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The incredibly fussy eaters thread

345 replies

boschy · 29/11/2011 11:20

Following on from the thread on AIBU, this is the place for those with incredibly fussy/food phobic kids! If you are fed up with the "eat what they're given or let them starve" brigade, this is the place for you.

(If you ARE one of the 'eat or starve' brigade, please look away now - this thread is not for you, unless of course you've just had the Damascene conversion having discovered that your child is not the great eater you always thought he/she would be, down to your incredible parenting skills and totally relaxed attitude to food.)

My fussy eater is DD1, now 15. All was fine til she hit 12 months - easy to wean, I Annabel-Karmel-ed frantically etc etc.

But overnight she just. stopped. eating. And when she started again she knew exactly what she would and wouldn't eat. We had the tears and tantrums (from me) til I realised it was going nowhere. So 14 years later, here we are.

Her current repertoire is, in no particular order: macaroni cheese (no crispy top). garlic bread. breaded chicken products. chips. pizza with tomato sauce, no cheese. cold chicken (from a packet, not off the roast). spaghetti hoops in tomato sauce. Heinz tomato soup. Milano salami. pistachio nuts. crisps. any sort of bread as long as it doesnt have bits in. wraps. bananas. Innocent fruit smoothies (hurrah!). occasional off-piste forays into things like turkey schnitzel - successful; burgers/lasagne/bolognese - not successful.

She's bored with not being able to eat what everyone else does, but cant bring herself to try. I just try to keep going with the idea that she can try whatever she likes whenever she likes, and that she will grow out of it.

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calamityboo · 02/01/2012 10:35

hi please can i also join? ds1 has always been a fussy eater, 14 now and sn, has not changed all that much. When he was little i was not much of a cook more of a food wamer, but i have learned to cook quite well now, in the last year or so he has tried some new food and has gradually accepted them, but i have to hide veggies in it still, just to make sure he eats them. ds2 is 2 years old and bugger me he is just as bloody fussy, i have cooked for him from the start, so i quite smuggly thought he would be my carrot munching little darling, i was there every week freezing the new puree, serving up my home cooked delights, planning meals so i would have left overs for him for the next day, and decided i would be eat or starve about it as i didnt want another fussy eater. I dont know what i did wrong Sad he will only eat bananas, no other fruit at all, veg on a plate is not tuched, veg hidden in food is eaten as long as he cant see it. He is also going off food overnight, something he ate and loved last week is off menu this week. HELP

Baffledandbewildered · 02/01/2012 10:49

Omg at last I find I am not the only one with a fussy eater. I also hate the let them starve brigade. Our youngest now 14 is a fussy eater and has been from weaning. He would only eat fruit based puree's and drink milk!! Health visitors used to badger me to force him to eat other things but he always spat them out. Now he is 5'9" and plays rugby. To date the only time we can sit and eat a meal with him is at tgi Fridays or frankie and bennys where he can have hot dogs!!
His list of things he will eat are
Plain pasta never any sauce yuk
Billy bear ham with balsamic vinegar!
Honey roast wafer ham
Chicken fingers
Smiley faces
Chips occasionally
MARMITE ......seems to be a common one for fussy eaters
Cucumber
Lollo Rossi lettuce with balsamic vinegar....weird
Bread/ toast
Milk
Pineapple squash
Tesco mixed fruit juice
Appples grapes strawberries
Bacon occasionally
Pizza with pepperoni at school
Weetabix frosties mini shreddies

Yep I think that is about it. His older sibling have always eaten with no problems so I have no idea why he is like this. People have said I baby him maybe I did a bit as he was the last one but now we just let him get on with it. Peer pressure has had no effect nor has moaning/ badgering him to eat, or indeed ignoring him. I think this is him and he is healthy big and strong so I guess somehow he is getting what he needs.

ToysRLuv · 03/01/2012 01:36

I'll join you if you'll have me :) .. DS is 2.3 and until a few months ago ate quite a wide variety of stuff, and more importantly was willing to try new things. I BLWd him, and was a smug mum (internally tutting at a mum friend who was struggling to get her rake thin DS to even try anything else but carrots and apple and a bit of dark choc). Now his list of acceptable foods seems to get shorter by the day. I literally do not know whether he will eat one food from one day to the next, which makes cooking a nightmare. Also, am on a diet myself and DH does not tend to eat with us, which makes it even harder to have a shared experience, which I know doesn't help (also I resent having to bin all of DS's uneaten food so end up picking at it despite my diet).

