Potty training.

[callie]

Iam going to try and potty train my dd who is 21mths.
Would love some advice or tips.
Did you put yours straight in pants and put them on the pot every hr or so??

Have you thought about putting a nappy inside the potty or across the top so that he is still using a nappy but also a step nearer? Once he will actually sit on the potty, even if he is wearing a nappy at the time, you can then start to praise and reward him. A star chart and prize might help too.

Had a lokk at Amazon site for the book I used ( didn't recognise it) and found 83!
One is called 'potty training in a day'.
Thought those of you in the throws of training might be interested. In case you have never used the site to buy books it is
this
search for 'toilet training' and you will find this huge selection.

Help! I'm a crap mum. I have completely given up on potty training dd, she was sort of making progress but then went through a week of never telling me that she wanted a wee or a poo and just wetting her knickers. I started to get cross, she started to get cross and it all went pear (poo?)-shaped. Now she's back in pull-ups/nappies pretty much full time.

I'm pregnant, knackered and can't be bothered any more. I kind of feel that she'll do it when she's ready, but is that just wishful thinking? She's 2.7. I had a deadline that she 'should' be trained by the time the new baby is born but now I'm thinking, sod it, neither of us need that kind of pressure so I'm just going to leave it. Changing nappies doesnt seem like that much of a big deal anyway.

Do I need a kick in the pants? Should I be making more of an effort or is it ok to be this relaxed about it?

We had not even really started at 2.7 months and now, a year later, we're not all the way there yet. After a brilliant couple of weeks last month ds went back to wetting her knickers frequently and for no obvious reason. It got noticeably worse when she was incubating an infection. We have gone back to giving her a smiley face for every single success.

It seems she has just enough awareness to be dry on a good day, but if there's any added stress, no matter what (late night, too tired, too excited, too busy with a game, off colour)that overrides it. She can be dancing around tying her legs in knots but insisting she doesn't need to go, only to have an accident a moment later.

I'm just trying to be laid back. No matter what they say at nursery it's completely unrealistic to expect them all to be totally trained by 4. Ours won't be the only ones having accidents. It's tough enough being 3, they have such a lot to cope with.

Enid, don't be too hard on yourself - my advice would be to back off, chill out, and don't worry about it until after the baby arrives (otherwise you might just get it sorted and then have it go haywire again). There's no point in you or your dd getting stressed about it, or falling out over it. She'll do it when she's ready - who knows, you may be lucky and find that once the baby arrives she decides that nappies are for babies, not big girls. We left my ds until after his sister was born and he did it all by himself. Dd hasn't been quite so straightforward, but we've tried to be completely matter of fact about accidents, and she seems to have gradually got the hang of it - even days out are OK now (although it was very funny the other day watching ds hold her dress up for her so that she could crouch down and have a wee behind a bush in the park ). Sounds like you've got enough on your plate for the time being.

I've just thought of another reason for leaving it until after the baby arrives - toddlers soon realise that 'Mummy I need a wee wee' diverts Mum's attention from that usurping baby double quick .

Enid, far from being a crap mum, I'd 100% agree with what you are doing. What's the point in flogging yourselves?

With ds, when I changed his nappy, I'd say "when you're ready, you'll be able to do wee wees and poos in the potty or toilet", not every time, but I suppose quite often. He was interested in the topic of conversation, but would not sit on his potty at all, or the toilet. We didn't know any other kids who were training, but did know some who wore pants, so if we were with one of these kids I'd say -look andy wears pants, he doesn'y wear a nappy again - he's ready to use the potty or toilet and you will be soon too. And that was all I did. One day he asked to use the potty, which we always had out. I could have fallen over in shock. He was dry and 'clean' from that moment, and 2 days later dry at night too.

I really feel if they know what the score is, what to do & have the ability to pull their pants & trousers up & down, then you just need to guide and wait. He just goes off and does what he needs to do. In fact, I had to ask him to start telling me, as curious younger brother on more than one occasion found the wee wee first and tipped it all over the floor!

