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Original poster

Self loathing procrastinators and perpetual under achievers sign in here

194 replies

Bumperlicious · 05/01/2011 15:11

Just been on the 3 things I don't know about you thread and there seems to be quite a few people who are procrastinators but hate it.

I am full of good ideas and potential but rarely motivated enough to do anything about it. I have always been intelligent but have to some extent squandered it on trashy novels and trashy tv. I feel like I just haven't found my niche in life. I try lots of things but don't often stick to them. I have a good degree and MSc and am in a respectable but not well paid job which I don't really enjoy.

I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and feel permanently top tired to do anything but feel crap at not achieving anything.

Anyone else care to join me?

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LadyWellian · 06/01/2011 14:19

I've surfed into 2011 on a massive wave of self-loathing brought on by failing to live up to the impossibly high (or perhaps just normal) demands I place on myself. Does that count? Yes, I managed to feed 11 people on Christmas Day with home-made everything, but my Christmas cards are still sitting unwritten, and that makes me the worst person in the world and obviously all my friends will hate me even more than they do already as a result.

Strangely enough, I have superb resolve about all the things I should be doing when I am not in the vicinity of where I could actually do something about it, but as soon as I am in a position to act, the resolve just disappears.

Patehetic really!

NormaSnorks · 06/01/2011 14:31

Oh pleeeeease, can I join too?

I had such lofty ambitions when I was about 20... was going to become famous, write books, appear on TV, be an 'expert'

And here I am, heading to mid-40s mid-life crisis with 2 lovely DC and a quite lovely (if sometimes grumpy and a teeny bit anti-social and dull DH Hmm )

There's always so much stuff that just has to be done 'first' IMHO

I'm lucky that I have a cleaner and the DCs are now older and need less supervision, but I still have more to do than I can ever get on top of.

I know I'm in a rut - have just taken a job which is not 'quite right' because we need the money - but I really want to be somewhere else by the end of the year.

I've just bought the book 'Be Your Own Life Coach' for my Kindle and plan to work through that (when I get a moment...)

Meanwhile.... I now have to go to do my end of year accounts, get school stuff ready for the kids, plan food for the next 7 days, sort out the laundry... yada yada...

YourCallIsImportant · 06/01/2011 14:34

Count me in. My mum used to say 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' whenever I said 'but I meant to do it'...

I need a kick up the bum.

marriednotdead · 06/01/2011 14:38

Can I join? Your last sentence says it all LadyWellian, my resolve is far greater than my output.

I've apparently got a MENSA level brain but seem to have a mental block when it comes to studying. Have just found out I will probably be out of work at the end of next month and instead of updating my CV, I'm mumsnetting paralysed with fear Sad

The bathroom is half painted, the dining room needs doing too. I'm only working 2 days a week atm. Everything I need to complete this is in the house. Except willpower Hmm

LadyWellian · 06/01/2011 14:46

Yeah, and it comes to something when you can't even spell 'pathetic' Blush

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 06/01/2011 15:12

This is a really good book, it's about people who spend their life doing lots of different things but never finishing or continuing them, for various reasons. It's quite good a making you feel better and coming up with strategies. I had really good intentions then got pg & spent 9 months feeling like shit & haven't done anything about since.

I'm on maternity leave and feel like I should be using thr time to write a book or start selling my crocheted stuff or something worthy, but I've put dinner in the slow cooker, put the washing on and cleared up while the baby is asleep and am know knackered. I know I am on maternity leave to look after a baby etc but if not now then when? I will never have so much 'free' time as this. I just feel my life slipping away. Does help that I have a big -0 birthday coming up.

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 06/01/2011 15:19

i quite like 'patehetic' Grin it sounds more dramatic somehow!

and on the 'misery loves company' note, i haven't written any christmas cards either. and apparently none of the presents i sent have reached their recipients yet (we live o'seas and everyone claims the heathrow/ weather thing has disrupted everything... however, i'm blaming that on myself too) and my bil's present is still here as i can't decide whether it's too fragile to post. he hates me anyway, so it's no particular biggie, but doubt sis will be happy... (that said, she hasn't sent anything at all to our brood for the last two years, so i refuse to feel too bad about it Grin)

oo, i feel quite refreshed having got that off my chest.

LadyWellian · 06/01/2011 15:19

Ooh, Bumperlicious I've got one of those birthdays coming up too. Maybe the self-loathing steps up a gear without us realising?

madwomanintheattic · 06/01/2011 15:20

bumper, i've got 3 weeks until 4-0. i actually don't care about the birthday at all, although i have allowed a few 'oh, i must get that finished whilst i'm 40' thoughts in. am hoping i will...

LadyWellian · 06/01/2011 15:26

madwoman how can everything be your fault when it is patently my fault already?

I've got that birthday too, though not for another 6 months.

LadyWellian · 06/01/2011 15:27

And I have just Googled 'Mark Twain's horse' after a dream I had last night even though I've got important work that needs to be done quickly.

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 06/01/2011 15:31

Well I actually made a conscious decision not to send Christmas cards this year, what with having a new baby and all. It was very liberating and by making the choice and being able to justify it (environment, new baby, people won't notice) I actually didn't feel guilty at all!