DS has not got an aversion to mess or textures, but will only have mush/liquids in certain ways. He does eat lots of varieties of sweets and choc (except for dark), as well as any crisp flavour under the sun, and would probably like to exist on them given half a chance. He is normal weight and height (although on the skinnier and shorter side) and does not seem to be unhealthy so I'm trying to be more relaxed with his eating and not cook anything too complicated should it be refused (it's so true about the emotional investment thing..).

DS was always quite whingy and unsettled (still has issues with sleep) and learned to walk and talk later than his peers (although I am pretty sure he is still within a normalish range). He is quite challenging to handle even when he's rested and not hungry, but when hungry he is an absolute nightmare, so I try to get regular snacks into him (even if it means chocolate or a lolly while shopping if healthier alternatives such as dried berries, nuts, breadsticks and such are refused). He will sometimes astound me by refusing sweets, though, which I would have never done as a child (almost never got any sweets at all, so grew up to crave them).

He will reliably and almost always eat:
Raisins,
Sweets, chocolate, crisps
Juice of any kind
Many smoothies (especially Innocent)
Chips (prefers the thin kind)
Plain pasta or pasta with grated cheese (parmesan) or pesto
strawberries
organix or similar crunchy corn snacks
nuts or dried fuit with yoghurt coating
thomas yoghurts
mini cheddars or similar
watermelon (if nice and sweet)
broccoli
cucumber (chews, but mostly spits out rest.. I really hate that!)
Ice cream of any kind (apart from choc mini milks which he has recently started to refuse - they are vile though!)
biscuits and cakes with colourful icing

will often/sometimes eat:
apple
pear
blueberries
raspberries
fish fingers
potato smiley faces
nuts
seeds
ravioli
raw carrot (most of the time chews and spits, again I hate it.. anyone else's kid do this? Sometimes it seems to be because his mouth is too full, but other times he just seems to get bored with it while eating it, or then having extracted the juice, spits out the 'rubbish')
cauliflower
fresh peas (uncooked)
dried fruit such as goji berries
hummous (waitrose only)
breadsticks
home made oven chips
ready brek with honey
some dry cereal (rice crispie shapes, etc)
fruit sticks such as school bars
fruits stars and flakes
boiled egg quartered

will occasionally eat:
bread with hummous, butter, honey or cream cheese
grapes (sometimes spits out after chewing)
mandarin (spits out skin after sucking out juice)
cherry tomatoes
mashed potato
ketchup
other dips than hummous
plain biscuits or cake
pasties
cream crackers
frankfurters (although this seems to be dropping off the list now :( )
liver patee (ditto)

He seems to like his food lukewarm or cold.. is scared of anything too warm, which makes eating out an ordeal (cafes and restaurants have to serve their food piping hot and DS gets frustrated and tantrums if he is hungry and can't eat)..

So, as you can see, even though the lists look long, he does not really eat any other meals apart from fish fingers with chips and pesto pasta (will not touch pizza or almost anything meaty) and varies hugely from one day to the next. He eats with a fork and spoon, but can get frustrated if not succeeding and will often refuse help. I have given into him in that I only seat him to the table to eat once or twice a day, otherwise he eats in front of the telly. Not ideal, but he seems to be distracted enough to eat a bit more that way. He gets vitamins and probiotics in pills every day but will not touch omega 3 supplements (to be fair, they do taste absolutely horrible). He does not have his final molars, so don't know whether that affects his chewing.. did anyone's DC start to eat better once all their teeth were in?

I was always a pretty good eater, but if there is a genetic element to all this it could be from DH (he was a skinny wee lad who wasn't that bothered with food until his late teens when he also shot up in height. BTW he has a funny anecdote from when he was in primary school in the 70s his teachers told the whole class to clap and cheer if he went for seconds in the cafeteria in order to encourage him to eat more - needless to say it didn't; he only took seconds when there was choc pudding on offer).

