everyone could see the fantastic, bright, funny child that we see at home.

I am so glad i read this thread you lot may just have saved my sanity!

[neasels]

CONGRATS KZ!!!!! The power of being a woman....

[Mandymoo]

Ok - dd's latest "thing" is to cry hysterically / have mini tantrum when her friends leave our house after a playdate or when its time for us to leave somewhere.

Any advice on how to handle this situation with a very HSC?

[Orinoco]

Message withdrawn

[stoppinattwo]

Christie how did you keep your cool. Good on the school staff. It really wind me up when you get these mothers that are soooooooo up themselves they cant see what their own precious child is doing.

Your poor DD2 they obviously know which buttons to press to upset her, its so difficult to get out of the cycle of teasing.

Give her big > from me .