Potty training.

[callie]

Iam going to try and potty train my dd who is 21mths.
Would love some advice or tips.
Did you put yours straight in pants and put them on the pot every hr or so??

Help - I see your all talking about Potty training. Unlike most children my daughter refuses point blank to wee in the potty. She can hold it for hours literally hours. For poohs she's absolutely fine but for wees she screams and shouts and begs. At one point I put her back into nappies but that didn't seem to work either she refused to let go even then. Has anyone got any advice? - Thanks (Pip)

I am having a different potty training problem, which is that he is dead keen to wear cotton pants at home and to Nursery, and gets them out of his wardrobe and puts them on himself, however, most of the time the pants get wet or soiled, and he happily brings a cloth to clean it up (and gets upset if I try to clean it), puts the soiled pants in the sink, and fetches clean pants from the wardrobe. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again. So then I get fed up (because obviously I have to clean the floor again each time as his cleaning was cursory and wash all these extra pants)and I end up discouraging him from wearing pants. The potty is right in front of him, and he does know how to use it, but just seems to be not doing it there often enough. Is it time to start bribing him with sweets (already tried stars)? Is it time to start expressing more disapproval for doing it on the floor, eg withholding treats, shouting etc?

Cityfreak, I remember having something similar with my oldest, she knew perfectly well what to do, but she just didn't seem able to do it in time. I think it was partly the lack of peer pressure, as the younger two (both boys) have been much quicker to learn. Interestingly, going to nursery and seeing other children there didn't seem to have any influence on her at all.
It did seem to go on and on at the time. She was three before she was reliably potty trained. I can understand your frustration at the ever repeating messes on the floor. I honestly think talking to them is helpful, they do listen more than you think. With my youngest, I made a joke of the fact that he kept having accidents, by singing a rude song about it, which he found hilarious, and after around 3 weeks of that, he was toddling off to the grown up loo! It was a very touching sight because he was soooooo little (28 months).

CityFreak - my problem is that I'm being driven by the nursery who tell me that its my problem to get her trained and to hurry up because they want to move her to another class (Montessori). Unfortunately my mother (who looks after her whilst I'm at work) has already submitted to sweets (without letting me know) and for the first couple of days they appeared to work. Then after a while even the temptation of sweets (which until this point she's never had)stopped working. All I can tell you is they did work for a while. How old is your little one?

Just wanted to say hello to all those in the throes of potty training and to say "be encouraged, you'll get there in the end!". I think a lot of the stress we suffer with potty training is self-imposed. We spend too much time comparing our children to others. Somehow we think everyone else's kids were trained early and easily. My dd is 5 and a half and still not dry at night and my ds is 3 yrs, 4 mos and just getting the hang of potty training. Talk to other mums and you'll find that there are plenty of 5 and 6 year olds wetting the bed and plenty of 3 year olds still in nappies. It's just that they don't get talked about as much. Your child's clean-and-dryness or otherwise is not a measure of your performance as a mother. Don't get stressed, your doing your best, you'll get success. Hey, poetry!

XAusted, thank you, I think I love you. Since I last posted my dd has earned 12 stars out of a possible 15 for accident-free days which seems too good to be a coincidence. We made the stars ourselves each day and some were quite fancy: it encouraged us to talk about the whole thing more and give her extra positive reinforcement. And today we bought her a bike (we didn't feel it was necessary to tell her we wanted to buy her one anyway). Tomorrow we'll start a new chart. I think it really has helped.

As you know, my dd has just got potty trained. Now she is, I was wondering how long kids go between peeing? She has, the last couple of days, not gone for 2-3 hrs then done a huge one. Is this normal or should I be encouraging her to go more often?

Susanmt, every 2-3 hrs seems normal to me. Unless she is constantly drinking. I think kids sometimes hold it for a while but I still think this is a normal amount of time. As long as she is going throughout the day i would not worry about it.

I agree susanmt, every 2-3 hrs is fine...pretty much how often we go ourselves, I would think.

To PJK, my dd was also a terrible one for holding on too long - sometimes she would not go all day, quite literally. She ended up with problems thru it - apparently "holding on" too long puts a strain on the bladder muscle that controls the release of the wee, so it can actually lead to incontinence or bedwetting later on as the muscle gets "confused" about when to relax and when not to. I would be concerned about your dd's reluctance to wee, and maybe take her to a doctor if you haven't already to check for a urine/kidney infection - she may be experiencing pain or stinging when she wees so she's trying to hold on as long as possible. How old is she btw?