Phew.. Sorry for the length of this! It was good to get it out! it's frustrating isn't it. I certainly feel humbled, if not a little bitter and enraged, with my non-sleeping non-eating toddler..

oiwheresthecoffee · 03/01/2012 09:17

Just thought id try and give you all some hope...i was like this as a kid. Didnt eat lots of foods until i was 18 +. A lot of it was texture - still dont like fruit unless its dried or in a smoothie. My mum says i used to eat everything as a baby then wouldnt touch it any more.

I think part of it was being afraid to try new things and my mum is very fussy too , nothing that isnt english ,no spices/herbs or flavour in any of her food. Certainly no onions or garlic. Shes tasted rice once !

Anyway now i eat most things , things id never have tried as a child. I think being a student and having to eat whats going helped ! Id eat pretty much anything now if it was infront of me but i dont always choose to make it myself eg. pasta.

So its possible to end up with a very varied diet even after living on meat and 2 types of veg for years. :)

musicmaiden · 03/01/2012 13:54

Welcome to the new folk.

DS used to at least focus at mealtimes and eat steadily. Now he spends ages faffing. Waving his fork around. Nattering. Getting up and down. Offering me and DH every morsel on his plate first (generous, but drives us nuts after a while). Pushing his plate away uneaten then coming back to it 15/30 mins later. I know this is all normal toddler behaviour but it drives us crazy and is very hard to ignore: I hear myself saying 'Just eat up, DS!'

Christmas was mixed. He refused all the Christmas food but did have sausages and sweet potato mash as usual. At the post-Christmas meal at the in-laws he ate virtually nothing except cake and chocolate all day Sad

Fiolondon · 03/01/2012 18:38

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Fiolondon · 03/01/2012 18:38

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boschy · 04/01/2012 09:30

fio "It's odd I seem to look at other people's lists and feel envious. Maybe part of the stress is the boring repetitiveness of dc's chosen foods? We are all programmed to think that a balanced diet has to be varied - maybe that's what I need to desk with to get back to being more Zen?"

I feel the same! DD1 wouldnt touch half the stuff other people's kids do... but I am very chilled about it now, it's only taken 15 years!!

we had a little incident on Christmas Day which really pissed me right off though. cant be too specific, but it was about MIL trying to trick DD1 into eating something, with the connivance of FIL, SIL and the cousins. it was actually something DD1 really likes, but they had dressed it up to look like something else, and told her it was something else and she had to try it, she'd love it. No way was she going to, so I just announced cheerfully "of course she doesnt have to try it if she doesnt want to" and smiled very sweetly if not rather menacingly at the 'eat it' brigade. Because obviously they know better don't they? if she tried things, of course she would like them, silly her not to even try, and silly me not to have made her try things. GRRRR.

OP posts:
musicmaiden · 04/01/2012 09:54

Boschy - well that's just mean and pointless. What is be the point of dressing up something she already likes as something 'new' except for their own smugness about the situation? I can (maybe) understand trying that ruse with a 5 year-old but certainly not someone of your DD's age... DD1 must be so relieved to have you on side.

FioLondon - I feel just the same regarding the food lists. Especially when it comes to pasta with pesto/tomato/bolognese ? I'd love DS to eat pasta.

boschy · 04/01/2012 11:12

musicmaiden thanks for that. Christmas was a bit sticky all round, and DD1 and I chatted about most of the things that happened. I deliberately didnt mention the 'something else' trick because I didnt want her to think badly of GM - but she brought it up herself and said she thought it was a horrid thing to do. Which it was - but what is clever about it is that it is an impossible thing to call someone on - "oh dont be so sensitive, it was just GM's little joke, where's your sense of humour?". Has made me even more determined that my girls will be unavailable when they issue one of their very loose and not really meant invitations for the girls to go and stay for a few days. I dont like tricks at the best of times and certainly not when they are aimed at my DD with a view to embarassing her.

