Self loathing procrastinators and perpetual under achievers sign in here

[Bumperlicious]

Just been on the 3 things I don't know about you thread and there seems to be quite a few people who are procrastinators but hate it.

I am full of good ideas and potential but rarely motivated enough to do anything about it. I have always been intelligent but have to some extent squandered it on trashy novels and trashy tv. I feel like I just haven't found my niche in life. I try lots of things but don't often stick to them. I have a good degree and MSc and am in a respectable but not well paid job which I don't really enjoy.

I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and feel permanently top tired to do anything but feel crap at not achieving anything.

Anyone else care to join me?

Oh yeah 'external validation' that's me. Makes me sound awful but I really struggle with people not recognising the genius within me and that has caused me to stay in my comfort zone at work for far too long.

I have now taken a new job which has pushed me (way) out of my comfort zone and I crave the reasurance of someone else telling me I'm good at it.

In reality I'm OK at my new job, and I will get better as time goes by but its really hard to be a grown up about it and not give up when things don't go perfectly.

Bumperlicious you are not alone is spending your time researching rather than doing.

So many would be writers attend endless courses and read every new how-to book on the market. A whole industry has sprung up parting would-be writers from their money.

And still the truth remains...you have to just log on and write.

There are a number of things to consider here

Narcissistic parents only love their children conditionally - based on how much reflected glory can be had

We live in a goal driven, success attainment society

Personally I can recommend having an existential crisis.

We tend to live as if the perfect moment is around the corner at any given opportunity. Live in the present and learn how to find fulfillment in your own individual life.

Can I come back for some sympathy, please?

I have an essay due in 3 hours. I have a rough plan for the first part. No clue how to answer the second.

I had a month to write it.

Here, perfect example of procrastination fucking me up.

Arrrgh. I want to cry (yes, I know it's self-inflicted)

Wilfself

I don't know whether you're still following this thread. I can't really be too specific as it'll give me away so to speak.

Perhaps I'll pm you.

Hey being a mum is very hars and i have a 21 month old and a 10 month old and i can honestly say i feel lost at times like the old me died i have no identety or individuallity i love being a mum more than anything but boy when u become a mum its like you get full on judgemental with yourself 24/7 did i do that right ??? should i have done this??? we need to give ourselfs a break

Yes, yes, yes, I've always wanted to be a "researcher" Just get paid for arsing about on the internet. There never has to be a conclusion.

I'm not in the self-loathing camp but am a "clever", self-sabotager.

Oooh oooh Joni PM me too! It's my thread and I need inspiration :)

Ok, so spurred on by this thread I have tonight sat down and started writing. I've had a story mulling over for a while. I was planning to use it for Nanowrimo (Nanowrimo - National Novel Writing Month - totally suits my goal directed, short-attention span personality) but with a newborn I just didn't have the time to get the writing down.

But as Litchick said, you just have to do it. So I have started, only 250 words or so, but the first words are surely the hardest to write, right?

Winnybella you can have lots of sympathy from me, but not much advice I'm afraid. Not sure how much help a bunch of procrastinators can be to each other . Hope you get the essay done. What's it for?

It's a 19th c lit. Middlemarch and critics to be exact. I just wrote a pathetic email to my tutor, confessing that I've got a procrastination disorder and that I'm sitting here panicking and begging for a bit more time.

I'm sure that'll go down well

Fuck,fuck,fuck.

I could kill myself now.

Can I ask a writing question to the writers here - do you always write your stories in order? Do you sometimes write part of it that then needs to be slotted in later on? If you thought of great dialogue, for instance, do you just write it down to use elsewhere? Do you always know the ending?

I feel your pain winnybella. Last OU course I did, I had to have an extension for every essay. No reason why. What you need is for your tutor to now forbid extensions for you. You leave it late because you know you can request more time

This is a really small thing but I have just cut my toenails. A task I have been putting off for at least a week or so.

here I am
back later

Was reading this thread with such interest last night that I forgot about a pan boiling on the stove, with the result that it boiled dry and set the smoke alarm off.

