The incredibly fussy eaters thread

[boschy]

Following on from the thread on AIBU, this is the place for those with incredibly fussy/food phobic kids! If you are fed up with the "eat what they're given or let them starve" brigade, this is the place for you.

(If you ARE one of the 'eat or starve' brigade, please look away now - this thread is not for you, unless of course you've just had the Damascene conversion having discovered that your child is not the great eater you always thought he/she would be, down to your incredible parenting skills and totally relaxed attitude to food.)

My fussy eater is DD1, now 15. All was fine til she hit 12 months - easy to wean, I Annabel-Karmel-ed frantically etc etc.

But overnight she just. stopped. eating. And when she started again she knew exactly what she would and wouldn't eat. We had the tears and tantrums (from me) til I realised it was going nowhere. So 14 years later, here we are.

Her current repertoire is, in no particular order: macaroni cheese (no crispy top). garlic bread. breaded chicken products. chips. pizza with tomato sauce, no cheese. cold chicken (from a packet, not off the roast). spaghetti hoops in tomato sauce. Heinz tomato soup. Milano salami. pistachio nuts. crisps. any sort of bread as long as it doesnt have bits in. wraps. bananas. Innocent fruit smoothies (hurrah!). occasional off-piste forays into things like turkey schnitzel - successful; burgers/lasagne/bolognese - not successful.

She's bored with not being able to eat what everyone else does, but cant bring herself to try. I just try to keep going with the idea that she can try whatever she likes whenever she likes, and that she will grow out of it.

i am so glad to have found this thread. DD is 27 months. We did BLW and she was amazing til 8 months when she went on solids strike and then loived on 3 flavours of ella's kitchen stage 1 pouches.

she now eats

Granary toast with crunchy peanut butter (no crusts)
Ready brek with fruit puree stirred in
Shreddies (dry)
Rice Crispies (dry and only sometimes)
Marmite Rice Cakes
Quavers
Mini breadsticks
Petit filous
Little pots of jelly (sometimes)
Fromage frais other than petit filous (occasionally and only if really hungry)
Flapjacks
Jaffa Cakes
any cadbury's chocolate
Kit Kats
Short bread
Any chocolate biscuits apart from bourbons
Apples (very occasionally)
Purple/brown/green ella's kitchen stage 1 pouches (if I am am deseprate for her to eat something as I'd really rather we didn't have them)

DS also likes very strong cheddar - and has tried other cheeses although doesn't tend to go back to them for more. Won't even try marmite though.

Likes dark chocolate too...

Hi all again, just reiterating that brilliant programme that was on ITV2 last night - not sure if you can catch it on a player. It is a 3 year old programme but I haven't seen anything like it. They use extreme examples (of course) but clearly show how the therapist works with the families and children.

www.itv.com/PressCentre/MyChildWontEat/Ep1Wk2508/default.html

The main points that I picked up fromt he programme is:

1. Reduce stress to zero.

If kids eat fine, if they don't fine also. Give them what they want at first to re-establish trust in food. Don't force, don't nag, don't praise. If you need to, leave their space and ignore them. Let them eat what they want. If they give up halfway though, let them.

The serious food phobic has to learn deep relaxation techniques to enable them to deal with the concept of eating new foods.

1. Build up an appetite. Don't let them fill their tummies with drinks before or during meals. Take them out for physical activity.

1. Try new foods in different locations with different people. Never say 'he won't eat that'. Give the child a choice in a cafe or restaurant.

1. Once mealtimes are relaxed and again, start to introduce new foods - depending on the level of phobia/aversion. The food phobic needs special relaxation techniques to help them as food is revolting to them. Remember to keep your distance. I'm not sure what they said about praise here, I think it's OK to praise but not to make an issue of it. They should want to eat for themselves, not for you.

That's partly my take on the programme, I'm sure you would gain a lot more from it. I think a lot of you have dcs that eat a few things but have got stuck with it and are fearful of trying new things.