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Sassy01 · 04/01/2012 11:54

Hi , Soooo relieved to have found this thread. Two of my children are extremely fussy and i "gave up" quite a while ago trying to push the situation and make it more stressful. my son is 14 and terribly fussy. started off when he was weaned eating lots of different things but at the age of 3 gradually excluded things from his diet. now at the age of 14 he has a very few foods in his diet , but hes average weight etc and rarely ill . he doesnt tend to enjoy big meals , he snacks little and often. he practically lives on cereal some of the time . he will eat
ketchup on toast,
pizza ,
sausages
chips ,
nuggets ,
pork pie
bacon ,
spaghetti hoops
digestive biscuits,
a very small amount of crisps ,
yoghurt ,
plain hamburgers from mcdonalds ,
plain baguette with no butter on! ,
he drinks only water , milk and pure orange juice. has always refused all fizzy drinks , even when young .

my daughter is 5 and has a bit more variety than my son but it seems to be getting worse.

she will eat
nuggets
sausages
toast with jam or marmite
jam sandwiches
salami
chips
hash browns
potato waffles
coco pops
bananas
grapes
spaghetti hoops

ready salted crisps
chocolate
pizza ( but only from takeaway or pizza hut , refuses any shop bought ones , says they dont taste nice enough )
gingerbread man from the local bakers
she will only drink apple juice , milk , ribena or water .

my other child eats anything and everything!!!
the whole food situation is so embarrassing and i try not to let on to people just how limited and unhealthy their diets are. neither are able to have school dinners as there is no chance they would eat the food. they have the same packed lunch every day! both had spaghetti hoops and toast for their xmas dinners!!! i feel like a terrible failure at times , but how can i force them?

most people think it could be solved with a simple bit of discipline but if it was that simple it would have sorted long ago!!!!!

totally sympathise with anyone else going through this
thanks for listening :)

boschy · 04/01/2012 12:16

"most people think it could be solved with a simple bit of discipline but if it was that simple it would have sorted long ago!!!!!"

sigh.... if only! what really irks me about the 'eat or starve' brigade is they spout such a load of rubbish. do they not think that we, as parents of fussy eaters, have not tried anything and everything we can think of?

Although come to think of it, I have never actually gone down the starvation route with my DDs - why would I? how would it help? I just dont get the idea that starving them into submission will somehow break their will and make them suddenly turn into mini Heston Blumenthals. Both of mine are just as stubborn as I am, and I know that the more someone tries to force me into something the more I will dig my heels in. Why would forcing a confrontation over something as silly as food be a good thing to do?

None of our children on this thread are starving; most of them seem to be eating from the main food groups; none seem to be obese - what harm does it do to let them make their own food choices in their own time?

Food has become such a big thing in our society now, people make so much fuss over it.... for people like our children it must be like living in a country where they don't speak the language and where the natives just laugh at them.

(sorry, am still muttering to myself over the Christmas incident described above and it has come out as a mini rant!)

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calamityboo · 04/01/2012 15:20

My brother and I were talking about my post on here and my boys with their fussy habits, he said I used to be very fussy and he definitely was, I didn't remember being that bad, I knew he was though, he never ate any veggies or tried new things. As we have grown up we seem to have grown out of it - well he has I don't think I had anything to grow out of - he is marrying a vegetarian and happily eats anything she cooks! I cook a huge variety of food all favours and will generally give anything a go, apart from seafood!! Ok maybe a bit fussy still, but not nearly as bad as big brother!!

zimm · 04/01/2012 17:07

Dinner time here... Pasta and tomato sauce...... Anyone want to bet what percentage dd throws on floor? I truly hate dinner time!

Fiolondon · 05/01/2012 22:54

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

boschy · 06/01/2012 09:42

no fio there's no way she would go - and DD2 wont go either; solidarity between sisters! however the invitation wont be an actual invitation it will be a vague mention of 'wouldnt it be lovely' never to be followed up with any actual dates suggested so luckily we will never have to face it. (still hurts to think about it though)

wise move with your mum I think to let her establish herself as the untrustworthy one and poor ds having a mouthful of food shoved in like that. will she try again do you think? you might need to develop a new strategy to protect him.

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camdancer · 06/01/2012 11:18

Hear hear to Boschy's rant!

I choose not to make mealtimes a battleground.

I choose not to let my children go hungry for the sake of a few vegetables.

I choose to let my children have food likes and dislikes, and I'll work with that as much as I can.

I choose to let my children decide how much they eat.

(Doesn't mean I don't stress about it in private though! Wink)

sleeplessinderbyshire · 06/01/2012 11:34

Thank goodness someone rebumped this thread, I was looking everywhere for it. I am so reassured I am not alone but still stunned by how many foods some "fussy eaters" eat compard with my DD.

