Self loathing procrastinators and perpetual under achievers sign in here

[Bumperlicious]

Just been on the 3 things I don't know about you thread and there seems to be quite a few people who are procrastinators but hate it.

I am full of good ideas and potential but rarely motivated enough to do anything about it. I have always been intelligent but have to some extent squandered it on trashy novels and trashy tv. I feel like I just haven't found my niche in life. I try lots of things but don't often stick to them. I have a good degree and MSc and am in a respectable but not well paid job which I don't really enjoy.

I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and feel permanently top tired to do anything but feel crap at not achieving anything.

Anyone else care to join me?

ladyw - we live in the middle of nowhere, so work is this or nothing, really. (am heartened to hear you also have grey frizz - i feel it's time for a hallowe'enesque/ early celine dion-but-grey catwalk frenzy) and as it's going to be nothing in june anyway, biting the bullet earlier is going to be the way ahead i think... working in the evenings would be too much of a challenge anyway - dh often workd until very late, and with 3 dcs i spend most nights as a taxi service - living so far out of town means an hour and a half round trip to clubs. i'd need a blooming good childminder

fortunately we haven't had visitors for some time, but the thought of it makes me want to shave everyone bald. (it would get rid of the frizz though...)

Thanks Bumperlicious x

Hey Said - maybe we should get together! I love the process of writing (and in fact do it for a job, in a journalistic sense) but have no ideas for plots...

I had another thought about the connection between being 'clever' as a child and not fully trying as an adult. Maybe because we found everything so easy, and didn't have to try, as a child, we've just carried it through to adulthood. And because we were told we were clever back then, we're just waiting to have this recognised even now, rather than getting down to work and proving it. Though that makes me sound an arrogant arse, which I hope is far from the case...

I think it can produce really bad life-long working habits if you find everything very easy as a child/teenager. This is why I often when I read people telling parents of bright children to chill out if their dc are coasting at school. It's easy to coast through school/college - but it's not easy to coast through a real job.

It took me to my 40s to really grasp that some things both need to be worked for and are worth working for. Still have problems with this though - I guess I always will. I am a terrible procrastinator (here I am on mn - should be working...).

Really want it to be different for dd somehow.

This thread was made for me. I'm 31 with a law degree yet I'm working part time as a bingo caller. Rented house, no car, not enough money, messy house. I've tried to think of good excuses as to why I'm not doing more with my life career wise but the simple truth is that I JUST CANNOT BE ARSED. If I'm not pushed to do something then I just won't do it. Occasionally have the odd mini panic attack about my shameful lack of motivation and I resolve to do something about it, nodding my head at my determination, but I'm just so KNACKERED all the time and I guess I'm scared of failing. Oh well, snooze time.

Aconyx - I think that's probably true. And one reason why we should all try to challenge ourselves and our children.

I was always pretty clever at school, but not so clever that I didn't need to work.
Also, from being about 13 I had a job, so I had to combine studies with working. Ditto at uni.

Perhaps that's why I'm not fearful of failure or hard graft.

Acinonyx - what you said really hit a chord. With school work I could always coast along, but I went to one of those schools where you're beaten up for showing a glimmer of effort, so never tried to do well. I've pretty much coasted in my jobs, too. And I'm afraid of trying hard to be the best, in case it's not good enough. By whose standard it's 'not good enough' I don't really understand!

Sorry - I seem to have killed the thread with my tedious self-absorption. Or is everyone else prevaricating too much elsewhere to carry on with the thread?

I'm busy procrastinating. I actually took a nap this morning - something I never do. There's still 2 hours before the school run - I've just got to get shot of this paper.

Not only have I not wanted to try too hard in case the result is unimpressive - I'm also genuinely lazy and can easily kill time doing nothing much. It's a great combination.

This is the thread for me

Acinonyx and Herbaceous - yep, that was my experience at school - clever enough not to work yet still get the grades, fell into a degree/masters/job. Now I'm a SAHM (financially v lucky) and have perfected the art of doing BUGGER ALL

DS is nearly 15mo and the easiest baby in the world to look after.

I need someone to kick me up the arse and stre-e-e-tch me, before I rot....

I'm rather like you, mistress - apart from the masters.

Clever at school but unpopular as a result, didn't do any work and then got rubbish A-levels.

Ended up doing a vocational degree as a result, then when I got fed up of trying to overcome the hurdles around succeeding in that field I fell into what turned out to be a stressful but lucrative sales-related job.

Left to be SAHM 15 years ago, don't really need more money now (although 't would be v. satisfying to be earning again), but who's going to take on someone out of the workplace for so long and doesn't want to work school hols?

Of course, the answer is to devise my own way of earning from home, but as I said upthread, I MN procrastinate rather than develop the skill which could start earning me cash if I had the nerve to put myself out there.

See, if I do that, I risk being found out as not all that - and then what could I tell myself I could do if I got round to it?

It's bollocks, isn't it? I feel paralysed with indecision/ennui/laziness.

Someone did a study once with four sets of rats. One set was rewarded when the task was achieved, one was given electric shocks when the task was failed, one set was randomly given electric shocks whether they achieved or failed, and one was rewarded whether they achieved or failed. Both the latter two exhibited signs of depression...

I'm a life long procrastinator, but recently found a way to alleviate the damaging impact a little:

1. Each week I made a list of all the things I should be doing but can't be bothered.
2. Then each day I pick one item from the list and complete it.

Obviously, every day I pick the easiest and least boring task, but that's besides the point: it's a job that gets done that would otherwise be left. I see it as a way of fooling my lazy half. It thinks it's being clever by picking the easiest thing of the list, but actually it's being made to work. :o Also, by doing a job a day it feels less like tackling a mountain and you can get a sense of achievement from doing a little each day, rather than wreck yourself with guilt for not doing everything.

I'm not saying I'm perfect and keep this up every week, but I regularly go back to this method when I feel old jobs piling up on me and weighing down my mood. I'm writing this during work hours so clearly I'm still a procrastinator at heart, but I'm learning to control it better.

Ciske don't you find new things to put on the list so the unpalatable things still get left?

That's certainly how I work

Oh yes, there is always one horrible job being left, usually things like 'having a haircut' that require leaving the house, or sorting out some complicated admin thing.

Something I've tried with a fair amount of success is break big boring tasks into lots of little ones: fill out the forms, buy a stamp, put stamp on envelope, post forms. Sure it takes 5 days to get something done, but at least it gets done, eventually.

As a friend of mine says, it doesn't matter how slow you go in life, as long as you do not stop.

I like that motto - I'm a master at going slowly but will no longer beat myself up about it I think.

Not likely to change into a whizz at this late stage in life .

Bumping. Keep meaning to post, but never get round to it. Glad to nave found this thread.

I'm another one.

Never had to work at school until A-Levels and then didn't know what hit me. Got average degree from average university. Never had any clear cut idea of what I wanted to be and did a series of rubbishy NHS admin jobs before working in telly for 7 years then quitting to have DS (now nearly 1y).

Never been happier but a bit worried about the future. Don't want to go back to my old job, don't want to do anything really.

Love being a mum and cooking nice food but apart from clothes washing and cooking/washing up and tidying I do no housework at all. I never clean, I never iron - I just wait for the cleaning lady to do it.

I sit around for three/four hours every evening either on the internet or watching telly. Doesn't help that husband works late into the night in his home office (self employed).

I never fulfilled my potential education and career wise but I'm much less unhappy about it than I was pre-DS. I am 38 this year though and concerned about what's going to be my life 10 years down the line when he doesn't need me every minute of every day.

Am contemplating homeschooling him partly to avoid having to get a job.