Baby monitors. what age can you stop using them?

[Ticktock1]

Hi, I do not have any DC's so I don't know but I do have a DSD. She is 3.5 yrs old and is a good sleeper, I have know her 10 months and she has only ever woken up twice, both times when we had just moved house. I ask because the monitor causes me to not sleep, I can hear DSD snoring through the walls let alone through the monitor and last night it started flashing because the room dropped below 18 (DP put the heating back on after) this took ages to stop and by that time I had given up and gone and slept on the sofa. We have to have it with us at all times, even when we nip out the front door for a sneeky fag when she is in bed. The dissition is not mine to get rid of it I understand that but I could bring it up if I know you don't always need one for a 3.5 year old. If you do I will just carry on not sleeping well untill she is older. Many thanks

I've never had one and ds was in his own room at 5 months.

If a 3 year old wakes up and needs something in the night, can't she just come and get you?

I've never used one - it's not a legal requirement!

However, as you say, it's not your decision - you need to talk to your DSD's mum.

Yes we are in the room next door. I would wake up if she cried anyway. DSD mum insists on it and DP got a stern text once when it went back to his EXW's not on full. Because I don't have any children I just don't know, I figured its called a BABY monitor for a reason though

Yes Countess I agree, I know she will insist we keep it but wanted to back up my point (if I have one!) That it might not be needed anymore

I didn't have one. You would hear her if she woke

We have never had one for either of the children.

A 3.5 year old is plenty old enough to come and find you if there is a problem.

Just stop using it, and return it with settings intact so nobody is any the wiser.

DSD wouldn't come and get us though now I think about it, she would stay in bed and shout. I am a very light sleeper though, hence the monitor problem. Would you expect a 3.5 year old to come and get you? Sooo much learning to do!

Never had one, I think they make you overly paranoid about every little snuffle. DD was in her own room at 10 weeks, we have a large 5 bed house but it is a new build so we could here her if she cried, but we couldn't hear all the fidgeting noises that you could with a Baby monitor.
She is now 2.5, never gets out of her bed she just shouts if she needs us in the night.

I'd stay in bed and shout if I thought someone would come to me when I needed them rather than go look! It's up to your DP to decide if he still thinks she needs it. Your DSDs mother is not in charge when she's with you, I would suggest handing it back saying something simple like 'We're not using it anymore' as a clear statement and refuse to be drawn into an argument.

Never used them - for that reason - they are a pain in the ass!!
She is 3 ffs!!
I think this goes a little deeper than baby monitors ...

We still have one for our 3.5 year old, although it is on the quietest. She sleeps with her bedroom door closed and still hasn't realised she can get out of bed without our permission (long may it last!!) If I often hear her but it is just a little sound boost for those nights when I sleep like a log.

Conorsrockers what do you mean goes deeper? :) This was not my choice and I would genuinly like to know if its acceptable to ask to not use it. I don't want to start making unreasonable demands. Its interesting how many people do not ues them at all. I thought I would find it comforting but now I just want sleep!

I would use one up to 6 months at the very least as that's when the risk of cot death is highest. That's about hearing them getting into difficulties, not about hearing them cry. Thereafter I'd use it if I couldn't hear them cry, up until they're old enough to make themselves heard one way or another. At 3.5 I'd say they should be old enough to get your attention if they need it, by shouting or by coming to get you.

If she insists, then I would buy your own.

I have a Tommy Tippee one. You can set the volume to not pick up sniffles/snoring. You can also blackout the screen without turning it off.

Meanwhile I used to put the screen of my old monitor under the bed to reduce the glare

SuperSlattern that's a good idea thank you. I am going to bring it up as it seems like a lot of people think at 3 its ok to not have one and cutegorilla I also thought that is what they are for. I think it may not matter though as I will be told no but SuperSlattern's recommendation is a good compromise. Thank you

We only used the monitor when we were downstairs and the kids were upstairs asleep as it was hard to hear them otherwise - we never used the parent unit upstairs as we could hear them through the walls/doors, etc.

Seriously?!?! We have never used one at night and it's a big old house & DS is down the corridor. Believe me, we hear him!

We have it on in the kitchen (miles from his room) when he first goes down so we know he's ok. We also use it for babysitters when we go out so they have the reassurance that they know he's asleep without Needing to keep creeping up the stairs.

DS is nearly 2. Your DP needs to let go.

Sorry - by deeper I was referring to the potential battle it may cause - mum seems quite controlling about how dad cares for her - I'd guess that's the bigger problem otherwise you just wouldn't use it if it was your decision?! Wasn't meant to be a searching comment .

cutegorilla you can't hear cot death, unless you're sitting up listening for every breath. If you're asleep you're not going to hear them stop breathing.

We still use ours at 3.5 too. My dd has had a couple of vomiting in her sleep nights and it would scare me not to. It's harmless and safe so I always insist it is on when she stays anywhere else. Definitely ask if you can get a quieter one but i think you would be causing huge issues asking whether it is needed anymore as it isn't your decision to make.

I think it's a bit sad that you would be annoyed with taking it outside whilst you smoke. I know she's not your own child but I really hope you care about her more than cigarettes.

We never had one for DD because she slept with us till she was sleeping through (10m) and only got one for DS because we'd moved and there were areas of the house where I couldn't hear him when he woke up from a nap.

The reason for keeping them in your room for six months is not so you can hear them breathe, by the way. It's so THEY can hear YOU breathe! Babies' bodies are pretty terrible at regulating themselves - temperature, respiration, everything. It's why it works so much better/is so important to keep them near you and why slinging works so well - they are much happier when they're closely attached to an adult because their body is picking up on the adult-body self-regulation.

For your DSD the risk of SIDS is basically over and in any case it's not about hearing them breathe so I wouldn't bother unless your DP / her mother insist on it. It really isn't necessary.

Actually as I understand it, babies don't die quietly :( so being able to hear them could make a difference.

We used a monitor longer for my DS1 as he was prone to breathing difficulties. He was 2 when we could hear him struggling to breathe through the monitor and he ended up being admitted to hospital that night. I've also heard my DD being sick through the monitor when she was small and went to help her, and babies do choke on sick.

I do actually think it matters that you can hear them other than when they are crying/shouting for you. Each to their own though.

cutegorilla what you describe isn't SIDS, though - SIDS is causeless so far as can be ascertained. The baby simply ceases to breathe for no apparent reason. Choking on vomit or struggling to breathe isn't SIDS - the whole point is that they don't struggle to breathe, they just stop.

In countries where co-sleeping is practically universal (such as China) SIDS is so unknown as to not even be a recognised thing - they don't have a word for it because it happens so rarely.

Actually recent work has shown that SIDs in China might be classified as suffocation, as is not as rare as was initially thought Oxford paper.