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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

irrational anger at H.V?

61 replies

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 12:17

hi, my dd had a two and half year check this morning and she did fine. Put the blocks up,said all the colours, counted to ten and chatted away. She said all was well obviously(though i already knew that!). Then she said as dd wasn't saying School, (she says cool) she would see her again in six months!!! I was i have to admit very peeved and asked if she considered this a problem and she said that it's the common letters not to pronounce s=f! Then she said that i could give her a ring instead! I know that this is trivial in the grand csheme if things but i feel so angry! My dd has had comments for at least a year on how articulate and advanced she is and i feel they look for problems where there are none and although i know she's covering her own back, i just can't beleive that was seen as a speech problem......! Does anyone agree

OP posts:

fio2 · 07/11/2003 12:21

oh bugger my ds has got his 2 yr check next monday - do they really expect them to do all that?

Angeliz my dd has speech probs and you really have nothing to worry about. Your dd sounds like she is doinfg REALLY well they all get letters mixed up at this age 0- I would have thought it would be more worrying if your dd wasnt 'talking' at all which alot of them cant at 2 1/2

Original poster

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 12:25

exactly fio2.thanks for that i dont know if they expect it all, dd performed like a good'un! It is so so ANNOYING though to have a complete stranger telling you crap about your family! My dd would talk the hind legs off a donkey, yet just because of ONE word, she's pounced on!Good luck for Monday!

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fio2 · 07/11/2003 12:28

my ds misses loads of letters though. He sings Noddy,! Noddy! out e e horray!! doesnt bother me though I know what a child with speech probs is like Alot of HV's are a bit like this

Original poster

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 12:32

m, my friend is one and i rang her fuming! she said there was nothing wrong with dd's speech and the h.v was just covering her back! they just iritate me! i know they need to find kids who need the help but .........anyway, off to the library see you later!;0

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FairyMum · 07/11/2003 12:34

I have never taken my kids to any 2 year-checks. As a mum I know they are fine and if I had any worries, I certainly wouldn't consult any HVs. I am sure there are good HVs, but most of them are just causing new mums a lot of stress and worry

dinosaur · 07/11/2003 12:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 12:42

still here:0 she came to me, i didn;t go to her(can't stand them to be honest!)and i totally agree with both of you, i know my dd and she's thriving and how do they expect kids to suddenly perform anyway! What also annoyed me was this was said infront of dd who picks up on EVERYTHING you say!

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Jenie · 07/11/2003 12:49

I'm one of those parents who is constantly correcting the way my children speak even ds who is only 18 months and says very little (fear of critisim maybe). I think that it's important to be able to talk clearly. There are too many parents who don't encourage their children to talk properly and then wonder why no one else can understand a word they say. This includes some children who are going to school with dd it's as though they're talking another language all together.

But to be asked to return for just one sound is a bit extreme, I'd say that just so long as you're aware of it and are going to take steps to correct it then don't worry and she's very clever being able to do all of the other things.

Carla · 07/11/2003 12:56

Is she a new broom sweeping clean, perhaps... My 4year old calls Marmite Mymite and I find it really edearing. I'll miss it when she says it properly.

Original poster

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 12:57

thanks jenie, felt a bit up and down about your message but i know it was not meant as critism!(or hope) My dd speaks amazingly and we are all so proud of her! I have always taught her well and i think it's the H.V's problem, not dd's

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marialuisa · 07/11/2003 13:07

Angeliz, take no notice. With my professional hat (psychologist) I can assure you that you should not be "correcting" DD anyway. The best thing to do is to just use the word correctly yourself, so if she says "I'm going to cool" you say "that's right tomorrow you're going to school". Bet that's waht you do anyway?

That said there are some expressions that are just too cute not to use, my DD is the same age as yours and is adamant that spaghetti is "basketti". Think that's quite common, i definitely used to say it and she can say other s-followed by consonant words just fine, so for the moment we all eat Heinz basketti when i'm too hungover to do a decent lunch on a saturday!

Bron · 07/11/2003 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jenie · 07/11/2003 13:16

Didn't mean to sound critical of you just had tough time this morning understanding that friends ds was going to watch fireworks and that they'd go bang and fizz, not what I heard at all when he spoke to me.

