The incredibly fussy eaters thread

[boschy]

Following on from the thread on AIBU, this is the place for those with incredibly fussy/food phobic kids! If you are fed up with the "eat what they're given or let them starve" brigade, this is the place for you.

(If you ARE one of the 'eat or starve' brigade, please look away now - this thread is not for you, unless of course you've just had the Damascene conversion having discovered that your child is not the great eater you always thought he/she would be, down to your incredible parenting skills and totally relaxed attitude to food.)

My fussy eater is DD1, now 15. All was fine til she hit 12 months - easy to wean, I Annabel-Karmel-ed frantically etc etc.

But overnight she just. stopped. eating. And when she started again she knew exactly what she would and wouldn't eat. We had the tears and tantrums (from me) til I realised it was going nowhere. So 14 years later, here we are.

Her current repertoire is, in no particular order: macaroni cheese (no crispy top). garlic bread. breaded chicken products. chips. pizza with tomato sauce, no cheese. cold chicken (from a packet, not off the roast). spaghetti hoops in tomato sauce. Heinz tomato soup. Milano salami. pistachio nuts. crisps. any sort of bread as long as it doesnt have bits in. wraps. bananas. Innocent fruit smoothies (hurrah!). occasional off-piste forays into things like turkey schnitzel - successful; burgers/lasagne/bolognese - not successful.

She's bored with not being able to eat what everyone else does, but cant bring herself to try. I just try to keep going with the idea that she can try whatever she likes whenever she likes, and that she will grow out of it.

fiolondon we have had many dinners like that, only with me cooking so no one else to blame for lateness

Recently found DS will eat roast chicken or beef as long as it's served with rice and ketchup. He still eats very little of the meat but the rice option is easy, and the rest of us get to eat a normal roast dinner in peace.

Fiolondon-sadly I agree that sometimes it would be easier if DP left me to get on with DS's dinners-when DP cooks it is ALWAYS late, which stresses me out no end! I shouldn't complain, but honestly, he is a chef ffs-he has to cook quickly all the time!

DS had just potatos for lunch and dinner today, drowning in ketchup. Also 2 half bananas-other halves were point-blank refused due to an invisible bruise...I try not to care, I really do, but AAARRRRGH!

Thank goodness he has a hefty breakfast.

I have just booked DS into the afterschool club as a one-off this week. Dinner is sweet and sour chicken. I said that I was sorry but he wouldn't eat that. So she said they could do him a jacket potato instead? Nope, he won't eat that either.

So then there was the classic 'we often find that when children see the other children eating it, they will try it too'.

Good luck with that one :o

She said she would make him a sandwich and that they don't subscribe to the theory of not giving them a choice and that if he won't eat what they have on the menu, they will make him a sandwich :)

Fiolondon - we tried eating our main meal as a family for a few weeks and they all went like that, it was awful and stressful for all concerned! Now the kids have their tea at 4.30 and we eat when the kids are in bed, it's much more relaxing.

meg we still eat separately from ours most of the time. It is just much less stressful. I could eat with them and not be bothered, but DH sees it as an opportunity to come over all Victorian paterfamilias. You'd think after 15 years he'd have learnt it was pointless, and to be fair to him he has got much better, but he still struggles with the idea that she simply cant eat just to please him or because he goes off on one.

Restaurants etc are fine - I think it is because we can all just choose what we want, and if DD1 just wants chips and bread that's fine. (he still looks a bit pained when I order something off menu but I reckon that's what restaurants are FOR.)

alicious the invisible bruise - oh god I feel your pain!

christine I look forward to hearing how peer pressure at after school club goes!

bit of a namechange here.

Those of you who are happily giving in to dcs eating preferences, WELL DONE! You are doing the right thing to not push things onto them. But it is important to always keep options open, keep offering new foods but make sure they will never be forced to eat any of them if they don't want to. Encourage them, of course.

