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Original poster

My daughter has been abused by another child

142 replies

Ripeberry · 29/03/2011 08:10

They are good friends or so I thought. DD1 is 8yrs old and her friend is a boy who is 10 months older. Last night my DD1 broke down crying all of a sudden and the only way I could get her to tell me what it was about was to ask her to 'draw' what was bothering her.

It was basically 'rape'. He has been threatening to beat her up if she told anyone and it's been going on for a few weeks unbeknown to me, but thinking back she has been quite moody/miserable Sad

I've banned him from coming anywhere near us (usually at our house everyday)
But I've got to tell his mum somehow, but I want her to get help from him, not know six bells out of him (USUAL SOLUTION!)

How would you approach the parent?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 30/03/2011 19:53

Because you seem to want to convey the message is that this is all about a cover up and that no one is doing anything. (the police do not have access to specialist counsellors at all - nothing whatsoever to do with counselling).

Telling the parents anything will result in a hate campaign.

You say you would risk prosecution. So you know that the advice you are giving is wrong then? As a parent I would steer clear of any teacher who was willing to break the law and/or breach confidentiality.

You are also jumping to conclusions about anyone being raped repeatedly and that a child would be placed back in the school should this be the case.

Take your pitchfork home now.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2011 19:54

Cookcleanerchauffeur- what the fuck are you on, the wee boy is 8!!!

He is not a 'disgusting little shit' - he is a victim just like the little girl.

You are the one who is disgusting.

Fresh2death · 30/03/2011 19:54

You really should be talking to the police about this not posting to a bunch of no-bodies on the internet - deal with the situation

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 30/03/2011 20:10

Lauriefairycake - okay he is 8 but this is not stealing or a case of show me yours and I'll show you mine. This is far from being normal behaviour and he has to be exposed to some bizarre events to be doing this. He has as the OP said tried to rape another child. He may be a victim of an awful home but he has still committed a horrible act against another presumably innocent child. There is no excuse for rape at any age ... He should know right from wrong. The fact that he did the sexual act means that I would want to kick his arse to kingdom come and back, and his parents too, but I wouldn't, I would have called the police immediately.

If your child had this dine to him/her would you still see the boy as the victim ...?

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2011 20:22

It isn't 'rape' as that is a legal definition. It is not possible for a child of 8 to rape.

Op has also stated that there was no penetration.

He does NOT know it is wrong, he is 8 and may never have been taught that.

You are looking at an abused child through adult eyes and putting adult sensibilities on him.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2011 20:25

Further to that you have called it a sexual act, again you're using adult words- the child may not know it as a sexual act.

Much worse has been done to children in my care and I have followed all the advice I gave further up. It wouldn't even occur to me to take it out on an eight year old boy.

The fact it occurs to you suggests to me that you need some help with your anger. All that talk of beating up a child.

Get a grip.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 30/03/2011 20:26

My LO would never have thought of doing anything like this ...... It is beyond normal. Sorry but my priority would be my daughter. I would not be thinking of the other child except hoping that the parents get their arses kicked by the police, social services etc.

Mamaz0n · 30/03/2011 20:30

OP i shant join the argument further, I would just hope that you listen to the proffessionals you are currently dealing with and trust that they know their jobs.

I hope that your DD is able to feel safe now that she has confided in you and that the boy gets the help he clearly needs.

wanting to attack a child who had obviously been abused in some way is abhorant.

scurryfunge · 30/03/2011 20:30

cookcleaner...you are very misguided. Think about what you are saying....assaulting a damaged child is distorted thinking in itself.

Mamaz0n · 30/03/2011 20:32

Heaven forbid your child ever copies something inapropriate he may have witnessed Cook.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 30/03/2011 20:34

I said I would like to kick him and his parents to kingdom come but WOULD NOT, I would call the police.

Maybe i am being unreasonable in thinking of putting the welfare of MY children first - stupid me.

I am sticking to my guns.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 30/03/2011 20:36

Copying by saying a bad word is one thing, touching and more, or to use an adult word, committing a sexual offence is another.

Mamaz0n · 30/03/2011 20:37

I just think you need to grow up really.

As a mother I would hope you could have empathy for another child who had himself been abused.
I would expect that as an adult you could realise that the world is not balck and white, good and evil, that sometimes children do things because they have seen others do them.

I would also like you to remember that it is all the parents fault next time your child does anything wrong.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 30/03/2011 20:41

No one knows for sure he has been abused ... And in one sense I hope to God he hasn't. There are evil kids out there who do nasty things because think they are able to what they want when they want if they want. James Bulger for one.

Kids must take responsibility ....

Still sticking to my guns.

mamatomany · 30/03/2011 20:41

If the lad was 18, ccc etc I'd hold your coat whilst you did whatever, but this is an 8 year old, have you seen an 8 year old recently ? I have one and she couldn't do anything wicked, really she couldn't and in the eyes of law she is not old enough to be held criminally responsible, rightly so.

mamatomany · 30/03/2011 20:42

James Bulger's killers were beaten with snooker cues and older for a start.

bibbitybobbityhat · 30/03/2011 20:42

James Bulger???

Mamaz0n · 30/03/2011 20:43

you said yourself that your child wouldn't behave in such a way, it just wouldn't occur to them.

for this child to try and simulate sex he has obviously witnessed adult material at least. that alone is a form of abuse.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2011 20:45

James numbers killers werent 'evil'. How stupid you are coming across.

They were products of dreadful parenting and terrible circumstance. They were utterly neglected.

scurryfunge · 30/03/2011 20:45

House!

You have just won fuckwit bingo cookcleaner! I just knew Jamie Bulger would be mentioned by you.
Ta da.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 30/03/2011 20:47

If they live in Scotland he could be held criminally responsible as the age there I think is 8. Apologies if this is wrong. In England it is 10. This kid could be almost 9 which makes him very close to being classed as responsible. The Bulger killers were just 10 years old. Those two boys killed a small child and were less than 24 months older than this 8 year old.

Mamatomany - yes, your 8 year old and could not do something wicked. Agreed, this is normal. What this boy did was not normal and he must know it is wrong, even a little bit wrong.

FourFortyFour · 30/03/2011 20:48

OP you need to stay away from the boy's parents. You need to talk to your GP about counselling for your dd and you need to phone the police. Your dd has been assaulted, this isn't something that will be forgotten next week, it will stay with her forever.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 30/03/2011 20:50

Good, someone else who does not understand why the police have not been called ....

mamatomany · 30/03/2011 20:54

24 months is a quarter, 25% of this child's life, that's quite a massive amount of time when you look at it that way.

Sassybeast · 30/03/2011 20:55

This doesn't ring true - the lack of intervention is surely not 'normal' ? There was an incident recently involving the child of a friend. It was not as serious as this incident but it still involved inapropriate sexual behaviour from young children. Both the 'victim' and the 'perpetrator' (am struggling to find the right terms) were seen at a specialist childrens centre by social services and special measures have been put in place by the school for supervison AND support.
And it does worry me that this situation is accepted by some because the boy is 8. What happens if there is no intervention and something else happens when he is 9, or 10 or older?
OP if this is true, then you NEED to follow it up.