When dd had problems with words I'd get her to say several other words that all started the same or that had the same sound in them that she was having a problem with ie for school I'd get her to say Scott, scoure, scream then I'd get her to say school at the end of them. Sometimes it can be that they just haven't heard the sound in the word.

She does sound very clever though so don't worry - what do hvs know anyway?

FairyMum · 07/11/2003 13:21

My first HV when I had DD didn't even have her own children. No, I rather eat elephant-foreskin soup than let a HV into my house!

kmg1 · 07/11/2003 14:12

Jenie - I think you spoke very abruptly from an uninformed position. Children learn to make sounds in different ways, and some children have particular difficulties which means it takes a LONG time; constantly correcting them from age 18 months could make the whole situation much, much worse.

Sorry but I get really irritated when parents 'take the credit/hand out criticism' for something their children do naturally. DS1 has amazing talents/gifts in some areas ... primarily down to his genes, IMO. He struggles in others - in particular he has needed intense speech therapy, and has only just learned some sounds, and he is aged 6.

Original poster

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 14:21

lol fairymum and thanks all for replying, yes marialuisa thats exactly what i do, just repeat the word correctly! I think the whole thing is bloody ridiculous anyway and all my freinds ,family know how well dd speaks and how bright she is! Does make me think though...what if she hadn't counted or said the colours this morning? Are they all supposed to be little robots progressing at same pace? They don't even know my dd (well met her a few times) and they feel they can "assess" her better in 10 minutes than i can in 2.6 years! eejits

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sykes · 07/11/2003 14:29

What do they have to do at two-years check? Can't remember from elder dd's, younger dds in two weeks. I jpersonally think that sometimes they're less than helpful, but do understand that they are supposed to be helpful. Promise I'm not about to start making my younger dd do "homework" - just curious.

Original poster

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 14:34

this morning dd had to
;build a block tower
remove-blue-red-yellow and purple bricks(H.V was impressed she knew purple!
:say a nursery ryhme...h.v said "hunpty dumpty sat on a wall.then what happened?" and dd said"he fell off!"
:body parts.toes-legs
:draw a cross
:point out shapes

all that and she gets picked up on saying "cool" poor little mite!

It reminds me of some song lyrics
"we love you, just the way you are, if you're perfect!"

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Original poster

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 14:35

btw kmg1, i hope you don't think i was taking credit, my dd has always had the talkative gene!

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sykes · 07/11/2003 14:37

Jesus .... doubt my dd woul dget anywhere near a lot of those. Her speech is not very developed for a start - doesn't say much at all. She's not quite two, but really most of that is beyond her. Oh, God, do I start worrying when I really said I wouldn't? I know they're all different but she really is nowhere near a lot of what your dd had to do. Am glad your dd did well, she sounds lovely.

kmg1 · 07/11/2003 14:40

Angeliz - I certainly wasn't having a go at you. Just found Jenie's post rather abrasive. Maybe I'm just a bit sensitive today.

Freddiecat · 07/11/2003 14:40

DS had his 18 month check this week (they do 18 and 36 months here - deprived area apparently). Did well but he refused to point out any pictures in her book so we were told it's something we must work on.

She especially thought he should be able to point out the apple - except he doesn't have a book with a picture of an apple and he doesn't like apples so why would he know that. It's just pure chance!

Generally do like my HV though.

Batters · 07/11/2003 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kmg1 · 07/11/2003 14:50

Absolutely Batters.

Jimjams · 07/11/2003 14:58

Batters- exactly. As you probably know I know far more about speech development(and SALT) than I couod ever wish to- that is exactly what you are meant to do.

Jenie: you said:

"There are too many parents who don't encourage their children to talk properly and then wonder why no one else can understand a word they say. This includes some children who are going to school with dd it's as though they're talking another language all together. "

I'm dumbfounded and lost for words and better not reply.

Freddiecat- although I agree with you about the apple business (and have had the same moan in the past about people asking my son to point to dolly) I am really really relived to see that HV have finally cottoned on to testing pointing. It is far more important than speech at 18 months, so although I agree with you I did find your message heartening

Fio2- no worries ds2 (who I know is NT) will totally fail the speech bit if its done at 2 (he's 22 months). I'm putting him on the list then anyway.

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