If she still isn't ready by the time the baby comes, it won't be a big deal - I had one and a half years of 2 in napppies! Maybe the arrival of the baby might be what she needs to decide she is ready - baby wears nappies, and I'm a big girl, and all that. When are you due? Good luck!

Enid, that sounds exactly like my dd at the same age. She would always wet her pants, never tell me that she wanted to go, even though she knew perfectly well what it was all about. The end came just before her third birthday, when she had diorrhea, so I banned pants and put her in nappies. After it was over, she went back into pants quite happily and never looked back. The good news is that peer example is v strong - the younger ones were potty trained at around 28 months old, even no night nappies, because they watched and copied their sibling(s)!

Enid - your DD and my DS are the same age... and we are both XXmum (IYKWIM!).... so like you I had hoped to have DS trained at a certain age... and the first week I was SO impressed by him - he had no accident, went on the potty but was not wearing any nappy, pull up or underpants.... the following week we tried with underpants and he ALWAYS did in them.... it drove us potty ! We persevered - making as you know our life hell- and then we all agreed that "what ever!!!" and we bought pull ups (mainly because he was hell to change on a mat!)... and one day he just started to refuse pull ups, asked for underpants and went on the toilet. We've had a handful of accidents (which happened on his way to the toilet) within the first 2weeks... somy message is : Don't worry.... see what happens, she might just get fed up of wearing nappies. DOn't stress out (but I do remember thinking this was the most stressful time - also you had to pay attention to your child non stop, not go out, etc...)

Enid, you're not crap! I'd back off though, she will just do it when she's ready, honest! Both of mine decided when, it had really v. little to do with me. And it's possible she may regress when the baby arrives too. I'd keep the potty available but not push it/take it out with you. I had a friend in a similar situation and she and her dd got in a right pickle with dd ending up v. constipated and on medication for months. She didn't back off I hasten to add. It'll be fine, once she's ready it'll be done and dusted in no time. Just enjoy the last few weeks of it being the 2 of you in the day before it all changes!
Best Wishes. P.S. Did you time no.2 for the end of the Grand Prix season!!

Hey potty trainers! I'M SO SO GLAD I'M NOT YOU!!!!
We've just more or less got over the last hurdle of this horrendous experience by "forgetting" the potties when we went on holiday thus forcing our recalcitrant duo to use the big loo once and for all. Funnily enough we couldn't find the potties anywhere when we returned! Wondered if something similar would work for you and the nappies, Munchkinsugarpie? We were confident in the knowledge that they COULD use the loo and did in every environment other than our house so we decided to just risk it. Would it be possible for the nappies to "disappear" at all or would this lead to big probs?
Enid- you are now my hero because you managed to back off when you felt cross- a v v difficult thing to do and something I wish I'd done at some points during the horrors of potty training! You are certainly not crap- the very reverse .

Phew! Thanks for words of support laydeez (that reminds me, where is SimonHoward? ).

I was really worried that I was just being lazy about the whole thing. I have decided not to sweat it and just enjoy these weeks before the baby is born. Luckily dd's new nursery don't mind them not being trained so I don't have that pressure.

Batey - clever wasn't it! Dp has mentioned that fact on several occasions. Of course, for dp theres always the obligatory couple of weeks mourning once the season finishes

Enid, for what it's worth - SNAP! My dd too, having made lovely progress in the potty, has suddenly decided that she really doesn't like it any more (apart from at night, as a really good way to keep Mummy around). Only thing that works is if I keep her in proper knickers, and then I seem to spend every day mopping up, so she's in pull-ups, and I sort of still trail around a bit with the potty looking plaintive. So if you're crap, then so am I, and I don't want to think I'm crap, particularly since I've just failed my driving test, which means I've got to take a second test at four weeks before my due date, which I'm feeling crap enough about anyway! I'm left vaguely wondering on the potty front whether it has something to do with pull-ups being much nicer than her old terries - a sort of 'why bother if you don't feel wet' thing?

