Self loathing procrastinators and perpetual under achievers sign in here

[Bumperlicious]

Just been on the 3 things I don't know about you thread and there seems to be quite a few people who are procrastinators but hate it.

I am full of good ideas and potential but rarely motivated enough to do anything about it. I have always been intelligent but have to some extent squandered it on trashy novels and trashy tv. I feel like I just haven't found my niche in life. I try lots of things but don't often stick to them. I have a good degree and MSc and am in a respectable but not well paid job which I don't really enjoy.

I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and feel permanently top tired to do anything but feel crap at not achieving anything.

Anyone else care to join me?

I like LitChick's encouragement to focus on everything you do achieve and I have here a very nice tool to help you do it:

beemp3.com/download.php?file=7882055&song=Guided+Skillful+Recollection+Meditation

sorry - try this

Are you really procrastinating, winnybella, or are you not really ready to do the thing that you are trying to make yourself do?

If I try to do things in the wrong order, my head is often so pre-occupied with something I want to do first that I cannot do the thing I set out to achieve and get nowhere.

I think good prioritising goes a long way to getting over procrastination.

For boring stuf,, sometimes doing the thing that you least like first is a help. Then you have the 'incentive' of the less painful stuff ahead.

This is a very banal example but with laundry, once clothes have been put away, I found that we (DH and I) tended to leave the household stuff on the bed in the spare room. Not a massive issue either way but a bit irritating to go in every day and see the same pile of towels, bedding and rags staring at you.

So I started putting them away first when I did laundry. It makes me feel very viruous for doing something that I normally put off and since it takes all of 2 mins, it's an easy mental tick. Then I don't mind putting away the clothes etc.

Obviously this is a bit simplistic and I fully understand that some of you feel that your problems are a bit bigger than a pile of folded towels! But it's a trick that works in many different circumstances. It's a bit like leaving the nicest bit of your dinner til the end! I always did that!

Well, for example, tax returns- when is it here-May? So for a couple of months before May I will occasionally remember that I have to do them. I know I will need to unearth my bulletins de paye etc before. As the deadline approaches I manage to forget about the whole thing. Then I spend next few months knowing that I have to get on with it, but the idea of finding all the papers I need is putting me off. Finally, with the end of the year approaching fast, I manage to do the whole thing in 30 minutes. Of course, I'll have to pay 10% penalty.

There's no excuse for that.

winnybella Another trick (from the Do It Tomorrow book I mentioned above) is to say to yourself "I'll just take the book down and open it at the relevant chapter".

Sometimes you can find yourself resisting the idea of doing actual work but if you trick yourself into doing something that isn't actually the work itself but connected with it, 9 times out of 10 you will probably start reading the relevant chapter anyway.

So "I'll just open the file", "I'll just put this cup I'm holding in the dishwasher", "I'll just throw this one bit of rubbish in the bin". You almost inevitably get on a roll and even if you don't, next time, it might be a tiny bit smaller of a task.

I need to be here too. Like the OP I have many good ideas but often talk myself out of trying things because of the fear of it not working out, when really it would benefit me just to try. I'm very much a starter and not a finisher. I suspect I also proscrastinate sometimes in order to get myself into trouble and punish myself (god that's sounds bordering on loony when I write it down). I am also a little bit addicted to the "high' I get from the feeling of relief of leaving something until it's almost too late but pulling it off at the last moment.

In some ways being a SAHM has made me a bit happier because it's process rather than results driven but at 40 I am turning my attention to what's left of my future and wondering just what it is I want to do when I grow up!

Thanks, FreeButton. Will try that.

The thing is that this every day procrastination has cost me a lot in my life. I lost a job because of it. I didn't like it anyway, but still, it's not great to be fired. It has cost me my career, because I could have slotted in a degree when I was in my early twenties (I was working then as a model in NYC). I could have invested my money instead not doing anything with it. I would be in a totally different place now if I hadn't spent my life putting stuff off.

Now I have no degree, no job (and can't get one as no place in creche for DD and DP is free-lancing so no regular hours, trips abroad etc)-oh, and no place in creche, because I failed to do l'inscription at 6 mo pg , we are broke, in a flat with a huge rent and frankly I've no clue what's going to happen. ARRRGH.

TheHouseofMirth - I'm not sure I agree about SAHMing being process-driven. I see my life as lots of projects, some small and some large, some long and some short, and I get satisfaction from process but mainly from completion (Christmas was a success; the children's new school was the right decision; I'm happy with the new furniture we bought; I enjoyed the summer holidays), and successful projects completed give me the strength and confidence to embark on others.

But winnybella - if you didn't like your job, how were you going to throw yourself into it (which is what any decent interesting job requires of you?). Did you really want to put your DD in a crèche (as opposed to thinking you ought to)?

Are you sure your short term goals are aligned with your long term desires?

I reckon you can a good overview by reading the articles on this page

Just to add that I have never read a time management or self-help book in my life other than the Do It Tomorrow one I mentioned above. It was recommended to me specifically to deal with procrastination and I still take it off the shelf every six months or so to read on the tube to give me a boost.

