Do you shout and is it as bad as

[HelloDolly]

smacking in your opionion ?

I shout but don't smack, but when I was a child I could be reduced to a snivelling heap by Mum or Dad shouting at me so I wonder whether it's just as bad.

If you don't please, please tell me what works instead, I have actually lost my voice today from yelling at them to stop hitting and winding each other up.
It is lack of attention today because I am knackered but this isn't a widly unusual day.

I cannot shout physically (my voice cracks)

But I definitely have a firm cold voice (effective) and a firm cold pissed off unfriendly voice (horrid )

neither worse than smacking IMO, at least you are trying to communicate

In my opinion shouting just makes it ok for the child to shout.. smacking is the same, a child will see the parents as a role model and what you do they will do. i get down to the childs level and explain to them what they have done. then i ask them to sit down on a chair for 2 mins after that they need to then tell me what they have done wrong and why it was wrong. that method usually works for me.

i dont shout at ds...but i do shout at dp!!...and it upsets ds quite a bit

(sometimes when im on the phone having a serious conversation in my everyday loud shouty voice..ds comes out and says'stop shouting mummy'

When things get bad I shout and once I start i shout alot. Quote "And when she was good she was very good and when she was bad she was horrid...." describes my dd very well. She was abmissal yesterday when dh and I went to Ikea. We BOTH shouted at her ALOT and had no effect . I have smacked her twice and like Custardo I make no apologies for it. We were smacked when we were very bad only ever on the bum or back of legs and also shouted out. I am one of three and none of us is any the worse for it. Have to say the smacking had more effect on me also go to your room. Can see the arguement if you smack a that teaches your kid it is ok to hit. At the moment very little seems to work with dd when she gets into one of these moods.

I agree that shouting, is probably not too bad, as almost every one seems to do it, a big relief! I go through phases, where I don't, and then shouting phases that seem to coincide with pmt, where I am beyond irritable anyway!
I notice that every one says "shouting", I'll own up to "screeching" sometimes, but really don't like it when I get to that point. Guess what, ds1 is a very shouty child!

We are all human, I have also shrieked like a fish-wife and I know the kids are frightened. So then I feel really guilty. I always appologise.

i did do a parenting course in Sept and this helped me a lot. I hardly shout at all now and can't remember last time I went into fishwife mode. Some things that help are:

Giving choices and consequences - it's long winded, but works ie. 'You can choose what you are going to do, if you want to continue to poke your sister then the tv goes off, but if you can sit nicely it will stay on, what do you want to do" Tell them both options.

Make I statements and tell them what you want them to do, not what you dont: Ie. not - stop eating with your hands, but I would like you to use your knife and fork.

For time out to work, time in has got to be fun (at least sometimes).

Hey, I know I sound like a text book, and am far from perfect but helps and I'm just a lot less angry then I used to be.

Oh yes, and I have smacked even though I don't agree with it. It's usually when I'm stressed and has never worked. I hope I never do it again, but if I do - well I can't be a robot.

Oh thank goodness I am not the only one who shouts at her kids!! Sometimes I think the best way to be a calm parent is to have a lobotomy, when I am working hard to be calm I feel as though I have been lobotomised and I hate it, then after a few days I snap and then shout really badly. I now have a craving to go adventure sporting because I am in lobotomised mode again... Poor kids... I am just so sick of begging them to do things, stop fighting etc. Sometimes I remember pre-children times with rather too much fondness...

I do do the whole being patient thing too as well as the shouting, offer choices, tell them to stop, give a warning that if they do it again then they won't like the consequences; the oldest no playing out/tv/internet, the middle one a trip to the naughty corner.
But sometimes it just doesn't work!! So I shout. And I don't think it does them any harm . I don't namecall, or direct abuse at them, just tell them to do what they're bl**dy well told, pronto. And little backsides get up and do what they should be doing

I think part of growing up is learning that there are situations where you do as you're told and life is easier and nicer if you do

agree with Lact8 - it's not a bad lesson to learn that people can be pushed too far. Still feel guilty though.

God, I shout and slam doors too. Have even smacked although, like Glassofwine, I disagree with it and don't believe it works/sets a good example. Its usually when I need some sort of release from the endless frustration of child rearing and the resentment that dh isn't around as much as I need him to be.

When he's working abroad and there are three stroppy kids and a dog that needs to be walked yet again in the pouring rain and no one will put their wellies on etc etc Arrrrggghhhh.