This thing about stressed family mealtimes... is tricky. On the one hand it's healthy to eat as a family but on the other hand if partner is Victorian Dad it could make things worse. I know a Dad like this and although the children have eventually become more keen to eat different foods, he hasn't changed at all! Oldest child is still fussy at 13 - eats a few more things but has issues with food textures etc because of years of associating stress with eating funny food. Fortunately though she's now a healthy weight.

So all you can do is try to change Dad's influence. Whether it's by asking him to back off and let you take the lead, give him a paper to read, or videoing a mealtime so he can see what's happening. Dads need to understand that their stress will exacerbate the problem. Perhaps you could blind them with science about child development. Or tell them to expect children to eat nothing - put a tiny amount on the plate and if they do eat, great.

:) after the invisible bruise incident of Sunday, today's banana was a whole new story! Twas bruised and had 'freckles' and was eaten entirely! Possibly due to Toy Story 3 being on the TV...

Christine-let us know if you have any luck with the 'peer pressure' thing-personally I don't think it works, DS1 has school dinners, his best mate eats EVERYTHING and comes over for tea quite often. Nothing doing.

Our 'family mealtimes' don't happen as often as I would like, but I find the DCs behaviour doesn't change at all-DS2 (nearly 1) wolfs everything down, enjoys food; DS1 falls off his chair, plays with his feet, whines, counts the number of bites he is going to eat, gets up for water, ketchup, serviettes etc even when everything is already on the table! I do deep breathing and fantasize about bedtime (theirs).

Funny about the banana Alicious, they seem to spend a lot of time convincing themselves of their own faddiness after a while - 'I'm not supposed to like banana so I won't like it even though actually I do'. Because clearly, all along, he liked bananas.

Fio - no, that's tomorrow. He is very excited about going, I don't think he's realises they will feed him!

Today his afterschool snack was 2 marmite rice cakes with an M&S chocolate minibite at the same time. I'm really not sure what that says about his tastebuds

And yes that level of mixed textures would be a cause for celebration in our house too!

Christine you have just reminded me that as a child I liked marmite on those pink wafer biscuit things. Perhaps I should try that on DS?

Half of me is going Yay to Fio's DS. The other half is going Yuk why would you mix those things together? I can't imagine where my DS's issues come from - genetics anyone?

:o Alana. I found half the chocolate minibite wedged under the toaster this morning so it clearly wasn't so popular!

Well he loved afterschool club. He ate a cream cheese sandwich for tea and drank water (he won't drink squash - the original premise for this thread I believe!) but they didn't tell me never to bring him back again so I am very pleased :)

well done christine DS! cream cheese sandwich??? is that new to him? if so, brilliant - quite a strange texture I would think.

DD1 has gone back onto pitta bread all of a sudden - hasnt eaten it in about 3 years, now it's all the rage. weird child.

One thing which I dont know if anyone else has thoughts on? she will have jaw surgery in 2-3 years time, she has an asymmetric jaw (one side longer than the other). The orthodontists are very brisk and you never get the chance to talk about anything, but I wonder if the malocclusion of her teeth and funny shape of her jaw affect her eating? She is not looking forward to the surgery, but cant wait to have it done. She's a pretty girl now, but she will be an absolute stunner when we get this sorted.

Oh no, cream cheese sandwich is a (disgusting) staple in our house - he has it for lunch pretty much every day (sometimes I like to ring the changes by swapping it for philly and marmite :o)

I really like loads of variety in my food - I don't even like eating leftovers the next day whereas he is perfectly happy to eat exactly the same thing at every single meal. And it's tempting to go with that but then his diet is becoming ever more restricted

(Catching up with the thread)
The cream cheese sandwich is an essential lunchtime staple for DS1 too...
He ate 'eggy bread' IYKWIM with ketchup today for lunch and for once it went down a treat (after complaints about the size and shape of the bread).
I spoke to DS1 about tasting new things today and he told me that he is scared to put new foods in his mouth :( although he sort of wants to.
A previous poster talked about a possible genetic link and I reckon there may be some truth in that-I was a very fussy eater as a child, as was my father, but you would never guess that if you saw us now!!