Here's a link to the programme distributor's blurb, but I couldn't find a copy of it.

www.ricochet.co.uk/program/My-Child-Wont-Eat_429.aspx

Will try and catch that program realhousewife. That is pretty well what we are trying to do now, I praise effort and attitude lots, if DS tries something new, even the tiniest smidgen, he gets praised. This is after years of trying all sorts and having lost my temper, shouted, cajoled, given time limits. I have to say the relaxed attitude works the best for us.

Re: strong tasting foods, my DS has AS and some sensory seeking habits, I think the liking for strong foods goes with that for him. He loves Marmite, also mature cheddar, stilton, feta, parmesan, garlicky things, can take a bit of chilli. The things he dislikes the most tend to be the bland ones - potato for example. I'm a bit the same to be honest, can't abide mild cheddar.

That itv program looks brilliant! I've just read the link and it really accurately describes how food makes me feel. The bit about the sheeps eye sandwich is spot on.

I think anything you can do to lessen the stress, for them and us has to be a good thing tbh.

My ds1 is different as he is very much into bland (or beige!) food, doesnt like strong tastes at all and never has.

I remember - after weaning was going so well - at 9 months giving him some peeled and sliced mango and the look on his face when he tasted it!!! Pure revulsion! He licked it once more and a piece of fruit has never gone into his mouth since He is now 8.5. He will eat fruit puree - Hipp jars for example and I know it seems mad to be buying them for an 8 year old (esp as my 3 year old hasnt had them since he was 18 omths old!!) but its the only way to get fruit into him. I just dont stress anymore...his packed lunch EVERY DAY is;

Brown bread sandwich with butter on
flapjacks/digestive biscuits x 2
pack of plain crisps/pringles or mini cheddars and
water

The dinner ladies must think I am a negligent mother!

How did I miss this thread? For a start, my 3 year old DS is half Southeast Asian and won't eat rice. I bulk cook and freeze cottage pie and bolognaise sauce for him. For variety we have potato omelettes, sausages, breaded chicken, spaghetti carbonara. With grapes or/and peas.

When he started eating I thought we were doing so well when he was weaning. He had a varied diet as a baby but the fussiness began when he was about 1. Was very frustrating at first as I love a varied diet. When I was his age I was eating curries. I have to freeze meals to reheat because I can't stand to live on his bland diet.

I think they brushed over that bit because it would depend on each child how to go about it. I suppose you have to start by actually putting it on the plate, in small quantities. Whenever I've seen a fussy eater eating something new they have never done it deliberately - it's almost as though they forget that they don't like something and just eat it. So if the mealtimes are relaxed and the new food is there and there's no pressure to eat it, it's just a matter of time before they do.

I think if you make them touch something to their lips you have to bear in mind how they see that food. If they see it as something really vile then it's not fair to make them do even just that. The safety comes in knowing that others are eating it, being able to smell it too. It might work with some children but it's creating an unnecessary process IMO.

Thank goodness for this thread. I'll be back to rant later.

Hi everyone. This is a wonderful thread. Wish it had been around a decade ago.
My eldest and I had fraught mealtimes (I was a single parent) for years. She is now 14 and I joke that on her first date, she will be going out for chicken nuggets and chips.
My greatest day day was when I made her fajitas aged about 7 (wrap, cheese, sour cream, plain chicken, chopped red pepper and cucumber) and she constructed and munched through a pile of it. I cried with relief. From then on I gave finger food pretty much and stopped fighting with her.

She does eat more now, is a very healthy young lass who dances, does gymnastics and manages finewith school/friends etc.

I do occasionally get frustrated when I have made something special, but she knows which of my buttons to press and knows eating is a good way to manipulate me when she has a bee in her bonnet about something.

I have a 3 year old who eats everything too, which is weird! I am still getting used to the wee one just sitting there shovelling in anything!

That's what I find so strange Sulky, all their lives new food is the devil, then suddenly they eat something really bizarre like a fajita! But if you hadn't offered her that fajita, she may never have eaten one...

becaroodolf (loving the Christmas theme btw!) we had success with apple compote for a while - it had to be those french ones though. I couldnt care less if it seemed inappropriate for an english child to be eating apple puree - the french have those jars on their hotel buffet breakfasts and if its good enough for the french foodwise who am I to argue?

