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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do you shout and is it as bad as

112 replies

HelloDolly · 18/06/2006 18:46

smacking in your opionion ?

I shout but don't smack, but when I was a child I could be reduced to a snivelling heap by Mum or Dad shouting at me so I wonder whether it's just as bad.

If you don't please, please tell me what works instead, I have actually lost my voice today from yelling at them to stop hitting and winding each other up.
It is lack of attention today because I am knackered but this isn't a widly unusual day.

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Marne · 18/06/2006 18:50

I just put dd1 in time out, it gives me time to calm down and stops me from smacking or shouting too loud.
If time out does'nt work then i shout, i have smacked a couple of times but dd just laughs and continues being naughty.

alexsmum · 18/06/2006 18:53

no.

i shout all the time! you are not the only one! i hate it because it really upsets ds2 and ds1 just ignores me .what works is getting down to their level and making eye contact and talking a very firm voice.

i know all this buti'll still bellow for england!

peachyClair · 18/06/2006 19:14

I shout

a lot

they still ignore me though. DS2 and ds3 not so much, but ds1 doesn't give a shite.

I do wonder if they realise Mummy has a normal, non shouting voice sometimes!

mojomummy · 18/06/2006 19:24

I shout(ed) because that's what I'm used to & I hate it. It doesn't seem to work either & DD shouts too - monkey see, monkey do I guess.

I agree the best thing is getting down on their level & talkng in a calm, even voice. It's very difficult - but I have this little voice echoing round my head that someone has to be calm, in control & the adult

FlameBoo · 18/06/2006 19:48

Yeah mojomummy - but why do we always have to be the ones being the calm adult???

poppiesinaline · 18/06/2006 19:55

I do shout but only when I have warned and warned and warned and given time out and time out and time out and then I completely lose the plot and become a raving jibbering heap.

Jasnem · 18/06/2006 19:57

I do shout, but I try to keep it for the last resort .... generally if I shout my kids know to pay attention, as that's as bad as it gets.

Nowhere near smacking imo, but if you shout all the time it does lose its impact.

threebob · 18/06/2006 20:05

I try to sing instead - it releases feel good chemicals for you, and is processed in a different part of the brain for them (and so they are more likely to do what you ask)

I reserve shouting for extreme danger (running off into road kind of danger). Like the rats that get scared to press the buzzer for food when they get an electric shock.

If I have exhausted everything to get him into his car seat I get him in the car, sit in my seat, lock the doors and get out a novel, or pretend to check my cellphone. It's like counting to 10 with a prop.

poppiesinaline · 18/06/2006 20:18

singing - now thats a good one. I think they would stop dead in their tracks if I sang and cover their ears! May try it

SabineJ · 18/06/2006 20:22

Yes I still do but I am trying very hard not to and I have decided to imlpement all these good advise about ignoring bad behavior, counting to 3, time out etc ... A book that I found really good is "Parenting the strong willed child". It is a 5 week plan and is going through 5 things that we should probably all be better at (Attending, praising,ignoring, time out ansd ... sorry can't remember the 5th one )
I need to be honest, it is taking long time to be able to change myself - old habits died hard -but it is working and I can see the change on myself but also with DS1&2. I went from loosing my temper so much that I've smacked DS1 a quite few times to reducing the shouting to a few times a week. However, it has been hard work as I had to be very concious of all my words and acts ...

magnolia1 · 18/06/2006 20:23

I shout too much I agree that becasue it's become the norm it has lost it's effect.

I am going to try singing but I just know I will collapse in a fit of giggles and they will think whatever they have done can't be that bad if mummy's giggling

Tortington · 18/06/2006 21:25

i think that shouting can be worse than smacking in some instances. especially if its prolonged and if especially nasty or mean things are said.

i am notorious for lectures whichlast a considerable amount of time.

i don't smack often but i do on occasion if i think its warrented and make no apologies for doing so.

crazydazy · 18/06/2006 21:30

Yes I do shout but they sometimes laugh at me too. DP reckons its not affective because its just a loud sound rather than disciplining them and he says I seem to do it continuously

I have got a "very stern voice" that they seem to respond better to.