Bonsoir, surely what you enjoyed most about Christmas was the actual "doing" of it though? The shopping, pouring over recipe books, doing crafts with the children and spending time with friends and family?

I guess you're right, Bonsoir. I hated my job (assistant booker in one of the best modelling agencies- I was done as a model by then and didn't really like seeing all these 14 yo Lithuanian girls with zero English being told to lose weight, to kiss clients' ass, to dress provocatively etc). And it was boring. Still.

And, no, I didn't want DD to go to the creche-just didn't want to be parted from her, nothing against nurseries.

Do you think I was subconsciously sabotaging these things?

"Subconsciously sabotaging" - no, not really. I just think it is incredibly difficult to take even quite small steps up a mountain you really don't want to climb! And it is perhaps more useful to examine the reasons you don't want to climb it than to label yourself a procrastinator. You do want to achieve things - you just don't know what (and certainly not the thing you are currently doing).

I enjoyed the process too - or some of it (I would like more helping hands with the execution, but hey ho that's life) but what I really liked was planning it all out - the vision - and actually carrying it off and seeing everyone happy on Christmas Day and around it.

Every post on this thread has my name on it.

I've roamed round the Internet all day - MNing, read all the papers online, browsed through books on Amazon, followed links...

The house meanwhile is a tip. And I've looked at the application form for a course I was interested in and realised that I can't possibly apply for anything ever because I have no referees.

I'm a disaster.

I think some of us are planners by nature. We enjoy the anticiaption of somehting, the process of getting there (though as Bonsoir says, sometimes this can seem a little thankless) and the sheer satisfaction of acheivement.

I'm one of those people who have to have a number of projects on the boil at any time.
And I spend a lot of time making plans and then reassessing as necessary.

For some however, this would be anathema.
The planning would suck the joy out of it.

I was like this a few years ago, I promise you. I hated my job and took extended maternity leave which now I look back upon as my thinking time.

I had an ambition to do something, but it seemed an impossible dream.

Very slowly, step by step I've moved further towards that dream and at this stage it doesn't just look possible, it looks inevitable.

It can always be done.

ooh, tell us more,joni...? I'd love to hear more about it.

But I am - for myself - wary of giving in too much to the 'if it doesn't feel good, it isn't right' story. Perhaps. But I think some work is just 'work'. And doesn't feel comfortable.

I have NO problem writing reams and reams of my own. When I have to write academic stuff, it is MUCH harder. But isn't that because it is just work?

Interesting posts. I am definitely a planner & definitely NOT a completer-finisher!

I am wondering how much longer I can say I am a procrastinator or demotivated as opposed to just lazy!

The thing is I did really well at school (though I often left homework till the last minute), was top in my year, got ok a levels and & a first class degree & distinction in my MSc, but I can't help but feel I didn't really work all that hard to get all that. I really wanted my job and spent a year trying to get it (preparing, researching etc) and I got it straight out of uni. But it hasn't turned out to be the dream job I hoped. So now I just don't know what I want to do and I feel like if I knew I'd do everything in power to get it.

I don't think I suit being a SAHM full time (am on mat leave) as if I don't have anything specific to do I just spend the day in my pjs'

I am most definitely one of life's planners, and I like to be in control of my own destiny. Corporate life/structure suffocates me because it requires me to slot into a pre-imposed structure.

However, working out which mountains I really want to climb takes up a lot of time! Both identifying the possible mountains as well as working out whether they are worth scaling!

heheh, when asked about my dissertation, i always replied 'its in the thinking stage' meaning i HAD, OF COURSE, DONE BUGGER ALL.

oh cocking capslock.

I am in the middle of a change of direction, and at every stage i feel as though i am tempted to self-sabotage.

although you might think 3 small kiddies more than enough by way of occupation, it's pretty easy ATM. >touches wood<

so yes - why not work - because if you did, then you;d have tried, and then, if you tried and failed you'd have really FAILED (SO, FEAR OF FAILUrE PREVENTING SUCCESS)

although a nice clean house does aid the doing of other things, it is equally possible to waste time in perpetual cleaning and never get time to do worthwhile things.

e.g 'i should read that book...'
oh i'll do the washing first..nowcup of tea, now read a story, now baby bedtime..

also, i have realised if i wish to stick to soething, i need to post about in MN, then it will always be there waiting for me in 'threads i'm on'

I'm an excellent planner - I've got a notebook for to-do lists. My problem is that each day looks virtually the same because I never get any of it until absolutely the last minute.

I'm not much of a do-er.

I want to join too! GOML, I could have written your post, specially the line about work. I am always waiting to be found out too. I am not sure how I am managing to stay here. I hate myself for it. I hate the fact that I waste time in unimportant things during work time and sometimes I have to work evenings at home to make it up. I hate the fact that I know I can be better but I don't seem to be able to be it.

One thing I am trying is asking a trusted colleague to coach me. I meet with her regularly and review my priorities and then I report back to her. She is at the same level as me but in a different team and this is an informal arrangement. I have to see yet whether it works or I am just a born procrastinator...