At christmas however she sat with us, asked for turkey, "lots of carrots like my daddy", sprouts, bread sauce and "lots of soup" (gravy). didn't touch it but sat with a beaming grim saying "my eat lunch like my mummy and my daddy, yummy". 6 months ago she'd have panicked at having the plate there at all so guess it's baby steps (at least that's what I'm telling myself given that she has declared petit filous to be "yukky" and has eaten nothing but shortbread for almost a week)

boschy · 06/01/2012 12:18

wish I'd worked your mantra out for myself camdancer, it would have saved me a lot of stress over the years! and yay for sleepless DD.

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ToysRLuv · 06/01/2012 19:23

I know DS's list looks a bit longer than some of the others, but it seems to get shorter by the day. He is now refusing pretty much everything else but pasta or little bits of this and that (and/or choc & sweets, which I admit to have given him at least once a day to shut him up, as have spent a fair bit of time shopping for stuff that we can't get back home and would have to pay significantly more on the Internet). I'm hoping he will go back to a more varied diet once we go back home on mon (are now with my parents for the holidays). My mum is another one of those people whon thinks this is all my fault, because I'm not strict enough with him. But I'm exactly the same as I was a couple of months ago when he didn't have this problem (or is it my problem rather than his?). DF also keeps asking DS whether he would like sausages and mash or whatever, even though his aswer is always an emphatic "no". :/ DS's favourite thing at the moment is cold, unflavoured, slightly congealed leftover pasta picked straight from the pan. Yummeee! But he did eat a bit of cauliflower with his fishfingers and chips after I gave him the lemon juice bottle and he drowned his food in it. He also eats more pasta if he can continually shake more and more ready grated parmesan in it (but I worry about the amount of salt he's getting with that method).. I guess a lot of his food refusal is to do with control and choice. He also responds to distraction, as will eat slightly better if concetrating on adding condiments to his food, watching telly, etc.

ToysRLuv · 06/01/2012 19:29

I'm also wanting to lose some weight and was going to go on Atkins or Ducan, but fear that it's not going to help DS eat better (also, being a vegetarian my food choices on that kind of regimen would be limited and I just know I'd be miserable). I guess one of my problems is hoovering up DS's leftover (or rather untouched) food, because it just feels so wrong to bin a slice of fresh bread with cream cheese on it, let alone a whole portion of any other kind of food. How do you guys handle this?

NickettyNacketty · 06/01/2012 19:56

DD1 is fussy and it's the familiar story. She ate anything until about 18 months then became quite limited.
She is 12 now and eats:
Pasta with butter, noodles.
Toast with MARMITE and honey, together, ick.
Pancakes
Sausages
Chips
Mash
Chicken products in breadcrumbs.
Roast potatoes.
Some roast meats.

She will not eat anything in a sauce, veg or much fruit.

DD2 eats really well and loves trying new things. She will eat scallops, olives and as tried pickled eggs.

DD3 is fussy like DD1. Sigh.

How do you all cope with cooking family meals?

Fiolondon · 06/01/2012 23:23

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/01/2012 23:33

omg....how did i miss you?

i started a thread tonight, was going to put it in teens, then decided to have a general rant about every one including DH so it ended up in relationships....

DD is bloody nigh on impossible to feed.
every day sees me scraping her untouched plate into the bin.

she will eat fishfingers, pizza, chips, garlic bread, bread by the bucket load, phillidelpia but not all cheese spreads, scrambled eggs. chicken (only roast)
she wont eat anything remotely healthy including veg of any description, or fruit.
tonight we have had a blazing row over the chicken casserole - she stood poking it screeching "what is that??" and refused to let a morsel pass her lips.
i got mad.

boschy · 07/01/2012 12:36

nicketynacketty I dont do family meals - too much stress. yes I know I know, we are all meant to sit round discussing our day, but we do that anyway in different formats. when we do have family meals - which is basically when we have visitors, I just provide what I know they will eat - eg if I'm making a casserole for everyone, I will also serve french bread and a plate of salami/cheese down the kids end of the table.

vicar I feel your pain, though I would not have even attempted the chicken casserole tbh.

if it is any consolation to any of you, I have been the screaming, crying, plate-throwing mother from hell in the 'my child wont eat scenario'. my current state of zen took a lot of shouting before I reached it (and I truly regret that). but really really really, you wont 'win' this battle; and is it really worth it? in the great scheme of things, most fussy eaters get better eventually - I did; and I'm sure all our children will too.

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