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Original poster

irrational anger at H.V?

61 replies

Angeliz · 07/11/2003 12:17

hi, my dd had a two and half year check this morning and she did fine. Put the blocks up,said all the colours, counted to ten and chatted away. She said all was well obviously(though i already knew that!). Then she said as dd wasn't saying School, (she says cool) she would see her again in six months!!! I was i have to admit very peeved and asked if she considered this a problem and she said that it's the common letters not to pronounce s=f! Then she said that i could give her a ring instead! I know that this is trivial in the grand csheme if things but i feel so angry! My dd has had comments for at least a year on how articulate and advanced she is and i feel they look for problems where there are none and although i know she's covering her own back, i just can't beleive that was seen as a speech problem......! Does anyone agree

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Original poster
Angeliz · 07/11/2003 15:07

exactly! (batters).also annoyed me that this conversation took place infront of dd who listens to EVERYTHING and has never been criticized by us,only praised. They seem to think it will all go over a toddlers head!(i just hope it did as she didn't appear to be bothered!

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Jimjams · 07/11/2003 15:16

KMG- I love your post. I quite often sit open mouthed at stuff that ds2 just "does" (which doesn't include talk btw ) when ds1 has struggled so much to get there. DS1 certainly fits Jenie's description of talking another language and being totally incomprehensible to pretty much anyone. I do know its nothing that I have doen though (in fact the only language he has learned is because I've taught it to him). He struggles so hard to communicate at all I dread to think what would happen if we criticised the efforts he did make.

Original poster
Angeliz · 07/11/2003 15:18

the whole thing is ridiculous! we've always been amazed at dd's vocabulary and to pick her up on one word is actually cruel! (especially infront of her)

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GeorginaA · 07/11/2003 15:23

I wouldn't worry at all, Angeliz. My ds is 2.5 years old and like your dd has had constant praise for how articulate he is and his large vocabulary. He still says baby words though, e.g. "dar" for "car", yet he can pronounce "Caroline" perfectly (a friend of ours) Children vary so much at this age anyway and all perfectly in the realms of "normal". If she's showing signs of otherwise being advanced in speech then I really think you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about!

prufrock · 07/11/2003 15:25

IMO anger at HV's is never irrational. I have just cancelled my pregnancy appointment with mine and so I know she will start chasing dd up in revenge - even though she hasn't acknowledged her existence since she was 16 weeks and we stopped going to be weighed. It worries me that it was so easy to drop off her radar. DD goes to nursery so I do have other kids to compare her too so I'm not worried about her (she's 18 months and can only say 4 words - but she can build a robust tower of 13 bricks), but my HV doesn't know that I'm not starving her

Freddiecat · 07/11/2003 15:32

Jimjams - agree with the pointing thing. Thing is she also asked DS to point to a doll in the book and SHE came out with the word "bubba"!!!

Firstly it was clearly a doll not a baby and secondly, I never use the word "bubba" and would always say "baby" - or in this case "doll" so that was odd.

Original poster
Angeliz · 07/11/2003 15:34

thanks for all your lovely comments i LOVE mumsnet! I am not worried about dd..just annoyed at her

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dinosaur · 07/11/2003 15:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Jimjams · 07/11/2003 15:37

It makes me mad when they don't do these tests properly frediecat. I lost my temper with one SALT over exactly this. Trouble was her inability to carry out a test properly lost ds1 about a years worth of SALT (a year and a half later they agreed that I had been right and she had been wrong).

Jimjams · 07/11/2003 15:39

I know dinosaur- but pointing starts with book type pointing before moving onto shared interest- so at least they are testing for the first stage. Agree with you that testing shared interest or ability to follow a point would be more useful. Personally I think they should just introduce the CHAT test at 18 months

Jimjams · 07/11/2003 15:40

(My son would have failed pointing at a piccy in a book at 18 months becuase he would either use his whole hand, or someone elses.)

Original poster
Angeliz · 07/11/2003 15:58

btw not annoyed at dd at H.V

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dinosaur · 07/11/2003 16:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

californiagirl · 07/11/2003 16:13

My parents are linguists, and my father actually has a published paper on what happened when for experimental purposes they tried correcting one particular error every time I made it. His result was the same as all subsequent results about attempting to directly correct children's speech: it doesn't work. If it doesn't upset your child, there's no harm in it, but it isn't going to make any difference at all to normal speech development.

