Just lost it, had to come out of the way because i am so angry

[Donbean]

Im shaking. I think there is some thing wrong with ds.
He has just picked up a full can os DH's lager, while dh reached for it, backed away till out of reach then dropped it all over the carpet.
This was plain bloody naughtyness.
I just went bazerk, shoved him out of the room onto the naughty step and went mad at dh for putting the can there in the first place.
Ive posted and posted about ds's behaviour and i am going to have to take him to the Dr's i cant stand it any more.
Im too angry to accept his appology and im too angry to even look at him. I am sick and tired of it.

OK, its ok, im calm now ive raved on here.
The kid was starving, that was what was wrong with him, he has just demolished a massive plate of tea.
Why cant he just say "actually you two, im famished. Could have a soupson of some thing nice now please".
Dh never goes out, he is a real home bird and rarely does the footy go on because i refuse to have it on in the house. Normally he goes to his mums to watch it but today i was pottering doing bits and bats so didnt mind.
OMG! this parenting lark is bloody hard.
DS can press buttons that NO adult can press.
DH is the most patient and kind person you could meet and yet even he gets irrate at times. (not as often as me).
I just dont know what to do with myself or how to cope wit him at times. IFYSWIM

Custy i think that this is why he is the way he is, because i am a big believer in exploration and satisfying curiosity in my son, he is inquisitive so i show him stuff and let him handle stuff.
The larger incident was so blatently attention seeking that it infuriated me.
He is mostly like this for me, occassionally for dh. MIL says he is an angel for her (old bag!)

donbean, hope you don't think I'm poking my nose in, but the list of behaviours in your post of 4.45.03 does sound a bit worrying, particularly the bits about not playing appropriately with toys and the amount of damage he's causing. What's he like about other things - sleeping, eating, being measured for shoes, having his hair cut, all that kind of stuff? What's he like around other children? How do you usually get on when you take him on outings?

I don't think the can of lager incident in itself is all that worrying, btw.

Dinosaur, unlike my friends children who are his age, he will never sit and watch a TV programme, he wont sit to have a hair cut, doesnt sit still for a moment.
Up until recently i stopped going any where with him because it so difficult.
He can get out of his car seat, shopping trollies, his pram no matter how tight the straps are.
He will not be distracted by stuff for more than seconds.
He goes to play school and they say he is ok with them,the MIL says he is ok with her. But then she doesnt have him for more than a couple of hours.
Going to look at that link that some one has kindly posted for me, see if his behaviour corrolates with that.

re car seat, have you tried a snugsit? It worked for my 2 year old.

aah it has been replaced already by something lese. I used the origianl with my 2.5 yr old

hugit

this is the original

snugsit

Thanks Jane for your input, kind of you x

ps collision, im off to woolies tomorow to get some supplies to do the castle thingy because it sound good and just may work. Im desperate so will try any thing.
Thanks for your suggestion x

donbean..

plse,plse forgive me if I am totally on the wrong track... but,

are you angry/p*ssed off/fed up with DH?

I know that my kids pick up on my marital stresses,(many, many times p*sed off with dh) and, they also unfortunately bear the brunt of my stress - ie I overdo things (overreact to usual childlike annoying behaviour)

Again, forgive me if on the wrong track, but I have similar experiences (cat me if u like)

Donbean - I agree with dinosaur about some parts of your description sounding a little worrying. You said earlier that you hadn't realised that ds was hungry. Does he ever try to let you know that he's hungry etc or was this a one-off? Does he sleep well at all?

Donbean - my ds1 was quite similar to yours at that age. He could not sit still, tea time was a nightmare as he would climb on chairs, under table and not eat a thing. The tantrums were like nothing I had seen before. He was also very hard to understand and would get extremely frustrated. Relatives and friends constantly commented on his behaviour. It started around two and (I thank god every day) stopped about a month ago and he is 5 in January. I lost it so many times and did and said things I never thought I would . You could possibly ask dr to send him for assessment to rule "things" out. If all clear my advice is to take one day at a time and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. He should grow out of it eventually. I had to keep reminding myself that my ds was only 2 and couldn't reason and understand consequences. In the end I tried to focus on really naughty behaviour and things that affect the person he would be and let the little things go. I found this very hard to do to begin with but it made the world of difference. Instead of going at him every 5 mins it reduced to probably 10 times a day. Made for a much nicer day than before. I also started taking him for a walk in the mornings to "exercise" him to get rid of excess energy and packed him a lunchbox each morning to graze from through the day so that food wasn't an issue. Hope that helps. My bad news now is that ds2 is 2.3 and following in big brothers footsteps.

