highly sensitive children

[neasels]

Hi

I was hoping that there are parents out there of highly sensitive children as described by Elaine Aron. My DS aged nearly 2 has always been sensitive to things that other children take no notice of and it can be pretty lonely parenting a HSC. It used to be fairly straight forward as I was always there to support him but I had a dd 9 weeks ago and things are really tough at times. Going to new houses can be a nightmare and sometimes it seems easier to just stay by ourselves, however I am not prepared to do this as it is not the best thing for my ds. My DS is also a late talker and doesn't have much to say yet, although he is very perceptive and observant, which is half his trouble!
Any other parents aout there with advice from thier experience??

[Mandymoo]

yeah good suggestion Kayzed - will try and use that. I had a ds 7 weeks wgo and obviously since then DD has been starting to push the boundaries a little. Just dont want this to escalate too much. Telling her off simply doesnt work - hopefully now i'm a bit more aware that there is something like hsc i will be able to help her more

[neasels]

Emmawill

It is great to know that we are all having a similar experience isn't it and I agree, it breaks my heart sometimes that others can't see my ds as I do, and it took about a year for him to totally accept my husband (his father). I find the time things go wrong is when I compare and then I worry that something is wrong, which is sooo not the case.
You are so right Kayzed about not making excuses, and I love your attitude. It is one that I have most of the time and one that I need to work on more when I do feel a little left out from other mums. I shall follwo your footsteps more and feel pleased my ds is different!!

Have a good weekend everyone.

[Katsh]

Mandymoo, my dd used to have big problems receiving praise. We think it's because she has such high standards for herself that she felt that she never met them, and that we were just pretending that she had done well. How complex is that for a (then) 3 or 4 yr old! We have just tried to help her realise that "less than perfect" can still be great, and that whatever she does, we think that she is fantastic. She used to put her hands over her ears when we said that but at 6 I think that she's starting to believe us! hope this helps

[Orinoco]

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[Orinoco]

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[KateF]

This thread is really helpful. I think dd2 is very sensitive and that this is why she is having such difficulty with school (she is 5 and in Reception). She is finding the noise and free play (i.e. mayhem!) extremely distressing and lunchtime has been a nightmare. I will be investigating this further as dh and I are thinking of changing her school as current one sees her as naughty/attention seeking - maybe I could present some information to the new school. Do any of you have experience of a school age child with this?

[shimmy21]

OMG, reading this thread with interest (ds2 in mind) but suddenly realised that dh is highly highly highly sensitive. Right down to taking labels out of all his clothes and leaping out of his chair if someone bangs a car door three streets away.

So that's why I always feel that dh is unable to behave normally ina social environment and I enjoy his company so much when we are alone.

Any tips on dealing with highly sensitive grown men?

[neasels]

Shimmy21

Elaine Aron does do a book on Highly Senstive People, which looks at adults rather then children. Might be worth a flick?

[draggedthrooabush]

Oh My God!

Have just read this thread in full and - Kayzed and sparklemagic - I am also spooked your ds's sound exactly like my ds1 (age 2yr 11months)