I've just ordered 'I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It' from the author I just linked to (a friend has got my copy of the book I linked to and she has moved away)

OP posts:
potplant · 06/01/2011 15:35

I'm facing up to a big birthday this year and I'm having a life reassesment as well.

On the surface stuff looks good, I've got a good job, pays well, married, two kids, lovely house. But I don't feel as though I have anything for me but I don't know what it is that would make me feel like me.

I'm always last minute at my job because I can't do anything until its urgent and I'm constant fear that they will find out I don't know what I'm doing half the time.

I want to do something but I don't know what and I'm too busy trawling gossip websites to find out.

madwomanintheattic · 06/01/2011 15:37

right, must go. have a hair appointment. (this appointment was originally booked for 10 dec, and i had to cancel at the last minute. it has taken me a whole month to re-book. i have an inch and a half of grey stripe in dark brown hair. this is not a good look. apparently i haven't had an hour to spare in the last month...) Confused

maxmissie · 06/01/2011 15:44

Can I join too please? Pretty much what everyone else says fits me too!

There are loads of things I want to do but never quite get round to doing them as there's always something else to do instead, or it's too difficult to start whatever it is, or I just can't be bothered.

Sometimes spend whole evenings watching crap TV and browsing MN and then when I go to bed say to myself must do something more productive tomorrow night but then just do the same again.

The only thing I think I can do well is read, which I do in bed, I've started writing down recommended books then ordering them from the library rather than just reading any old rubbish!

Have had some not very nice experiences over the last year which at the time made me say to myself 'get motivated' but of course I never do!

Am now off to sort out some of our junk to go to charity shop!

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 06/01/2011 16:00

totally agree with loads of the sentiments on here. looking after little child/ren is just so damn DRAINING mentally and emotionally cos you never really switch off. i am hoping to have a few days away by myself to visit friends in March, but mostly to give me some TIME to sleep and THINK - about what i want out of this next chunk of life.

LadyWellian, you are so right, when i am work i think of all the things i want to do at home, but when i get home, i can't be buggered to do any of them!!

LadyWellian · 06/01/2011 16:05

I had a hair appointment that I cancelled in September 2008... I still haven't re-booked it Blush

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 06/01/2011 16:07

sign me up!!

this thread was made with me in mind wasn't it?

MsBinbag · 06/01/2011 16:12

I need to join this. Procrastinating is making my life utterly miserable. I have 3 small dc & work mostly from home as a lecturer. I can only work in the evening and I usually have huge mountains of essays to mark. I could just about manage it but I piss about like an idiot every single time until all my work is late and I'm beside myself with stress. The undone work hangs over me in the most evil of ways all the time.
I know I'm lucky to have a job like this but it isn't what I wanted to do either. Am 40 this year too.
My new year resolution was self-discipline but I buggered it up last night - marked half an essay in 6 hours.

LadyWellian · 06/01/2011 16:21

I don't even have the small children excuse... I've only got one DD and she is nearly 11.

It's my day off tomorrow and I really hope thinking about this thread (not posting on it; that would be counterproductive) will help me get done all the things I have left undone.

FlorenceAndTheMachine · 06/01/2011 17:19

I did something :) Christmas things are (mostly) in the attic. And real tree is outside.

If I keep up this level of activity maybe I will have sorted the house by next Christmas?

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 06/01/2011 18:31

"Look in the mirror and think I look like a pile of crap.

I am very reserved and know I came across as frosty and standoffish.

If you met me you would think I was the most confident person ever (and a stuck up cow) bvut inside I am a nervous wreck and I think you are laughing at my shoes or something.

And if anyone ever says anything horrible I dwell on it for years and years.

And I never do anything outside work. i have no hobbies or skills. Je suis un boring bastard"

GOML you are describing me except for the work part. I'm not even working so i am even more of a boring bastard than you.

MunchkinsMumof2 · 06/01/2011 18:42

Can I join please? I have the residual guilt of parents paying thousands for my education and at 36 I virtually have nothing to show for it. I am intelligent and have potential to carve out a new career but am putting off starting the 4 year course that will require for fear of failure / fear of commitment / self loathing. I am such an under achiever and stuck in a rut.

Acinonyx · 06/01/2011 20:11

Maxmissie: 'Sometimes spend whole evenings watching crap TV and browsing MN and then when I go to bed say to myself must do something more productive tomorrow night but then just do the same again.

The only thing I think I can do well is read,'

This is my life. I just get so tired in the evenings - time I could be putting to 'good use' just gets frittered away.

There are about, hmmm, 6 weeks throughout the year when I feel pretty energised and feel I can do anything. I wish I knew how to prolong that. I wish I knew why I can't feel like that all the time.

I work PT but my 'career' Hmm is just about circling the drain and I don't know if I have the energy to revive it. Mostly - I just wish I wasn't so TIRED (and pessimistic) all the time.

madwomanintheattic · 06/01/2011 21:26

Grin ladywellian, i've had about four hair appointments since Sept 2008. get me! i feel positively groomed now in comparison Grin thanks for cheering me up!