I think I could do with a parenting course as I do worry that they copy my poor anger management and end up yelling at each other. But when to find the time?

i have found myself shouting more lately than ever before. (ds is almost 2) i am trying to stop myself before i do and remember that im not setting a good example especially if i am shouting because ds is shouting! i always make a point of looking at ds and apologising, even if he doesnt understand that, im hoping he understands the gesture.

I shout alot...usually just to get noticed. I think i'm naturally a loud person anyway although I am very concious of the fact that I do quite often go into fishwife mode. I do wish I could get my kids to listen too me without the need to raise my voice.

I agree with Lunarx. I feel that I am shouting more lately, and then I feel so bad I have to apologise.

I do find counting to 10 helps, especially when I have repeatedly asked him to do/not do something.

Was smacked myself as a child, and although didnm't do any long term harm, feel it isn't necessary for my children.

i have to try that counting to ten!

I do shout although I try not too. Sometimes when I am tempted to shout when dd is just frustrating me by ging especially slow or sulking I pick her up and tickle her which diffuses the situation.

I shout, at dh and the kids. But not that often, about once or twice a week - is that often? I don't know! My mum used to shout AND smack, not just smacking but hair pulling, dragging, etc. She scared the shit out of me! And yes, her shouting could make me piss myself too. I've done that a couple of times and felt very very ashamed afterwards that I've scared the shit out of my kids, so I try to count to ten now.

Constructively though, it can be useful. Dh will tell the kids not to do something in a very reasonable voice and he will give warnings, etc, I only have to raise my voice and they will stop dead in their tracks! They get more discipline from me than from their dad cause they actually listen to me more! A short sharp shout can be a very effective form of discipline. But I do agree with the posts that say prolonged and frequent outburts are bad for everyone.

I shout. Do children or husbands actually listen before you shout? No they do not. Shouting is fine usually. It's when I screech that I know I've lost it then I put myself in time out and leave everyone else to it!

glad im not the only one who shouts alot!! sure i must sound like a chavvy fishwife at times as we are usually in supermarket when i end up really shouting and dragging her along but as soon as she walks into asda she becomes the devil child and is uncontrollable!! ended up in tears last week convinced i was going to end up on a supermarket program with an uncontrollable child heading for an asbo!! i have tried everything time out naughty steps toy confiscation talking to at her level and it generally doesnt work neither does shouting or smacking but i dont do that very often or very hard really as i dont want it to hurt her!

Kbear - I like the sound of putting myself in time out. I know I need to calm down in these situations but its like there is no real sliding scale to my patience sometimes and I just snap. Removing myself from the situation might actually be a good tactic.

I do apologise if I've really lost it. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking its the right way to handle themselves/situations. Would really like NOT to do it in the first place though. I'm generally OK in public as find it easier to switch into 'Dr Tanya talking down the fantasy ear piece mode'. I can be like a fishwife-toddler, losing it because I am just too tired/burnt out to bother behaving properly myself. That's the scary bit.

My kids would not behave this morning, and I was having a number of phone interviews with agencies - I was really stressed and kept telling them to be quiet. They were fighting and screaming and racing round all morning trough all my phone calls, and in the end, one woman said "there's no point continuing, as you've obviously got problems that will affect work, so we're not taking your application further". I missed out on a job worth £25k because my kids wouldn't behave for 5 minutes, so I lost it really bad and screeched at them to get in their rooms. Then I realised the window was open and the neighbours were looking at me. Just had a knock at door, pretty sure it's social services or the neighbours - am terrified now, so I ignored it. OK, I shouldn't have lost it with them that bad, but I have tried so hard to get a job, and they ruined everything this morning. I was so pissed off, and my neighbours are always looking down their nose at me cos I shout at the kids generally every day, as thy won't do anything they're told. I tell them continuously to do/not do things - the don't listen, so I end up shouting and losing my temper.

I think most of us agree that at some point we all shout, we also agree that we don't like it. How about whispering instead? Singing is good but i also don't have a good voice so it might drive my kids mad.

I am a shouty sort of person. Be highly unnatural if I modified this aspect of me for my kids.

I'm the same MI. I hate it when I realise I'm doing it loads though - and I do worry that dd will be a shouter too. dp is dead calm - it's soooo frustrating.

I shout at my DS a lot, he seems to hurt his twin sisters (nearly 1) a lot and I think it's to get attention because I don't have enough one-to-one time with him anymore. I end up getting frustrated and shout at him and then end up getting upset at myself. Am very glad I'm not the only one to shout though! Time out never seems to work with him but maybe I don't put enough effort into it? I think I might try the singing or whispering too!