We did have success very quickly with ds using the lolly method, (we are now trying to wean him off the need to have one every time he wees/poos!) combined with a sticker chart for dry/clean days. But he's just over 3, so he was really ready. IME if they are not ready then the more pressure you put on them the worse (ie more stubborn/uncooperative) they will be. This was definitely the case with dd, it was a nightmare that dragged on far too long, until we basically gave up and then she started doing it all of her accord! So short of a physical problem PJK, I can only guess that maybe she's just not ready and/or you are making too big an issue of it and it has become a power struggle? For some reason girls seem to love these with their mums, am I wrong thinking that way? Maybe it's just mine Anyway, HTH...

My mum who raised us (DB and me) and then step kids told me that her step kids can't hold their wee (they are now 8 and 10) for more than 2 hours as they were constantly asked to go on the toilet by their nanny... don't know if it's coincidental or not.
DS (2 1/2) goes every 4 or 5 hours and sometimes twice in 2 hours (usually in the late afternoon) - it depends.

Yes pupuce, I have been told that you should never force a child to do a wee if they don't feel the urge...never allowing the bladder to fill means that the child ends up with a very small bladder capacity. This is one of the reasons it's not a good idea to withhold drinks from children in the afternoon/evening, even if they are bedwetters.

When my two youngest were training I used pullups mostly when I went out. At home we used those toddlers thick underwear. I found that they didnt care if they were wet since it was just like a diaper just that you can pull them down. I know pullups are more practical and less messy I just found out that my two always wanted to be out of wet pants so it helped me train faster. This was just my experience. Its probally alot easier when your home and not working to do the underwear thing daily. Im just starting to introduce the potty to my 19 mo old. I dont make him sit but when Im in there he will take his diaper off to sit. Im mainly just letting hium sit there when he wants to. I told the doc and he said getting him firmiliar with the potty ( childs size of course) is not a bad idea. When I ask him "do you want to go on the potty" he runs to it. Its so funny. Dont have plans to really do the potty training thing unti closer to the two year mark. Thats when I started my other two. They were trained around the two and a half mark.

HELP - I have a 2 yr + 2 mth year old girl (A) who instigated her own toilet training a couple of weeks ago - and for a week I would ask if she wanted a wee or poo in the morning after bkfst and after tea at night and she would happily go. I put off doing more even tho she seemed ready and then 'bit the bullet' 4 days ago and put her in knickers. She was brilliant - no problem with either her telling me she needed to go or me prompting her. We only had 2 accidents in three days.....until today...

She was at her usual childminders today - who has great experience of toilet training - and A didn't once go to the toilet - she wet herself 7 times, over carpets, sofas everything - even when asked if she wanted a wee and she said 'yes' she still wouldn't go.

She was in a right state when I got home and wanted to have a nappy on and went almost immediately in it - so she has been bottling it up.

Have I damaged her????? She seemed so happy until today - am I expecting too much?? have I done it too early????

Don't know what to do??? Will try tomorrow but if she is upset will leave it and put her back in nappies....

Any advice?

I don't think you have damaged her... the knickers may have been put on a bit early (but it's hard to judge virtually!).

If she won't go back in knickers, what about pull ups ?

2.2 isn't too young - they can start at 18 months but every child is different.

What did her childminder say ? Does she have other children who can show your daughter the example ? Has she potty trained before ???

Please don't worry - just take it one step at a time.

I'm also having major potty training problems. DD is 3 and one month and though she was quite good at going on the potty when she needed to a few months ago, we never actually went the whole hog and cracked it but we keep having another go. Now she just doesn't seem to have a clue when she needs a wee and becomes distraught when she has an accident. I've had a urine sample tested, just in case, but this came back all clear. She is just about the only child at playgroup still in pull ups and I'm becoming embarrassed to take her out in case people comment on her padded bottom. During term time I find it quite difficult concentrating on potty training because we are always in and out on the school run etc. School holidays aren't much easier because she then has 2 brothers to distract her. I do wonder if I am partly to blame with the problem because I never changed her nappy as often as some mothers do (only about 4 times a day - and always straight away for dirty ones) and she has never complained about a wet or dirty nappy.

Has anyone got any tips? I'm thinking of star charts and bribery at the next attempt now that she is old enough to understand about them.

I don't think you are to blame but if you want to resolve this you might need to stick with it a bit longer - be consistent and attentive for a week.

Alibubble might have some tips...