Lact8 · 18/06/2006 21:35

I am a shouter by nature I think

I am loud when I'm happy, sing a lot and dance around but I'm also loud when I lose my temper and I do shout

I don't shout specific things at the kids directly, more of a rant while walking around the house shouting about toys everywhere and why can't anyone tidy up after themselves?

Lemmingswife · 18/06/2006 21:36

I am guilty of shouting at times. I tend to do this a litle more when I am stressed & I know it is wrong.
I NEVER smack though. My parents used to smack me & it was horrible. I still remember those purple hand marks to this day.
I tend to try & use time out tactics where I can though. DS2 is often on the step of shame!

threebob · 18/06/2006 22:08

Try to make the singing fit the task like go down a scale if you want them to be "sitting in the car".

Jasnem · 18/06/2006 22:14

I love the singing idea - definitely going to do that.
Shouting works for running into the road/touching the cooker type stuff, if you don't do it for much else.

threelittlebabies · 18/06/2006 22:49

I seem to be shouting a lot lately and I don't like myself for it. Nothing seems to be working, including that- so I know it's pointless, but just snap sometimes. I do worry it could lead to my children being afraid of me and I don't want that

ScummyMummy · 18/06/2006 23:00

I like shouting now and then. Didn't John Cleese say he made sure to shout at his kids sometimes just to keep them on their toes emotionally so they learned how to cope with the inevitable conflicts and blips in human niceness that they will encounter in the big bad wide world? Makes sense to me. I only feel bad if I veer into out of control bellowing when v stressed.

threebob · 19/06/2006 02:44

I was considering running a course called "taming toddlers through music" which teaches this singing lark. I'm in NZ so I'm not advertising - but genuinly wondering if this is something that people would be interested in?

yawningmonster · 19/06/2006 07:01

i would be keen threebob unfortunately more often than not when I try singing he wallops me one, usuaally stick to the ignore the bad, time apart for the dreadful and praise the good.

themoon66 · 19/06/2006 09:48

DH always shouts a lot. I'm not a natural shouter. I once overheard DD saying to her little friends 'daddy shouts loud but i'm not bothered, but mum is just scary in a quiet way'. Don't know now if i've damaged her psychologically by being quietly scary though.

PanicPants · 19/06/2006 09:54

I don't think shouting is effective if you shout all the time. But if you don't, and then you do lose it, it's much more shocking to them.

I can remember as a child, being smacked about 3 times and shouted at about 4 or 5 times. Both very effective because it only happened in a blue moon.

I teach, so I'm used to using lots of behavour strategies other than shouting.

Only hope I can remember this as ds gets older, he's only 10 months now!

sparklemagic · 19/06/2006 09:57

I've never shouted at my DS....I just don't shout, don't think I have it in me....have to say I think occasional shouting is absolutely no problem really, I don't think it does any harm for children to know when they have taken things just too far. I wish I COULD shout in a way, I just seem to internalise it and smoulder away! Though this is good in it's own way as it gives me seconds to think what I am going to say to him and how I'm going to deal with whatever he is doing.

And when I 'harden' my tone to him, this really means something as normally I talk so nicely to him. So I guess that's my equivalent of shouting!

kando · 19/06/2006 10:22

It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one "bellowing" a lot! I seem to go through phases of shouting all the time, then not having to shout. When I'm in my shouty mode, dd1(5) sometimes puts her hands over her ears , but dd2(3) just completely ignores me. The thing that worries me most is that dd2 now shouts when she doesn't get what she wants. I'm hoping it's just a phase as she's being incredibly badly behaved, but I do wonder how much of my behaviour is rubbing off on her (obviously, I don't stamp my feet or have a full blown tantrum in the supermarket like she does ... although I am tempted sometimes! ) Lets hope that by the time dd3(4 months) gets to the terrible threes, I'll know how to handle it better - third time lucky and all that!

The singing thing has me intrigued - how does it work? (I'm sure the dds would run for cover if I started singing at them though!)

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