The incredibly fussy eaters thread

[boschy]

Following on from the thread on AIBU, this is the place for those with incredibly fussy/food phobic kids! If you are fed up with the "eat what they're given or let them starve" brigade, this is the place for you.

(If you ARE one of the 'eat or starve' brigade, please look away now - this thread is not for you, unless of course you've just had the Damascene conversion having discovered that your child is not the great eater you always thought he/she would be, down to your incredible parenting skills and totally relaxed attitude to food.)

My fussy eater is DD1, now 15. All was fine til she hit 12 months - easy to wean, I Annabel-Karmel-ed frantically etc etc.

But overnight she just. stopped. eating. And when she started again she knew exactly what she would and wouldn't eat. We had the tears and tantrums (from me) til I realised it was going nowhere. So 14 years later, here we are.

Her current repertoire is, in no particular order: macaroni cheese (no crispy top). garlic bread. breaded chicken products. chips. pizza with tomato sauce, no cheese. cold chicken (from a packet, not off the roast). spaghetti hoops in tomato sauce. Heinz tomato soup. Milano salami. pistachio nuts. crisps. any sort of bread as long as it doesnt have bits in. wraps. bananas. Innocent fruit smoothies (hurrah!). occasional off-piste forays into things like turkey schnitzel - successful; burgers/lasagne/bolognese - not successful.

She's bored with not being able to eat what everyone else does, but cant bring herself to try. I just try to keep going with the idea that she can try whatever she likes whenever she likes, and that she will grow out of it.

I thought I did it wrong. The dinner isn't until the 14th, so maybe I'll just see if he wants to go for it still. Damn.

star DS is just like that. Yesterday we went to a pub for lunch. DS ordered a burger but as it didn't look like a Burger King burger he wouldn't eat it. And it had touched the coleslaw, so he wouldn't eat the bun either. He did eat some chips though so it wasn't all bad. (Well, he sucked the middle out of the chips, but near enough.)

aw, don't feel bad :( I don't think there is a right or wrong way in this situation - the whole food thing is so emotionally loaded, it makes every decision fraught with uncertainty.

camdancer - I wouldn't have paid for it either :) I know that, for DS, he wouldn't have eaten any of it and he would have been stressed and upset (and hungry!).

As it is, he is one of a small group of children who have started eating their lunch in the classroom because the packed lunch room is too noisy for them so I imagine the school dinner room is quite a lot worse in that sense.

It's just so hard. Apart from the money, the waste and the fact he might not eat anything, I don't want to set him up for a fall. The only thing on the menu that he has ever tasted is roast potatoes (which he'll only eat if the moon is in the right phase IYKWIM), plus i don't know how the dinner ladies will be if he doesn't eat anything. But I guess I have to start letting him make those decisions.

It is difficult 'cos he does get excited about food. Loves shopping and choosing food, loves cooking it, but the excitement just doesn't involve actually tasting anything.

Fio I hope so. Its been going on for about a month now. It just seems like everyday he eats a bit less. He's very lively though and seems happy enough.

Tonight he ate some couscous and chicken (about an eggcups worth) which was extremely encouraging. You are right, its too soon to be getting worked up. :)

My family is full of fussy eaters. Some eat only 2 or 3 foods, several eat no fruit or vegetables. The adults all ate many more things once they'd grown up.
They are all healthy and grew normally so it's no use worrying, try very hard to ignore it.

Well I am very pleased to see this thread. Other times there have been threads like this they have petered out after someone has "helpfully" come on and said that everyone is being stupid and they should just let them starve for a while.

My DS is younger than lots of yours, he is nearly 3. And he has never been keen on solid food right from the word go. (Though unlike many others totally great at breast feeding, loved and still loves milk, no reflux, tongue tie or similar). Also no problems with mess, etc, so possibly not a feeling/texture thing either. (have been reading other trhead so saw these theories from there).