I am really into this idea that as adults we just eat what we like. It had never ocurred to me before but its so blindingly obvious when you think about it isnt it? I hate liver, so of course I never buy it.

Thinking back, I was a hideous eater til about mid-teens, then just limited. Then I used to go and stay with DH and his parents most weekends from the age of 18 til we ran away together a few years later. PIL are vvv into their food, and I was a polite girl, so I just used to eat stuff I would never have eaten before. I was a bit pissed off when MIL made veal fricasee though (in the days before humane veal was on the market), and even more pissed off that they thought it was funny I'd eaten something I thought was morally wrong. I wouldnt do that to someone... and I wonder if their approach to DD1 makes me more inclined to give her every leeway foodwise. That and the fact that she has a will of iron of course.

This is such an interesting thread. My DS is 3yo and I am still trying to work out where on the fussy spectrum he really is. As with many of your DC, he ate anything up until he was about 2, after which he started getting a little picky (normal as they start to develop an opinion, I guess). His list of wills and won'ts is also intriguingly similar - his basic rotation atm is:

pasta pesto
fishfingers
sausages
potato in any format
broccoli
carrots (loves these and eats them by the bag)
cucumber
peanut butter
bread in any format
roast dinner, although will only eat chicken/turkey - no red meat
plain rice
dhal
porridge
yoghurt
pizza
garlic bread
jam, marmalade, honey
most breakfast cereals
sometimes tuna sandwiches
jacket potato with butter
breadsticks and pretzels
crackers with butter and/or peanut butter
most fruit - very enthusiastic about this, thankfully!

He has recently accepted a few new items, e.g. boiled egg and soldiers, cheese and Marmite toastie, which is encouraging. But he refuses any kind of 'mixed up food' - I think he is suspicious of the bittiness rather than the texture, not being able to identify what things are - which means no spag bol, no shepherd's pie, no curry, stir fry, soup, stew, casserole etc. etc. etc. Which is a pain He also hates cheese, unless it's on pizza or in a toastie (although this evening he had a complete freakout when he saw me putting it in his toastie and insisted I scrape it off - I didn't - he ate the whole thing quite happily on the assumption that I had [confusion]).

I don't think he has any genuine issues re. food, so I've been working to try and find a path between his need to control, his likes and dislikes, his need to eat a decent diet and my desire for him to be more relaxed about food. It's hard! Last week I got him to eat some pasta with homemade tomato sauce (by explaining that it was the same sauce we'd had on our pizza that weekend) and that was a real breakthrough as he has refused anything other than pesto for about a year. But will he eat it again if I serve it up? Who knows.

What people have said upthread about their children's personalities was also very interesting. DS is quite a cautious little soul as well and the fussiness really started in response to big changes in his life (moving away to a new area, me suddenly being a SAHM and now his little sister being born). What really seems to flummox him a lot of the time is food arriving in an unfamiliar format. E.g. he LOVES homemade pizza, which is great as I can hide veg in the sauce (god, I so never thought I'd be a vegetable-hider); he also likes English muffins. On Monday I made him muffin pizzas - he absolutely refused them.

For her, realhousewife, I think she liked to be able to build her own food I feel she is a person who needs to be in control, so, apart from not having varied tastes, she also needed to be in charge/make the choices. When small, she didn't like swings etc and I thought it was because she couldn't relax as it was outwith her control and she is still a bit like this! This may not be the experience of others, but the less I fought, the more she ate as she no longer got to be in charge of the situation.

Star mine won't eat red meat either and hates the taste (except bacon if that is red meat?), the texture and the chewiness of it. Nor would she eat mixed up food, although now will have soups and sausage casserole.