According to my answers in the HSC questionaire he scored 14 and I have always described him as being sensitive although not in some of the ways mentioned. He is not overly sensitive to smells, noise and clothing but emotionally he is extremely sensitive. He was an early talker (first word at 9 months, most animal noises before 1rst birthday, by the age of 14 months he could sing the last word of every line of the postman pat theme tune. At his 22 month review the health visitor pointed to a monkey in the book and asked "What's that?" Ds hesitated then replied "the monkey's swinging through the trees"
He has always enjoyed watching films particularly Disney and I was always amazed when before he was 2 he seemed to pick up on the emotions of the film from the music etc. He'd say "look they're all happy now" or "poor Simba's very sad" even at the bits which weren't totally obvious. Now however he is extremely sensitive to sad bits in films. He loves Peter Pan so I let him watch some of the non-animated version that was on tv as easter but he was devastated at the end when it appeared that Peter was dead. Even when Peter made a full recovery my ds sobbed and sobbed and it took him well over an hour to come around and stop crying.
He now refused to watch any films that he deems to be "too sad" and asks for "happy endings"I dont understand where this has come from as there has been no saddness in his little life to make him feel anxious about this(probably me just trying to think like an adult here)
He also finds it hard to fit in with his peer group although he is definately not shy. he enjoys boisterous games like Power Rangers, Knights and dragons and Pirates but prefers to play with adults as he can take the main role and bounce ideas back and force with them. I lol at the comment someone else made about their child dissing the child who had came on a 'playdate' and latched on to the childs parent - that is so much my son.
He starts nursery 3 afternoons a week in September and I am dreading that he is going to turn into one of these children who will never leave the teacher alone but will follow her around chatting " You could be ........... and I could be......... lets play!!!" At the moment I am trying to get him used to playing with other children and playing alone but he hasnt particularly enjoyed playgroup and when I have children up to play he quickly sort of weighs them up on their roleplay potential and then ignores them if the dont meet his needs.
The other thing that dh and I are worried about at the moment is his sensitivity to pain. From a very young baby he has cried very easily if he got a small bump etc and we always assumed that he would grow out of it but now that he is nearly 3 he is still at it and oh my god can he wail! He crys very easily if he falls over and has a bump on his head or hands whereas most kids his age just seem to get up and keep running! Last night he fell outside and grazed his knee and became very freaked out by the blood (a tiny amount)so much so that he was almost hysterical for over an hour. He also won't let me or anyone else touch a 'sore bit' or even look at it. God help him if he really does get a sore one or if this happens at nursery, I have much more patience than my dh who is fast loosing his with ds. I have dared him from using the big boys dont cry message but we dont really know what to do about this as he seems to like dwelling on the pain. I try not to make too much of it if it has just been a wee bump and say "oh never mind up you get" or "Whoops careful Mr Bump!" whilst giving him hugs etc if he appears to have hurt himself but most of the time distraction seems to be the only thing that stops the crying. He just isn't showing any signs of growing out of this and I dont want him to be teased at nursery by the other children. He is also big for his age and looks like more of a 4 year old so that if he does it in public other adults stare at us like what in the name of god is wrong with that big boy and why is he crying like a baby? Has anyone else experienced this?

[neasels]

Hi all

I wanted to share that I have been using Bach Flower Remedies with my ds and they are working a treat so far. If anyone is familiar with these and wants to know what I have tried I am happy to share.

[fullmoonfiend]

I'm hyper-sensitive, over emotional and very tuned into other people's moods. One ds is exactly the same. He's 8.5, not at all 'shy' just very sensitive to emotions, feelings, very intuitive, observant, deep thinkig, imaginitive etc. He scored 16 on that test. (me too )
People think he's immature when he gets so upset over things (films, bad stuff in the news, being hurt etc)and it's difficult to find ways of 'tougehning him up'without emotionally damaging him IFKWIM. That book looks a little toe-curling to me but I may have a look. Has anyone used any of the techniques in it?

[Mandymoo]

OK ladies - i need your help and advice here please!

DD (very HSC - scored 16 or 17 on the test) has been invited to a birthday party this saturday. Its one of the girls at her pre-school.

Mums have the option of staying or going - and i know that if i stay DD will be clinging to me for dear life whereas of i go she'll be initially upset but i really think she'll enjoy it more - what should i do?

Luckily, my mum lives nearby to where the party is being held so if there were any issues i would be close by.

If i stay, dd won't join in, will cry if she doesnt win ALL the games and will basically have her thumb stuck in her mouth the whole time.

I want her to enjoy it but dont want her to be upset - how do i handle this?

tia XXX

[Fauve]

I've only just found this thread, and haven't read it all. How old is your dd, Mandymoo? For my dd, who also seems to be one of these children, I would TRY to get her to go into the party holding hands/looking after/being looked after by another little girl. Where possible, I try not to stay with dd (who is now 8) because I suppose I think it reinforces the clinginess.

[neasels]

Christie
I have used Larch and Mimulus on my ds. Also Water Violet is for gentle and sensitive souls to help them to live life more without unnessecary worries and fears. I get mine from crystal herbs on line.

[Fauve]

OR, if you end up going yourself, could you arrange to have a busy job to do helping behind the scenes so she still has to fend for herself to some extent? (I see now that she's only 3.6).

I can't be the only one who has had to cut my dd out of several dresses? She literally feels trapped in them if they're too tight/uncomfy, and panics until I cut the dress to let her out!

[cataloguequeen]

Hi mandymoo, I think as Fauve suggested you should really try to leave her with another little girl tell her you'll be at granmas around the corner, give her a kiss, tell her to have a good time and leave...sometimes our own stress about a situation can be reflected back onto our children, if you're confident she will be too!!

I bet she'll have a great time without you!!

[Orinoco]

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[neasels]

Christie

I think that is definately a trait of HSC to seem not to be able to concentrate due to over stimuli. My ds has very good concentration but afterwards goes off into a daydream as if to rest his mind for a while and then snaps out, sweet little thing.