PamT please don't blame yourself or feel "bad" about your dd still wearing pull-ups at just over 3 yrs. I was very similar in my attitude to nappy changing and don't think it has anything to do with it. Your dd's toilet training readiness has absolutely no bearing on your parenting skills (OR your child's intelligence!) and you MUST not feel guilty or embarrassed about it, or dd will pick up on your negativity and that could cause problems! You must try to remain positive and keep it low-key - as hard as it is to remain calm in the face of puddle after puddle, it is important to try not to make a big deal of it or to blame (or shame) your dd (been there, done that ). Generally children do not have "accidents" deliberately (which is why they are called accidents!)

Please don't blame her or yourself - it would be like feeling angry at your dd for mastering crawling late or feeling guilty because she said her first word later than someone else's child. It is a physical readiness thing and when they are ready to crawl/walk/talk/have bladder control, they will do it! And the muscles that control the bladder and bowel are the LAST muscles in the body that a child gains conscious control over.

My ds was very similar to your dd in that he was very excited about the whole potty idea for a while and it was a bit of a novelty, but then he decided he'd rather go in his nappy again. Having learned the hard way with dd that pressure would only make it worse, we dropped the subject completely until he instigated it again (at 3yrs 2m). Once he had a few successes, we put him in undies (during school holidays) and he was off and racing! We did use a sticker chart and lollies (the latter is still an issue unfortunately, but they definitely provided the motivation he needed!)

To kiwibird, sounds like your dd has done really well quite early. No I don't think she is "damaged" at all - she just had a bad day. Was she wearing something she found it hard to get off/into? Any new kids at the childminders? Is the toilet different there (higher/darker/further away) or does she use a potty? Pull-ups might give her more confidence...as I suggested to PamT, maybe make the whole thing a non-issue for a while, in case it is either a control thing or a "feeling pressured" thing. Hope she's going better now. Please try not to worry (or feel guilty)! HTH and sorry to go on!

Mollipops, thanks for your advice. I will have to choose a quiet week (?!) to have another go and try to concentrate on DD as much as possible, with plenty of spare clothes ready. It is so frustrating to ask if she needs the potty and then be presented with another accident to sort out within minutes because she has refused to use it. She doesn't seem to have a defiant attitude to the issue and does get really upset when she has an accident so I don't think that it is a power thing. I'm sure we will get there in the end though, and it is reassuring to know that other people have had late starters too. Thanks.

Enid - that made me laugh. Took me back to when we first moved in and the place was carpeted throughout with (very tatty) sisal-type matting. It stank. We used our Vax washer-hoover thing and it looked a bit better but still stank - in a wet-dog kind of way. We used a gallon or two of Febreze and I'm not keen on that stink now. Eventually we just bundled it all up and dumped it. The car stank for weeks. This stuff has had it's fashion moment, non?

We were really pleased with it when we moved in (it came with the house) but I can't say I'd ever put it in myself. Ours doesn't stink (yet), but it soon will if dd's 'potty training' (huh!) carries on much longer. luckily its only in two rooms so I am avoiding them as much as i can at the moment!

I think we might have made progress. I took DD to Asda this afternoon and let her choose the colour for a leakproof non-spill travel potty (£6.99 - expensive but hopefully worth it for when we are out and about and even for her to use at night for that matter). She wanted to carry it home and insisted on using it as soon as we got through the door - twice in succession. I did reward her with loads of praise and a sweet so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she remains so keen.

It must be the novelty value - she's just done another 2 wee's whilst I have been typing this!

They are funny, aren't they! Once while my 2 year old was training he sat on the potty for a while, got up, saw it was empty and said "never mind, maybe next time"!!

My dd now shouts 'here it comes!!!' even in public toilets!!

PamT, whats your travel potty like? I'd been looking everywhere and found a potette (?) in Mothercare, it folds flat and then you put a lining in, is your similar? Putting the liners in seems really fiddly to me, although I was very stressed and trying to get it all together for the first time in M&S car park!!

Ems, it is a bit like a tupperware container! It has a tank at the bottom with a detachable seat. The seat is like a potty of its own with holes in the bottom so that the wee drains into the tank. There is then a lid to go over the top which seals in smells and stops spills (though once the wee has gone into the bottom tank the shape means that it is unlikely to come back out again until you take the seat off.) My description makes it sound huge but it isn't really. I think it is made by Asda because it has all their labels on and I haven't seen anything similar anywhere else. I also have a potette but it doesn't seem very sturdy, its fiddly and DD doesn't like sitting on the crinkly plastic. The Asda one (its on the nappy aisle with all the feeding/changing products) is called something like 'tough and tumble travel potty', it comes in several colours and costs £6.99 which is expensive but it doesn't matter if it works. I know loads of people who swear by them and take them everywhere, though it is bigger than a potette.