His current repertoire.
Bread (& butter)
Cheese (not melted) - mature cheddar or babybel
houmous sandwiches
pasta pesto
plain pasta (with or without cheese)
fishfingers
breaded chicken (on a good day)
chips (very recent addition, if smothered in ketchup only)
fruit (some more popular than others)
crackers/crisps/breadsticks/dry snacks
readybrek and fruit puree
salmon (on a good day - very pleased with this new addition)
bacon if burnt to a crisp
most CAKE/CHOCOLATE/SWEETS (sigh)
yoghurt

A year ago there was no meat or fish on that list (otherwise similar I think) so we are progressing!

I have to say I frequently do "that's it, tough luck" with meals, and he eats NOTHING of the main course and just fruit/yoghurt. He does not seem to have a massive appetite and may whinge a bit but goes along with it. I will separate food though so if we are having pasta with something he doesn't like he just eat the pasta maybe with some cheese.

We do eat together a lot (younger sister 16 months total dustbin at the mo helps), due to both of us working and it just seems easier time wise to make quick tea for all a lot of the time - for me this makes it less depressing and less waste when he doesn't eat it. i think I am quite no nonsense with my food attitude to his fussiness, i.e. i don't make him eat stuff but I don't always cook him what he likes. DH thinks I am soft and if I wasn't around would like to starve him into submission (as would MIL). i may have to show him this thread!

And god, there are some annoying smuggos around. I am annoyed with local farm shop since chap there told me I was obviously "pandering" to his needs cos he wouldn't eat his herb covered chicken. (I was just making conversation ffs, and telling him that DS has said it was "dirty" and had insisted on washing it .... hmmm, maybe he took this the wrong way in retrospect but ffs, if i was pandering to him I would have just made the effing chicken plain in the first place).

THEN the dickwad at my work who said "if you'd done baby led weaning he would eat fine, both of mine do". Oh yes, a sample size of fucking TWO you dick. I told DH this and he threatened to go and stab him for me.

Excuse my language, I have been drinking. It's medicinal, I have caught Hand foot and mouth from the bloody kids and whisky has made it better. (incidentally I sometimes wonder if DS fussiness is a result of Hand foot and mouth at age 10 months - as he ate well for the only time in his life for 2 weeks before getting it...)

Well Summer if someone comes on here and suggests we try starving them we can get your DH on the case

Summer, I did blw with my two. All I can say is imagine how bad they'd be if I hadn't!

I like the sound of your DH summer!! 'threatened to go and stab him for me' made me laugh.

I should point out my DH is very gentle and calm so the comment was quite out of character and made me laugh too. This was back in the days when we let his eating really wind us up. Also pre dd so back when we thought we must have done something wrong!

We did BLW too. I was a secret smugger, inwardly enjoying the sight of my son chowing down on fishcakes, omelettes, burgers (homemade, natch) while my friends threw puree at their little refuseniks. How I laugh at the memories now, because I was such a nob

DH and I were talking about DS's eating (and this thread) last night, and it made me think that the whole foodie culture in the UK in quite a recent thing - chefs becoming slebs, cooking programmes on every channel, a greater range of ingredients available in mainstream shops. We as adults find it interesting and want to explore it, so perhaps we also expect our small children to find it interesting. But why would they? It's of no more interest to most of them than any other convoluted adult habit. DS loves helping me cook, but he doesn't care what we're cooking with. To us it's a subject in itself; to them, it's just something they do as part of their day, sometimes tasty, sometimes unwelcome, but not intrinsically fascinating.

Realising this has given me renewed determination to not give a fuck. His eating is fine, his range of foods is fine, his digestion is scarily efficient , he is healthy and strapping and smart. That's what I care about.

Art I'm responding to your post because at 16 months there is a big change in children awarenes of food. They learn what is safe and what isn't and that is where problems can develop because they can build up anxieties. It's important mainly that you relax and stay calm. He's eating small amounts of new foods which is really good. I would suggest trying to make sure his appetite is good when he sits down to eat, so no drinks for an hour beforehand and just a small amount of water with the meal. Also make sure his nose isn't blocked when he's eating.