Donbean - TBH it doesn't sound like he's done anything that my DS1 hasn't done. He's now 3yrs 10 months and generally much better behaved. I found a big difference when we started to monitor what he was eating - just cutting out aspartame in squashes made a hell of a difference. Good luck with it.

Thanks all.
His speach is excellent and he usually tells me if he is hungry, dont know why he didnt tell me that night.
Me and DH are great, actually i have very little to complain about with him. He is a love and no we hadn't had words or any thing like that. I was annoyed at him for putting the can there and he accepted this without question, agreed i think.
DS has water or milk, i never give him fruit juices nor things with additives/colourings because i think if he is like this now, God only knows what he would be like with additives etc.
Good thinking though because it rules stuff out doesnt it.

Ive decided today that i need to sort myself out.
Im going to go to the Drs and talk to her about A/D and have started to take St johns wart.
Im going to make an appointment to see the HV re my handling of DS' behaviour as i feel deep down that this is my problem not ds's.
I need to learn how to cope better and to deal more effectively and efficiently with ds. I need to carefully choose my battles with him.
I need to ride out the storm of the terrible twos and how it all goes is my decision.
I have made the decision that i dont want to carry on in this way. Im sure myds misses his fun mummy and i am in here some where.
It has occurred to me that his behaviour is attention seeking behaviour.
While he is an only child, i only work for 20 hours a week, we do all sorts together (baking, cooking, play doh, colouring, cleaning.soft play, play dates etc etc etc) he has begun this seperation anxiety over the past few weeks and i think that maybe he is trying to tell me some thing in his own little roundabout way.
Not sure what but it has all happened over recent weeks.
Maybe he senses that i am not my normal self. I have come to the conclusion that i am depressed and God only knows why because i have everything i could ever wish for. there is no making sense of it but i have to hold my hands up and admit defeat. I need to sort myself out.
What a bloody failure and a crappy person i feel right now.
Regardless, my ds may be a beast BUT he is my little beast and i love him more than life and chocolate.....now that is some admition!

Donbean, I have seen some of your other posts and agree you may be depressed - not surprising given how tough things are, but I think when you feel like that anyway, it doesn't matter what your child is like. I know it's not the same, but I had PND after ds was born (now 3.6) and a again but not as bad after dd (now 2.2). He was a really good baby, slept through after a week but I just felt inadequate. Felt better for a bit when I saw what other new mums were going through, but then felt worse because I thought I was selfish or ungrateful or something. Anyway, it was all sorted through anti-depressants (excellent things in short-term). But, even now, I think it's still there lurking under the surface. I have days when I feel like crap and hate being a parent etc and then think I should be grateful (some people can't have kids etc), but I think possibly it's just part of being a parent. Anyway, sorry for really long post - hope you get things sorted.

donbean you sound very similiar to me and my ds. He is 2.1 and if I am low/tired/worn out he manages to behave worse as he picks up on it. He is also quite hyper, always doing something he shouldnt etc. However only difference is i do know i suffer from severe depression and this does have a big impact on his behaviour but also on my tolerance levels.

Hopefully speaking to the HV tomorow. Ive left a message for her to contact me.
Started St Johns wart but it takes 4~6 weeks to kick in i believe. Still going to see GP i think.
Made a concerted effort not to shout and to ignore allot of the bad stuff.
Went well til tea time when he just did every thing in his power to be naughty and challenging.
I just put his tea in front of him and walked off to eat mine just as dh came in from work to take over from me. PHEWWWWW!
He is playing nicely with DH at the mo with a torch each in the dark in the living room!
Got to stick to my plan, got to.