More conversation with a child is better, but they're still going to move at their own speed. Even if they can correctly repeat a word after you and will object if you say it wrong, they're going to do it their way until it fixes itself.

fio2 · 07/11/2003 16:16

californiagirl thats we have been told by the salt and do naturally really is just when they say it in 'their' language dont correct just say heres xxxx in real terms iykwim

Jimjams · 07/11/2003 16:18

oh we had that one as well dinosaur.....several times from several different SALTS (they didn't test pointing though)

winnie1 · 07/11/2003 16:36

Angeliz,haven't read all of the replies but I would feel as you do. I have unfortunately only ever met deeply unhelpful h.v s and it has sadly clouded my judgement. You know your child and as you are obviously not concerned please do not worry about the hv's comments.

SofiaAmes · 07/11/2003 17:00

Angeliz, I'm sure that your dd is 10 times smarter than your hv. When my ds had his 2.5 year old check, the hv asked if he knew his colors. I said yes, but he likes to pretend he doesn't know them. She looked at me sceptically and started asking him the colors of all the little blocks. He "correctly" misidentified every single one. She said something like he doesn't seem to know his colors, and went to mark it in her little book. My ds realized that she didn't get the joke and proceeded, unprompted, to pick up and correctly identify every block. Stupid hv. She should have listened to me in the first place. And then, later on in the check she gave him a smallish ball and said something along the lines of would you like to kick the football. My ds looked at her with incredulity and said no, it's not a football, it's for throwing. Duh!
ps. My ds (almost 3) still does say his s's or h's. My mother jokingly spent an afternoon trying to get him to say anything with an h. Ds did not oblige, even after many tantilizing bribes. (actually I think he probably knows how to pronounce an h but likes to play games).

Original poster
Angeliz · 07/11/2003 17:45

thanks forall your lovely replies Dp came home tonight and we had dinner and i gushed about how clever the h.v thought dd was with her colours and shapes and atlking so much.(just incase she'd picked up any negative vibes).will slag her off somethin rotten when she goes to bed! Don't know what i'd do without mumsnetIt's so good to read opinions from everyone and proffesional insights too!

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Original poster
Angeliz · 07/11/2003 17:53

sykes please don't worry, if anything it's proved to me that they're not taking much notice antway

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kmg1 · 07/11/2003 18:52

SofiaAmes - your post reminded me of ds1 at 3 when he went for his first speech therapy assessment:
SALT: What's this?
ds1: a boo dar (a blue car)
SALT: What's this?
ds1: a wed dar (a red car)
SALT: What's this?
ds1: a lello dar (a yellow car)
SALT: What's this?
ds1: a woomba woomba (?!)
SALT: OK, what's this?
ds1: a beebar beebar (?!)
And continued utterly to refuse to cooperate!

Fortunately when he started going regularly his SALT was someone who knew how to relate to children, respect their intelligence, not bore them rigid!

Original poster
Angeliz · 07/11/2003 19:04

kmg1, thanks for telling me you weren't getting at me.............sensitive, me too!

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motherinferior · 07/11/2003 19:41

All our sodding HV did for the two-year checkup (which I only really had done because she was round checking out the new baby anyway) was chat to my incredibly chatty dd1.

Incidentally my HVs have done nothing - repeat NOTHING - to chase me up despite the fact I've got a previous history of depression (which my midwife knew); not PND, but still I do think it was probably their job to hassle me. Not that I wanted them to, you understand

mrsforgetful · 07/11/2003 22:21

when my ds2 had his 3 yr check it was done by a canadian (no offence intended) who had a very strong accent! She showed him a Lamb- he had got into the habit of calling them baby sheep- so had no idea what she was on about when she said 'where is the laaaaaaaaaaaaamb...pick up the laaaaaaaaaaaaaamb' She was about to suggest grommets (!) when i interrupted (which she hated) with 'Pick up the baby sheep'- of course he did this after one request!

suedonim · 07/11/2003 22:38

I really think HV's fall into two very distinct camps. I've had some excellent, caring, ones and some abysmal ones, over the years.

At one of dd's checks, the (rubbish) HV showed her a picture and aksed what it was. Dd said it was a cat sleeping on a chair. The HV said 'I don't think it's sleeping because it's smiling' Dd gave her a scathing look and said "It's not REAL!"