Boschy-that sounds like major surgery! What does it entail? It's a shame that medical professionals don't/can't take a few extra minutes to talk things through, especially those who look after children...

On a lighter note-what are your fussers having for Christmas dinner? Mine just wants chocolate or nuggets and chips...

I think everyone in our house likes very repetitive food. DH has had the same breakfast for about 25 years! He has Frosties, usually with a couple of other cereals. The other cereals change sometimes (like when the supermarket run out, or DH just gets bored) but always Frosties. There are lots of other things, but that is the most extreme. In fact, I think the fact that DD1 doesn't have food issues is more noteworthy in our house!

Fio, it might be worth talking to nursery about their food rules. The preschool that DS went to has the rule that you have to eat your sandwich first. It doesn't sound like a bit thing - and it isn't for most people - but it is good to know in advance. My theory was that if that is their rule then he has to go with that. Preschool was a learning experience for things like that also. But you may not feel that. The problem is that the preschool didn't even really know they had that rule - it was just something they said at lunchtime without noticing IYSWIM - so it might be hard to find things like that out. Maybe go in and have lunch their with him before he starts, or just tell them to leave your DS alone when he is eating!

Alicious my dad was very fussy until I was about 10 (made easier in the 50s, 60s and 70s as there was less choice) but now eats most stuff with the odd strange rule about order if eating stuff and a no yoghurt fixation.

Sister and I were milder versions and grew out of it sooner. So I can well believe in a genetic component.

Christmas dinner for my fussy one will be a sausage, slice of very plain White turkey and a complaint that he can't have cheese sarnie and apple like the last 364 days.

thank you for starting this thread! i'd just logged on to start one of my own. It sounds as though I'm pretty much at the start of this journey as DS turns 2 next week.

So our story - EBF to six months, then mixture of BLW and pureed stuff. I have lovely photos of DS eating slices of avocado and broccoli at about 7 months. Things seemed to go downhill at about the age of a year - things are made a little more complicated as DS has an allergy to eggs and fish, although is being retested next month so hopefully he might be able to take them now.

His list of food is getting smaller and smaller and I was getting worried til I saw this thread! He won't eat much at his CM either, even when sitting down with her children.

So foods that he will take:
milk ( has 2 cups a day, one before breakfast and one after lunch - both often not finished)
cheese
yoghurt
cheerios
Organics goodies bar
Organics fruit bar

Will mostly have but not necessarily eat all of:
bread
toast
crumpets
english muffins
cakes, sometimes
chocolate, sometimes - although not that fussed, for example he has 3 advent calendars, he'll eat one chocolate himself, bitten in two and eaten carefully and then give one to me and one to DH
fruit smoothies
fruit juice
raisins
dried pineapple and dates at his CM
potato smiley faces

Things that he always used to eat but has now refused:
fruit crumble
bananas
pasta and tomato sauce.
small oranges
apples
pears
baked beans
sausages

So I guess just keep on going. I always sit down and eat with him and DH does too when he's able to. DS will just hand me back his plate with his main course on - 'No Mummy'. For the past few nights he's only had a yoghurt for his dinner and that's it. He goes to bed without any problems but has been waking at 0430 and I wonder if he's getting hungry but he doesn't demand food but will climb into bed for a BF.

Anyway, any support gratefully received!

fio* we did cranial osteopathy when she was younger, I think the surgery is pretty much essential. I know it's obvious that a wrongly positioned jaw/teeth would make eating more of a challenge, but I cant find any information anywhere, or any studies - must google again. And I know it's an emotional/mental thing, not a physical thing, because she can eat what she wants to eat - texture/crunching etc not an issue physically. Not looking forward to the surgery or more precisely the aftermath, but if it has the added benefit of taking away the food phobia that would be fantastic.