Yay to tomato sauce

Boschy - lol at 'will of iron'. Mine too and now she is a teenager, this is making life challenging as so do I! Neither of us are prone to compromise.

sulky mine was absolutely horrendous as a small child - but she is pretty much a delight as a teenager! (yes of course she strops off and slams doors and stuff, could argue with herself in an empty room etc) Both of us are convinced we are always right, but DH is convinced he is even righter, which gives us room to manoeuvre while we laugh behind his back...

This is a very nice thread :) DS1 (4.7) didn't wean very well (reflux + allergies) and got steadily worse til he was about 2.5, when he lived on about five things (toast, cheese, fish fingers, yoghurt and fruit puree, and not much of them!). Since then he has improved a great deal but still has a limited range and above all, craves familiarity with foods (and not v keen on mixed-up foods, which I link to his allergies - he feels safe if he can work out everything that's on his plate!). Although he loves crisps and biscuits as much as the next 4yo, his diet is actually pretty healthy. Just limited!

He will reliably eat:
Bread and basically all related products
Most cereal
Plain rice and couscous in small amounts
Chips/waffles
Noodles
Spaghetti and meatballs
Pasta in a plain cheese sauce
Fish fingers and fishcakes
Plain chicken (not roasted - but stir fried or in dipper form!)
Sausages
Cheese & tomato pizza (a recent and welcome development - also the only thing non-fussy DS2 WON'T eat!)
Tinned alphabetti spaghetti or whatever
Cheese (til it comes out of his ears)
Yoghurt (ditto)
Ham (in sandwich, whilst roundly complaining that he wanted cheese)
Baked beans (another recent development)
Raw cucumber, carrot and (occasionally) pepper
Sweetcorn and peas
Grapes, apples, occasional banana
Crisps/biscuits/chocolate

I have stopped worrying about it, every now and then I try something new and every now and then he will actually eat it :) He is allergic to egg, sesame, chick peas and lentils. We do eat out a reasonable amount and luckily most places can rustle up fish fingers or a cheese sandwich!

aStar we have had the cheese freak in reverse - cheese is fine on it's own or in sandwich, but one evening last spring DS decided it smelt horrible on pizza so that meal was off the list.

lol fio get him to do the housework too!! some years down the line your future DIL will be very happy!!

How do you all stop the cycle of negativity surrounding food? Last week DS came home with a flyer about the school xmas dinner. He was really excited about it but I'm loathe to spend £2 on it knowing he wont eat any of it, will then be hungry all afternoon at school and a nightmare to be around. At least with packed lunch I know he'll eat something. So I went through the menu with him and said did he want any of it. He said no, so no special lunch. He didn't seem to mind once I told him what the food actually was, but should I just have said yes and sucked it up for one day? Currently my plan is to put some Christmas things in his lunch box e.g. a gingerbread tree or something. He wont eat it, but will eat the normal things in his box. Thoughts? (Yes, I know they might confiscate the treats regardless of what the school meals are serving - don't get me started on that!)

My DS (16 MO) has stopped eating. He will eat half a banana for breakfast, some raisins mid morning, grapes for lunch and then a few bites of dinner and some salad. I hate it - he always ate loads before. I'm sure this is not enough. Will come back to the thread later. Felt good to share.

camdancer in that situation i would probably have gone with his excitement and paid for the lunch, on the grounds that he might have eaten some in high spirits and if not, it might be another starting point for discussion. i know how you feel though, it galls me to order stuff in cafes that ds will then turn his nose up at. i make myself do it because i think he has to understand that you can't always control what your food looks like - sometimes a pizza won't look like mummy's pizza but it's still the same foodstuff.

the funny thing is, reading this thread has jogged my memory of a childhood outing to a chinese restaurant. i ordered sweet and sour prawns thinking they would be the ball-type ones that our local takeaway did, but when the food arrived they were the type in sauce with peppers (much preferable these days!) i had a tantrum, saying i didn't want them, they were wrong etc and my dad basically said 'this is what you ordered, this is what you got, eat it or go hungry'. i did eat it and it galled me to admit that i enjoyed it there were a few instances like that, suggesting that i had exactly the same issues with familiar format as ds is showing now.