Here's a good article for you Art. :) kidshealth.org/parent/growth/feeding/feed12yr.html#cat161

Thanks for that! That makes sense. I have actually cut out all snacks today and found he ate a small lunch and a small dinner. I thought that he needed a bit of something to keep him going but maybe not. I think it might also be the big bottle of milk I usually give him at 11.30 in order to knock him out for a couple of hours. Today I was out and he only had water so he must have been much more hungry. Thanks again, sharing this and reading the thread has helped put it in perspective.

Glad I found this thread! DS1 (4) has never been a good eater, is underweight and has a real fear of trying new things. His list of ok foods are pretty much the same as many posters on here plus he has an odd liking for cauliflower, but only in batter.

I wonder if any of your DCs had bad reflux as babies? DS1's problems seem to have stemmed from there (or my bad parenting- :) ) I have seen 3 different pediatricians, plus 2 Gps and health visitors, tried pretty much every technique in the books and on the net to no avail-nothing works! At the crèche one of the women was a specialised pediatric eating disorders nurse and she couldn't get him to try ANYTHING.

It is refreshing to find other people going along the 'don't stress' route! I have given up on making a fuss about it-I grew out of fussy eating when I moved in with my DP (French and a chef) at 20something, so maybe he will too one day!

All mine have had reflux. DS was a happy spitter but I'm not so sure now that he really was quite so happy about it. DD1 and DD2 both were/are on ranitidine to stop the acid pain, so I think maybe DS was in more pain than I was aware of.

Loving 'happy spitter' ! I feel the same about DS1-I don't think his reflux was correctly medicated despite my best efforts-and I feel sad that he was probably in pain while I was trying to shovel food in...

Will do better with DS2

I have only just found the thread and am actually relieved to find that it's not down to my lack of parenting skills that DS is such a fussy eater. Up until 18 months he would eat anything, we went to Germany and when we came back he refused to eat practically anything. He will be 2 in a week and will currently eat:

Weetabix
Toast
Peanut butter
Spaghetti/bolognese
Chicken soup
macaroni cheese
Fromage frais
Fruit smoothies.

Mealtimes were a battleground, even though I knew he was hungry he would deny it and get upset when put in his high chair. I just try not to make a big deal out of it now.
It annoys me no end when people tell me to just let him go hungry, as if it's some kind of discipline issue. There is no way I would leave him to go hungry or force him to sit in front of food he doesn't want. He's not being awkward on purpose, why would I make mealtimes more stressful for him?

we went out to wgamamas for tea. DD sat beautifully at the table, did lots of colouring, icked her lips as we ate our food (and said "no thank you" when offered anything, very nearly had a lick of DH's fruit lolly for pudding and then ate a small box of mini breadsticks in the car on the way home.

She is a total pickle but I love her and feel so much happier knowing I really truly am not alone (have never ever managed to meet anyone in real life with a child as fussy as mine). At least she now has superb table manners (not at all the case until fairly recently)

Having been through feeding one very fussy (now much better child) and one eats everything child I have huge sympathy in the face of the 'if they're hungry they will eat it' brigade. As a health visitor once drily put it to me - 'you can't control what they put in their mouths or what comes out of their bums'.

There was radio 4 programme a while ago about how people have genetically inherited differences in taste. The presenter of the programme and his producer were tested with a chemical for which sensitivity varies. He couldnt taste it at high doses, she could and hated it at low doses. Suddenly he was panicking about the times he had cooked for her and thought the food tasted lovely but now couldn't be confident she would feel the same.

Couple a natural innate mistrust of novel foods in young children with a sensitivity to certain flavours, and you could have been in my shoes facing a child who appeared to genuinely enjoy eating cardboard boxes, whilst refusing any lovingly pureed offerings.

In the end I restrained from the urge to smear cardboard with something more nutrious and went with her, trying to pick out the half way healthy stuff she would eat and waiting her out. She now at 7 is much easier to cater for, although nowhere near school dinners.