In our case, the longer I've waited the easier it is. Which means the less I've had to do. Relax, Enid, as you are doing I see!, and look forward to the inevitable - at some point in the future, IME, you WILL say goodbye to pull ups, even if you hardly do a thing except 'forget' to buy them.

When my toddler was two and a bit, he used the potty sometimes. Not enough to convince me he was ready. I started leaving him in pants all day when he was 2.10 months. A month or two on and he's more than semi potty trained. Will do everything in the big loo or a potty. Mostly his idea, not mine. He still has accidents and I still pop on a pull up when we go out sometimes. So what? will the world stop spinning?

LOL at your Laydeez comment btw.

I've just been trying previous advice of putting nappy over potty to encourage ds to poo in potty. No go. He doesn't want to poo in potty with or without a nappy in it. He won't even wee in the potty any more. I'm despairing of getting the poo bit trained cos he starts nursery in September and there's no room for flexibility.

Any more suggestions gratefully received. We've tried star charts and pressies, but he's not motivated. HELP!

Leave him for a week then try again. A week can make a big difference and he may hate the feeling of a wet/dirty nappy. Don't let him pick up vibes of frustration on your part.

I'm back again having still made no progress. Yesterday DD wore some new Tweenies clothes with grown up knickers (because she wanted to) but had 3 accidents in 20 minutes, seemingly unaware until after the event. I had thought that the new clothes might be an incentive. She is 3 years and 3 months now and I'm wondering if we will ever get there. Should I persevere with wet clothes/wet carpets and let her get upset or should I wait another few weeks and try again? She will be going to playgroup for 5 mornings in September and whilst they are ok about pull ups I really would like her to be dry. Being with other potty using children seems to be no incentive for her. The really maddening thing is that she was pretty good at knowing when she wanted a wee 8 months ago but she doesn't seem to know or care these days. I even had her urine tested in case she had an infection.

And BTW, I think the new design Huggies Pullups are useless, they are a different fit and not nearly as absorbent, even though DD likes them better because they have more 'barbie pink' on them!

I forgot to say that she is not bothered about wearing wet or dirty pullups (but doesn't like wet clothes). She will quite happily deny that she has done a poo and will carry on stinking for as long as possible before I change her.

You know PamT I have read that kids do go through a backward phase in their potty training. They might have been dry for months and then suddenly they will start wetting again. One of the theories is that their brain is coping with a new task, they are learning something momentus to them, so the potty training takes a back seat for a while.

I wouldn't worry unduly about it. If she did it 8 months ago she can do it again. It's just a relapse. Keep encouraging her to wear her knickers. I went into town with my dd and I let her choose her knickers, I made a really big deal of it. When we got home I put the new knickers on straight away and told her that when daddy got home she could show him! She tried really hard to keep them dry all day so she could show daddy her new knickers!

My friend also swears by the star routine for her 2 and a half year old son.

I'm still battling with the potty training. I have found that the only way of keeping DD dry is to make her sit on the potty every 20-30 minutes and she usually performs. She won't volunteer to sit and if asked, she says she doesn't need to, so we are still getting lots of wet pants. She is 3 and 3m now so I am getting a bit desperate.

Should I continue to make her sit on the potty every so often or should I just leave her to have accidents and hope that she eventually recognises when she needs a wee? She can have 3 accidents in 20 minutes and seems to wee very often without drinking a great deal. Please help!

Sorry PamT - wish I could help but we gave up when ds was doing that!

But, I need help too!

Munchkinsugarpie, I am with you there on the poo front!!!! We tried to potty train at 2.6 and gave up after 2 weeks of no progress AT ALL (I was getting cross and figured that that would not help the situation!)

I think ds is much closer now (he is 2.9) but although I think I could get him dry in a matter of days, I kind of think that there is no point if he doesn't poo in the potty or toilet and at the moment it looks like it will be a cold day in hell before he does that!

When he wants a poo there is no way he will consider going on a potty or loo. He runs away and hides to do it and if I suggest the potty or loo he goes bananas. I have tried bribing and stars but no joy! He will quite happily take off his nappy and climb onto the loo for a wee but otherwise...