Have decided that multitasking is not my friend. So from today (or possibly for today, we'll see how it goes) I am taking as mantra the words earlier in this thread that "you can do anything for 15 minutes" and am going to try to FOCUS on individual tasks, one at a time, in short bursts, rather than trying to do several things simultaneously and not doing them well.

At the very least, it should save on saucepans.

Wish me luck.

said I can only tell my method.

Basically, I write down all my ideas for the book. Then I plan in detail.

I take a piece of A4 per scene and write (by hand) what will happen, who will be the POV character, where it will be set etc
Sometimes there are only a few lines...X pov. He meets Y, sometimes the page is bursting with dialogue and detail and themes and sub plots.

This stage can take weeks.

When I'm done I start writing it up.

And yes, I do write it in order. However, if I get to a scene sparse on detail and I still can't see it or feel it, I just type what's on the scene plan and move on.

I find waiting for inspiration a complete waste of time. Panic just sets in.

If, snippets for other scenes come to me out of order, I scribble them down on my hand written scene plan and include them when I get to that scene. If they are for a scene that has already been written, I just make a note and reassess whether they are still a good idea on the rewrite...again this saves the endless going back and improving that so many writers get stuck on.

Forward motion is my watch word.

Now, plenty of writers work differently I'm sure. But this definitely works for me.

In seven years, I've written six books, two radio plays and endless journo articles.
Prolific is my middle name.

Two days later I still haven't got out The File and got down to work on that paper .

But today is the day. Really. I am going to set myself a mission to get the *** thing submitted. It's like being chased by a monster.

Litchick's method is good for non-fiction too. I just need to get on with it.

After I put some laundry in .....

I've pm'd you Bumperlicious

Aother one here would like nothing better than to spend all day on the internet finding things out with no conclusion.

So is lack of focus also fuelling the procrastination or is it a by product, do you think?

UKcanuck. I've pm'd you

Will somebody please tell me to get back to work. I've spent the last 45 mins on MN reading threads about things like whether people should go to Center Parcs with a 3yo... I don't have a 3yo and have no intention of going to Center Parcs with or without one.

I always suffer a bit from lethargy post-lunch and had a bigger than usual lunch as we had people in.

so, today i've woken up and i'm considering drastic action. if i leave work, (which is a job i don't want to do, and am leaving in june anyway as we are moving due to dh's work) i can finish my masters (which i do want to do). my deadline is the summer and i won't get any more extensions...

am i crazy? i need to v carefully check if we can afford to pay the mortgage, but it might be the only way i can force myself to get off my backside and get it done...

is it too drastic?

Ah, madwoman, you're back.

It breaks my heart to disappoint but sadly my hair hasn't been blonde since I was about 5. These days it's a mop of greying frizz that makes me look like Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall when it's down and a Victorian schoolmistress when it's up.

However, DD has just had nits again so I still won't be darkening the door of any hairdressers any time soon, as am absolutely paranoid about being thrown out or - worse - quietly asked to leave.

And if it's your last chance to finish your Masters, you'll have wasted more effort by not giving up work if the alternative is staying at work and not getting it done.

Could you do a bit of non-mentally-taxing work in the evenings just to keep some money coming in?

Can I join too please? I'm rubbish too!

Litchick many thanks for the reply. I've no delusions about being a writer (would love to be but am a realist) but find the process fascinating, I have an extremely vivid imagiantion where I am constantly playing out scenes in my mind and going back and re-writing them if they don't feel right. If only a gadget could be invented (and I'm sure it will be) whereby you could transfer your thoughts to paper without having to atually sit down and do any work write them, the bit that makes you become all self-concious about them. If they were just there you could cut and paste into a narrative

Hi ensure! Welcome to the thread!

Thanks for the pm joni, great news! Will check out your link when I'm not on my iPhone.