The other thing is that when he has done a poo he gets really upset when changing his nappy, screaming and crying, 'I don't want to stay by the poo poo, I don't want to stay by the nappy!'. This of course gets stressful as nappy changing can turn out to be a messy business as he wriggles to get a way from the poo!

I tell him that if he did a poo in the toilet then he wouldn't be near the poo and it would go away but that doesn't seem to work.

This has been going on for about 6 weeks now.

I think I am being really good and not hounding him about it - don't mention poos and toilets in the same sentence at all unless he is in the throes but somehow he has developed some kind of hang up!

Any ideas?

Ghosty could you put the potty somewhere out of the way like when he poos? DD sends us from the room when she goes.

Ghosty we went thru the stealth poos too...frustrating isn't it? As Lollypop mentioned you could try the "privacy" angle and put the potty wherever he usually goes to hide? It sounds like he is distressed by the smell of it...I know it seems logical to us that flushing it away would be the best idea, but a 3yr old has very little logic!

It's a phase - not very helpful I know but what else can I say...it does pass, no pun intended! Just don't make a fuss about it and he will get the idea sooner or later. You could also try lining the potty with a nappy when he poos...or asking him to sit on the potty/toilet to poo with the nappy on...maybe you already have.

My ds who is 3y 5m old did his first poo in the Big Toilet yesterday after 4 months of cleaning out a pooey potty - it was a huge relief! He would do wee in a toilet if we were out or visiting but always used a potty at home and only ever pooed in the potty (since he doesn't need help to use it). I put the potty in a less attractive place (the laundry), more out-of-sight-out-of-mind too - seemed to do the trick!

ghosty - just spent our first potty battling weekend!!! We basically left our ds's nappy of all weekend, the potty in the middle of the living room and hoped for the best. I have to say though, the whole w.end was geared around it and we had to jump around like mad, cheering and screaming each time he did a wee or poo. We also had a wee/poo chart on the wall and he got to put the stars on himself if he did them which was the main excitement. 10 stars = bob the b. lollypop! But one thing that may help on the poo front for you ...... i feel like i should be whispering this ..... at the beginning of the weekend my dh took ds off to a secret palce in the garden somehwere and showed him how he could wee on the potty! I think this took some of the fear away from it for ds as before he wouldn't even contemplate it. Obviously poo's are one stage further ..... we luckily didn't need to go that far but it's an option, desperate times ..... I don't think we would be able to admit to this anywhere else but here!! Now we have to get ds in the mode of doing it when he has clothes on. Good luck.

Why didn't I post a message here before? You guys have been great!

I will let him take the potty to the bottom of the stairs (his private place for the number twos!) Doh! I should have thought of that myself. I mean I sure wouldn't want to do that sitting in full glory in the middle of the living room watched by all and sundry going by!! Thanks Lollipop!

Mollipops - I would sit him on the potty with his nappy on if I could get hold of the little bugger - they are like quicksilver when they want to be can't they?

Did you set off the fireworks when yours did it in the Big loo?

Emilys...I am whispering too...that's a great idea - get the dh to sort it out - much more sensible! I'll have a word with mine ...

We have always had, erm, what you might call an 'open door' policy in our house (god this is so basic isn't it?) so ds has never been locked out when either one of us is using the loo - you know how they always need you just when you really need some privacy? We often have some of our best chats in the loo so I don't know how he could be scared of it!

Very frustrating - especially when you speak to people who say, 'Well little johhny came home from nursery one day and announced that he wanted to wear proper pants like the big boys and that was that!' GRRRRR

dd - who's 2 yrs 2 mths - has taken all her clothes and nappy off when in her cot (after lunchtime nap) and shouted me AFTER she'd done 'a poo and a wee in my cot'! we've been doing sporadic wees/poos on potty and letting her go around au natrel when it's nearly bathtime...but should I now go the whole hog and 'do' potty training full time with her? she's at nursery 3 days a week and I know they'd be v good at supporting whatever/whenever I decide to take the plunge.